Author greymatter Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 (edited) To counter my happy post above, he just cancelled our third date that was supposed to be tomorrow, due to work. I thought he was interested. I haven't responded to his message and probably won't. Edited May 9, 2017 by greymatter
Author greymatter Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 He didn't mention rescheduling. We also have tentative plans for next weekend but now I'm not sure about that. This was after having a nice time (or so I thought) together three days ago. Plans for the third date were made about a week ago, then he canceled the day before. I haven't responded because it wasn't a call, just a text. If you've had a date cancelled, I'd like to hear from you. How did you respond, if at all? Did you see the person again?
PegNosePete Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Just ask what are the plans for next weekend. You'll have your answer... If it's still on, then carry on. If it's off too, then don't bother to reply again. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 I agree that you can firm up the tentative plans for next week. Perhaps knowing that was already in place is why an alternative for the cancelled date wasn't mentioned. If that doesn't work, move on. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 (edited) Honestly? I'd prob delete number and block the dude so he doesn't come crawling back. If I miss out a lot of 'great' guys who cancel last minute, don't offer to reschedule, who keep me in the dark, and fill me with anxiety...OH WELL. I'll be single and avail for one who doesn't. (Following since your last thread) I used to think I had anxious dating style ...then I dated guys really into me and realized it was just the other ones triggered my anxiety. Edited May 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2
Author greymatter Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 (edited) I'm definitely not going to pursue him by asking about future plans. I'm pretty confused and upset about this. These plans were suggested by him, not me. Edited May 9, 2017 by greymatter
Grapesofwrath Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 I'd say the only thing to go is just play it off. If he texted that he had to cancel, that's kind of lazy, IMO. So I'd just text back, "No problem." and then hope it goes well, or hope you feel better, or whatever addressing his reason for cancelling. do NOT ask for future plans. Don't text him again. Just let it go and keep moving forward, In a few days, you'll feel better about it. 2
Author greymatter Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 (edited) I'd say the only thing to go is just play it off. If he texted that he had to cancel, that's kind of lazy, IMO. So I'd just text back, "No problem." and then hope it goes well, or hope you feel better, or whatever addressing his reason for cancelling. do NOT ask for future plans. Don't text him again. Just let it go and keep moving forward, In a few days, you'll feel better about it. Thanks Grapesofwrath. I am letting it go and got back online today just to make myself feel better. And I contacted a guy who I had a date with a few weeks ago (we decided to see each other as friends) and made plans with him, and that helped. He is much younger than me but super nice (and cute) and good company. We made a plan to meet for brunch next week. I'm still upset that the guy acted interested and introduced me around to all of these people he knows, and kissed me goodbye, when it's clear his intentions were to not move forward. Fortunately I don't feel like reaching out and that is a good thing, I'm not having to deal with holding myself back. It's more that I'm just bummed out - I really like him. But clearly it's not mutual. Edited to add: He was online when I went online and updated my OLD profile. That sucks but I didn't let it get to me. All I can say is dating is not for the faint of heart. Edited May 10, 2017 by greymatter 1
joseb Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 Sorry to hear that op. It had sounded quite positive. Things can often change quickly in the early stages. Just shrug, and move on. 1
act00 Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 I'm lost on why you've completely thrown in the towel over one canceled date...due to work. Things happen. You states you're both very busy. Have you never had to go into work when you weren't scheduled? It doesn't suggest lack of interest. I would be disappointed, but ask if there's a way to meet briefly during the week or just look forward to the next weekend. It would be disturbing to see he's online, but you're not a couple yet. You were on there too.
peterso2 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 (edited) I used to do the same thing I know how exhausting it is... its so hard deal with I did OLD for almost 2 years and I drove myself nuts with the constant worrying and anxiety over everyyyyyy guy I dated I know this is going to sound bizzare but what helped me was time, experience and disappointment lol. I learned that most of the guys I dated wouldnt be in my life for long and a good amount of them werent worth a single thought nevermind anxiety I think I just got more realisitic as I continued to date and also more accepting that the right guy will come along ... but until then... Im not going to drive myself nuts with every guy I date I'm still a nervous type of person and kind of high strung in some ways but I think I just ran out of f***s to give Be patient with yourself girl and at the end of the day... you're just fine on your own.... a guy wont make you or break you +1 This comment is exactly how I feel as a guy, nervious with piles of anxiety. Need to breathe and realize your life will go on and something will happen eventually (although easier said than done) OP: I wouldn't throw in the towel yet after one cancelled date. Give this a couple days to play out. Edited May 11, 2017 by peterso2 2
Author greymatter Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 I'm lost on why you've completely thrown in the towel over one canceled date...due to work. Things happen. You states you're both very busy. Have you never had to go into work when you weren't scheduled? It doesn't suggest lack of interest. I would be disappointed, but ask if there's a way to meet briefly during the week or just look forward to the next weekend. It would be disturbing to see he's online, but you're not a couple yet. You were on there too. I have never had to go into work when not scheduled but that's because I plan well, and he is self employed so has complete control over his schedule and no deadlines at the time he cancelled the date this week. Not only was it my gut that it was already over when he cancelled the date, but he has not been in touch in the last few days, after over a month of being in touch daily. I would like to be wrong about this but I suspect I'm not. There is more to it that I will detail in a follow-up post.
Author greymatter Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 (edited) On our first date, something that came up in conversation is that I'm not impressed by or interested in celebrities. And it turns out that he is a "someone" i.e quite well known in certain circles. He did the equivalent of "love bombing" in the first few weeks which I didn't see at the time as a red flag, but just great interest in dating me, talking about future plans with me, being in touch daily, making plans for two upcoming dates way in advance, etc. I enjoyed all of that tremendously. He is someone who has reached very high levels of achievement in his field and is probably a genius intellectually. But I have training and knowledge in an area that he is quite sensitive about, which I suspect bothered him, a lot. I think I may have just experienced something beyond the common loss of interest that can happen in early dating, a "narcissistic discard." Because of how he did it. He kissed me goodbye at the end of our date last weekend, tagged me on social media that night after the date...and then two days later cancelled our date in an ice cold way and hasn't been in touch since, after all of that intense daily contact. Again, I would very much like to be wrong because I really like him, and I'm not trying to be dramatic about all of this. It's just my take on this "latest development." I'm pretty bummed, but all I can do is move forward. I will certainly not be reaching out to him. Edited May 11, 2017 by greymatter
Author greymatter Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 I'm lost on why you've completely thrown in the towel over one canceled date...due to work. Things happen. You states you're both very busy. Have you never had to go into work when you weren't scheduled? It doesn't suggest lack of interest. I would be disappointed, but ask if there's a way to meet briefly during the week or just look forward to the next weekend. It would be disturbing to see he's online, but you're not a couple yet. You were on there too. I stayed "offline" during the time we were in touch. I would have happily deleted my profiles, and in fact disabled mine for weeks. It wasn't until this week that I went back online.
Miss Spider Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 It sounds like he has a big ego. Ug. I would not accept him back, even if he did return and firmed up plans to meet this weekend. Why? Because this is the initial stage of courtship. This is when you're trying your hardest to make an impression and he's already been disrespectful/dismissive. Accepting another date from him would he like saying his behavior is perfectly okay and setting myself up for more of the same. It's sending the message that I tolerate that and feeding his ego. Sorry you came upon someone like this, but your dignity is intact. You don't need him.
Author greymatter Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 It sounds like he has a big ego. Ug. I would not accept him back, even if he did return and firmed up plans to meet this weekend. Why? Because this is the initial stage of courtship. This is when you're trying your hardest to make an impression and he's already been disrespectful/dismissive. Accepting another date from him would he like saying his behavior is perfectly okay and setting myself up for more of the same. It's sending the message that I tolerate that and feeding his ego. Sorry you came upon someone like this, but your dignity is intact. You don't need him. Thanks C&D. What he did stings but you're absolutely right.
Recommended Posts