kel224 Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 I've (28, M) been talking with a woman (29) I met via a dating app for the past couple of weeks. I asked her out for coffee and she seemed excited, so I know she's at least somewhat interested in me too. I did a slightly creepy (yet probably common, haha) thing and found her on facebook (she has a unique name, easy to find). From her public profile, it looks like she's separated from her husband sometime in the past year. Maybe divorced, but she still has his last name on facebook. She's a graduate student; I know some women keep their married name if they've published with it for continuity on their resume. Of course I also wondered if she's just fooling around in her marriage, but she lives with friends/roommates now (according to her) which indicates she's at least separated. I'm wondering if I could be getting into trouble dating someone who's recently separated or divorced? I'm not good at being direct and asking a woman what she's looking for (serious or casual relationship), but I'd like to know if she's looking for a real relationship and if she's emotionally available for one. She hasn't volunteered this info to me, so I'm how I might be able to steer the conversation towards that topic?
atenuousdream Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 I would be extremely cautious. I just got out of something with a man who was fresh out of a relationship and it didn't end well. Now it could be she has resolved the issues and is ready to move on, but you don't know that. I think you're well within your rights to bring up the question of "When was your last serious relationship and how did it end?" if you guys continue to date, and if you know you're both looking for something serious. You don't want to be a rebound.. trust me. 1
Author kel224 Posted April 18, 2017 Author Posted April 18, 2017 Yea... I'm really cautious about being a rebound. I got burned pretty badly that way several years ago. I shouldn't put the cart before the horse since it's just a first date, but I want to make sure I don't get into that kind of situation again. I like your suggestion of just asking when/how her last relationship ended. I had a bad one ~6 months ago, and I know it can take a while for that dust to settle.
fromheart Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 I've (28, M) been talking with a woman (29) I met via a dating app for the past couple of weeks. I asked her out for coffee and she seemed excited, so I know she's at least somewhat interested in me too. I did a slightly creepy (yet probably common, haha) thing and found her on facebook (she has a unique name, easy to find). From her public profile, it looks like she's separated from her husband sometime in the past year. Maybe divorced, but she still has his last name on facebook. She's a graduate student; I know some women keep their married name if they've published with it for continuity on their resume. Of course I also wondered if she's just fooling around in her marriage, but she lives with friends/roommates now (according to her) which indicates she's at least separated. I'm wondering if I could be getting into trouble dating someone who's recently separated or divorced? I'm not good at being direct and asking a woman what she's looking for (serious or casual relationship), but I'd like to know if she's looking for a real relationship and if she's emotionally available for one. She hasn't volunteered this info to me, so I'm how I might be able to steer the conversation towards that topic? Never steer a woman towards the topic. Give her the freedom to come to you. To be honest, a recent divorcee might make a good FWB but she probably isn't in an ideal place for a relationship. What has she done to make you want to be in a relationship with her? Sounds like you're jumping the gun a bit.
coolheadal Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 Yea... I'm really cautious about being a rebound. I got burned pretty badly that way several years ago. I shouldn't put the cart before the horse since it's just a first date, but I want to make sure I don't get into that kind of situation again. I like your suggestion of just asking when/how her last relationship ended. I had a bad one ~6 months ago, and I know it can take a while for that dust to settle. Your smart dude you know already what to do? I say go for it. She carries the last name as most of them I've ran into before they feel a connection with the Ex. Some have middle and last name of the Ex husbands last name. Yet why because they want too. So forget it. Facebook it a world within a world. Why does everyone care what goes on there. She's on there so what. You haven't even gone on date with her yet. Go on the date use your clever wit and see how she reacts to your gestures. Test the waters of precious married woman. I have myself, because I too was married and now divorce, my case is different. To me married is it, you stay in it because you have what you wanted a good woman and everything. But that ivory tower can collapses like it did for me when she cheated. This woman you met you need to learn her body language and get into her inner mind. Once you do that then you know where you stand with her. Don't be afraid of any women. Grow some as they say be confident and have self-esteem values come one now get with it!
Simple Logic Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 I've (28, M) been talking with a woman (29) I met via a dating app for the past couple of weeks. I asked her out for coffee and she seemed excited, so I know she's at least somewhat interested in me too. I did a slightly creepy (yet probably common, haha) thing and found her on facebook (she has a unique name, easy to find). From her public profile, it looks like she's separated from her husband sometime in the past year. Maybe divorced, but she still has his last name on facebook. She's a graduate student; I know some women keep their married name if they've published with it for continuity on their resume. Of course I also wondered if she's just fooling around in her marriage, but she lives with friends/roommates now (according to her) which indicates she's at least separated. I'm wondering if I could be getting into trouble dating someone who's recently separated or divorced? I'm not good at being direct and asking a woman what she's looking for (serious or casual relationship), but I'd like to know if she's looking for a real relationship and if she's emotionally available for one. She hasn't volunteered this info to me, so I'm how I might be able to steer the conversation towards that topic? Nothing like a first date being full blown interrogation. 1
blockrockinbeat74 Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 I think you should stop wondering stuff about someone you haven't even met in person yet. Either you give her a chance to present her case face to face or you call it a day now based on what you think you know but I don't think you should delve much deeper into the life of total stranger.
smackie9 Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 This is why you go out on dates....to get to know one another. So simple...stop making assumptions and making things complicated. 3
carhill Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 I've (28, M) been talking with a woman (29) I met via a dating app for the past couple of weeks. I asked her out for coffee and she seemed excited, so I know she's at least somewhat interested in me too. Cool, no problem meeting up and see what's what. I did a slightly creepy (yet probably common, haha) thing and found her on facebook (she has a unique name, easy to find). From her public profile, it looks like she's separated from her husband sometime in the past year. Maybe divorced, but she still has his last name on facebook. Easy enough to check out if you want. Unless you live in a 20th century county, most divorce stuff is online now, case summaries anyway. Anyone could access ours by name and that was nearly a decade ago. Easy. Worth the time? IDK. Up to you. It's a date not a lifetime commitment. She's a graduate student; I know some women keep their married name if they've published with it for continuity on their resume. Of course I also wondered if she's just fooling around in her marriage, but she lives with friends/roommates now (according to her) which indicates she's at least separated. You'll know more after personal interaction. If you don't want to date married/LTR women, easy enough to suss out. However, if she's on her way out the door and it's typical in your demographic, another guy won't have any qualms about snatching her up if she's otherwise a good prospect. Spoils of victory go to the bold. I'm wondering if I could be getting into trouble dating someone who's recently separated or divorced? I'm not good at being direct and asking a woman what she's looking for (serious or casual relationship), but I'd like to know if she's looking for a real relationship and if she's emotionally available for one. She hasn't volunteered this info to me, so I'm how I might be able to steer the conversation towards that topic? Ask open ended questions. Anything with 'Why' or 'What do you think about' or 'How do you feel about', etc. Personally I wouldn't get into any relationship stuff at first meeting, mainly because I learned that women like to tell me their life stories Rather, focus on having a good time and seeing if there is any mutual attraction. If there is, plenty of time for 'how do you feel about relationships/marriage/divorce/kids', etc. Women who interviewed me during/after my divorce generally asked how I felt about being married. I found that pretty unobtrusive. YMMV.
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