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1 month no contact

Timpye

By Timpye
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Timpye Established Member

Timpye

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Hey dudes. I have managed to go no contact for a month, and all of a sudden its hit me like a rock. Miss them like crazy. I'm confident they feel the same way. They were the one that ended it so I know I need to stay in my shell just after some wise words.

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coledvids Established Member

coledvids

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Of course you'll miss them. But you've made it to a month which is excellent, you should be proud. Keep going.

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Timpye Established Member

Timpye

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Of course you'll miss them. But you've made it to a month which is excellent, you should be proud. Keep going.

 

Thanks bro, appreciate it

Altair0770 Established Member

Altair0770

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How do you know they miss you like crazy?

 

I don't want to take away from your achievement, but you shouldn't know they are missing you like crazy too. Unless it's the "6th sense". I know mine is missing me like crazy, but only because of a pattern when I was with her.

 

Some words of encouragement - it only gets easier from here on out. It only gets worse if you break NC.

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lovelymay Established Member

lovelymay

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Wow that's so good! Keep going on I know how hard it is!

I've reached 3 weeks without searching any contact. The hard thing for me is, he keeps checking my social media profiles. Now that I've blocked him on FB and unfollowed on Instagram I hope I can reach at least 30 days like you did! And yes I miss him too ?

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Timpye Established Member

Timpye

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How do you know they miss you like crazy?

 

I don't want to take away from your achievement, but you shouldn't know they are missing you like crazy too. Unless it's the "6th sense". I know mine is missing me like crazy, but only because of a pattern when I was with her.

 

Some words of encouragement - it only gets easier from here on out. It only gets worse if you break NC.

 

Was waiting for this and you're right, I don't know. And my no contact hasn't been 100% because I have been checking social media. Our break up wasn't a bad one, and ended with a mutual hope we could reconcile in the future, and from checking social media (fail I know) they have unnaturally been posting very regularly which to me is a sign they are struggling (could be completely wrong, shouldn't be reading into it, I know)

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Timpye Established Member

Timpye

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Wow that's so good! Keep going on I know how hard it is!

I've reached 3 weeks without searching any contact. The hard thing for me is, he keeps checking my social media profiles. Now that I've blocked him on FB and unfollowed on Instagram I hope I can reach at least 30 days like you did! And yes I miss him too ?

 

 

Congratulations to you. You have done one step better then me and blocked social media which i did not manage to do, keep up the good work.

Maldives Established Member

Maldives

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Was waiting for this and you're right, I don't know. And my no contact hasn't been 100% because I have been checking social media. Our break up wasn't a bad one, and ended with a mutual hope we could reconcile in the future, and from checking social media (fail I know) they have unnaturally been posting very regularly which to me is a sign they are struggling (could be completely wrong, shouldn't be reading into it, I know)

 

Could well be true

 

5 mths in for me my only crutch is i check there social media sometimes. My ex will from time to time make some posts public u can never assum3 but I feel it's directed at me lol I don't do anything on mine and she checks up on mine lol but I stopped doing that titanic for tat oh I'm so happy gam3 a few mths back she's continued Ifor u had to prove it obviously it's not the case

Ronnys93 Established Member

Ronnys93

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Thankfully my ex doesn't post at all. His friends posted pretty often. Instead of blocking them I just unfollowed them on facebook so I wouldn't be reminded of him that way. I also hide my facebook chat bar so I don't see when he's online. Has helped significantly. It's hard but you can do it! It's a process it's never immediate.

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Timpye Established Member

Timpye

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Could well be true

 

5 mths in for me my only crutch is i check there social media sometimes. My ex will from time to time make some posts public u can never assum3 but I feel it's directed at me lol I don't do anything on mine and she checks up on mine lol but I stopped doing that titanic for tat oh I'm so happy gam3 a few mths back she's continued Ifor u had to prove it obviously it's not the case

 

Yeh I have never posted on any of mine since. I think by not needing the attention is a bigger sign of strength. And every time they post (even if they appear all happy) I get a boost that they are having a moment of weakness looking for attention. I know its all just silly games and my next step in progression is to stop with the checking, assuming, fully ridding the addiction. It's tough, but we will get there.

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Ronnys93 Established Member

Ronnys93

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Yeh I have never posted on any of mine since. I think by not needing the attention is a bigger sign of strength. And every time they post (even if they appear all happy) I get a boost that they are having a moment of weakness looking for attention. I know its all just silly games and my next step in progression is to stop with the checking, assuming, fully ridding the addiction. It's tough, but we will get there.

 

I think it's okay to post things that empower us. You just have to make sure that you're doing it for you and not your ex. That's where it gets tricky.

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Timpye Established Member

Timpye

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surely them going from being someone who has said that they shouldn't need the use of social media, to posting 5 photos in the space of 2 days is borderline losing it..? sigh, man up timpye

Altair0770 Established Member

Altair0770

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STOP checking their social media.

 

All of you. You are only delaying your progress. Do I need to remind my story?

 

First period of NC, 2 months length I did what you guys did. Was not contacting her, removed her from social media but still spied on it. And low and behold she was far worse off than I was. Crying every night, feeling terrible, saying how much she missed me. Everything I wanted to hear right?

 

Well it started making me feel guilty for doing NC. I still cared about her and seeing her in this depressed state, I thought it was the best chances of reconciliation.

 

Turns out she only missed me as a person, not the relationship.

 

Now I'm 2.5 months into a second NC. This time, since I last spoke to her voice to voice, I have not checked her social media once. I have set all my information to PRIVATE so she cannot check mine. I also removed ALL mutual friends except one person who is very dear to me, but I set her on Facebook to not be able to see what I post, and I can't see what she posts. I only see that green bubble when she's online, but that doesn't bring back memories of my ex, more so memories of how this person helped me prevent suicide after my ex (not an ex at the time) was emotionally abusing me.

 

Take it from experience - checking their social media is a terrible idea and only delays your healing. It gives you false hope when you over analyze their posts and actions.

 

Disappear 100% from their lives.

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DontBreakEven Established Member

DontBreakEven

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surely them going from being someone who has said that they shouldn't need the use of social media, to posting 5 photos in the space of 2 days is borderline losing it..? sigh, man up timpye

 

 

Lol this seems ridiculous but I completely agree with this. Recent chick upped her Insta posting by almost 100% in 20 days than she had in all of 2016 ....

 

My ex a few years ago did the same, and I actually got the chance to call her on it. She admitted that it was cause she was bored and miserable.

 

I mean sh*t, I do the same thing

Titanll Established Member

Titanll

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When you create a thread saying 1 month no contact, I come in ready to say congrats. Buuuut...you are checking up on her through social media so your are kinda breaking the whole NC thing. Probably a good idea to stop that and definitely keep your assumptions of her missing you in check.

 

Before you know it, she will be history and you will have truly moved on. It takes some time and effort. Just don't assume your weakness is shared by her in the mean time.

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airborne3502 Established Member

airborne3502

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Lol this seems ridiculous but I completely agree with this. Recent chick upped her Insta posting by almost 100% in 20 days than she had in all of 2016 ....

 

My ex a few years ago did the same, and I actually got the chance to call her on it. She admitted that it was cause she was bored and miserable.

 

I mean sh*t, I do the same thing

 

 

Mine has upped her Instagram posting as well. My minion from work reports any new activity to me.

 

Your ex's "bored and miserable" self was posting nothing but happy, right?

 

EmilyJane from the board here clued me in on that charade.

 

I'm deriving as lot of satisfaction from my ex's increased social media output.

 

I suspect she tried to hack my Facebook with a fake friend request too.

whatnot Established Member

whatnot

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I don't do anything on mine and she checks up on mine

 

The hard thing for me is, he keeps checking my social media profiles. Now that I've blocked him on FB

 

How do you all know who checks your FB page? If it's open to the public, there's no where to go to see who has viewed your page. People can view it without your knowing who.

jamili Established Member

jamili

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Nice progress but you really havent been NC if you are checking her social media. Go cold turkey on that asap. Yes she might be missing you... but don't think that is in any way the same way you are missing her... or else she would be with you. Stop breaking NC and just cut her out of your life completely. That's what you need to do... and thats the only way you are going to move on (Which is essential if you want some shred of a chance of reconciliation sometime in the very distant future).

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DontBreakEven Established Member

DontBreakEven

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How do you all know who checks your FB page? If it's open to the public, there's no where to go to see who has viewed your page. People can view it without your knowing who.

 

lol i've been thinking the same thing everytime someone says this

carhill Established Member

carhill

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So, if a lady you found attractive asked you out on a date, cool, you'd be able to do that without distraction? The reverse, meaning you could do the same? If yes, the current level of LC is healthy. If not, I'd step it up a notch to exclude social media in order to process the grief out.

 

I noticed, during my divorce, it was healthy to test out 'thoughts' by asking women out and going on dates and seeing whether I got triggers or distractions. Whatever happened, accepting it as the reality of the process helped me get through the process.

 

In our case, were were total NC except for dealing with divorce filings. No social media, no phone calls, no texts, no nothing. The only exception was a friends wife snooping a bit in real life and relaying what she saw in person. Women! :D

 

Keep on keeping on and this will be behind you soon enough. Billions more to enjoy.

Altair0770 Established Member

Altair0770

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Man that's what makes e nervous. Long distance, removed and blocked her from all social media and set my account to private. I got a friend request from someone with an Arabic name... but two different accounts of the same person right after last speaking to her. Could be a coincidence but seems fishy.

 

I also have had people snooping on my other social media. It seems too easy to snoop on these platforms. Doesn't matter much though I stopped posting anyways.

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BG1 Established Member

BG1

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Man that's what makes e nervous. Long distance, removed and blocked her from all social media and set my account to private. I got a friend request from someone with an Arabic name... but two different accounts of the same person right after last speaking to her. Could be a coincidence but seems fishy.

 

I also have had people snooping on my other social media. It seems too easy to snoop on these platforms. Doesn't matter much though I stopped posting anyways.

 

 

After my ex-broke with me, I went NC, and was waiting for her to say sorry if she wanted to see me (she was coming to town for a few days). She did email me an apology email, so I accepted to see her so I could get closure. (she was very guilty but that didn't stop me from saying how much she hurt me). Before her coming to town ,I got an email via my website (for work asking for a photography shot and the mysterious person (no trace of this photographer on google) was also asking for my ex to be part of the shot, even asking me if we were married, weird, isn't it?)

 

I wanted to ask you guys, that I have been in NC (still difficult) after that for 45 days. I may be seeing the boyfriend of a friend of her (we used to hang out in double dates, and I did 2 nights out with them when my ex-was away). What I'm a bit worry is that how the conversation with my ex may go? Should I tell him my side? only if he ask?

Should I tell him to please don't pass this information to my ex, my new job, how I'm doing, etc...

I mean if I don't ask him about her, I won't be breaking the NC, right? After all I want to remain friends with him (the girlfriend is nice but may be strange as she is very close to my ex). Any thoughts, please? I know I shouldn't care too much about this, but the last thing I want is to put myself in a place I don't want to be and be weak and end up him if he knows anything about my ex.

 

PS, by NC I also mean that I deleted her from FB and Instagram, and I haven't check her social media at all.

Edited by BG1
Maldives Established Member

Maldives

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How do you all know who checks your FB page? If it's open to the public, there's no where to go to see who has viewed your page. People can view it without your knowing who.

 

 

Your right you can't. I'm only guessing but it's a pretty good guess. I was doing what she was doing making certain posts public a few months ago but I stopped because some of her happy snaps started to get to me till I read somehere if someone needs to prove it there probably not. So for instance I post happy snaps ny's eve then she dI'd just some consistencies like that then I stopped and low and behold when I wasent she stopped as well. I'm only guessing from that shes looked. Anyway I still look but it's becoming less and less. I don't make anything public not since the start of the yr she still does here and there lol. Anyway there all silly games

Bromeo Established Member

Bromeo

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Don't be too hard on yourself. With the way my breakup went, I kept looking at my ex pages wishing to see her with another man. Call me crazy, I just wanted the closure.

 

People are right, it does retard the healing process. Once I started not checking her page, my healing went much faster.

 

Then a couple weeks back, looked at it again. Bad move. We had a deep, hour long talk on Thanksgiving day, and there she was, partying and having a great time. Set me back a bit.

 

Here is the reality - you are not with that person, and they are not with you. You have no idea what they are thinking, who they are with, or what they are doing. So it matters very little what they do online.

 

For awhile, I did the whole "life is perfect on FB thing"

 

I'll show her. lol

 

Know what happened?

 

An ex from several years ago started drunk messaging me. Not the one that brought me here. Had to block her.

 

Social media means nothing, is nothing but drama, and doesn't mean squat.

 

I'm close to three months NC, and I am light years away from where I was.

 

If my ex wanted me, shed let me know. Same with yours.

 

Let them go, and find someone who appreciates you.

Edited by Bromeo
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