Ex(We are on friendly terms) does not appreciate anything I am doing for him:(

[Elene]

Hello Everyone,

 

My boyfriend of 2 years and I moved to another country to study but now he broke up with me because I was very hysterical at times and I would make dramas but he said that we could be friends. My weight was also a problem for him(I am slightly overweight, not fat). So I decided to let him see what a great person I have become and started dieting, cooking&cleaning for him almost any day although I hate cooking because he loves food so much and I also try to be very nice to him all the time to show him that I am not a hysterical person anymore. But he doesn't appreciate my efforts and still treats me coldly although I spend like 2 hours a day cooking for him although I am a busy working student. It hurts me so much that he just does not appreciate me giving my valuable time to do something nice for him and I want to cry in front of him again so he has pity but obviously I can't do that because then he thinks I am hysterical again so I am writing here because my friends are also sick of hearing me crying...

 

Thank you very much for reading. How can I make him appreciate my efforts more and love me again? The bad thing that since I do not have any other friends or family here, being rejected is twice as hard.

Edited April 19, 2017 by Elene

[kgcolonel]

Welcome to LS Elene

 

If he didn't ask for the cooking and cleaning that you're doing, I don't see that he automatically sees this as something good...for example, he may be thinking that you're doing this to stay in his life as you may not have anything else to do or any other friends to socialize with, thus "He" may see this as doing you a favor in allowing you to remain in his life. I am not saying this is right, just that because as you state, you decided to let him see this, doesn't mean that he particularly wants to or will see what you want him to see.

 

Why not sit down and talk about what you want and what he wants and see if there's some middle ground.

 

KG

[Whodatdog]

You are trying to force a relationship that is over. They are called EX for a reason.

 

Stop wasting so much time on him. He is showing you he has no interest in you anymore. You cant make him want to have a relationship with you. You just cant. Its not about how he appreciates your efforts....its about his feelings for you. They just arent there. You are just hurting yourself by trying too hard.

[Zahara]

Instead of trying to please him and trying to make him love you, it would be best for you to accept the ending and put focus on working on yourself emotionally and mentally.

 

When you start conforming to another because you want to be validated and accepted, you start on a path of co-dependency. It's only going to chip at your self-esteem, which already seems battered.

 

You both cannot be friends. Step away from him and work on yourself. It's very clear that your motives are solely to portray to someone how great you are, when you likely don't believe that in yourself. And that is not a good sign.

[d0nnivain]

How can I make him appreciate my efforts more and love me again?

 

 

You can't. Once the love is gone, it's gone.

 

 

Instead of wasting all this time & energy on him, put it into making new friends.