What am I supposed to do

[iNaddy]

Hi, everyone!

 

I'm new here and I'd like to share something. But first I would like to apologize, it's going to be a long story and my English is bad, I'm not good at it, please try to understand every word if possible. Thank you

 

June 2011, when I was in college, I had met a girl, she was 17 y/o a freshman and I was 20, a graduating student.

She's a working student, working with her cousin running a business and I'm this easy go lucky basketball guy.

It took me several months to win her heart. She's this kind of girl that is hard to deal with, hard to talk with, she got a few words,

shy, but she's one of a kind. She's so cute, so lovely, she's amazing and she got everything I want.

 

I do love her and respect her, It started on Dec. 01, 2011, her 18th birthday and the same time our anniversary

Our relationship took 4 years and a couple of months, We sometimes fight but I knew we were so happy back then.

Even since the day I met her I started to love her, she felt in love with me too.

like other relationship, it was on-off rel. the first was in March 2012 when she was afraid that she might be caught with her family, her family was kinda strict,

doesn't want her to get into a relationship, she needs to study first. 3 days we were back then and I told her not to be afraid and at least we would try.

We hide our relationship to her family, we only met at school. It's hard to us coz we don't even have enough time to talk to each other personally,

can't even get her home, did not but to stare at her waiting for a ride to come.

 

When I graduated things got even more challenging, I need to find a job and need to leave her at school. She didn't want me to go to other cities

coz she was afraid and she's going to miss me. Me too, I felt the same so I decided to stay home and work online, got a business of making software, I am a programmer, working online.

But time passed by, I started getting worried about her, she got cold, got plenty of words, seems like she was avoiding me.

I know I had plenty of time to talk with her and I need to change my schedules to make it more to her. So I decided to stop my job, find another that made me closer to her.

 

As I'm about to do it, she called me, asking about "how am I doing, what's our status", ofc without any hesitation I told her I'm fine, I found another job and I'm not going to go anywhere

coz I will be staying closer to her and see her anytime we'd like. I don't how she feels but she cried, she said "Sorry but there was this guy she used to talk with and like her".

I said it's fine, just leave him alone but she refused. It's all bcoz they're already in a relationship. At first, I could believe, I hanged up the phone and never talk to her. She keeps calling but I refused to answer. I dunno what to do or where I go until I decided to talk to her and tell her everything, I was so disappointed that time at the same time

blaming myself coz I got busy with my job. I let her go, they spent dating together.

There were times that I saw them walking together, there was one time

I was eating in a restaurant alone on a table and on the other side table they were together. I don't know I just ignored them even though it hurts.

December 2013 she texts saying how she wish we were together, that this guy's she's with is me, she wants me back she missed me.

I know I want it but Still, the pain is in me, I forgive her but its just that I'm not ready so I told her I miss her too but I want her to focus on her current relationship. Even though it hurts.

 

Since then she keeps calling me, we talked, she's finding a way to get to see me. I love her since we were together, I gave a chance, she left the guy and we were back together.

I got a new job offer in another city, it's about 100 miles away 4-5 hours, not that far though. I decided not to take it, I'm not going to leave her not until she graduated.

 

2015 after her graduation it came to the point that I need to work, we talked about it, we bought agreed. We need to take the risk again but promise ourselves that

what happened from the past will not be happening again, we need to work together. It's like as simple as that.

 

The First few months while 100 miles apart, things were okay, doing well. We talked every night.

I called her every night to get her to sleep, she used to it and she called me every morning to wake me up and not to be late for my work.

When I had a time I traveled 5 hours just to have Lunch with her and went back 5 hours again to go back to work. I need to do this and that

just to give her time and much attention. Things were really okay.

 

Until there came to the point that there's a GUY, a guy that her cousin's family wanted her to be with. Her cousin's family knew about us but we didn't see each other yet.

We talked about it and she said it's going to be okay, it's just a guy, nothing important. Even though I caught their conversation and read everything on it and I know it's not just an ordinary conversation,

I read some sweet words. The guy is courting her and she still manages to entertain him even if we are still in a relationship.

 

Every time I asked her about it, she just keeps telling me that it's nothing, she denies even though I already knew.

I believed in her when she said but I doubt. But I need to trust her Bcoz I love her. April 2016 she's on and off, I don't understand her but I keep reaching her. There were times she refuses

to talk to me coz as she said she got of things to do and tired. Ofc I understand her, coz even I got tired of coz of work.

It took a month not talked that much, she went home to her real family. And I told her I want to go there, she finds with it so I planned everything

got my leave approved and went on a vacation to her hometown with her family. As I got there I was really amazed, so happy, her family accepted me, welcomed me.

 

Things really really gone well. But as we were going somewhere I got into his phone, I got a chance to see its content and everything. Inbox was okay, it's just our conversation and other things.

But when I opened his Messenger she acted weird and worried. I wonder why so I decided to open it and Boom I saw their conversation with this GUY she said nothing.

 

Its weird coz she said it was nothing, she said she's not even trying to talk to him, avoiding him but what I saw and read was all about their plans, that someday they will be going

somewhere together, they just have to wait for the right time to do it. sweet words, even I love you and Iloveyoutoo were there sorry I don't know how to say it. haha.

 

I dunno but I was hurt, it's just nothing, it's like they're having an affair, so I talk to this GUY, I was mad. She also said Sorry but She does LOVE ME. She promised me not to do it

again and she will block this guy from now on. I forgave her, but I couldn't forget. But during my 10 days of stay in their place, things were really okay, we were so happy.

 

I went home, she even cried when I left, she wanted me to stay but I need to go back bcoz I need to work.

After few days, she also went back to her cousin's house she also needs to work. I don't want her to do that bcoz I knew what will happen, when she was there she couldn't do

well, she couldn't decide on her own she need needs to follow her cousin's instructions and this and that and

I'm afraid that things might go back together about this guy. I asked her to please not to do it again and she agreed and promised me she wouldn't.

But then again it happened, and this time really bad, they go on dating. There are just hiding.

She has no idea that I could access to his accounts. There I could freely read their conversations, exchange selfies,

etc, etc. I was so naive, I was so stupid I let her to these things.

But still, when I tried to asked her about this guy she just keeps saying she wasn't talking to him, only when they have some activities in the house or a party or whatever.

Until it came to the point the I started freaking out, I got mad, every time she's not talking to me I got mad, every time she missed a call from me I got mad.

 

Things became so different, coz I acted like it wasn't me, Always got mad but I hungry of her attention.

All bcoz I started being so needy, so possessive, and depressed. It got worst, we fight and fight, she said I don't have trust on her, blah blah and everything

until it ended up on a breakup. August 2016 we broke up, things wasn't right, I feel so depressed.

She told me that Iv changed, she couldn't understand me, she said she needs time, she needs to find herself, she wanted me to change my attitude also and so on.

But she keeps texting me, I was really hurt that, I don't know what to do, I struggled a lot. I can't think well, All I know is I want her back, I desperately want her back.

She doesn't want me to go away, every time I called her she answer and talk to me. She still wants me to do the things we used to do, like calling her before she went to sleep.

The only thing that change is our status, but we still fighting, blaming each other and that. Until it came to the point that I need to be strong and make myself happy.

 

I met other people, went to some places, did some adventures, did the things the I didn't usually do. It made her jealous, she saw my post on my FB with other people

hanging out, she saw my pictures climbing mountains and other stuff. I did these for myself to forget the pain and enjoy life.

After 3 weeks of NC things doing well for me, she texted me first on New Year's eve she sent me greetings, she said she got jealous of me that is doing well, she said

that I blocked her on my FB and this and that. I was wondering I did I blocked her, I said to her I did not, only to find out that this GUY got a change to her phone

opened his account and block me on her FB. Only to find out that they were actually also having sometimes while I'm on an NC Stage.

 

But I didn't really mind it, ofc I still love her and I want her back. I started calling her again like we used to, she seems okay with that.

I told her I want her back, it's told her it's not going to be okay but I will wait for the time. But this times its different, coz I don't own her and I don't

know whether to win or that GUY could take her. We seeing each other more often, talking and everything was alright.

She said she want to give me a change, I was so happy that time but still I'm afraid coz I know things were different.

It came to the point that she notice something, she asked me If I knew her passwords and everything, I never said a word. I know I did wrong, I really wanted to tell her but

I was waiting for the time she cools down, she was very mad that time.

 

I took me 3 days to talk to her again and I was able to tell her everything. But its seems like she's avoiding me, she not having an interest in me.

I asked her Why she said it's for the better. I got confused and something wasn't really nice. I asked her about this GUY, she never said a word I keep asking and asking feeling worried about her answer but I need to know. Until she said YES, she's in a relationship with a guy.

I couldn't believe it, I could accept it, it happened on March 20 something up until now I still feel the same. I don't know what to do or where to go.

I could accept the truth, the guy that we used to argue with over a year, that freaks me out.

 

The guy that she said Nothing is the Guy she's dating with now.

I don't know what to do, I keep blaming myself for everything that happened, I could sleep,

All I know is I love her so much and I want her back.

I became so needy, so desperate to get her back, I'm so obsessed.

I couldn't even lift myself up. What happened 6 months ago, the pain the struggle its nothing compared to what I really felt these days.

I need some encouragement, I was so broke and don't know what to do, I love her so much. It's all my fault.

Please tell me what to do, Thank you! And sorry for it took so long, and couldn't express my thoughts coz honestly this time I'm still crying.

[d0nnivain]

This girl has had you dangling on a string for 6 long years. You are her plaything, her back up plan, old faithful, where she goes when she needs an ego boost because you put up with so much nonsense from her.

 

 

You are a computer programmer so I will try to put this in language you understand. She introduced a Trojan horse into your programming that lets her in when she feels like it, even as you want to keep her from continuing to hurt you. You have to clean this mal-ware off your heart. She will never be the faithful loving girl you want.

 

 

Delete her permanently & move on.

[Ronnys93]

This girl has had you dangling on a string for 6 long years. You are her plaything, her back up plan, old faithful, where she goes when she needs an ego boost because you put up with so much nonsense from her.

 

 

You are a computer programmer so I will try to put this in language you understand. She introduced a Trojan horse into your programming that lets her in when she feels like it, even as you want to keep her from continuing to hurt you. You have to clean this mal-ware off your heart. She will never be the faithful loving girl you want.

 

 

Delete her permanently & move on.

 

It's sad that this is the truth, but this was beautiful written.

[whatnot]

Oh Naddy.....my heart breaks for you. I know how you feel Naddy. 6 long years. It just rips my heart out. THE TRUTH.....she's no good for you. She WILL continue to hurt you until she's gone forever. She WILL continue to blame YOU. YOU ARE ALREADY BLAMING YOURSELF.

 

STOP THAT! RIGHT NOW NANNY! STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!

 

 

I always said, my ex wife and I had one thing in common....We both believed I was no good.

 

 

 

Stay away from this woman Naddy. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS. (I know it's hard when you love someone. But....she's untrustworthy).

 

Without trust, YOU HAVE NOTHING. And there is no trust in this relationship. And...I'm sorry to say....there will never be. This woman IS USING YOU MANNY. She is using you. Go write that on the chalk board 500 times. "THIS WOMAN IS USING ME"

 

 

I don't care what she says. I don't care how many times she cries. I don't care how many times she apologizes. Cut that cancer out of your life.

[whatnot]

YOU WOULD NOT HAVE GONE THROUGH THAT PHONE IF YOU DID NOT ALREADY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON. you would not have. You just would not have.

[iNaddy]

Thank you, guys!

Thank you for the replies.

 

5 days ago she texted me she said she's going to block me on FB, she will delete me on her contacts, she wanted to let go of me bcoz she doesn't want me to get hurt.

I just replied It's okay if she goes and let go of me, I told her she did it I'm not going to pursue her. She just replied me with a Sad emoticon.

 

I noticed she didn't really blocked me, so

Right now I'm in NC again for 3 days, deactivated my FB account, trying everything not to think of them, lost my appetite, can't do things very well, even when I went toilet they still came into my mind. It's hard really, I love her so much.

But still, It's hard to forget, forgive and accept what happened.

[d0nnivain]

You have been through a lot so it will take time to heal.

 

 

You need to block her. You will be better off.

 

 

Good luck & best wishes.

[devilish innocent]

What you're feeling is completely normal. It will take time to heal.

 

The good news is that now you are moving on. She was never the right person. Even if she had stopped seeing other guys, it would have only been temporary. She obviously doesn't value honesty. There was no reason to trust her once you knew she had lied to you on more than one occasion. If you had stayed, you would have just kept getting lied to. You should have walked away years ago, and the pain would have been long gone by now. You will look back someday and see it as the folly of your youth. The beautiful thing is that this doesn't have to last for six more years. The pain you are going through right now is your path to moving on. Each day that you avoid her is a day that you are that much closer to a brighter future.