Author Alexx94 Posted April 28, 2017 Author Posted April 28, 2017 Yesterday I saw my ExGF for the first time since we broke up, it was a 4 year relationship and we broke up over 2 months ago. She was round for about 90 mins, we were alone in the house. She seemed, not awkward, but so uncomfortable/unrelaxed and I even said that to her and she just told me that this situation feels unnatural/weird, which I can understand. Her being uncomfortable lasted about 30-45 mins when we were standing up in the kitchen. Then we sat down and started talking about our relationship and the 'barrier' that she had up had come down to some extent. I should point out at this point that I dont necessarily want her back, but I would be willing to give things another go if we sorted out our issues. Anyway, after chatting about our relationship she was more relaxed and kept giving me them 'looks' as if she wanted to kiss me/do stuff. She kept saying she was going to leave, and then didnt leave, so one time when she stood up I sort of grabbed her waist and sat her on my lap, like I would always do, and she got up straight away and was like no no no. I should say that whilst talking about our relationship she was somewhat nasty, blaming it on me and saying that i will never do better than her. She struggled to look at me and I kept catching her look at me when I wasnt looking. Then she decided to leave, so we were standing in the hallway, but same story as before she wouldnt leave. We were just talking and would hug literally every minute. I then sort of 'went in' after one hug I stayed holding on to her and she pushed me back saying 'I got this far, I dont want anything to happen now.' She admitted that she wanted to kiss me and stuff but it would confuse her, even though shes told me multiple times that she doesnt want to be with me anymore. I said that if anything did happen it wont confuse either of us, but she was sure that it would confuse her. I guess it was embarrassing being rejected, and after that I said sorry and she said its fine, then we carried on chatting and hugging and then she pretty much just walked out randomly, because even though she didnt want to go, I think that she thought something might happen. She said that she 'knew I would try it on with her.' Which is really annoying for me, because I guess i've 'lost' so to speak. The fact is though, I know she wanted to kiss me and more but had the barrier up and then when it came down pushed me away. I kept telling her to be herself but I know the whole time she was worried incase anything happened between us. I dont really know what I am saying or looking for, I just needed to write this all down somewhere and get some opinions. I havent really been thinking about her as much the last couple weeks but since I saw her yesterday I cant stop thinking about her.
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 I thought you were going to say something about you saw her pass by on the street. This was almost like a date. For whatever reason she is adamant that your relationship is over. Respect that. No more having her over. No more grabbing her, trying to hug her etc. Just leave her be. Staying away will help you heal. Having her over to your house undid all the progress you had made over the last 2 months. You ripped the scab off your heart & now you are bleeding again.
Author Alexx94 Posted April 28, 2017 Author Posted April 28, 2017 Well she sort of sprung it on me that she was coming round. We agreed to meet up over Easter but she kept cancelling, so she 'felt bad' and came to see me as she was in the area. I know its over, she told me that she doesnt want me back. But I just dont understand why she is being nasty and saying harsh things, such as 'youll never do better than me' when she was the one who broke up with me? It didnt undo all my progress, seeing each other was a lot harder for her. I could tell because she was struggling to look at me too much. But her saying things like that make me think maybe I dodged a bullet.
Author Alexx94 Posted April 30, 2017 Author Posted April 30, 2017 I have made a few posts regarding my ex gf on this site. This post is purely about me and how I can now move on. For a bit of backstory, we went out for 4 years from 15-19 years old and she broke up with me 2 and a half months ago. Since then i have nothing everything i could have done to win her back. I went MIA for roughly a month, didnt use any social media, didnt call or text her nothing. After about a month she reached out to me a couple of times where we had a short conversation via text and 1 long phone call. A week after that she told me that she doesnt want to be with me ever again. Whether or not that is true no longer concerns me. Ive been back from uni for the whole of april and she told me this the first week in april. Since then she has reached out to me in both the 3rd and 4th week of april. The 3rd time asking to meet up with me, only to tell me that she wasnt ready to see me. The 4th week we did meet up and I 'tried it on with her' in the sense that I was flirty and tried to kiss her and she rejected me. So pretty much i feel like I have done everything to get her back. Going MIA for a month, replying to texts, answering calls, being nice and respectful, not ignoring her, meeting up with her and even trying to kiss her! She has told me multiple times its over and Ive accepted, so now I want to move on! So my question is, what do i do going forward? I am going back to uni and probably wont see her again, if i do, for 2 months. I have a 'draft text' ready for if she texts me which is something along the lines of 'Hey, as much as I would like to reply to you like we're friends I don't think it's a good idea for us to be talking right now. I hope we can be friends again, but for now I would like some space.' or along those lines. Firstly, should I text her this like tonight or soon, so the ball is in my court and ive set the tone? Or should i wait for her to text me first, even though there is no reason for her to text me going forward? Also, what would also be beneficial for me going forward in order to get over her? I have her still on some facebook and twitter, but I know i wont stalk her and i hardly use them so that doesnt bother me, i have deleted her number and blocked her on instagram and snapchat. Any advice?
William Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 Folks, I merged four threads on this relationship issue after seeing duplicate posts in the member's account. There is also more backstory that I didn't merge so take a look if you wish. For now, please continue discussion of this breakup and aftermath in this thread. Thanks!
Sweetfish Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 I have made a few posts regarding my ex gf on this site. This post is purely about me and how I can now move on. For a bit of backstory, we went out for 4 years from 15-19 years old and she broke up with me 2 and a half months ago. Since then i have nothing everything i could have done to win her back. I went MIA for roughly a month, didnt use any social media, didnt call or text her nothing. After about a month she reached out to me a couple of times where we had a short conversation via text and 1 long phone call. A week after that she told me that she doesnt want to be with me ever again. Whether or not that is true no longer concerns me. Ive been back from uni for the whole of april and she told me this the first week in april. Since then she has reached out to me in both the 3rd and 4th week of april. The 3rd time asking to meet up with me, only to tell me that she wasnt ready to see me. The 4th week we did meet up and I 'tried it on with her' in the sense that I was flirty and tried to kiss her and she rejected me. So pretty much i feel like I have done everything to get her back. Going MIA for a month, replying to texts, answering calls, being nice and respectful, not ignoring her, meeting up with her and even trying to kiss her! She has told me multiple times its over and Ive accepted, so now I want to move on! So my question is, what do i do going forward? I am going back to uni and probably wont see her again, if i do, for 2 months. I have a 'draft text' ready for if she texts me which is something along the lines of 'Hey, as much as I would like to reply to you like we're friends I don't think it's a good idea for us to be talking right now. I hope we can be friends again, but for now I would like some space.' or along those lines. Firstly, should I text her this like tonight or soon, so the ball is in my court and ive set the tone? Or should i wait for her to text me first, even though there is no reason for her to text me going forward? Also, what would also be beneficial for me going forward in order to get over her? I have her still on some facebook and twitter, but I know i wont stalk her and i hardly use them so that doesnt bother me, i have deleted her number and blocked her on instagram and snapchat. Any advice? This is your first love.. You have probably made mistakes. She has probably made mistakes. Now you need to take this moment to learn from your mistakes and become a better person.
ML Hammer95 Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 Mate, from your posts I think you are English like me! I am going through (or have been) something similar recently, especially the university aspect which multiplies any difficulties. You asked about social media... in my experience you are better off not having her on there. I blocked mine on Facebook, unfollowed on Instagram and from snapchat too. Mainly because I didn't want to fall into the trap of seeing what she was up to, the posts she liked on Insta, who she became friends with on Facebook, any Snapchat stories. Blocked the number too, but the way she got in contact with me was through Instagram messenger (I unfollowed her but didn't think to block as she didn't follow me by that point). Because your mind will do enough speculating about what she is doing without actually seeing it for yourself. Also, if she really really wants to get hold of you she will find a way. Trust me on that one. You say you wont stalk her, but the grieving cycle essentially means you will have weak moments and that's when you don't want temptation. It is much harder to unblock someone than to simply view their account. Regardless, you need to go NC. Not with the aim of getting her back, but with yourself as the focus. At my uni, even though I miss my ex every day, there are so many girls up here! Whenever I go out, I always end up getting someone's number or getting off with someone and while you need time to grieve first keep that in mind! There will be someone out there for you. I would concentrate on yourself. If you are at uni, do you not have exams coming up? Balls? Parties? The way I started to recover was throwing myself into sport such as running and football and making friends through there. It is hard at uni, because you can feel quite isolated at times. But trust me when I say you are in the best place to ultimately recover. Don't send that text either, sometimes nothing is the best thing to do. Many times I've seen people reach out and regret it. You sound like a decent lad who hasn't made too many mistakes in all honesty. Just go NC, focus on yourself and you will find the recovery moves much faster! Good luck.
Author Alexx94 Posted April 30, 2017 Author Posted April 30, 2017 Mate, from your posts I think you are English like me! I am going through (or have been) something similar recently, especially the university aspect which multiplies any difficulties. You asked about social media... in my experience you are better off not having her on there. I blocked mine on Facebook, unfollowed on Instagram and from snapchat too. Mainly because I didn't want to fall into the trap of seeing what she was up to, the posts she liked on Insta, who she became friends with on Facebook, any Snapchat stories. Blocked the number too, but the way she got in contact with me was through Instagram messenger (I unfollowed her but didn't think to block as she didn't follow me by that point). Because your mind will do enough speculating about what she is doing without actually seeing it for yourself. Also, if she really really wants to get hold of you she will find a way. Trust me on that one. You say you wont stalk her, but the grieving cycle essentially means you will have weak moments and that's when you don't want temptation. It is much harder to unblock someone than to simply view their account. Regardless, you need to go NC. Not with the aim of getting her back, but with yourself as the focus. At my uni, even though I miss my ex every day, there are so many girls up here! Whenever I go out, I always end up getting someone's number or getting off with someone and while you need time to grieve first keep that in mind! There will be someone out there for you. I would concentrate on yourself. If you are at uni, do you not have exams coming up? Balls? Parties? The way I started to recover was throwing myself into sport such as running and football and making friends through there. It is hard at uni, because you can feel quite isolated at times. But trust me when I say you are in the best place to ultimately recover. Don't send that text either, sometimes nothing is the best thing to do. Many times I've seen people reach out and regret it. You sound like a decent lad who hasn't made too many mistakes in all honesty. Just go NC, focus on yourself and you will find the recovery moves much faster! Good luck. Hey man, thanks for this reply! Yeah im English haha I have been NC before but have replied to her messages, do you think this time if she reaches out to me i should ignore it? Or reply very slowly and bluntly? Or just type out the draft message that i have ready about needing space and stuff? Yeah i feel like when im back at uni i will start moving forward quicker, ill be going out and revising for exams so hopefully my mind wont think too much about her! Thanks man, appreciate it
ML Hammer95 Posted April 30, 2017 Posted April 30, 2017 Hey man, thanks for this reply! Yeah im English haha I have been NC before but have replied to her messages, do you think this time if she reaches out to me i should ignore it? Or reply very slowly and bluntly? Or just type out the draft message that i have ready about needing space and stuff? Yeah i feel like when im back at uni i will start moving forward quicker, ill be going out and revising for exams so hopefully my mind wont think too much about her! Thanks man, appreciate it This is something I have been guilty of too... in all honesty, apart from a few weak moments, I have found it quite easy to maintain NC from my end. Not start any conversations or anything. However it is different when I look at Instagram and see I have a message from her after so many days. So hard then not to reply or think you can handle a friendly conversation. Because after that conversation is over my mind goes into overdrive thinking about everything. And it's only when that happens that I realise how much better I felt during NC. Don't make any big emotional statements of your own, especially unprompted. She knows you care. I would say reply until there is an opportunity to ignore (e.g. answer questions, be civil but don't extend it longer than you have too). Although if you decide to block everything you wouldn't even have this problem as you would not know if she had been in contact - I sometimes wish I had done that instead of leaving Instagram open.
Author Alexx94 Posted May 1, 2017 Author Posted May 1, 2017 This is something I have been guilty of too... in all honesty, apart from a few weak moments, I have found it quite easy to maintain NC from my end. Not start any conversations or anything. However it is different when I look at Instagram and see I have a message from her after so many days. So hard then not to reply or think you can handle a friendly conversation. Because after that conversation is over my mind goes into overdrive thinking about everything. And it's only when that happens that I realise how much better I felt during NC. Don't make any big emotional statements of your own, especially unprompted. She knows you care. I would say reply until there is an opportunity to ignore (e.g. answer questions, be civil but don't extend it longer than you have too). Although if you decide to block everything you wouldn't even have this problem as you would not know if she had been in contact - I sometimes wish I had done that instead of leaving Instagram open. I find it easy now not to stalk/start conversations, but it is hard not to reply to them if she starts them! I agree with what you say about 'reply until you can ignore' I think from now on I will do that, not try to carry on the conversation but also not being rude. And I think I will ignore any calls from here because its harder hearing her rather than texting her Thanks again man
ML Hammer95 Posted May 1, 2017 Posted May 1, 2017 I find it easy now not to stalk/start conversations, but it is hard not to reply to them if she starts them! I agree with what you say about 'reply until you can ignore' I think from now on I will do that, not try to carry on the conversation but also not being rude. And I think I will ignore any calls from here because its harder hearing her rather than texting her Thanks again man It's hard because if you are honest with yourself you'll admit you kinda want her to contact you which is why you don't fully block her. I had no problem deleting and unfollowing her but didn't block on Instagram and through the messenger she was able to get in touch almost regularly.
Author Alexx94 Posted May 1, 2017 Author Posted May 1, 2017 It's hard because if you are honest with yourself you'll admit you kinda want her to contact you which is why you don't fully block her. I had no problem deleting and unfollowing her but didn't block on Instagram and through the messenger she was able to get in touch almost regularly. I do want her to contact me but only if its to make up. After 2 months of being in LC anything other than that is meaningless tbh. I have her blocked on instagram and snapchat, still have her on facebook and twitter but she doesnt really put much on and i doubt ill be tempted to look if im honest.
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