SarahH1992 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 Hi guys My boyfriend at the time, now fiance and I were in the heat of things and we on a few occasions we both started talking about threesomes with another female. This happened about 7 or 8 months back. On my side, it was totally in the heat of things just to spice things up in the moment. I had no idea he would take it literally. I did say whilst in the heat of things to find another girl.. I guess I was sort of testing him. I really didn't meant it. It was purely sex talk. A few days later I found him on a dating site talking dirty to women! He claimed it was purely just find someone cause he wanted to bring someone here and see if I'd be up for it. He said he still wasn't 100% sure if I'd go through with it or not. Is this a sign of disloyalty? Am I to blame also? Why couldn't he have involved me in this process? Did he just get overly excited? Also, a couple of these women were asking for number and to meet up and he was totally ignoring them saying he was away in another city and couldn't give out his whatsapp as one girl asked for it. So I guess that's a good sign. Then again I didn't read everything I was too upset. What do you all think?
James78 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 Maybe this is a bit of miss communication and he took your comments made in the heat if the moment literally. You might be able to clear things up just by telling him you wasn't serious. If after that he is still on the dating site then there could be more to it J
elaine567 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 (edited) He is not fiancé or marriage material. Get out whilst you can. Edited April 20, 2017 by elaine567 removed quote
Author SarahH1992 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 Yeah he's totally upset and turned off the idea now. He's definitely not on the dating site that's for sure lol. He claims it was purely for that
James78 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 Yeah he's totally upset and turned off the idea now. He's definitely not on the dating site that's for sure lol. He claims it was purely for that I guess it depends if you trust him i guess. Also, if he did want to go through with it (even if you didn't in the end) how does that make you feel?
Author SarahH1992 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 Well he said it was only because I mentioned it and seemed so keen otherwise he would never have even thought to look for one....
Author SarahH1992 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 if he persisted on going through with it, I would have left him.
James78 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 If you think he isn't in to it either then it is up to you. I would be a little cautious as if he was on the dating site looking for someone to join you this is something that you both should have been involved in. Personally although the thought of mff is very hot i would never want one. I wouldn't want to sleep with anyone other than my wife
elaine567 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 Ok, so why didn't he discuss all that with you? Fact is he was talking "dirty to other women behind your back and if you hadn't found out he would still be doing it. I guess the threesome thing you mentioned, 7-8 months ago, is his "get out of jail free" card. I wouldn't trust him an inch here. This forum has loads of women who say "He cheated on me before we got married but I love him so I forgave him, now we have a baby and another on the way and he is cheating again..." Do not be that woman. He as shown you who he is, believe him.
Author SarahH1992 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 Yeah your right I look at it that way too. Why couldn't he have been open about it? That's what I really don't get. Then again I also think I shouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it cause I feel as though I led him on. The whole reason he went on the dating site is to find someone for a threesome. We spoke about the threesome thing in the heat of things then found him on the site 2 days later. These women were asking for phone numbers and meet ups and he was telling them he was away and couldn't provide any of it. He said if around after 1 week no girl seemed interested in it he was just gonna get off the site and not worry.
Author SarahH1992 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 What about if you guys had only been with each other for about 6 -10months and she seemed keen and told you to set one up. Would that change anything?
Author SarahH1992 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 Was I not at all responsible for telling him to go and set one up?
elaine567 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 Was I not at all responsible for telling him to go and set one up? He should have kept you in the loop and made doubly certain in the cold light of day that you meant what you said. A threesome is a big deal, it is not something you arrange lightly in the middle of a serious relationship. Fair enough is everything is casual and no feelings are involved, but you were engaged. Did he really think that introducing another woman into your relationship was going to be so plain-sailing he didn't even need to discuss the details with you... YOU could have said "in the heat of the moment" you wanted six burly guys to have sex with you. Would have been so obliging then? Would he have been talking to those guys two days later to set it all up for you? I guess not.
Author SarahH1992 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 We were only dating 10 months at that stage. We were not engaged. I get what you mean. Still not on.
Author SarahH1992 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 I did actually mention another male too. But I would never have gone and looked unless discussing first.
elaine567 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 In all this "dirty" talk on the dating site, did he ever mention you or the possibility of a threesome with his gf or was it just like any other guy looking for sex on the net...
Author SarahH1992 Posted May 4, 2017 Author Posted May 4, 2017 Hi guys I have been with my fiance 2 years now. 10 months into the relationship I caught him on a dating site talking dirty to women in the attempt to hook up a threesome with another female as I had said something whilst having sex a couple of days prior to this happening not thinking he would take it literally. He didn't even come and discuss this with me. Everything was behind my back. Anyway I am going to keep it short. It's been over a year since this incident and I just can't find it in my heart to forgive him. He's tried so hard but I don't think I am capable of forgiving something like this as it completely shocked me and I still feel disgusted to this day. It became so overwhelming that I decided to move out recently cause I just couldn't stop thinking of what he did to me. Is this a sign that I maybe need to let go and move on?
bubbaganoosh Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 Think before you speak..............even in the heat of the moment. Now is the time you need to sit him down and let him know that when you mentioned a threesome that it was "dirty talk" and nothing more. If he keeps pushing the matter then ask him if it would be OK to have a threesome with another guy. Then wait for his reaction. bet it wont be good. 1
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