In NC for 1 Month - Breadcrumbs?

[ctlfbtl]

Will keep it short and to the point, but looking to gauge people's opinions on what to think of this and whether it will materialise into anything or just take it as breadcrumbs.

 

- 3 Year Relationship, first real relationship for both and both lost virginity to each other, said we would be together forever etc etc, went a bit toxic and on/off in nature!

 

- ex-gf finishes me and accuses me of cheating on her for replying to my sisters friend on SC (I would never cheat and never had that intention) so felt like an excuse for her to use to get out of relationship.

 

- got back from a weekend away which I put my heart and soul into making things right.

 

- I went a bit crazy and signed her email up for a load of things (not proud of it but heat of the moment)

 

- She blocked me so began NC and left it two weeks, sent her a lovely letter basically not apologising but telling her I wish she understood me (She was very insecure) and trusted me and I accepted her change in circumstances (New Job/New Friend Group). She phoned me up crying upon receiving letter, left a voicemail saying she loved me and wished me all the best in life; then she turned aggressive when I ignored her calls and she blocked me again.

 

- Three weeks later she tried calling me at 5am, presumably on the way home from a night out, which I ignored. Then the Monday after she tries calling me on her way to work, which I ignore, then in the evening she starts texting and calling and her texts went exactly like this with the whole ordeal lasting 9 minutes;

"Hope that you're okay"

"Best wishes! I will always love you"

"Please reply"

"FINE ROT IN HELL"

 

So currently stand here 5 weeks since Breakup, 3 weeks of NC since I sent the letter. I mistakenly sent her a drunk text on Saturday night and it turns out she had me blocked again so never received it. She seems to have me blocked off everything. Been reading online and ignored her every time to ensure it has been a minimum 30 days since I contact her again.

 

What do people think about her anger turning so quickly when I don't reply? Why does she seem to have me blocked and only talk on her terms? Do people think she will unblock and try contact me again? Do people think she only tried to contact again because she felt lonely after the night out or is it just breadcrumbs or does she mean it when she says she always loves me?

 

It's really difficult but I really love this girl with all my heart, but I'm not prepared to chase after her and be there as a backup option. How do I play this going forward? Am I right to keep it NC from my side or should I just block her forever and try move on!

Edited April 18, 2017 by ctlfbtl
make clear

[ctlfbtl]

Quick bump to the top, could really do with the advice guys!

[Maldives]

Will keep it short and to the point, but looking to gauge people's opinions on what to think of this and whether it will materialise into anything or just take it as breadcrumbs.

 

- 3 Year Relationship, first real relationship for both and both lost virginity to each other, said we would be together forever etc etc, went a bit toxic and on/off in nature!

 

- ex-gf finishes me and accuses me of cheating on her for replying to my sisters friend on SC (I would never cheat and never had that intention) so felt like an excuse for her to use to get out of relationship.

 

- got back from a weekend away which I put my heart and soul into making things right.

 

- I went a bit crazy and signed her email up for a load of things (not proud of it but heat of the moment)

 

- She blocked me so began NC and left it two weeks, sent her a lovely letter basically not apologising but telling her I wish she understood me (She was very insecure) and trusted me and I accepted her change in circumstances (New Job/New Friend Group). She phoned me up crying upon receiving letter, left a voicemail saying she loved me and wished me all the best in life; then she turned aggressive when I ignored her calls and she blocked me again.

 

- Three weeks later she tried calling me at 5am, presumably on the way home from a night out, which I ignored. Then the Monday after she tries calling me on her way to work, which I ignore, then in the evening she starts texting and calling and her texts went exactly like this with the whole ordeal lasting 9 minutes;

"Hope that you're okay"

"Best wishes! I will always love you"

"Please reply"

"FINE ROT IN HELL"

 

So currently stand here 5 weeks since Breakup, 3 weeks of NC since I sent the letter. I mistakenly sent her a drunk text on Saturday night and it turns out she had me blocked again so never received it. She seems to have me blocked off everything. Been reading online and ignored her every time to ensure it has been a minimum 30 days since I contact her again.

 

What do people think about her anger turning so quickly when I don't reply? Why does she seem to have me blocked and only talk on her terms? Do people think she will unblock and try contact me again? Do people think she only tried to contact again because she felt lonely after the night out or is it just breadcrumbs or does she mean it when she says she always loves me?

 

It's really difficult but I really love this girl with all my heart, but I'm not prepared to chase after her and be there as a backup option. How do I play this going forward? Am I right to keep it NC from my side or should I just block her forever and try move on!

 

My ex use to behave and say those type of things with me evened worse actually. It's actually them trying to regain a sense of control meaning they deal very badly with being rejected. What does it mean? Not a lot. I'm the end my ex dumped me after 6 years she wouldn't have a bar of anything in the end cold as ice. So take it for what it is a power play

[Maldives]

I should add when a break up us initiated one or both of you are going to guarded and wanting to be in control again. You see how that plays out not very well lol. It's normal people in there 40'somewhere even behave like this i know I'm one of em. Did she break it's not very clear? What to do lol thats a hard one. If it's what I like to call a minor tiff or breakup it takes 2 to wanna make it work don't forget that. There's a power play with couple it's how well you both handle that which may determine reconciling me and my ex broke up plenty of times a lot of the times she chased. In the end too much go fighting isn't goofor. What am I trying to say lol thats a good question that it needs 2 of you to make it work.

[EmilyJane]

I should add when a break up us initiated one or both of you are going to guarded and wanting to be in control again. You see how that plays out not very well lol. It's normal people in there 40'somewhere even behave like this i know I'm one of em. Did she break it's not very clear? What to do lol thats a hard one. If it's what I like to call a minor tiff or breakup it takes 2 to wanna make it work don't forget that. There's a power play with couple it's how well you both handle that which may determine reconciling me and my ex broke up plenty of times a lot of the times she chased. In the end too much go fighting isn't goofor. What am I trying to say lol thats a good question that it needs 2 of you to make it work.

 

Paragraphs! You give such good advice and then don't use paragraphs!

 

I think he's right.

 

Plus I think she's also feeling vulnerable and rejected by you not replying. I think she's missing you hard and giving into impulse. So to her you not replying is rejection. And she feels weak and unimportant and powerless so she regains her sense of pride by lashing out.

[ctlfbtl]

Thanks all for your replies so far, please keep them coming as I take a lot of comfort in hearing other peoples thoughts and experiences.

 

She was the one who finished me because she saw an Instagram post of me playing a Playstation game with the long-term boyfriend of the girl she thought I was cheating on her with, ridiculous I know.

 

She always had problems with my sister, I'm not sure her reasons but they use to argue all the time and my ex was so bothered about her opinion it literally felt like 3 of us in the relationship.

 

As it stands, all my family dislike like her, mainly because she use to shout and get angry at me and she finished me while I'm currently into my final few weeks of university. I don't think she has it in her to apologise and put it right with the people she has upset which is one factor preventing me.

 

She knows full well that I was putting every last bit of effort into sorting our relationship before she decided to finish it, and she recognised this. I really feel like her new friends had it in for me and were trying to push her away from me. But I know this time I can give her everything she wanted if she contacted me again (And she was willing to work towards what I want).

 

But as I stand at this moment. NC has helped in that I've stopped manually searching her Twitter and looking for what she is doing, but being sat about waiting for her text at the moment is tough.

 

The frustrating part is that I've been offered two phenomenal jobs both which require me to move abroad, and I sort of wanted to discuss it with her but I know that it will really upset her.

 

My plan is not to contact her and wait until she contacts me again and then engage with her then, but this may never happen, but I guess if she finished me that's all I can do.

 

Do people think I'm playing this right or am I just prolonging my own terrible heartache?

Edited April 19, 2017 by ctlfbtl
changed word

[EmilyJane]

Stay NC.

 

You have good job offered abroad, don't even think of letting her have contact with you or she will be messing up your head in a way that means you miss out on opportunities.

 

There will be other non shouty nasty women.

 

This one is not a keeper and will absolutely mess up your future if you let her back in.

 

My advice is to do nc properly and actually block her on social media and your phone.

[Altair0770]

If you move she'll be blowing up your cell phone. She ended it with you correct? She has no right to know if you move or not - that was her choice when she ended the relationship. She is an ex, by her choice. She doesn't get to know anything. It's none of her business.

 

I'd say continue NC. Don't wait 30 days. If you move she'll likely blow up your phone. I wouldn't contact her at all until you've fully moved on from her, especially if you move. It'll only cause more drama and not reconciliation imo.

[ctlfbtl]

Thanks all, it's a tough one as the NC is sort of out my hands at the minute as she has me blocked from everything. I've had her blocked off everything also except for her phone number.

 

Forgot to mention that after it finished all her friends were tweeting things about me etc which sort of proves they were after me. Immaturity at it's finest.

 

I sort of feel that I want her to chase me, I don't know if that's a bit immature but I got feelings towards the end that she didn't care and I sort of want her to prove me wrong with it.

 

As mentioned before, I'll keep doing what I'm doing and wait and see if she reaches out, if not then I can try moving on. But I do feel like I'm prolonging the heartache for myself.

[Marc878]

It happens. From what you posted you didn't lose much. Leave this one alone. You can do better.

 

Your family saw thru her. Time you reflected back on that

[ctlfbtl]

The fact she got me blocked, do people reckon she is doing this knowingly so she can unblock me and contact when it suits her or just part of power play?

 

Yeah, I think the fact it's my first real relationship and first real breakup I don't have anything to compare it against and hence why I'm finding it so difficult.