gamlefisken Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 (edited) I dated my ex for over two years. We were each other's first loves, and just before the holidays she dumped me citing that she "needed to move on". I was hurt, but the split should have been amicable. Moments after leaving her home, she was texting me saying she loved me. The following week she would text me routinely every day, as though nothing had changed and even late at night, saying how nice it was to see photos of me with my friends on Facebook. A week later after the texting, she vanished completely for about a month. In that time she publicly spread rumors behind my back that I was creeping on her and that she couldn't see me while I "wasn't over it". About a month after the split, I went on a date with another woman. As fate would have it, my ex saw me with her on this date. She immediately started texting me daily, sending me old inside jokes, began showing up at social situations she knew I would be at to flirt with me and invited me to a party at her place. The pinnacle of this period was when she asked a mutual friend about the woman I had been dating and she began crying to learn that I was moving forward and seeing new people. Immediately after this crying, she texted me asking to hang out and even sent me romantic poetry. During this period, I was excited that she may be coming around. However, the next day, she slept with a close mutual friend who I had been confiding in the entire time. I cut her off and told her not to contact me, and after a few weeks forgave him after he apologized for betraying my trust and we had completely reconciled. I began re-confiding in him. My ex violated my requests to not contact me, and also apologized for getting with my friend. Months passed, and I became increasingly serious with the woman I am now dating. Last week, my friend pulled me aside at a social event to tell me that a week after our reconciliation he began sleeping with my ex again. I was furious at him for betraying my trust and at her for doing something she knew would hurt me. I have cut them both off, but she keeps texting me to "catch up" and wishing me a happy holiday even though they are seeing each other. In short, it is a big mess. We are in a small group of friends and I need to see them all the time, however. Ironically, this has made me want her back much more and I don't know what to do, even though she has violated my trust so deeply. I really want her back, but it's just such a mess. What can I do? Getting back together would be a terrible mistake and I know that. But I yearn for her and it hurts. It also makes the budding relationship that I am in difficult to sustain. Any thoughts? Edited April 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add link to backstory
Life lessons Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 If your friend and ex are currently seeing one another, I would advise him that she's continuing to contact you. I know you stated it's a small group of friends but I'm curious on why you all have to see one another often? (Is it somehow family as well) How old are you all?
Telemachus Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Keep it in perspective - it's not that big a mess. The Second Wold War and its 70 million dead through starvation and violence was a big mess. You say that you need to see these two all the time. You don't. Even if you work or go to school together, that lasts only a few years. Keep them cut off and out of your life. Ignore her text messages. If you're not that into the woman you've been seeing, then the relationship may just run its course. It isn't necessarily connected to anything else. The vast lmajority of relationships have an ending, and this one will also. Continuing to place trust where none is due is entirely your fault, and the consequences of your own actions are your responsibility.
kgcolonel Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 If you seriously want her texts to stop, screencapture the texts she is sending and send them to your former friend. Guaranteed, this will put an end to the texting.... 1
Ieris Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Firstly, break it off with the girl you are seeing so you don't waste anymore of her time. Then you need to figure out why you want your ex back... is it because she is with someone else or do you really think you can have a long lasting relationship with her? If they can betray your trust over and over again knowing it will hurt you, why still bother with them? Even if you get back with your ex, they can still sleep together behind your back, because look how easily you let them crawl back in your life when they do you wrong. Set some boundaries, cut them off which includes blocking their numbers so they can't contact you.
kendahke Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 I have cut them both off, but she keeps texting me to "catch up" and wishing me a happy holiday even though they are seeing each other. In short, it is a big mess. We are in a small group of friends and I need to see them all the time, however. Ironically, this has made me want her back much more and I don't know what to do, even though she has violated my trust so deeply. I really want her back, but it's just such a mess. What can I do? Getting back together would be a terrible mistake and I know that. But I yearn for her and it hurts. It also makes the budding relationship that I am in difficult to sustain. Any thoughts? First thing you should do is get over the notion of your small group of friends and needing to see them all the time. No you don't. That's an excuse. Pick a different group of friends if it's going to be a problem. At the core of this group of jackals, I mean friends, are two people who betrayed you in the most heinous way, not once but twice. Second thing you should do is to block this chick and this dude on everything. No ifs, ands or buts. They have to go. Third--you need to tell the girl you're dating that your loyalty no longer lies with her--it's with your ex and the feelings of self loathing you've got going on that would make you even contemplate going back for a third dose or to spike your ex-friend. No, you won't be able to sustain it and she doesn't deserve to be humiliated and have her heart broken because you want your boy's sloppy seconds.
OatsAndHall Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 I would cut them both out of your life, completely. They're sucking life and energy out of you and aren't worth it. There are grey areas when it comes to relationships and friendships but there's lines that you DON'T cross. They crossed these lines in a big way.
Marc878 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 You control your phone not her. You could block but you like the breadcrumbs too much. This is on you. She's and X and your friend should be too. You aren't moving on because of you. 2
Tressugar Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 You are no longer dating your ex. She's open to dating whomever she wants to date this is including your best friend... although a true friend wouldn't go there, but nonetheless she's no longer your issue. 3
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 Come on.....you are all adults here...you can and they can choose to sleep with whomever they want. You don't like it? then stop talking to them or just tell them to keep you out of it. You have most certainly have moved on with another women...none of this should concern you.
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