TrustingFool Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 I don't know where to begin. Ok so in my occupation (I'm a well known actress) I knew that dating in this sort of scene would be a little tough due to my filming schedules. However I never knew that I'd meet the guy that I eventually really thought I was going to settle down with. However after many meets and flying him out to the locations of filming he always seemed a little withdrawn and always seemed to walk off when he got a call on his cellphone. We were out at one of my friends house and I asked him what was going on. At first he told me that he was pre-occupied with a deal that was about to come through and that was bugging him. After many invites out on location that he turned down I decided to hire someone to I guess spy on him if you will. When they came back and told me what they found out I was really angry, sad, upset and depressed. He is married. I don't know why he couldn't be responsible and just be honest. My question here is now what to do. Do I tell him that I know he is married? What do I do? I have never been in this type of situation, so I'm unsure of how to handle this. I do not want to be involved in an affair. At all. I know I need to end it but it is definitely going to effect me. I don't want the feelings that come from it to interfere with my work either. I also do not need the awful publicity that this would cause. Anyone have any suggestions at all?
newbby Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 I think, why should you need to explain anything to him, was he open with you? I think just cut him off with no explanation at all, if he asks what is wrong then make up a similar excuse as he did. then he will be chasing you and if anyone sees anything, this is what they will see. it will also be alot more fun than having the conversation, i mean having been there, i know that once you start having that conversation it gives them alot of opportunity to lie to you, and charm you, and convince you that the marriage is pretty much over. and it will all be lies if he says anything along those lines. no, you dont owe him to be honest and open with him at all.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 I think you you need to just kick him to the curb.. What a piece of trash to lead you on like that. If he asks for a reason just tell him you 2 aren't compatable... If he doesn't leave you alone then tell him you know he is married and will tell his wife about the realtionship and his activities. Good Luck
Devildog Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by TrustingFool I don't know why he couldn't be responsible and just be honest. I would guess it has a bit to do with you being a well known actress. If someone famous shows interest in a little nobody, the temptation to pursue the relationship is probably going to be immense. There are alot of weak people out there who succumb to the temptation of cheating on their spouse with other non-famous people. I would just stop contacting this guy. He doesn't deserve an explanation. He will know what the reason is most likely, although he probably thinks you are either too stupid or he is too smart for you to discover he is married. Stop calling him, stop answering his calls. Is he likely to subject himself to the disdain of family and friends for being a lying adulterer just for the sake of burning a famous person that dumped him?
smile95 Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 I know that feeling you probably got when you found out and it is all too familiar to me. I am sorry that this has happened to you. I would stop taking his calls and if he gets ahold of you, just tell him that you know that he is keeping things from you and if or when he wants to explain for him to call. Could he be separated? Or do you know he is married still? How did you meet? Another approach like someone said was to just stop talking to him! He will figure it out. PS--can you get someone to spy on my ex for me? lol
TrustingFool Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Thankyou all for your kind replies. You see I am now starting to put two and two together. Because yes I am in the movies, television, this is the breaks that I guess I'm faced with. It's hard to be in this business because you never know who truly likes you for you and who likes you because you're famous. It's just another job to me. I know you're probably rolling your eyes, but seriously it's a job. You wake up at the crack of dawn, go to location, have to sit in a chair for an hour or so getting makeup, then learn your lines, and so much other stuff. I actually met him at a cafe that I stopped in for coffee to go and what attracted me to him was that he was trying to say that he knew who I was but he didn't do it in an 'Can I have your autograph or picture' sort of way. We talked for a couple of hours after that and then we started to date and then it turned serious, or so I thought. Now that I know he is married I don't want to get involved. This is very hard for me. My friends have said that he was probably in it for the aspects that come along with who I am and now looking at it I'm not sure but it does look that way. I don't want to be in a scandal like that, it could definitely tarnish my reputation and that would not be good. Thankyou all that gave advice. I will follow it.
newbby Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 hey tf, i'm sure he liked you for you, but it doesnt matter, he is married, and he is a liar. have you decided what to do yet? just cut him off no explanation, i hope. ah, if i knew then.... i would have had alot more fun with it.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by TrustingFool Thankyou all for your kind replies. No sweat.. Glad we helped.. You need us.. we are here for you Good Luck
whichwayisup Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Your situation is unique to anybody elses here because you're an actress...So, because of that you have to be careful how you handle it. You really don't know this man, married or not, (obviously he's a liar) so you don't wanna pi$$ him off. Never know what he is capable of - Calling a gossip magazine or taking photo's of you and sending them off. Keep your guard up. Personally I wouldn't tell him you know he's married. Just tell him that you're going to be extremely busy, and you don't see this relationship working out, it would be best if he didn't contact you anymore. The lighter and nicer way of letting him down, the chances of him getting mad are less. If you just walk away and not return his calls, he could react. Maybe it's just the way my mind works, but if I was in your shoes that is how I'd handle it. Fear of what he could do to my career. Play it smart, cool and collected. Good luck and keep posting, let us know how it goes.
Craig Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 You might want to find out more about him and his personality before taking action. Is he going to try to milk his relationship with you in some negative way? Get your spy (LOL) or P.I. to dig up everything on him. A competent P.I. can practically find out what he had for breakfast a week ago in no time at all. It wouldn't hurt to have some dirt on him should he try something stupid. It might also help to have an attorney ready just in case he needs a chill letter or more. As distasteful as some might find it, you might, in the future want to check out prospective Sig others before getting in too deep. A quick but thorough background check only costs a few hundred dollars and it is for your own protection. Have a look at this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t67163/?highlight=checking+out+responsible
newbby Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 well, he is still married, and wouldnt want his wife to find out. i dont think you need to panic.
Craig Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by newbby well, he is still married, and wouldnt want his wife to find out. i dont think you need to panic. Good point in the "normal" world, but tf is a public figure and her income may depend upon her public image. Lets speculate that tf breaks it off with him, he gets depressed and his wife suspecting something does some digging of her own. She finds out about his indiscretion, kicks him to the curb and he left with nothing to lose looks for a way to cash in by selling his story (and picts?) to a tabloid. This isn't idle speculation all of the above has happened to other people already so it could happen here. In my humble opinion it's better to be prepared than surprised when so much is potentially at stake.
dgiirl Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Sorry to hear you're in such a crappy situation I dont know how the entertainment industry works but if you have an agent you trust and they can help you with the situation, I'd definitely tell them what's going on. I'm sure you are no stranger to the tabloids. I would be scared if one of them got a picture of the two of you, then started digging up to see who this guy was and find out the whole story. If you're agent could help you do some preparation before the story leaks it might help you.
TrustingFool Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 WWIS and others that have told me not to tell him that I know he is married because of him dragging me through the tabloids, you are totally right on. I started thinking about that. I think the best thing for me to do would be to tell him that I am going to be extremely busy as someone suggested and actually it is true I start shooting a new movie and that movie is going to take at least two months to complete if not more. No I'm not a stranger in the tabloids. I have been in plenty of them, from anything from being too skinny, to being out on the town with someone that they don't know. So I know what it's like to be in their and quite frankly folks I hate it. Not only do they not make up a bunch of bs but they also never leave you alone. I do not want my rep tarnished. That is the last thing I need. Look at Jude and Sienna and she is still devastated over that. That was just horrible! So I'm going to go with letting him down politely and gently and I'm going to discuss it with my agent and our lawyers. Thankyou for the good advice. I'm glad I found this place.
RecordProducer Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Bad publicity is better than no publicity at all. In your world this guy is nobody. You're his trophy and, although I am sure he loves you especially because you must be beautiful, charming, talented, etc., he just has to be jealous of your success at least in the sense that he doesn't feel like he is good enough for you. So the real question is not what you should do - of course you should break up with him - but why he lied to you. He never took your relationship seriously. Because he has a complex that he will last in your life as long as you meet someone else. He also realized that you might find out sooner or later and be hurt and for some reason I think the thought of hurting you gave him the thrills. He is not a good person and he is married. There are many married men who fall in love with other women but hiding the marriage is outrageous. And unless he divorces his wife right away, I don't see how he can justify his lies. I am a fervent proponent of the theory that people should look for their own class. Find someone who is "somebody"... like you.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 Anyone have any suggestions at all? Well, you could always use your publicist as a buffer. Just make it impossible for him to reach you except through an uncooperative publicist who won't let him get through.
Outcast Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 he always seemed a little withdrawn and always seemed to walk off when he got a call on his cellphone Your instincts seem to be good - you noticed this somewhat unusual behaviour. People, famous or not, need to keep an eye out for these kinds of signs. You aren't the only lady to have been bamboozled by a lying married guy, of course, and very often you'll find that the women had some hints or 'gut feelings' that something wasn't quite right. Always trust that. The worst mistakes I've made happened when I tried to ignore the sirens and red flashing lights going off in my brain. If you pay heed to your instincts, you'll probably do OK. I'm with WWIU on how to handle him, too. Just give him the 'we're not suited' line. I'd not bother with threats. In the end, it's his loss if he tries to malign you since it's he who did wrong and has the most to lose.
smile95 Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 If he has lied to you, why are you even going to take his calls???
whichwayisup Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 Originally posted by TrustingFool WWIS and others that have told me not to tell him that I know he is married because of him dragging me through the tabloids, you are totally right on. I started thinking about that. I think the best thing for me to do would be to tell him that I am going to be extremely busy as someone suggested and actually it is true I start shooting a new movie in Toronto and that movie is going to take at least two months to complete if not more. No I'm not a stranger in the tabloids. I have been in plenty of them, from anything from being too skinny, to being out on the town with someone that they don't know. So I know what it's like to be in their and quite frankly folks I hate it. Not only do they not make up a bunch of bs but they also never leave you alone. I do not want my rep tarnished. That is the last thing I need. Look at Jude and Sienna and she is still devastated over that. That was just horrible! So I'm going to go with letting him down politely and gently and I'm going to discuss it with my agent and our lawyers. Thankyou for the good advice. I'm glad I found this place. Noone likes to be gossiped about, especially those in the public eye. I can't compare what you have had to put up with because of your career, but I DO understand the need for privacy and having others respect that. I can go on my own personal experience, office bulls*** and the daily drival that goes on... TF, go with your gut. This man can't be trusted, maybe he wouldn't screw you over, but it's not worth finding out if he will. Not knowing really what makes him tick and his daily frame of mind, why bother. Good that you'll talk to your agent and your lawyer. Be prepared. Recordproducer, Bad publicity isn't always the best choice. Sometimes the quiet approach and staying out of the tabloids is better. Unless you're Michael Jackson! Some may need that good/bad image to further their careers, get attention etc., but it looks like TF doesn't have that problem, she sounds quite secure and confident in her abilities as an actress. Off topic here, TF, I'm in Toronto! Recently I was lucky to have a slight glimpse of Antonio Banderas. He was filming a movie here afew months ago. City is great and I hope you have a fun time while here! Keep posting and good you found LS. It's a very helpful place and alot of fun. Check out the other forums...Many of us get some very "odd and weird" topics going, but it's all in fun. Take care.
BoatingBabe Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast very often you'll find that the women had some hints or 'gut feelings' that something wasn't quite right. Always trust that. The worst mistakes I've made happened when I tried to ignore the sirens and red flashing lights going off in my brain. If you pay heed to your instincts, you'll probably do OK. ain't that the truth!
Maria46 Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 He should be kicked to the curb. He has used you, lied to you and his wife. Don't even take his calls. Men like that make me sick! Take care!!
TrustingFool Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 He called me today and I told him that I was going to be incredibly busy for the next 8 months, I have two films that I'm doing. He at first said that he could come out on location until I told him that I didn't think that it was working out that well and that we should sever our ways. He asked me if that was all that was bothering me and I said yes, but that I had a great time and that I wish him the best of luck. He told me that he really wished I would give him another shot and that he would show me that he is truly a really nice guy, yeah what a joke! So I ended it. Now it's a wait and see process. My agent, lawyers, publicist are all aware of the situation. So they will handle it. Someone else said that bad publicity is good. Ok I don't disagree with you nor agree with you. In Hollywood and this line of business sometimes bad publicity does not tarnish you instead it boosts your name, case in point Tom Cruise. However I really do not want bad publicity. It was bad enough that Star and The Enquirer were all saying I was starving to death and that I was looking malnourished, I do not need a married man added to the record. Not to mention my mom would freak out as well as a lot of my other family. I want to focus on my career and then find a nice single guy to date. It is hard to get serious in this business because of all the traveling and extensive times away. Anyhow it's over. I do thankyou all for your incredible advice and help and I'll continue posting on here, I hope to never post in this forum again though, but I will post on the others. Thankyou all. TF
whichwayisup Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 Good to hear that he took it well. And that you have all the bases covered, just incase... Yup, don't post in this section unless you have to. The rest of the site is really cool and hope to read some good funnies from you! Join in and come make a fool of yourself with the rest of us nutcases around here!
TrustingFool Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 That I will. I like the anonymity of this site. No one can tell who I am and thats wonderful. A lot of people think it's incredibly easy being on my side of the fence but it's not. We are constantly watched and scrutinized. This way I can rant and rave and post my feelings and thoughts on things without anyone having knowledge of who I am. I like that aspect of it.
FataMorgana Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 don't we all? ... but on a serious note, well done in breaking it off so cleanly, it's not easy what you've done, hope all goes well for you.
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