chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 if you were talking to a female from a dating site and she was just looking for friends for now and she therefore suggested that you meet her with another female friend of hers (and she even suggested bringing others along ) and the reason for this would be to sort of keep the pressure off of the 2 of you meeting and to keep things "balanced and in the tone of friendship"..would you like this idea? or would you prefer to meet just one on one with her? Keep in mind that even though you are meeting from a dating site you are meeting with the hopes of friendship only for now. so with this in mind which method of meeting would you prefer..the first one I suggested or the second and more conventional way? Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. Thanks:D
Jj66 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 (edited) Don't believe them. Nobody is on a dating site to make friends. Usually when they say looking for friends they just mean they have no intention of sleeping with you on the first couple of dates. It doesn't mean they won't, however. IME, the ones who say no hookups are the ones most likely to hook up. The way she wants to meet is quite unusual. If you do decide to meet, be on the lookout for controlling behavior, neuroses, and the like. It seems to me she wants to control the whole process instead of just going with the flow. Edited April 21, 2017 by Jj66 2
Erik30 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I wouldn't like it. A lot of people who say they're looking for "friends," just do it so they don't have to reject the person if they're not interested. And most guys would probably think it's pointless to bring other friends along. Honestly no guy is on a dating site looking for female friends, so the ones who will agree to meet you are hoping for more 1
Author chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Author Posted April 21, 2017 I know what you are saying...but wouldnt you think that maybe if you did not hit it off with the first girl that maybe you would hit it off better with her friend instead?? I mean..this way you have a shot at 2 people instead of just 1 person?? does anybody see this point??
elaine567 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Nobody should be on a dating site looking for friends, that is not the purpose of a dating site. Few men are looking for female friends anyway and even if they are, then they are not looking for a stranger from a dating site to fill that role. In general men who want to date do not have the time or the energy to waste on cultivating new friends of the opposite sex, they want more or they give up as a lost cause. There are plenty other ways to meet new friends, clubs, societies, organisations, shared hobbies and interests, at work etc. I guess if you show up with your friend, he may think you are setting him up for a threesome. 4
MoreThanThat Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I've had a few big moves over the last few years. So I was restarting a social life from ground zero each time. I've made many platonic male friends on OKC. We'd both recognize that there wasn't a romantic fit for any number of reasons but we had things in common that could make a good friendship foundation. We'd do anything from go to live shows to movies to dinner to shopping. It's impossible to find everything in one person and plenty of people are actually mature enough to be handle platonic friendships of the opposite sex. 2
4x4storm Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I seen your last post and I get where your coming from but legit there is nothing I hate more then a girl looking for friends on a dating site. The site has a purpose and I signed up to it with the intentions of meeting with someone looking for the same thing. As a guy we love to put effort into something and see the end result. What's the use of spending your valuable time for weeks/months on Emily for her just to turn around and say "I'm goona hook up with Dave cya!" I would rather spend my time with Jane who is on the same page and it's not so much of a gamble. 1
basil67 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I bounced this one off hubby. If he was single, he would not meet just for friendship. He says he has enough friends. 2
crossingbridges Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I would prefer to meet her alone. I did the other option more often when I was a teenager, I would talk to a girl on myspace or something and we would meet up with other friends because we were young and insecure. A lot of times it was a lot of fun and worked well but today I would not prefer that option. If I had been talking to you and we would arrange a date with a friend, I would not feel comfortable shifting my interest to your friend. I would see that as a betrayal. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I'm a woman. Do you genuinely want to be just friends with this woman? Or are you secretly hoping this friendship will eventually blossom into a romance? If the latter, stay away. If you want to be friends, go ahead. A dating site is not a good place to meet friends. This woman is either delusional or immature. People on dating sites who say "friends first" don't have a clear understanding of the function of a date. A date is a social meeting between 2 people so they can get to know each other & determine of they are compatible & want to have a relationship. In and of itself this date is not a commitment. If this woman & her friend expect you to may on this non-date you are getting played big time. 2
Zahara Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I'm a woman. Do you genuinely want to be just friends with this woman? Or are you secretly hoping this friendship will eventually blossom into a romance? If the latter, stay away. If you want to be friends, go ahead. A dating site is not a good place to meet friends. This woman is either delusional or immature. People on dating sites who say "friends first" don't have a clear understanding of the function of a date. A date is a social meeting between 2 people so they can get to know each other & determine of they are compatible & want to have a relationship. In and of itself this date is not a commitment. If this woman & her friend expect you to may on this non-date you are getting played big time. I think Chumly is the woman who would like to suggest taking a friend to meet a man from a dating site. She's had several threads about meeting men on dating sites with the intent of fostering friendships first. This is just another path that I think she's likely considering. Chumly, I apologize for speaking on behalf of you but correct me if I am wrong. 3
phineas Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 (edited) I seen your last post and I get where your coming from but legit there is nothing I hate more then a girl looking for friends on a dating site. The site has a purpose and I signed up to it with the intentions of meeting with someone looking for the same thing. As a guy we love to put effort into something and see the end result. What's the use of spending your valuable time for weeks/months on Emily for her just to turn around and say "I'm goona hook up with Dave cya!" I would rather spend my time with Jane who is on the same page and it's not so much of a gamble. Been there, tried that, back in my late 20's. 45 now and i'd rather dig irrigation ditches by hand than hang out one-on-one as friends with a woman who I want to have sex with. OP, tell her you are looking to date and wish her well. Then move on. The last woman who tried this on me i told the same thing. She came back and agreed to a date, just me and her. when I showed up to the bar and sat down I realized her friends were there and she acted like she had no idea they would be there. They kept walking by the table and interrupting and i could not believe I was on a date with a 43 yr old. Felt like i was back in college. I finished my beer and left. I did not pay for her's either because she was clearly wasting my time. next morning she sent me a text saying she wasn't interested. I laughed to myself and didn't even respond. Edited April 21, 2017 by phineas 2
act00 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 The only time I've heard of bringing a friend along on a date is when there are strict religious issues and a woman has to have an escort. Otherwise, there are things like double dates, which would be weird in a dating site situation but not so weird among existing friendships. I think it's kind of weird. Now I'm a girl, and there's no way I would go on a date with a man and his buddy, and I probably wouldn't want to go on a first date to a group thing either with his friends, which would probably include females. It could be something to consider, however. "I'm meeting up with some friends after work if you'd like to join." Maybe a guy would be okay with that. I think one-on-one is the way to go. It's okay to take things slow, but the ultimate goal on a dating site is dating, a romantic relationship, so how slow is acceptable? No touching, handholding, kissing for X number of weeks? If you want friends, find activities to do, a meetup group or something. Yes, I also thought, "threesome?" and what if the guy ultimately likes the girlfriend better?
JuneL Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Not a guy here, but I would think the said woman is quite immature. 5
OatsAndHall Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Dating websites can be shady enough without a woman asking for a play date with you and her friend. I would be suspicious of their intentions.
central Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 (edited) I'd meet someone even if they only say they want to be friends, and want to bring others along (or not). If it's supposed to be a romantically-oriented date, I wouldn't want others along, but otherwise it makes no difference. However, with others present, it is harder to get to know someone even platonically. Regardless, I'd meet because: A) they may change their mind when they meet me and see how wonderful I really am! B) they may introduce me to one of their friends who is a romantic match - networking So, unless I have so many other prospects that I don't have any time to meet someone who's undecided, I'd go ahead and meet. Edited April 21, 2017 by central 1
elaine567 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 If you were talking to a male from a dating site and he was just looking for friends for now and he therefore suggested that you meet him with another male friend of his (and he even suggested bringing others along ) and the reason for this would be to sort of keep the pressure off of the 2 of you meeting and to keep things "balanced and in the tone of friendship"..would you like this idea? Funny how it doesn't really translate well with the genders reversed. As a woman given this option... Hell no.. 1
SwordofFlame Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 if you were talking to a female from a dating site and she was just looking for friends for now and she therefore suggested that you meet her with another female friend of hers (and she even suggested bringing others along ) and the reason for this would be to sort of keep the pressure off of the 2 of you meeting and to keep things "balanced and in the tone of friendship"..would you like this idea? or would you prefer to meet just one on one with her? Keep in mind that even though you are meeting from a dating site you are meeting with the hopes of friendship only for now. so with this in mind which method of meeting would you prefer..the first one I suggested or the second and more conventional way? Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. Thanks:D I wouldn't meet her at all.
SevenCity Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I won't do it. Women who are interested in you will want to meet alone. Funny, I've read threads about this and guys always say "Oh, maybe she'll match me with one of her friends". Newsflash, if she doesn't find you attractive her friends won't either. Also, women who want friends often still expect the guy to pay. No thanks. I see profiles with women "Making friends first and seeing where it goes" as a waste of time. I'm not on the site to make friends. Flip it around - how would a woman feel if a guy said he wants to start out as friends and will be bringing a couple of his buddies along? Crazy, right?
Erik30 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I know what you are saying...but wouldnt you think that maybe if you did not hit it off with the first girl that maybe you would hit it off better with her friend instead?? I mean..this way you have a shot at 2 people instead of just 1 person?? does anybody see this point?? No, I would want to see you, not your friend who I don't know at all. Also there's a chance of someone becoming the third wheel in a situation like that. I doubt you would like it if the guy you were talking to showed more interest in your friend 1
Author chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Author Posted April 21, 2017 thanks everyone for the thoughts on it but I get the feeling the majority of responses were from females. I was really hoping to get a male perspective on it. and the reason for that is because, just as someone else said, the reverse (where a woman is being introduced to 2 men) would certainly be far more intimidating I would think so I would imagine the majority of females would not like this idea..but thought men might see things differently but the few male responses I seem to have gotten suggest otherwise. Of course I would not necessarily suggest such a thing in all situations but I am referring to a situation where you have spoken on the phone and emails with someone from a dating site for a while and realized after many conversations that you were both suited for friendship only at this point so instead of just meeting one on one with them the suggestion is made of bringing others along as well to just kind of keep things in the balance of friendship..so even though the female is bringing another single female along, you (as a male) are welcome to bring friends along as well. so I guess my question really is...if you are meeting someone from a dating site where you are "both" agreeing to meet as friends for now would meeting in a small group (where you can bring any friends you would like as well) feel somehow less pressuring then meeting one on one? My thinking is that it would kind of keep things in balance, like I said, and take alot the pressure that 2 people usually put on each other (even when meeting as friends) from a dating site. The idea came to me when I read online about a couple that did this after talking for so long...they were both agreeing to meet as friends (and yes, I believe that that are many men that are okay with being friends with females too) and they decided to meet in a small group instead of one on one and it seemed like an interesting idea that wound up working for them. They continued to be friends for years after meeting. I really liked this idea after reading about it and can definitely see the benefits in doing that in this kind of way but like I said, I would not suggest this with anybody. I think it would be best to do it with someone that maybe you communicated with for sometime via phone calls and emails but have not me yet. Probably would not work well with someone that you dont know very well since, like others said, it would be difficult to get to know them with so many others around. The topic came to mind for me because I am supposed to be doing this with a male that I have communicated with for a long while but have not met yet. We are meeting as friends and He seems very happy with this idea of my bringing a single female friend along. I think he sees this as another potential friend or even a possible romantic interest. I suggested to him that he can bring others as well but he is fine with it being just the 3 of us. Okay, well I am a bit surprised that more people would not see this as an interesting way of meeting others and networking, as someone else pointed out but perhaps it is mainly women on here that are responding. Still interested in others (particularly mens) thoughts on this when considering everything I have said.. Thanks:)
Author chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Author Posted April 21, 2017 No, I would want to see you, not your friend who I don't know at all. Also there's a chance of someone becoming the third wheel in a situation like that. I doubt you would like it if the guy you were talking to showed more interest in your friend interesting..yes, I suppose I can see that part to it too. That is certainly a negative that can come from it too...but of course the reverse can happen where 2 people can meet just one on one and if one is not interested they will just cut the date short...that would be just as insulting I would think. so there are lots of different negative scenarios that can take place in doing it this way or the conventional way. Thanks for the thoughts on it:) 1
elaine567 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 but perhaps it is mainly women on here that are responding. 21 posts to date - 10 male responses, 8 female, plus 3 Chumly posts. 1
Author chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Author Posted April 21, 2017 I'd meet someone even if they only say they want to be friends, and want to bring others along (or not). If it's supposed to be a romantically-oriented date, I wouldn't want others along, but otherwise it makes no difference. However, with others present, it is harder to get to know someone even platonically. Regardless, I'd meet because: A) they may change their mind when they meet me and see how wonderful I really am! B) they may introduce me to one of their friends who is a romantic match - networking So, unless I have so many other prospects that I don't have any time to meet someone who's undecided, I'd go ahead and meet. thanks! I like your thinking here. this is what I figured others would view this as too..a chance to meet several new people and therefore make several new friends and you never know where any of that can lead. by the way, are you a male? just curious.
Author chumly Posted April 21, 2017 Author Posted April 21, 2017 21 posts to date - 10 male responses, 8 female, plus 3 Chumly posts. Thanks Elaine, good to know that there were males responding. it is difficult to tell sometimes by usernames. Definitely interesting responses though..I would be curious now that I added a bit more to the scenario if the responses might be different. Thanks Elaine:)
Recommended Posts