Jj66 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Results of a caucus with my buddies at lunch: Resoundingly and definitively not interested in this setup at all. Not a single one of them would be interested in meeting. Friendships with women are OK but they develop organically, not from meeting someone from a dating site. 1
bluefeather Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Meeting up for the first time with some of your or my other friends as part of the meetup would take away focus from us getting to know each other. I'm a guy.
Author chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Author Posted April 21, 2017 I think Chumly is the woman who would like to suggest taking a friend to meet a man from a dating site. She's had several threads about meeting men on dating sites with the intent of fostering friendships first. This is just another path that I think she's likely considering. Chumly, I apologize for speaking on behalf of you but correct me if I am wrong. no need to apologize and you are right.. I am a female and have considered this as another option (but only in certain situations, as I pointed out in my "updated" post). Probably would not work with just anybody ..probably would only work best with someone that you had gotten to know on a certain level via phone calls and emails. Thanks:bunny:
Titanll Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I'm male. Can't imagine that I would give a hoot how many people came along in a scenario like this. Heck, have a party. I admit that I am a bit skeptical of your motive. Are you hoping to turn something into a romantic situation? If so, why not just set up a date with someone on the same page and forget this "friendship" garbage?
carhill Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 if you were talking to a female from a dating site and she was just looking for friends for now and she therefore suggested that you meet her with another female friend of hers (and she even suggested bringing others along ) and the reason for this would be to sort of keep the pressure off of the 2 of you meeting and to keep things "balanced and in the tone of friendship"..would you like this idea? Friendships, besides connections on philosophy, politics, religion, etc, revolve to a significant degree around shared interests, and those interests are often how future friends meet. So, if the ladies happened to enjoy an interest that I did/do, cool. Else, no real reason to take time out of my, or their, day. or would you prefer to meet just one on one with her? Back when I was reproducing, probably. Now, doesn't matter. I do what I feel like. Keep in mind that even though you are meeting from a dating site you are meeting with the hopes of friendship only for now. so with this in mind which method of meeting would you prefer..the first one I suggested or the second and more conventional way? Method of meeting matters little to me. If it's a dating site, interest site, chance encounter in real life, social circle, whatever, it's all good. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. Thanks:D If you're focused on dating and mating, own that. No substitutes. If you enjoy platonic female friends, cool. Do that. Ratchet down expectations and enjoy the moment. The cool thing about meeting women as friends is chivalry is out the door. Equals. Having female friends is fun. Enjoy it. Dating too. It's all good. 1
Author chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Author Posted April 21, 2017 the one man i am supposed to be doing this with seems to really like this idea so much that I think he now prefers it ..LOL. I say this because i even tried to back out of the idea and suggested that we can go back to meeting just one on one if he feels more comfortable this way but it seems like he really prefers this now. :laugh:I am getting the feeling that it might be because he has a slight interest in my friend though from how I described her to him...LOL..and like I said, if they hit it off it would be okay with me too since him and I seem to really be better suited as friends at this point from what we know of each other so far. So like I said, I know this wont work in all situations..only probably those that are going towards a friendship more.
carhill Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Sorry, I geared my advice as if the receiver were male but, in general, it's still relevant. As a woman the work is to discern the man's interest and compare to your own. By and large, men are simple creatures. If they want to mate with you, they single you out from the pack and are forthright about focusing on mating. If you all like hanging out at the game, going to the races, shooting targets, whatever, cool, that's what friends do and a guy who likes female friends is good with that, and groups. Can things change? Yes! Nothing in life is cast in stone and relationships of all types are part of life. 1
JuneL Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 the one man i am supposed to be doing this with seems to really like this idea so much that I think he now prefers it ..LOL. I say this because i even tried to back out of the idea and suggested that we can go back to meeting just one on one if he feels more comfortable this way but it seems like he really prefers this now. :laugh:I am getting the feeling that it might be because he has a slight interest in my friend though from how I described her to him...LOL..and like I said, if they hit it off it would be okay with me too since him and I seem to really be better suited as friends at this point from what we know of each other so far. So like I said, I know this wont work in all situations..only probably those that are going towards a friendship more. Maybe this guy is expecting you not to show up, and it's going to be a blind date between your female friend and himself ;-) OP: would you accept if he offers to bring another guy friend to make it a double date? 1
salparadise Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Nah, I wouldn't be interested. I think women who do that are just trying to recruit orbiters. They want male attention, want to be pursued and taken out but without any reciprocity whatsoever. Total waste of time and resources. Not to mention that the subterfuge is irksome as hell. Now, if I met someone with the intention to date and there wasn't attraction, but we still enjoyed each other's company... I *might* do the friends thing. But the chances of being real friends are minimal. More likely social filler. As chewing gum is to a ribeye. But to meet with that intention... that's female logic if I ever heard it. 2
central Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 thanks! I like your thinking here. this is what I figured others would view this as too..a chance to meet several new people and therefore make several new friends and you never know where any of that can lead. by the way, are you a male? just curious. Yes, I'm male. I've had friends I've met through OLD introduce me to some of their friends, and dated a couple of them. You never know what good things can come from meeting someone new. 1
ShyLove Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 A lot of men do this too and I never understand this. I never message or respond to them. I also wondered what type of people go on dating sites for friends. I figure they just mostly want a friends with benefits situation. I even had a guy message me that he's happy being single and he sees no need for a relationship.... me:ummm you know this is a dating site and not meetup right? haha Another reason why I'm pretty much over Online... like most people looking for something serious seem to be.
Shanex Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 (edited) I've been there too, props to the men in this thread for their honesty mentioning having been on dates even though the lady (often younger) clearly stated she only wanted 'friendship'. Few things: - Looking for friends written on a woman's profile is often a code word for hook-ups, if you scour a bit and go talk to her. Because very few women online admitt bluntly they only want NSA sex. - Usually the guy who goes on the 'date' wants more and think the lady will eventually change her mind. Odds are slim. - The lady wants attention and another orbiter, possibly get into your social circle to check out if there isn't some big fish single guy among your friend. - Lastly and as mentioned before, the guy lose interest when he realise there's no mutual interest, goes back to the dating site and look for someone else while being disgruntled a bit by the women looking for friendships. Rarely, if ever real friendships between members of the opposite sex starts online, much less on a dating site. Edited April 21, 2017 by Shanex Grammer 3
Author chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Author Posted April 21, 2017 I've been there too, props to the men in this thread for their honesty mentioning having been on dates even though the lady (often younger) clearly stated she only wanted 'friendship'. Few things: - Looking for friends written on a woman's profile is often a code word for hook-ups, if you scour a bit and go talk to her. Because very few women online admitt bluntly they only want NSA sex. - Usually the guy who goes on the 'date' wants more and think the lady will eventually change her mind. Odds are slim. - The lady wants attention and another orbiter, possibly get into your social circle to check out if there isn't some big fish single guy among your friend. - Lastly and as mentioned before, the guy lose interest when he realise there's no mutual interest, goes back to the dating site and look for someone else while being disgruntled a bit by the women looking for friendships. Rarely, if ever real friendships between members of the opposite sex starts online, much less on a dating site. I have made male friends from OLD though...several of them I have been friends with for quite some time and very good friends, I might add.
Author chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Author Posted April 21, 2017 Yes, I'm male. I've had friends I've met through OLD introduce me to some of their friends, and dated a couple of them. You never know what good things can come from meeting someone new. Thanks! and yes, this is so true!! I dont understand why anybody would turn down the opportunity to meet someone new, since like you said, you never know where anything might lead. I see the same people for years on OLD..that never seem to get anywhere. The ones that seem to have the most success are the ones looking for friends or dating. Those looking for LTR seem to be on their forever..probably because they are too narrow minded to give the idea of making friends a try since, like we both agree..you never know where it might lead. They are probably waiting for some hollywood romantic spark to happen with people they meet online. it is kind of pathetic in my opinion. I am glad that someone at least sees the validity in what I am trying to do here. Thanks:D
Author chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Author Posted April 21, 2017 Maybe this guy is expecting you not to show up, and it's going to be a blind date between your female friend and himself ;-) OP: would you accept if he offers to bring another guy friend to make it a double date? yes, I would..in fact, I suggested to him that he bring other friends of his own to turn up the comfort level even more but he declined. He seems to really like the idea of it being myself, him and my friend. I guess he really wants 2 females to himself
Author chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Author Posted April 21, 2017 Sorry, I geared my advice as if the receiver were male but, in general, it's still relevant. As a woman the work is to discern the man's interest and compare to your own. By and large, men are simple creatures. If they want to mate with you, they single you out from the pack and are forthright about focusing on mating. If you all like hanging out at the game, going to the races, shooting targets, whatever, cool, that's what friends do and a guy who likes female friends is good with that, and groups. Can things change? Yes! Nothing in life is cast in stone and relationships of all types are part of life. Thanks so much! So great to get a male perspective on the whole thing! Very interesting..I like your idea on how to make friends with the opposite sex and how it works. Thanks again;)
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