Girlfriend 6 months - just completely shutdown.

[GemmaUK]

What was she ranting and reiterating about?

 

I wouldn't count on her going crazy if you move on, it doesn't sound like she wants to know - she's blocked you - that's not a sign of wanting to see what you're up to.

[jude007]

Not that it matters, I guess. but on Sat - I out of the blue

 

TXT message - How are you?

 

I didn't reply

 

1 Hour Later - another txt message - I see you are into deleting!, ok fine you are blocked goodbye!, I cannot believe you have changed your profile pictures already. Obviously setting yourself up to go on Tinder/Match again, just what I expected of you.

 

- I then reply - Hi - still in bed, hardly changed my picture for Tinder match, I wont be doing anything to be honest, I still love you, and want to talk you have not even given me that opportunity.

 

I tried to call - phone number to voicemail. Sent her an email and left it.

 

Then Sunday night got an 'email'.

 

Sorry I know you want to talk, but I dont. There is just too much pressure and expectation. I just wanted to date, and that was it, and I thought you were the same, I have work and my child to look after. Sorry.

 

 

--- I reply back very sad way, to end six months together, and left it.

 

Ive removed her all now, from everything, Im taking a break from social media,

I feel that because I started to show stronger feelings she is the one thats backed off. But 1 month ago, it was her that was advising we go to these places on holiday, we do this with the kids, we train together. Then literally 2 weeks later it falls apart. She pushed for our parents to meet, she pushed me to be with her family at xmas ( i was pretty uncomfortable about that).

 

I want to say all this but what is the point. I am at the stage where I am like fk it, you have not considered A) I was ill B) Continued to Block me.

 

NC, now and time to rebuild my life, yes it was centred around my daughter, and herself, but all of a sudden its not what she wants. What can you do.

 

Life goes on.

[jude007]

Hi All,

 

Well its been a week. The last time my (now) Ex contacted me was to say she does not want to talk, and its too much pressure, and expectation - that was it 6 months - and that was it!

 

I left her at that, but did send one final message to her, to try and get through, but you know what I wish I didn't, you lose the dignity in yourself, when you do that, trying to reason with someone who has left you, she then blocks you, I then try emailing her, because she wont answer calls, she blocked me on various messaging platforms, FB, Insta, everything!!!

 

I have had a week to think, and I am still in some shock because yes I found sh e just closed up, and was difficult to understand where she was at. In the last month, she would go silent, not respond to you as she normally would have, and then text you the next day. What bothers myself is - it was her that set some expectations, Xmas with her family, holidays with them, yes I surprised her and took her away for trips abroad, but it was her that bought clothes for my daughter, gave me things for my house. Then 3 weeks ago, advised she was not happy, she was becoming last in terms of priorities and she wanted things to change to have more time for herself.

 

I was a gentleman, I calmed her when she was down, I looked after her, I tried to cheer her up, there was a night she was so unwell I popped in with a get well basket, I sent her flowers, I was as best I possibly could be, because she got upset about how she had been treated in the past......, the only thing she wanted and explained was time to herself, I gave her that, and also wanted to train together, I couldn't I had a serious month with work.....She gave me keys for her house, continually bought things for me, sent messages, always sending ideas about my house......

 

Seriously I will never know, and thats the hurting fact, you look at the photos, the texts, all before her melt down, it was a loving, and possibly very caring relationship.....completely different from her past - where she has been lied cheated, and emotionally and verbally abused..... She put me out their with her friends, her family.

 

I guess I will never know to be honest....., she has blocked me now from everything, not the kind of behaviour I ever expected of her, ever, and not from someone who had told me she loved me in march, and who was my best friend, to nothing - to absolutely a blank space!

 

Maybe the female readers may be able to enlighten me on this behaviour....

 

I have learned something from this, you just never know so don't leave yourself open........

 

I just don't get it, to be honest.....

[smackie9]

Seriously when I hear "I need my space to think, can't handle the pressure..." It's usually the ex trying to sweet talk himself back into her life, confusing her...her emotions are in a tug-o-war.

[jude007]

Seriously when I hear "I need my space to think, can't handle the pressure..." It's usually the ex trying to sweet talk himself back into her life, confusing her...her emotions are in a tug-o-war.

 

thanks confused what you mean?

 

It was her that wanted space, said there is too much expectation and pressure.

and has completely shut down any comms with me?

[act00]

I don't think you messed up necessarily. She exhibited equal interest. It's really hard sometimes when you have more time and you have more ability to expect the same out of someone that isn't in the same place as you. You went with what seemed to be working...until it stopped working.

 

I have dated men who are retired or simply have more time, more money, and they don't remember what it was like to work, commute, and have lots of responsibilities. I dated a guy who wanted to see me more than I really could. He didn't have his kid around, so he was more lonely than me. I remember talking about this. I enjoyed my alone time because I always had people around, where he, on the other hand, did not have this. It was just a basic difference that caused a bit of problems. I'm seeing a guy now and it's been a whirlwind. I don't want to take up all his free time due to our kids' ages being just different enough, and kid nights always preclude date nights. I expect things to slow down because I can't necessarily keep up, but I'm better equipped to maintain it, as I have more free time than he does. It hurts when I don't get the same level of attention on kid weeks/weekends, but I get it, and I just wait. It's a balancing act, and I don't know where it will go, but it's working now.

 

I don't know what happened with your woman. She went from hot to cold, gave it another shot, decided she can't. It just didn't work. If you put pressure on her to maintain high level of contact with you, vacations, spending money, and if she felt a lot of pressure, that's where you failed, but I certainly can't blame you for going with what she seemed happy with. Maybe in time you'll see some hints and flags and problems you don't see now, and you can work with those to avoid them in future relationships. Remember her as a fond memory and move on.

[GemmaUK]

I'm gonna be blunt and relay how I felt.

Once I was out I was out - and the feeling I felt was relief.

 

I , like your gf expressed my need for space and re-prioritising things but after expressing that a few times I began not to feel much about the guy at all as I just realised he didn't really care about 'me' and all he cared about was himself.

The reason I knew that was because each time I attempted to talk and get to a compromise where I could have that time I needed he would last somewhere between 24-72hrs respecting that and then would go right back to how h had been previously.

 

The result was that a day or three later I was at fault yet again for not being in as much contact as he liked (he liked texts all day through from 5.30am until midnight each day plus a one to two hour call every single night).

 

Yes he could be nice to me sometimes but for the most part he was telling me off for something - something related to his happiness - but it became extremely obvious over time that my happiness in this relationship was of no concern to him.

 

He just wasn't considerate of me and that's not something I could have let myself get into for the long term.

I am a considerate person so I tried my utter best - it was never good enough.

 

I just had no time for anything much - eating, cleaning my house - let alone other things I needed to do.

I even got into trouble with him one night for cutting my toenails - he said I shouldn't be doing that as it had made me 5 mins late for a call - it didn't matter to him that he had been texting aall of that evening whilst I was very busy getting things done (and telling him what I was doing). Nope - big telling off when iI got to the call just 5 minutes late.

 

I had tried to split up with him several times but he always managed to wangle his way back - I was just exhausted and not strong enough to fight at each point.

Once I had really seriously had enough I knew I needed to try to end things differently - not talking this time - so I ended it by text after 7 months.

 

Little did I know he had a plan - went quiet (to my relief) but planned to lay low and then try to win me back. I only found this out when he contacted me me a couple of months later absolutely laying into me for telling a mutual friend that we'd split.

He told me that I should not have told anyone as we were not actually split up and that he was going to get me back.

 

I laugh about it now but he just didn't consider me at all and clearly didn't believe that I didn't want to be with him.

 

This is possibly more extreme than your situation but none the less I'm afraid she doesn't want to be with you, she has tried but she is at breaking point and this will have tsunami''d right over any feelings she had for you.

 

You really need to just move on.

[dangerous]

Jude,

I have been here exactly. Intense, perfect relationship for months, then cold.

She has issues.

Regardless of your faults, she is changeable, she blows hot and cold. When you are keen, she sees you are too keen. When you leave her alone and try to move on (after she already blanked you) she comes back to see how you are.

I bet she has a history of very broken relationships, probably going back to childhood.

Even so, you now know what a relationship with this woman will be like, even if you get back: heaven and then hell!

This will drive you mad. Run, and don't look back.

 

And if she asks how you are, ignore her, block her.

 

For you to know, I was heartbroken by a similar intense romance, and I became very depressed and believed I would never meet anyone as special as her again. Guess what? 6 months later I met a lady, who is EVEN sweeter but not with so much bitterness

[jude007]

Jude,

I have been here exactly. Intense, perfect relationship for months, then cold.

She has issues.

Regardless of your faults, she is changeable, she blows hot and cold. When you are keen, she sees you are too keen. When you leave her alone and try to move on (after she already blanked you) she comes back to see how you are.

I bet she has a history of very broken relationships, probably going back to childhood.

Even so, you now know what a relationship with this woman will be like, even if you get back: heaven and then hell!

This will drive you mad. Run, and don't look back.

 

And if she asks how you are, ignore her, block her.

 

For you to know, I was heartbroken by a similar intense romance, and I became very depressed and believed I would never meet anyone as special as her again. Guess what? 6 months later I met a lady, who is EVEN sweeter but not with so much bitterness

 

 

Thanks for taking time to read and post, similar to you I just Don't get it' completely yes I see what some of the ladies here have posted but her behaviour is abit uncertain.

 

This all happened last week, I have not heard from her in a week,

 

Ok so she told me she didn't want it anymore. That's fine. She then goes into my Facebook accuses me of deleting pictures. I the try to explain that I had merely hidden some photos as I really didn't want to be reminded of good times. She doesn't respond. Blocks me from everything. Now I go on tonight she has unblocked me, but obviously not together anymore or friends. I'm taking the advice and just chilling, I need to get better. I've learned some lessons that's for sure..

 

Dangerous let's hope I have the same luck as you!

[jude007]

Its been over 1.5 weeks, now since I got that message rather than give our relationship any respect and come and see me, she sent me this.

 

'I know you want to talk. But I don't. There's just too much pressure and expectation. I just wanted to date. Nothing else. I thought by you having a toddler that you would understand that'

 

Following that she blocked me from all means of contact, blocked me on FB, Insta, Whats, and Phone.

 

I guess I am going through the motions, of anger, disappointment and hurt, but you know what I miss her.

 

I took one week off social media, logged back in, obviously she was prominent on my FB page, and I see I am no longer blocked, similar on Insta, and whats app, etc. Our pictures are still very much on her picture board on Fb. So what is she thinking?

 

I don't get it to be honest, I feel I am getting treated as if it was me that broke her, cheated, and had been a complete A hole to her. the fact is I didn't. The only thing I said was I fell in love with her, and it was mutual, and perhaps yes I wanted to see her too often, and involve her in my life, and my kids.

 

It could be torturing yourself, but you know what its sad, I thought we had built up something pretty good in 6 months, we never argued, she had spun out a few times at myself, I just reasoned with her. She pushed me to meet the families, the parents met each other, we had 2 pretty sweet trips away, and even our last day out, we just had a ball.....

 

But I thank you all for the support, you know I am a gentleman, I do all the right things, she even said I ticked all the boxes once. Don't get me wrong I have been through worse I was left with nothing years ago, and had to rebuild my life so its not to that extent. After an Ex ripped me off. but with this present girl - I just felt a connection, and she reciprocated that back. I guess I just put everything and trust into this, and was blinkered......

 

My last message asked her to consider talking/going for a walk together, we could strip back the relationship to dating, and less emphasis on kids, and family orientated life....... and for her to have a think about it........ sadly I have not received a response only the blocking/unblocking behaviour.

Edited May 3, 2017 by jude007

[joseb]

I think.this has just run its course.

Leave her be and move on

[GoneGirl32]

 

It's totally exhausting dating someone who expects so much of your time.

 

 

Absolutely, especially if she is more introverted.

 

It sounds like she's been feeling suffocated and stifled for quite a while and never said anything. Goes through the motions.

 

So it builds and builds, she becomes more suffocated by your neediness (or what SHE perceives to be your neediness), more irritated, more annoyed until she reaches a breaking point, and then just ends the entire RL.

 

You did nothing "wrong," you're just too different and not compatible. You need more closeness, she needs more distance. Neither is better than the other, just different.

 

Best of luck moving forward.

Edited May 4, 2017 by GoneGirl32

[jude007]

Absolutely, especially if she is more introverted.

 

It sounds like she's been feeling suffocated and stifled for quite a while and never said anything. Goes through the motions.

 

So it builds and builds, she becomes more suffocated by your neediness (or what SHE perceives to be your neediness), more irritated, more annoyed until she reaches a breaking point, and then just ends the entire RL.

 

You did nothing "wrong," you're just too different and not compatible. You need more closeness, she needs more distance. Neither is better than the other, just different.

 

Best of luck moving forward.

 

Thank you I guess it doesn't matter anymore you are correct, the last weekend we were meant to see each other she cancelled (wanted her own time).

Then we talked briefly on the Monday, and she cancelled again, and I just blew - because that was 3x in a row. Sent her to the point txt. she told me its too much pressure for the 1st time.

 

In that time I fell ill, (quite bad), a week later, 1st txt - She asked how I am, then 10 mins later - received accusations from her came about FB and changing profile pictures (to my kid) - and that I was readying myself for deleting all her pictures and moving on so soon (I was ill in my bed).

 

She then blocked me, I tried to contact her every way possible (which probably p1ssed her off completely), and then the she sends the final message all 5 lines!!........... its over....

 

This week,I can see she unblocked me, but I am seeing everything from what you are saying now - and its possibly been a slow burn and I should have pulled back.

 

I feel I could have changed it and resolved it - but she doesn't communicate, and knowing her will move on - but I think you are correct I need to move on - but for the readers this was by no way a steamroll from myself she put me out there, family, friends, etc, bought lots for my kid, emails to my parents, I could go on, took me to the finest diner in town 2 weeks before......Love was there, maybe my expectations were blinkered. you live and learn!

 

some of this I don't think I will completely ever understand......

[jude007]

Update -

 

So I lost the Girl, I have a serious health problem, a now my high paid Job!

 

when it rains it pours!

 

2017 what a turnaround!

[jude007]

Thank you I guess it doesn't matter anymore you are correct, the last weekend we were meant to see each other she cancelled (wanted her own time).

Then we talked briefly on the Monday, and she cancelled again, and I just blew - because that was 3x in a row. Sent her to the point txt. she told me its too much pressure for the 1st time.

 

In that time I fell ill, (quite bad), a week later, 1st txt - She asked how I am, then 10 mins later - received accusations from her came about FB and changing profile pictures (to my kid) - and that I was readying myself for deleting all her pictures and moving on so soon (I was ill in my bed).

 

She then blocked me, I tried to contact her every way possible (which probably p1ssed her off completely), and then the she sends the final message all 5 lines!!........... its over....

 

This week,I can see she unblocked me, but I am seeing everything from what you are saying now - and its possibly been a slow burn and I should have pulled back.

 

I feel I could have changed it and resolved it - but she doesn't communicate, and knowing her will move on - but I think you are correct I need to move on - but for the readers this was by no way a steamroll from myself she put me out there, family, friends, etc, bought lots for my kid, emails to my parents, I could go on, took me to the finest diner in town 2 weeks before......Love was there, maybe my expectations were blinkered. you live and learn!

 

some of this I don't think I will completely ever understand......

 

Well after N/C and leaving it, I decided to try and rebuild my life, after a terrible

few weeks.

 

I went on to a dating website, got some interest, but didnt act on it. I also went on to see if the ex was on it perhaps.....

 

anyway.

 

Out of nowhere, I received a message on my email from the Ex.

 

'It took you two weeks, to go back on dating websites, then I see you are always online on FB messenger. You are a total ****, and I knew that I would be inconsequential after a short period of time. I wanted to call so many times, but see you do this **** you. At least I knew my gut was right! Goodbye - ****!

 

I tried to call her, tell her just talk to me, she didn't respond, she has blocked me, unblocked me. Ive sent her a final voice message - but she hasnt responded.......

 

She ended it with me, read my story. I just don't know what to do.

[Lansing]

Man, what you should do is move on. I know it is hard but when people play games like that "oh, you should have waited for me" type stuff... geez.. seems like she has some issues... She isn't interested in you but just wanted you to pine over her...

[jude007]

Man, what you should do is move on. I know it is hard but when people play games like that "oh, you should have waited for me" type stuff... geez.. seems like she has some issues... She isn't interested in you but just wanted you to pine over her...

 

Thank you,

 

Well, after one month now, its not been N/C she has accused me of going on dating websites, to removing and deleting pictures, yet she was the one who didn't want me. But I am tired of it, I had the worst april and she sends these rockets, you try and defend yourself, (As she was wrong) and then its the same silent treatment.

 

So I just sent her a message as closure -

 

acknowledging its done, its sad she doesn't want to talk, but I understand and that in my eyes we had a blast together, but maybe I was blinkered. and to wish her and child the best they deserve to be happy.

 

Its left now, sad but i'm sure in life people have been through hard times and come out the other end, I hope I do.

[dangerous]

Why haven't you blocked her number, blocked her from FB? You are a glutton for punishment: you say you begin to get over her and then you LET her contact you and play with your head. Do you want to allow her to continue to hurt you. You HAVE to accept its over and move on. Listen to the people here. But of course you will only listen when you are ready.

[kendahke]

I don't get it.

 

She doesn't want to be with you, so why is she so pressed about you not contacting her or being on a dating site looking for someone new? Did she expect for you to just wait around until she got over her feeling all pressured? Hardly!

 

Yeah, if you want to hurry up and get over her, the first step is losing her contact information for good. When you keep on going back because you're insisting you had something magical, when you didn't, all you're doing is ripping the scab off the oozing wound. It won't heal and most likely will become infected if you don't leave it alone.

 

Things will never be how they were when it began. She's made sure of that.

 

This didn't work out. We don't always get our way in life. No one has a guarantee to have who/what they want on their timetable. Period.

 

It's really important that you learn this now rather than later when it's even more sad of a lesson for a grown man to have to learn.

[jude007]

I don't get it.

 

She doesn't want to be with you, so why is she so pressed about you not contacting her or being on a dating site looking for someone new? Did she expect for you to just wait around until she got over her feeling all pressured? Hardly!

 

Yeah, if you want to hurry up and get over her, the first step is losing her contact information for good. When you keep on going back because you're insisting you had something magical, when you didn't, all you're doing is ripping the scab off the oozing wound. It won't heal and most likely will become infected if you don't leave it alone.

 

Things will never be how they were when it began. She's made sure of that.

 

This didn't work out. We don't always get our way in life. No one has a guarantee to have who/what they want on their timetable. Period.

 

It's really important that you learn this now rather than later when it's even more sad of a lesson for a grown man to have to learn.

 

Yeh I don't get it either, but its a month now, and its done. But the reaction to anything I do or did after was bizarre. My issue is we have mutual friends, it will be difficult to not see her on FB etc, I dont really think blocking at 40 is a mature thing to do..... but look I have deleted contact details. so time to start again...... I do appreciate you all taking time to help.