Mikema Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Long story short, My Gf of 2 years got drunk and kissed her guy friend on the cheek and was pulling his shirt up touching/hugging, basically all over him all night. It was like I wasn't even there around the two. And later before we left she started pulling my shirt up and all this **** and I said stop that, that's for your eyes only and she said so we'll let (her guy friends wife's name) Look at it, I look at (her guy friends name) body. I'm like wth. She's never done anything like this, I've never had a shred of doubt with her till now and she doesn't drink but once in a blue moon. But I just can't get this out of my head. I haven't asked her about it but I'm wondering if I'm being jealous and making something out of nothing. Any advice??
TheyCallMeOx Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 (edited) [] If it bothers you, it is absolutely a problem. I get the fact that people are going to look at my girlfriend's breasts, stare at her butt when she bends over, try to pursue her, etc etc. We're guys....it's what we do. However, when there is physical contact...it can get out of hand really quick. If you've been dating your girlfriend for two years, then you and her must've at some point explained your views on cheating/manipulation. You also must've at some point talked about the people you regularly spend time with outside of the relationship, people you've been with sexually, etc. If it's a healthy relationship, you probably knew about this guy friend. Chances are...based on what I'm reading...is that you don't know too much about this guy, and his history with your girlfriend. That's a problem. As much as we want to trust our partners, it's in human nature to...be aware of possibilities. It's her body, I can't make her decisions for her, but a healthy relationship consists of communication that is built on trust. Despite my bias against opposite sex friendships, my girlfriend is completely entitled to have a guy friend in her life. However, if she fails to provide important history with this guy friend, that's manipulation. If you're totally honest with your partner, you will mention whether or not there has been anything sexual in the past, etc etc. When I went to a swinger party a couple years ago, I couldn't even shake a woman's hand without asking the man for permission. Drunk or not, there's guidelines we follow in relationships: these guidelines are based on a mutual understanding on what it means to breach their trust. If we don't agree with these understandings, then that means we are incompatible. If we're incompatible, then we simply can't be in a relationship. The bottom line is that she's breached your trust. This raises some questions: 1. Have you discussed in depth on things you don't find acceptable when interacting with the opposite sex? 2. Has she expressed her history in depth with the guy friend? When you're in a relationship, the decisions you make can have an impact on each other. My body may not be my girlfriend's body, but I know that the decisions I make can impact our relationship. Therefore, it is important to establish a good communication, so we can prevent ourselves from getting in grey-area situations. And if I'm uncertain about something, the right thing would be to ask my girlfriend on clarification, so that I won't put her in awkward situations. Because I love her. Because I know what it feels like to be in awkward situations. I think it's important you talk to your girlfriend about how you feel. If, by chance, you DO come across as "controlling," great! Because how can you recognize that you have a problem, when you don't even know you have one! And if you and her are in a healthy relationship...she'd be willing to help you on your "controlling" behavior anyway that she can. For the record, I don't think you're controlling. I never liked the idea of guy friends, and neither does my girlfriend. In my eyes, it's more of a betrayal for her to kiss a guy friend on the cheek, than it would be to make out with a random stranger with my approval. Edited April 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted response to deleted post ~6 1
d0nnivain Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 She kissed him on the cheek. That alone is no big deal. But then you said she was pulling up this guy's shirt in front of you & his wife. That is a problem. It was disrespectful to multiple people -- you, the wife & even the guy. The fact that she later did it to you too tells me she wasn't trying to cheat but that she has poor impulse control & is somewhat immature when she drinks. That is no excuse but it is an explanation & the behavior is likely to reoccur. Only you know what you are willing to put up with.
coolheadal Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Long story short, My Gf of 2 years got drunk and kissed her guy friend on the cheek and was pulling his shirt up touching/hugging, basically all over him all night. It was like I wasn't even there around the two. And later before we left she started pulling my shirt up and all this **** and I said stop that, that's for your eyes only and she said so we'll let (her guy friends wife's name) Look at it, I look at (her guy friends name) body. I'm like wth. She's never done anything like this, I've never had a shred of doubt with her till now and she doesn't drink but once in a blue moon. But I just can't get this out of my head. I haven't asked her about it but I'm wondering if I'm being jealous and making something out of nothing. Any advice?? Her hidden desires are more present when she is stoned cold drunk in the face. So now you know what she wants when she's drunk and who she wants it with her guy friend. She did this all in front of you. Shame on her and I take this she has never behave like this with you in 2 years that you been with her. Lack of trust caused by this event is now present. You haven't made anything out of this, but you need to sit down and get too the truth of the matter with her and the guy friend. Seems she has some interest in him still more than friends. Like she wants to tear off his shirt and go and have deep sex with him if she could have go to the point. Drinking so much can make anyone do anything but they little naughty inner self can come out and shine!
OatsAndHall Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Well, you're going to have to be seriously honest with her. Tell her that your trust in her has been broken because of her actions. How she responds to that will determine what you do next. If she apologizes and is sincere about it then I'd keep working on it. If she blames the booze or tries to deflect in any way, I'd be considering calling it off. She screwed up and she needs to take responsibility for her actions. And, maybe she needs to consider staying away from alcohol if she won't control herself while drinking. But, that's all on her. 1
smackie9 Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Hmmmmmm maybe she is trying to get the guts to tell you with alcohol that she's into swinging or wants to try it. 2
Telemachus Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 If you're 25 or younger, it seems pretty typically immature (both her actions and your reactions). If you're over 25 and value the relationship, have a discussion with her about limits. Unhappiness comes from unfulfilled unrealistic expections. You two haven't been clear with each other about the terms of your relationship and boundaries, and you have to take responsibility for that. If you can't come to explicit agreement on boundaries, then end the relationship. You have to be explicit about boundaries, or your expectations will always be unrealistic, and unhappiness the result. She doesn't have to follow your rules, but both of you have to follow rules that you've agreed to, and you can't make them up as you go. Well, you can make them up as you go, but you can't accuse her of violating something that she never agreed to. 1
kgcolonel Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 This sounds very much like an age thing....comments like that is for your eye only would have been something that I would have said in my teens or very early twenties. Now....being nudest's, not so much....The kiss on the cheek, doesn't really seem like a threat or an act of rebellion or anything other than an impulsive act that likely wouldn't have happened without alcohol...
GunslingerRoland Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 I wouldn't think much about a kiss on the cheek. But the other stuff sounds pretty inappropriate. It doesn't necessarily sound like she was doing it for sexual reasons, but it does make you wonder what her boundaries are when she drinks.
kendahke Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Long story short, My Gf of 2 years got drunk and kissed her guy friend on the cheek and was pulling his shirt up touching/hugging, basically all over him all night. It was like I wasn't even there around the two. And later before we left she started pulling my shirt up and all this **** and I said stop that, that's for your eyes only and she said so we'll let (her guy friends wife's name) Look at it, I look at (her guy friends name) body. I'm like wth. She's never done anything like this, I've never had a shred of doubt with her till now and she doesn't drink but once in a blue moon. But I just can't get this out of my head. I haven't asked her about it but I'm wondering if I'm being jealous and making something out of nothing. Any advice?? You need to talk to her about how her actions made you feel. It's not OK with you what she did and she needs to know that and what you will do if she ever pulls this stunt again. I don't think you're being jealous or making something out of nothing. She was pulling up the shirt of someone's husband and it doesn't matter that they're friends. She was disrespecting his wife by doing this. I'm curious as to why he allowed her to do this?
morrowrd Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Toughie....hmmm Give her the benefit of the doubt and "supervise" her at the next party. (meaning) Arm around her at all times.
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