lucy1995 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months - he is 31 and I am 24. He has recently started smoking weed every night and I don't really like it. I feel bad because I know it helps him destress after work and I have suggested other coping mechanisms that he isn't keen on. One of the reasons I don't like it is because he lives about an hour from me - so I drive an hour to his house after work every night to watch him smoke a joint and get so tired that he just falls asleep straight away. I feel like we don't get to spend much time together because of this. One night I was telling him that I was a bit upset and he fell asleep within seconds because he was stoned. I feel like I can't tell him what to do as it is his choice but I have expressed my dislike for it. He told me he would stop at the end of last week but it is now Friday and he is still smoking every night. What do you think? Am I overreacting?
Phoenician Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 sweet Lady , your feelings are normal , you are feeling insecure abt few things , especially the fact that you are not getting the right attention . What worries me is not just weed-though it is a problem too-. it worries me that he might be selfish ; when you stated that you drive 1 hour every night to see him ... do one thing to test him , ask him to come to your place and drive an hour because you are trired , will he do it ? if it fails one time do it again in few days ... if you don't have an independant house you can even invite him to a motel for a change . the important thing is that u surprise him with the request to get a spntenous response. good luck 2
EmilyJane Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 You're totally not over reacting. He's abusing weed, like there's much better ways to manage stress. Plus I'm with you on how booooring guys are stoned. Thing is, if he's at that level of usage he's probably not going to stop and at best he'll just start hiding it from you 3
Arieswoman Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 lucy 1995, Your bf is has another relationship as well as the one with you and it's taking priority over you. So he is choosing his relationship with weed over his relationship with you, so what can you do about it? Simple. You dump the lazy pothead and get yourself a bf who actually wants to spend time with you and is drug-free. You can do better than this waster and I think you know that. Good luck x 5
Popsicle Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I don't think you're over-reacting but I'm not a fan of pot heads either. He will choose the weed, btw. Get yourself ready to walk away. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 You are not overreacting. Even if you substituted weed for alcohol, video games, watching or playing sports, the activity doesn't matter. What matters is he is picking something other than your relationship to prioritize. Especially if weed is still illegal where you are, drop this guy & move on. 3
crossingbridges Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I was that guy once, I'm so happy I escaped that horrible addiction. Weed smoking is pretty fun and I still do it from time to time but as soon as you start doing it everyday, it takes over your life. You find fulfillment in your drug habit and you don't need other hobbies or stimulus. It kind of brings your life down a couple of levels. I was never able to find a relationship during that period, I was ashamed and did not feel worthy of a relationship with this habit on my shoulders. It's pretty difficult to quit this and you can't really do that for someone else. He has to find that he has to, for himself. He should at least be willing to smoke in the end of your date if he is too stoned to even talk to you lol. Most people don't need to be stoned every second of the day, he just has to smoke before he sleeps. If you don't like this you have to get out of that relationship :/ 2
BlueIvy Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months - he is 31 and I am 24. He has recently started smoking weed every night and I don't really like it. I feel bad because I know it helps him destress after work. I have tried to suggest other coping mechanisms but he doesn't like the idea of it. One of the reasons I don't like it is because he lives about an hour from me - so I drive an hour to his house after work every night to watch him smoke a joint and get so tired that he just falls asleep straight away. I feel like we don't get to spend much time together because of this. One night I was telling him that I was a bit upset and he fell asleep within seconds because he was stoned. I feel like I can't tell him what to do as it is his choice but I have expressed my dislike for it. He told me he would stop at the end of last week but it is now Friday and he is still smoking every night. What do you think? Am I overreacting? I don't think you're overreacting, some people don't like weed or the smell. I see 2 things happening here: Either you get use to him smoking weed and be miserable. Or you dump him and find someone else. If he cared, he would try to smoke less or at least smoke when you aren't around. It makes no sense for you to drive an hour to see him and all he does is fall asleep. He has been smoking every night so I doubt he is gonna stop for you. So, you need to figure out if remaining in this relationship is worth it. 1
Miss Spider Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 My xp with dating a pothead is DONT. Plus they're moody if they aren't high 2
OatsAndHall Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I don't date don't anyone that I feel has substance abuse issue of any kind. I went out with a woman who had a medical marijuana card one night. I knew she had one when I agreed to the date but I thought it was nerve pain. It wasn't.. We had a fun night planned together; a walk, dinner and a movie. We had about an hour between the end of dinner and the movie to kill and she kept hinting at splitting up for that hour. We'd just meet at the movie theater. At first, I was kind of p-ssed because I thought she was trying to bail on the date early and I thought everything was going well. So I asked her point blank if she just wanted to call it a night as I wasn't going to waste my time with her. She said she was having a lot of fun but needed to run home to "take care of something". I took her at her word and we met at the theater but she was late and she was stoned out of her head. It was obnoxious. I asked her the next day if her nerve pain had lit up and she asked me why I asked. I told her it was obvious that she had gone home to smoke weed. She said her pain was fine but that she "gets really anxious when she dates and needed to take the edge off". No second date there. 4
preraph Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Stop enabling him by going over there and babysitting him when you're getting nothing out of it. Tell him you don't like the new stoned him and refuse to be around him if that's all he's going to do. 1
VeveCakes Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 (edited) You're totally not over reacting. He's abusing weed, like there's much better ways to manage stress. Plus I'm with you on how booooring guys are stoned. Thing is, if he's at that level of usage he's probably not going to stop and at best he'll just start hiding it from you Meh, weed is a perfectly fine way to medicate. Get with the times. He needs a new strain if he's just passing out. Maybe he's tired already. Weed never makes me sleepy or boring. So sick of people painting smokers with the same brush. Weed does not change someone's personality. They are like that before the weed arrives. All the things people are griping above are due to the persons own personality and goals - not the weed. Edited April 21, 2017 by VeveCakes
preraph Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 (edited) Hey, old hippie here. Weed is fine in moderation and light weed is fun for recreation, but people who feel the need to do it every day have a bigger issue that needs to be addressed. And if anyone is getting blotto daily on anything, they are self-medicating an emotional problem. Substances become a problem when they begin to affect your productivity and your relationships -- and here we have it affecting his relationship because he's getting blotto and passing out on the regular. Even at the height of my stoner days, I couldn't tolerate people who did nothing but sit around and get high and hibernate. I remember visiting people one time on the coast and it was a beautiful place and weather and there was a convenience store nearby. After about 3 hours of sitting around watching this group's heavy eyelids and listening to the crickets, I made up an excuse to flee saying I was getting something at the store a block away. Well, they told me to wait and a couple of them would go with me. I waited....and waited....waited......and I'm still waiting. They never got up off that couch. I packed my bag and hopped a bus out of there. Some potheads can be fun and entertaining, but others are just knocking themselves out and that seems to be this guy here. No reason to stick around for that and be around the secondhand smoke unless you enjoy it too. Edited April 21, 2017 by preraph
SpinScratch Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 (edited) I have 3 guy friends who are pot heads, all in their 30's One of them hasnt gotten laid in 8 years Another one hasnt gotten laid in 3 years The third ones relationship is circling the drain because he sits on the couch and smokes weed all day, and can barely muster up the motivation to bang his girlfriend once a month. They all choose marijuana over maintaining healthy relationships. Take that for what its worth. EDIT: and yes... I was a daily stoner too in my youth. The problem is when its a regular part of your routine and it starts effecting your relationships with the people around you. I still partake in psychedelics, but infrequently, and in a way that doesnt interfere with anyone else in my life. Its very hard to convince a pothead of the negative aspects of his heavy usage... so good luck with that. Edited April 21, 2017 by SpinScratch 1
Nothingtolose Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 My xp with dating a pothead is DONT. Plus they're moody if they aren't high As the partner of a stoner (relationship very much on the edge of a breakup), I can attest to this. 1
Nothingtolose Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 The third ones relationship is circling the drain because he sits on the couch and smokes weed all day, and can barely muster up the motivation to bang his girlfriend once a month. Interesting - that is actually one of the only complaints I do not have about my partner. He smokes weed daily (one of the issues we have) but he still loves sex and is great in bed. I think if it wasn't for our great chemistry, I would have left by now.
SpinScratch Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 Interesting - that is actually one of the only complaints I do not have about my partner. He smokes weed daily (one of the issues we have) but he still loves sex and is great in bed. I think if it wasn't for our great chemistry, I would have left by now. I guess the issues of daily pot use manifest in different ways for different people.
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