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She Lost That Lovin' Feeling, Oh That Lovin' Feeling.

LostThatLovinFeeling

By LostThatLovinFeeling
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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LostThatLovinFeeling New Member

LostThatLovinFeeling

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hello everyone!

 

Firstly I would like to thank everyone who has contributed here on LS. It is only through the sharing of your very personal stories here, that I have been able to cope slowly but surely with my own breakup that happened just a few months ago. :)

 

I am here posting here to share my story as well, in hopes that others can also take something from it as I have, and also for support and guidance as to what to do next.

 

Background

 

- Male 27, Female 25

- 6 year relationship

- First 4 years were together as college sweethearts, last 2 were LDR due to me completing a post-graduate course, with less than a year to go until finishing and being back by her side.

 

She has always been the sweetest type of girl. Slightly princessy but not spoilt, emotionally needy with a huge need for constant assurance but along the same vein immensely caring and loving towards others which is why I fell in love with her. Absolutely gorgeous, not in a hot but truly beautiful way, and way above my league.

 

I have been the steadfast boyfriend. Arguably romantic, and prone to big gestures. Some people say very intellectual and relatively successful - a workaholic, yet I always make time for her, for example speaking on Skype for an hour or two a day, and walking out of dinners just to speak to her until she falls asleep before rejoining for dessert.

 

We spent nearly every day together, and had a very loving relationship. Filled mutual acts of love, we spoke excitedly about our futures and our children's futures. We were of similar family backgrounds (for those in more eastern cultures this is important), generally good-natured people, and had very many similar interests. Most importantly, we genuinely cared for one another and I was going to propose to her once I returned from university.

 

In retrospect now, we always had communication issues which didn't portend well for a good marriage. I have terrible tone/facial expressions as a guy and the propensity to put things in a very frank sometimes hurtful way. She has always taken things personally and swept problems under a rug saying that I do not encourage her to share. We both knew this and were working every day to solve.

 

Like most relationships, there were ups and downs. One of these flash-points came about last Christmas, as I was helping her make her first sale of a financial policy to me (she just started working at a new company!), and in the pursuit of truth and because I am financially trained, I was probably too harsh in evaluating the merits of each policy, that she had a difficult time. I comforted her of course and we had an absolutely wonderful New Years together. I went back to university and things were all well, we still said I love you's and spoke sweet nothings to each other every night. She slowed communication until one day she said she was tired from work and didn't want to speak. Knowing something was wrong, I gave her time and send encouraging messages throughout the day. Two days of not texting back, she called crying to say that our relationship wasn't working, and suggested a break.

 

A Break

 

1. Needs time to "think" (her main focus)

2. Lack of intimacy

3. Lack of "sense of protection"

4. Worried about upcoming marriage and if she will be a priority over my work

 

I argued that it was the distance, and we could talk things out together. She asked for a break, citing the above reasons but also when I asked if, she let slip that she wanted to not feel guilty in seeing other people. I was like "Isn't a break and seeing other people a break-up then?" Surprised and in shock, I agreed to the break anyway, we promised each other that we would check in after 2 weeks. And so begins the ghosting.

 

Trying To Get Her Back

 

2 weeks later, I called and texted to check in, but she ignored me time and time again. Confused and wanting to work hard for the relationship, I took time off and the first flight back to her hometown on my own dime just to see her. I hand delivered massive flowers to her home, called her incessantly, and did all the crazy boyfriend things anyone can think of - even calling her best friends and said some terrible things about her and our relationship in grief.

 

Absolutely no response. So on the last day of my trip, I would surprise her in front of her gate at home - she drove right by me without even acknowledging me. This would have been the first time she would respond to my gestures in such a way, as always she was previously greatly touched. I returned back to university dejected and still not knowing what went wrong.

 

OM?

 

The moment I reached back to university, I was greeted by a call from one of my best friends to say that he spotted her twice the past month behaving very intimately (hugging and maybe kissing) during song and praise with an unknown male in church. I of course freaked and in shock messaged her with a passive aggressive message, wishing her the best in her new relationship, which a part of me genuinely felt.

 

She finally responded with a vengeance, accusing me over a long text of of never putting any trust in her (despite my absolute trust in her being one of the constant features throughout relationship), that I was delusional, stressed out and crazy. I apologised profusely and said that she shouldn't be with me if I was so stressed out (yes I likely got gaslighted), and she responded by thanking me and saying that we would talk only when both of us were ready - then silence again. :(

 

Contact

 

More than a month after our initial break and month after my visit, she called me early in the morning. Not expecting her call, I picked up. She explained she was calling because she didn't want to be "that girl that leaves you hanging" and then just gave me the exact same reasons as she did before, in a way trying to justify her decision and saying that while she didn't want to change the person I was, she hopes I would become a better person, and lead a less stressful life.

 

Bear in mind that I've always been in the more steadfast one, not necessarily better than her, but I hold to certain values of responsibility, truth and doing things right, despite the circumstances. So I took the opportunity to apologise for the terrible things I said to her friends, how things turned out, and thanked her for the good times. Pretty good considering, until I let slip that my family felt cheated and disappointed by her actions. As my family was very important to her, she couldn't think of anything else, and there the conversation ended.

 

Fulfilling My Promises or Beta Bull****

 

That was nearly a month ago now, and I have had no contact from her.

 

Good things that has happened include me taking the time to read again and finding my self of self, exercising, and also taking dance lessons which I've always wanted to do but didn't because I was in a relationship.

 

On the other hand, bad things, somethings I find it hard to work, and I have found every excuse to twice now break my NC to do something very meaningful and special for her, telling myself that I am still the same person who holds true to his words/promises and that a breakup doesn't change that fact.

 

Once was before our call, I spent days making a gift relating to a major milestone in her brother's life whom I love dearly and have talked with him about since the day I met him. Another just recently, relating to one of the first promises I made in our relationship, which we have for a long time not been able to solve, I have only last week finally able to figure out and fulfil. Both times alongside the surprise I sent her long messages just to express my care for her and regard for her happiness, that regardless of our outcome I'm glad that we were finally able to do these nice things, only for my messages to be ignored like a true beta.

 

Question: Should I just put her straight?

 

I've been reading here long enough to have this voice in my head going - "have a bit of self respect!".

 

In that vein, should I just send her a message to put her straight? That no one deserves such disrespect, that I am no longer going to do this anymore, a parting few words of advice, and wish her the very best in life?

 

The pros would be that I could re-establish self-confidence and self-respect in her eyes, to let her know that she can no longer control me and have me as a fall-back, instead of waiting only to ignore her when she comes back (which also helps potential reconciliation - although I probably am hesitant at this point as I never expected she could be this heartless after 6 years, especially if she is capable of meeting someone else while still being together), and also on my end for lack of a better way of putting things, take my dignity and balls back.

 

The cons as far as I see are none, as I just broke NC a few days ago and it really wouldn't be changing my recovery and in fact maybe improve my mental state as setting her straight is probably the only thing left for me to do, but wondering what you guys and girls think?

 

Grateful for any guidance! :bunny:

 

Finally, for all you Top Gun fans out there, some love:

Edited by LostThatLovinFeeling
hunk Established Member

hunk

Posted
Posted

You must understand that your current mental state and outlook compared to hers right now could not be any more opposed. She quite frankly, does not care. She isn't racking her mind over how to handle things, how to talk to you, what you might be thinking etc in the same way you are. She is relieved and happy the relationship is over and she's spending time with a new man. She doesn't care about your feelings or emotional state or "what could've been" etc at all. Women mentally check out weeks if not months before they finally end a relationship, and when they pull that trigger you mean less to them than the dirt on the bottom of their shoe. She's totally done. ANY and I mean ANY contact from you communicates the same message to her - you're needy and hung up on her. She isn't listening to you and doesn't care what you're telling her, nothing you say will change her perspective of you for the better or make you look stronger in her eyes - it will do the exact opposite and further solidify the conception she has that she holds all the power over you.

 

You want to contact her again as a means to potentially change her mind regarding you and have her come back. You're in the shock, denial and bargaining phases all wrapped up in one. You must delete her from your life and accept she has essentially died, you will never speak to her again and you can never have what you had with her ever again.

 

Stone cold NC.

  • Like 3
Pete2304 Established Member

Pete2304

Posted
Posted

She may well get in touch one day out of the blue be that in a week or even months down the line. You'll think its Xmas and birthday all rolled into one but just from the tone of your post it's clear to see that in your heart you know it's over. Sorry it's happened to you but you know.

  • Like 1
whatnot Established Member

whatnot

Posted
Posted (edited)

Listen...as far as "set her straight" is concerned. She doesn't need that. As far as she's concerned, she's already straight. It's YOU that never got "set straight".

 

I feel for ya man. I know the dilemma

 

di·lem·ma

[diˈlemə, dīˈlemə]

 

NOUN

a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally undesirable ones:

"the people often face the dilemma of feeding themselves or their cattle"

synonyms: quandary · predicament · Catch-22 · vicious circle · [more]

a difficult situation or problem:

"the insoluble dilemma of adolescence"

synonyms: quandary · predicament · Catch-22 · vicious circle · [more]

logic

an argument forcing an opponent to choose either of two unfavorable alternatives.

 

 

 

OK....here's what I believe is going on with you. I believe you're pretty darn angry (I would've been more real but the mods would probably have deleted it, and well they should). You've been "bein' Mr. Nice Guy" ..... hasn't worked. Now? We'll try another angle. "I'll show her she's leavin' a real man"....or you're wanting to take your anger out on her.

 

 

Pick your poison. Either way....you're going to have to deal with the same emotions...the same pain...no matter what. There's no easy out. There's no "this way will be easier on me".

 

The rain's a comin'. You don't get your choice of raincoat or umbrella. The painful truth is....you get neither.

 

 

....and I was expecting some flying in that link. You're on my ____ list too.

Edited by whatnot
  • Like 1
Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted

You'd be wasting your time and effort on a cheater.

 

Go dark and block everything.

  • Like 1
whatnot Established Member

whatnot

Posted
Posted
You'd be wasting your time and effort on a cheater.

 

Go dark and block everything.

Better put
  • Like 1
Pete2304 Established Member

Pete2304

Posted
Posted

As ever it's never that simple. It may well be the best option but it's not going to happen.

 

We've all done it, tried the pleading approach, tried the stuff you approach and everything in between. Ultimately it comes down to whether or not a relationship really can be saved or not and this one I'm sorry to say sounds like it can't.

  • Like 1
Maldives Established Member

Maldives

Posted
Posted
Hello everyone!

 

Firstly I would like to thank everyone who has contributed here on LS. It is only through the sharing of your very personal stories here, that I have been able to cope slowly but surely with my own breakup that happened just a few months ago. :)

 

I am here posting here to share my story as well, in hopes that others can also take something from it as I have, and also for support and guidance as to what to do next.

 

Background

 

- Male 27, Female 25

- 6 year relationship

- First 4 years were together as college sweethearts, last 2 were LDR due to me completing a post-graduate course, with less than a year to go until finishing and being back by her side.

 

She has always been the sweetest type of girl. Slightly princessy but not spoilt, emotionally needy with a huge need for constant assurance but along the same vein immensely caring and loving towards others which is why I fell in love with her. Absolutely gorgeous, not in a hot but truly beautiful way, and way above my league.

 

I have been the steadfast boyfriend. Arguably romantic, and prone to big gestures. Some people say very intellectual and relatively successful - a workaholic, yet I always make time for her, for example speaking on Skype for an hour or two a day, and walking out of dinners just to speak to her until she falls asleep before rejoining for dessert.

 

We spent nearly every day together, and had a very loving relationship. Filled mutual acts of love, we spoke excitedly about our futures and our children's futures. We were of similar family backgrounds (for those in more eastern cultures this is important), generally good-natured people, and had very many similar interests. Most importantly, we genuinely cared for one another and I was going to propose to her once I returned from university.

 

In retrospect now, we always had communication issues which didn't portend well for a good marriage. I have terrible tone/facial expressions as a guy and the propensity to put things in a very frank sometimes hurtful way. She has always taken things personally and swept problems under a rug saying that I do not encourage her to share. We both knew this and were working every day to solve.

 

Like most relationships, there were ups and downs. One of these flash-points came about last Christmas, as I was helping her make her first sale of a financial policy to me (she just started working at a new company!), and in the pursuit of truth and because I am financially trained, I was probably too harsh in evaluating the merits of each policy, that she had a difficult time. I comforted her of course and we had an absolutely wonderful New Years together. I went back to university and things were all well, we still said I love you's and spoke sweet nothings to each other every night. She slowed communication until one day she said she was tired from work and didn't want to speak. Knowing something was wrong, I gave her time and send encouraging messages throughout the day. Two days of not texting back, she called crying to say that our relationship wasn't working, and suggested a break.

 

A Break

 

1. Needs time to "think" (her main focus)

2. Lack of intimacy

3. Lack of "sense of protection"

4. Worried about upcoming marriage and if she will be a priority over my work

 

I argued that it was the distance, and we could talk things out together. She asked for a break, citing the above reasons but also when I asked if, she let slip that she wanted to not feel guilty in seeing other people. I was like "Isn't a break and seeing other people a break-up then?" Surprised and in shock, I agreed to the break anyway, we promised each other that we would check in after 2 weeks. And so begins the ghosting.

 

Trying To Get Her Back

 

2 weeks later, I called and texted to check in, but she ignored me time and time again. Confused and wanting to work hard for the relationship, I took time off and the first flight back to her hometown on my own dime just to see her. I hand delivered massive flowers to her home, called her incessantly, and did all the crazy boyfriend things anyone can think of - even calling her best friends and said some terrible things about her and our relationship in grief.

 

Absolutely no response. So on the last day of my trip, I would surprise her in front of her gate at home - she drove right by me without even acknowledging me. This would have been the first time she would respond to my gestures in such a way, as always she was previously greatly touched. I returned back to university dejected and still not knowing what went wrong.

 

OM?

 

The moment I reached back to university, I was greeted by a call from one of my best friends to say that he spotted her twice the past month behaving very intimately (hugging and maybe kissing) during song and praise with an unknown male in church. I of course freaked and in shock messaged her with a passive aggressive message, wishing her the best in her new relationship, which a part of me genuinely felt.

 

She finally responded with a vengeance, accusing me over a long text of of never putting any trust in her (despite my absolute trust in her being one of the constant features throughout relationship), that I was delusional, stressed out and crazy. I apologised profusely and said that she shouldn't be with me if I was so stressed out (yes I likely got gaslighted), and she responded by thanking me and saying that we would talk only when both of us were ready - then silence again. :(

 

Contact

 

More than a month after our initial break and month after my visit, she called me early in the morning. Not expecting her call, I picked up. She explained she was calling because she didn't want to be "that girl that leaves you hanging" and then just gave me the exact same reasons as she did before, in a way trying to justify her decision and saying that while she didn't want to change the person I was, she hopes I would become a better person, and lead a less stressful life.

 

Bear in mind that I've always been in the more steadfast one, not necessarily better than her, but I hold to certain values of responsibility, truth and doing things right, despite the circumstances. So I took the opportunity to apologise for the terrible things I said to her friends, how things turned out, and thanked her for the good times. Pretty good considering, until I let slip that my family felt cheated and disappointed by her actions. As my family was very important to her, she couldn't think of anything else, and there the conversation ended.

 

Fulfilling My Promises or Beta Bull****

 

That was nearly a month ago now, and I have had no contact from her.

 

Good things that has happened include me taking the time to read again and finding my self of self, exercising, and also taking dance lessons which I've always wanted to do but didn't because I was in a relationship.

 

On the other hand, bad things, somethings I find it hard to work, and I have found every excuse to twice now break my NC to do something very meaningful and special for her, telling myself that I am still the same person who holds true to his words/promises and that a breakup doesn't change that fact.

 

Once was before our call, I spent days making a gift relating to a major milestone in her brother's life whom I love dearly and have talked with him about since the day I met him. Another just recently, relating to one of the first promises I made in our relationship, which we have for a long time not been able to solve, I have only last week finally able to figure out and fulfil. Both times alongside the surprise I sent her long messages just to express my care for her and regard for her happiness, that regardless of our outcome I'm glad that we were finally able to do these nice things, only for my messages to be ignored like a true beta.

 

Question: Should I just put her straight?

 

I've been reading here long enough to have this voice in my head going - "have a bit of self respect!".

 

In that vein, should I just send her a message to put her straight? That no one deserves such disrespect, that I am no longer going to do this anymore, a parting few words of advice, and wish her the very best in life?

 

The pros would be that I could re-establish self-confidence and self-respect in her eyes, to let her know that she can no longer control me and have me as a fall-back, instead of waiting only to ignore her when she comes back (which also helps potential reconciliation - although I probably am hesitant at this point as I never expected she could be this heartless after 6 years, especially if she is capable of meeting someone else while still being together), and also on my end for lack of a better way of putting things, take my dignity and balls back.

 

The cons as far as I see are none, as I just broke NC a few days ago and it really wouldn't be changing my recovery and in fact maybe improve my mental state as setting her straight is probably the only thing left for me to do, but wondering what you guys and girls think?

 

Grateful for any guidance! :bunny:

 

Finally, for all you Top Gun fans out there, some love:

 

The question u have to ask uemreself is why would u wanna be wth someone that doesn't wanna be wth u?

 

Ur story is similar to mine dude together 6 yrs apart for 2 ldr when I moved interstate for a bwater life she followed. In my case and thank God I didn't where in our 40s I went NC after 2 or 3 attempts until she made it very clear it was over she gave me the i love u but I'm not in love wth u wich translates to she cheated lol. Anyway you can read my recent thread if you want more details.

 

Nothing u say or do wil make her come back in fact all u can do is not want her I don't know why u would want someone back that cheated on u she's probably most likely going to do it again and can u really trust her? After many yrs of chasing these woman or not chasing her actions speak louder than her words. It's ur call at the end of the day it's hard no doubt about it a break up after 6 yrs. She's done it in a pretty cowardly way waited till she had someone rather break up and be her on her own. Again why would either me or u wanna be wth someone like that. It's time to take ur balls back dude and let her go.

 

"One man's junk is another man's treasure"

  • Like 1
fromheart Established Member

fromheart

Posted
Posted

The golden rule when she dumps is to never, ever beg , plead or anything like that. If you know your game, you know that the battle may be lost but the war is not over. Dwell on the battle, and the war will be lost.

 

The last girl who dumped me, is still expressing an interest in me and I'm still turning her down.

 

Never, ever chase. She wants time apart, you back away completely and consider it over. Even if you get back, the chances are that she'll want time apart again as now she has seen that she can get away with it.

  • Like 1
fromheart Established Member

fromheart

Posted
Posted

The golden rule when she dumps is to never, ever beg , plead or anything like that. If you know your game, you know that the battle may be lost but the war is not over. Dwell on the battle, and the war will be lost.

 

(Double post, sorry.)

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

This is going to sound harsh, but I am writing it with the view of helping you save face. That message is very much a beta move.

 

Thing is, she will simply roll her eyes at the message and think you pathetic. Thing is, there are few things more pathetic than an ex coming back to give advice and to tell you how your behaviour was wrong.

 

If you want to be alpha, do as an alpha would do. Go stone cold and block her from contacting you in any way, shape or form. Be strong.

  • Like 1
nowhereboy Member

nowhereboy

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry but I'm sick to death of all this Alpha and Beta rubbish on here.

 

I can't stand this idea that someone who once wanted all your love, commitment and energy now see's exactly the same behavior as "needy" and "Beta" just because there feelings have changed. Was it needy and beta to love them when you where in the relationship too?

 

People just spout the same thing on here over and over as if one size fits all and one answer fits every question.

 

Life isn't so black and white.

 

Sorry for the rant.

  • Like 2
nowhereboy Member

nowhereboy

Posted
Posted

Forgot to add my opinion about letters etc.

 

If the person receiving the letter still has doubt, or feelings for you letters can work.

 

The only time a person is going to roll there eyes and feel turned off by a letter is if they have zero feelings for you and no doubt in mind about their decision.

 

I once received a letter from an ex, I didn't think she was desperate or needy. I gave the time to read her thoughts and replied to help give her the closure that she needed. This is because I'm a nice guy and not made of stone.

  • Like 1
  • Author
LostThatLovinFeeling New Member

LostThatLovinFeeling

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Thanks everyone... So many different perspectives which I appreciate, while sometimes painful to recognise, they all ring true. One common thread is definitely to stone cold NC her even if she comes back, so I'll definitely listen to you guys. Though I would be interested to know if everyone else has the same opinion, and if there is anyone that differs?

 

She clearly doesn't care, I now see that. I still find it hard to believe given our history, but like hunk put it perfectly I seem now to be "less than the dirt on her shoe", and that she has moved on and checked out of the relationship much earlier than I have: she used to be super-close to my mom, who loved her like a daughter, and she visited my mom every holiday to celebrate, independent of our relationship. Interestingly enough in the weeks leading up to the break, my mom now just realised that she did not even wish her for the holidays anymore, not even a message either. :confused:

 

Nowhereboy you're right. Hahaha what you did for your ex is so nice - you're a good person to reply. Indeed if she does have any feelings for me, she would have been touched - she always has been touched (and beta actions wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, because otherwise most romance would be). But not this time, she in fact hates me for doing so, and I think why is because like fromheart said, that battle truly lost; my mistake was just holding on to hope and not knowing it was lost from the start.

 

I had a lot of thought about this, and maybe a more nuanced view - that "beta" actions are only valuable from presupposed "alphas", which is what separates creepy from sweet, much like how gentlemanliness and restraint can only mean something coming from a position of being able to do violence. I've clearly lost this "alpha" position after 6 years, and therefore like basil67, Pete2304, whatnot, Marc878 and Goodguy05 said, I just need to recognise she's a coward and cheater, recognise that I do not owe her any help, and just go stone cold NC like any self-respecting person would, for anything I say even if its that I won't bother with her will come across as bitter; also if I send a final statement, it reduces any potential uncertainty about what is going on in my life, making me too available even then.

 

I just had a dream last night of us being happy, and I just woke up feeling terrible again. Backslided on my recovery clearly, lets hope I get back to where I was before. My first relationship and breakup, so finding my way.

Edited by LostThatLovinFeeling
Pisipoisu Member

Pisipoisu

Posted
Posted

Dude you sound like a really smart guy. Your post was very well formulated and easy to read. Really a rarity amongst most of the posts here. Altho your relationship was much longer I can still relate, because my ex-gf also "started" up with another guy a few weeks after the breakup and is really cold towards me no. Was in LC the first month. Then went NC for 2 months, broke it(yeah stupid me) were in contact every day for a few weeks and she suddenly started ignoring me again, so off to NC again. It's been 4.5months now after the breakup, and I can slowly feel myself getting better. There are times when I feel really great, almost invincible and I wish it wouldn't go away but the next morning there's sadness again, but one day at a time ;)

 

I also think that the last message wouldn't do anything good. It would feel like just another reason for you to contact her. I know it's probably the most said thing on LS, but go NC. If she could end it and move on with another guy so quickly then even tho she might have said and done a lot of loving things just before the BU, she was actually emotionally detached already.

 

You are very rational about your situation and I believe you'll do amazing if you focus on you and know your worth. Best of luck bud!

  • Like 1
keiji Established Member

keiji

Posted
Posted

 

The cons as far as I see are none

 

I do see one. The way you phrase this, it sounds like you think it is your last chance at getting her back. Let's suppose that you send that message in which you show strength and determination, a "enough is enough, if you want to be with me, I'm here but won't chase you anymore" kind of message. And then all you get for an answer is silence. How will you feel? Will you resort to "sweet guy-mode" again and give it another try, really the last try this time?

 

Believe me, because I've been there before: it won't work. If she ever wants to rekindle your relationship, she'll reach out and will state her intentions very clearly. She hasn't even been responsive to your previous messages, so giving her an ultimatum, no matter how subtle, will be fruitless and you'll end up feeling like an idiot. Like the biggest idiot on earth, to be more precise. I did this a little over a year ago and I still cringe when I think about it.

 

You sound like a very mature guy with (as we say around this parts) a very well-furnished head. You're both very young too, and she probably wants to try new things before she fully commits to someone and buys the whole wedding-house-kids package. Why don't you take this as a great opportunity to explore new things too? I know it hurts a lot now, but there's a world out there and you've been tied to someone from a very young age. When my ex-wife left me after 9 years together, the pain was incredible, but in the horizon there was always the hope that life was giving me another chance to live it to the fullest. And boy, did it happen.

  • Like 3
  • Author
LostThatLovinFeeling New Member

LostThatLovinFeeling

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hey all - updates about the breakup.

 

So the people very close to me who helped me through the breakup already knew what was happening, but I recently started opening up to more people about it, as I had to go public with the breakup eventually, and man was I in for a surprise.

 

Things started coming out of the woodwork about her; just yesterday I heard she maintained that she was single in public, even in our second year together, and when I was living in her room most of the time;

 

There was this guy who tried to kiss her, but only after speaking with that guy's best friend that I now know she actually told him that she was single and was leading him on (probably as an orbiter), that after I saw her messages he sent her and spoke to her about it, he said that "he is just a friend" and I just assumed she was naive. That she has also flirted with others and used endearments generally reserved for me when we were first dating.

 

Dodged a bullet here. I can't help but feel that the love indeed was real, as you don't stay with someone for 6 years and live together without actually being happy about some things, but the fact that she was emotionally weak, needed validation and had no boundaries was a firm deal-breaker for me, and being public about our breakup finally helped me understand that.

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