Dannygurl86 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 I'm in a 23 year age gap relationship. I'm 30 he is 53. We can't have sex very often because he has true Ed and it just won't work period. I think it's caused by his high blood pressure all the time. Well anyways I don't bitch moan or complain anymore about it I let him come to me now because I have a better understanding of what's going on now.a little bit of history so you understand what's going on. About 8 months ago we had an argument when I thought he was withholding sex from me to be spiteful I made a comment about how it's not fair that I'm only 30 years old and in a sexless relationship and if he didn't give it up eventually I was going to go get it somewhere else. I said this because I have a super duper high sex drive and I was very frustrated and he refused to give me a reason for not having sex very often. Just constant no no no.so up to date now he texts me today and wants to have a 3 some with 2 men and I this is not the first time he's done this but I've ignored him up until now .he wants to watch while I do the deed. I am not comfortable with this because we tried swinging a few times and it was horrible horrible horrible. I'm not a jealous person usually but I became very jealous afterwords and to this day I feel I opened a can of worms that I will never forget ever. Ugh. I want to do it because of the lack of sex on his part but I feel like there's a catch 22 here that I haven't figured out what or why. He is really riding my ass about this now. He wants to do this so bad but I just have a bad feeling. I've asked him why he wants to do this and he said that as he gets older the less and less his penis is going to work and he would much rather have me doing it in front of him than behind his back. I've said some stuff but never that I was going to cheat on him. I'd break up with him first before I ever cheated on him. I haven't bitched moaned or complained about it in months. I don't understand where all this 3 some stuff is coming from but it's like he won't let it go he just keeps hounding me for one. And then what if the doctor gives him viagara or something he hasn't gone to see the doctor yet and it starts working again am I going to hear well I let you sleep with another man so it's my turn to sleep with another chick. I've told him already I'm never bringing another chick in our relationship ever again I just can't deal with it. I want to do this but I feel like I'm going to pay like last time. What the heck am I supposed to do he won't get off this keeps bringing it up. Sorry so long.
DashRiprock Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 (edited) I'm 99% certain why he's doing this. He can't satisfy you because of his ED so he wants to have a MMF so you get what you need AND he's there so it's not actually cheating nor will it drive him crazy that he gave you permission to have sex with a another man behind his back in some strange place. He'll be there so it will be ok for him. Plus, some guys get really turned on watching their woman have sex with another man. Unless his ED is really, really bad, why doesn't he just get a Rx for Viagra--problem solved. Or, really focus on lowering his blood pressure naturally without meds which can be done. I'm 51 and still get natural bullet-proof erections but I'm in supreme physical shape. So it's not all about age. I can say that as I've matured into my mid-40s and 50s, sex still counts, but the physical conquest isn't all that important anymore. It's more about connection which many be true for him with you too. Edited April 21, 2017 by DashRiprock 1
Tressugar Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 In my opinion, from what I've been told by a few adventuresome friends, threesomes never bode well for the existing couple involved. They always seem to have trust issues that creep up after the tryst. 1
central Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I agree with Dash. This is his way for you to get the sex you want, but keep this relationship. Whether or not you go for it, also encourage him to deal with his health issues - lose weight if needed, better diet and exercise, and appropriate medications. Without aggressive management, he's headed for a stroke or worse. We've had numerous threesomes - FMF and MFM - and never any problems or trust issues. Good communication and honesty is needed, though, to avoid problems.
PogoStick Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 First, I'm into poly and swinging, and I'm all for it when done the right way. However this relationship doesn't sound promising, so you might as well do the MMF anyways! 1. You're not satisfied by him, so staying mono with him makes no sense. So you could just end it and move on. or 2a. Have the MMF and everything works great, problem solved. or 2b. Have the MMF and the relationship falls apart. At least you get to have a fun time being ravished by 2 men. Then you return to option 1, end the relationship and live a happy life. Please make sure to return and tell us about the hot sex! 1
Redhead14 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Does he ever have an erection in the morning or during the night while he is sleeping? If so, his "problem" is not physical . . . ED very often has a mental/emotional cause. The fact that he is even interested in sexually stimulating scenarios is very interesting. More often than not, a man who is struggling with ED to the degree you describe, will try to avoid that stimulation because it's really frustrating to be aroused and know that there can be no "relief" ever. I think it probably does work in certain "ideal" situations for him and he knows that. I think there's something more to this situation . . .
smackie9 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 You are way too young to have to deal with someones ED. I suggest you start a new relationship with someone else. Seriously now....swinging is not the answer but finding a new BF is. 4
preraph Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Do not let him pressure you on this. Tell him doing it with strangers will not get the job done for you and tell him you don't want to hear one more word about it. Then in a calmer conversation find out what the doctor has said about viagra. But I just googled it and people on blood pressure medicines of a certain type are not supposed to take it. By the way, there are men who have always sworn the BP meds is what did it to them. But there's different meds. IMO, he needs to go to the doctor and you could offer to go in with him but he probably won't want you to. You can take care of yourself sexually. It's not like self-stimulation amounts to nothing. It takes the pressure off. Now, you'll have to prepare him for that. I would think he'd enjoy that more than watching you get pounded by other guys. Be firm about that and tell him to shut up about that. Get yourself off. Get him to open up about the doctor or to go to one.
Popsicle Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 If his junk doesn't work then why are you hammering him for an answer to why you're not having sex? I suspect it does work if you're hounding him for sex but just not all the time, but more importantly, he just doesn't want to have sex anymore. He lost his drive. There is no pill for that, and yes, you are too young to be sexless for the rest of your life. You should have or should get with a man your own age.
Simple Logic Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 I'm in a 23 year age gap relationship. I'm 30 he is 53. We can't have sex very often because he has true Ed and it just won't work period. I think it's caused by his high blood pressure all the time. Well anyways I don't bitch moan or complain anymore about it I let him come to me now because I have a better understanding of what's going on now.a little bit of history so you understand what's going on. About 8 months ago we had an argument when I thought he was withholding sex from me to be spiteful I made a comment about how it's not fair that I'm only 30 years old and in a sexless relationship and if he didn't give it up eventually I was going to go get it somewhere else. I said this because I have a super duper high sex drive and I was very frustrated and he refused to give me a reason for not having sex very often. Just constant no no no.so up to date now he texts me today and wants to have a 3 some with 2 men and I this is not the first time he's done this but I've ignored him up until now .he wants to watch while I do the deed. I am not comfortable with this because we tried swinging a few times and it was horrible horrible horrible. I'm not a jealous person usually but I became very jealous afterwords and to this day I feel I opened a can of worms that I will never forget ever. Ugh. I want to do it because of the lack of sex on his part but I feel like there's a catch 22 here that I haven't figured out what or why. He is really riding my ass about this now. He wants to do this so bad but I just have a bad feeling. I've asked him why he wants to do this and he said that as he gets older the less and less his penis is going to work and he would much rather have me doing it in front of him than behind his back. I've said some stuff but never that I was going to cheat on him. I'd break up with him first before I ever cheated on him. I haven't bitched moaned or complained about it in months. I don't understand where all this 3 some stuff is coming from but it's like he won't let it go he just keeps hounding me for one. And then what if the doctor gives him viagara or something he hasn't gone to see the doctor yet and it starts working again am I going to hear well I let you sleep with another man so it's my turn to sleep with another chick. I've told him already I'm never bringing another chick in our relationship ever again I just can't deal with it. I want to do this but I feel like I'm going to pay like last time. What the heck am I supposed to do he won't get off this keeps bringing it up. Sorry so long. Having ED and having no sex drive are not the same issue. Has he seen a urologist?
elaine567 Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 He can't get it up so he wants to farm out out to some other guy and watch. This would all be OK if you wanted this, but as you don't... You are 30, the world is your oyster, drop this old geezer like a hot potato and find a proper man. One that really cares about you. 3
fromheart Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 Please use paragraphs and spaces, otherwise it is difficult to read. Sounds like this man has sexual health issues, and isn't the best partner for you.
Titanll Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 sounds like good deal for your problem. my boyfriend likes to watch his friends do me at club meetings. we all understand is for sex only. i have big sex drive so will let any big dick guy mount me with understanding i love my boyfriend only and they are only fwb. as long as rules are set clearly should not affect your relationship with your boyfriend . you should enjoy getting sex regularly from his friends especially if they are good at it. i don't like threesome but do sometimes for my boyfriend enjoying watch me getting double penetration from two of his friends. Well now, aren't you interesting... I'm going to take a stab and say that OP isn't going to take this route but it sounds like it works for you two. Kudos!
BluesPower Posted April 21, 2017 Posted April 21, 2017 He needs to talk to the doctor. I have HBP and for almost all ED drugs, they don't raise your BP the reroute blood flow. Totally different. Also, with some research you can find some reputable places oversea that make it super affordable. His thinking is all wrong about this stuff. But you have to do something, you are 30 years old and you can't live your life this way, it will drive you crazy.
Recommended Posts