bluenblonde Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 Hi all, I've been single for quite a while, but not dating until recently. Met a guy from a dating app (match.com), and things were great, he was totally into me, I reciprocated, he asked me to be his girlfriend within 2 weeks! I thought it was a great match. I've been very busy between work, school, being a single mom, and the recent spring break with family in town. It was too soon for him to meet family, so he wasn't included in my visits with my family. I always told him what I was up to, and that though I might be busy right now, it's temporary and to hang in there with me through the end of this month (finals, family in town). He'd respond saying he's not going anywhere, he understands and thinks it's awesome that I'm doing what I need to do to make a better life for myself and my son, and that family comes first. I still would come see him even late at night if I worked late, so that we could get some time in together. Until a few days ago... He basically ghosted me for two days, then I got a text today telling me how sorry he is that he came on so strong, he thought he was ready for an emotional commitment, but he wasn't. So when a man says he wasn't ready, does he mean it, or is that a "hey I met someone else" or "it's not me, it's you" cop out? I want to make sure I'm not being naive on what went wrong... 2
Zahara Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 It could mean anything. It's futile analyzing it because you can't extract its genuine meaning when you can't get in someone's head. Accept the explanation and move on regardless of what it means. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 In this case it means you failed to pay attention to the big yellow caution flag being waved at you. No reliable man that you met through OLD asks you to be his GF a mere 2 weeks after meeting. This guy came on too strong & that level of intensity was not sustainable. Hence he flaked & is now back peddling. He didn't know or understand what he was saying when he asked you to be his GF. His cluelessness is now hurting your feelings. I'd keep my distance & look for somebody more mature who understands himself. 6
Miss Spider Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 (edited) The romanticists among us may disagree, but that he asked you to be his gf2 weeks in is to me a flag that he doesn't take his commitments too seriously. He backed out as quickly as he jumped in. Why don't you ask him what he means? Ask him what he means by emotionally committed. And why he was ready a little while ago? Ask him if he thinks he'll be "ready" and if so, when? Ladies, let these guys sweat a little bit. Don't let them get off easy with their lame excuses.haha Edited April 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Popsicle Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 My last BF asked me within 2 weeks and we were together for almost a year. My ex-H asked me within a couple of weeks too. It doesn't mean that's a red flag. And if he doesn't have kids, he probably just got freaked out about dating a single mom. 1
Miss Spider Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 My last BF asked me within 2 weeks and we were together for almost a year. My ex-H asked me within a couple of weeks too. It doesn't mean that's a red flag. And if he doesn't have kids, he probably just got freaked out about dating a single mom. There are definitely exceptions. I mean there are people who got married on their 1st date and lasted their lifetime!!! But in general it like these guys who come on strong with the be my gf/lets start a future thing without getting to know the person are desperate or love bombers 5
Author bluenblonde Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 And if he doesn't have kids, he probably just got freaked out about dating a single mom. He has kids himself, who he sees twice a week and every other weekend, so I would hope that's not it. But who knows... I have my child full time whose father isn't in the picture at all. 1
Author bluenblonde Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 In this case it means you failed to pay attention to the big yellow caution flag being waved at you. No reliable man that you met through OLD asks you to be his GF a mere 2 weeks after meeting. This guy came on too strong & that level of intensity was not sustainable. Hence he flaked & is now back peddling. He didn't know or understand what he was saying when he asked you to be his GF. His cluelessness is now hurting your feelings. I'd keep my distance & look for somebody more mature who understands himself. Thank you so much. He really did come on strong, but it was nice to be on the receiving end of it for once. He was really romantic... But alas, he ran out of steam... 1
Popsicle Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 He has kids himself, who he sees twice a week and every other weekend, so I would hope that's not it. But who knows... I have my child full time whose father isn't in the picture at all. Oh okay. Well that's not it then. I think maybe he just sounds scared of getting hurt. Those feelings come up when you really like someone.
Author bluenblonde Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 Oh okay. Well that's not it then. I think maybe he just sounds scared of getting hurt. Those feelings come up when you really like someone. I think he had some cheating demons. He mentioned a few different times he was concerned that there was someone else I was dating, and I was like, um... no. I barely have time for you, let alone someone else! Toilet seat left up = it was my kid. Another time I called him while he called me and I accidentally merged the calls so his voicemail heard him talking to "someone" ...I explained that was just him I was talking to... And he was afraid that there was some leftover guy I was still talking to, or who was waiting on the sidelines... Nope. Nada. So I have a feeling my being busy, which I genuinely was, even though I was VERY proactive in telling him what I was up to, probably made him more paranoid and he didn't want to continue. Just a guess. But I asked you all because I'm so new to being back on the dating scene that I don't know if it was really him, or just a line that it was ME. Thank you all very much. 1
Popsicle Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 I think he had some cheating demons. He mentioned a few different times he was concerned that there was someone else I was dating, and I was like, um... no. I barely have time for you, let alone someone else! Toilet seat left up = it was my kid. Another time I called him while he called me and I accidentally merged the calls so his voicemail heard him talking to "someone" ...I explained that was just him I was talking to... And he was afraid that there was some leftover guy I was still talking to, or who was waiting on the sidelines... Nope. Nada. So I have a feeling my being busy, which I genuinely was, even though I was VERY proactive in telling him what I was up to, probably made him more paranoid and he didn't want to continue. Just a guess. Oh boy, that'll do it. Being cheated on does a number on people. 1
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