newbby Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 well i am in nc. after a very strange few days. i dont know how i feel, last night i had not more than a few hours sleep. i've a feeling i will go through it soon enough, but really in the course of the past 6 months or so i feel that i have most of it out of my system. his behaviour is odd to say the least, and he is too childish to have any kind of normal conversation. i have no idea what he thinks of me. i am not sure if i care any more at this moment in time.
whichwayisup Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Keep with that. The less you care, the less you will feel. As time goes by YOU will really care less. I hate that saying, "Time heals all wounds" but it is so true. Focus on other things, if he pops into your head MAKE yourself stop thinking of him. Distraction is good. Put on music or the TV, call a friend.
kkat Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Newbby, Hang in there. You are in a stage of the process. You have been having less and less contact with him, net/net, wouldn't you say? And you have had some ups and downs, and most of the downs have been around the days you have had contact with him, right? The thing is, sometimes because we are addicted to these loons, we forget they are loons and big energy drains. Newbby, I think perhaps when you are out of touch with him you feel better, as long as you haven't labeled it as no contact and therefore gone into a panic or withdrawal fear. Does that make sense at all? In two weeks I have exchanged only two texts w/ him, the closest I have been to NC in ages. However, the bigger difference is not the technical contact or lack of, it is that in two weeks time I have had only one night w/ a panic/anxiety attack, depression, or other serious issue surrounding him. When I sink, I sink hard and low, and that did happen to me Sunday night. But for me to have 13 good days out of 14 is amazing and I am grateful. I think the idea of forcing ourselves to focus on other things is a good one - it sounds very simple but it happens to work ...if you can get through the difficult part of getting your mind off him enough to focus on something else...it's easier said than done but I wonder if you have something else you could focus on this weekend?
Author newbby Posted July 30, 2005 Author Posted July 30, 2005 thankyou both for your great replies, wwiu, i have quite a few plans this weekend and i am still feeling that i do not care, in general, i also have plans to get back on track with my health and my career and my state of mind. kkat, you are right, i have been gradually detaching myself from him, and the situation. i have labelled it nc, but i dont know if i am thinking of it as a permanent solution, i definetly need it right now so that i can concentrate on healing myself, and get over any remaining addiction i have to him. also, he has decided that he wants the physical relationship over it seems and it gives us both time to decide whether we want a friendship and if so, for him to realise that friendship does not involve, being suggestive to me or lying or saying sweet romantic things. i am so glad to hear that you are feeling better, and are getting positive results from less contact. i have a suspicion that at some point in the near future i will get down about this especially when the pmt kicks in, that is why it is good to have nc right now, and give myself a chance to get through this quickly.
Author newbby Posted July 30, 2005 Author Posted July 30, 2005 i am fast approaching the dip, i can feel it coming....
westernxer Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 I saw your dip from a mile away... it all started in the first post.
kkat Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Newbby, I had a bit of one today also, am feeling sad and miss him for the first time in two weeks. I got a text from him and it set me off. Whatever. What are you up to this day? How can you turn the dip into a positive? How can you invert the dip? Don't feel bad that you are having a dip. Feel GREAT that you instituted NC again and that you have once again made an effort to effect change in your life. What is your plan to feel better this day?
Author newbby Posted July 30, 2005 Author Posted July 30, 2005 I saw your dip from a mile away... it all started in the first post. westernxer, how did you see that? Newbby, I had a bit of one today also, am feeling sad and miss him for the first time in two weeks. I got a text from him and it set me off. Whatever. What are you up to this day? How can you turn the dip into a positive? How can you invert the dip? Don't feel bad that you are having a dip. Feel GREAT that you instituted NC again and that you have once again made an effort to effect change in your life. What is your plan to feel better this day? kkat, i am going out tonight. it doesnt happen often and the opportunity arose, i am going with a really good girlfriend, theres a very cute guy i like going too. i am moving on, whatever it takes.
kkat Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 That's really great! I am thrilled for you and a bit happy jealous! I love that you have the ability to think about another guy being cute...that's what I want to get to!
westernxer Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by newbby westernxer, how did you see that? It's obvious you're trying to talk yourself out of it... "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
Author newbby Posted July 30, 2005 Author Posted July 30, 2005 "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." yeah well, not anymore
sunflower1008 Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by newbby yeah well, not anymore Good for you Newbby! I have realized in my situation that my MM is acting rude to me and I don't deserve it at all. I like myself too much for someone to be rude to me, especially when I'm not being rude back. And...who wants to talk to a rude person?? Believe in yourself, and don't let him or anyone treat you rudely. You're much too special for that.
izzybelle Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 Believe in yourself, and don't let him or anyone treat you rudely. You're much too special for that. this, i believe, is the turning point for any of us who have gone, or are going through withdrawl from an MM, or any break up for that matter. but some of these men, in particular, can be emotional vampires. whether it's their intent, or not, they slowly suck out what's left of our self-esteem, they drain us emotionally, and leave us, temporarily, as empty shells of what we thought we once were. whether they don't let us go, or more often, we don't allow ourselves to them to let them go, it is gaining that strength back, that allows us to hold our heads high and be able to see the situation for what it really was, to see the mistakes we made, and begin the healing process. we may spend many sleepless nights wondering "what if." and there are many "ifs" in these situations. if we just make one more call, or if we wait one more month, or if we can just hold on to that slightest bit of hope .... but once we can stop living for the "ifs" and stop believing in them, and the lies, we can begin to believe in ourselves again. and as one, who's come out of the darkness of it all, the light that begins to shine again is much brighter than ever before. if anything good comes out of these situations, i believe, it's a better understanding of ourselves, where our weaknesses are and where are strengths may have replaced those faults. while there are many empty, confusing days ahead, those beyond that really are much, much better than you may be able to imagine, at this point. at the beginning there were many days when i felt the full weight of the effort of putting one foot in front of the other just to go through the motions that was my life. but eventually, the dips become less frequent and eventually you'll find yourself stepping over them with ease. take care! izzy
floatinglotus Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 Hello newbby, I just want to say that I really admire you and know you will pull through. You saw my experience and I'm surprised that I have come through things in these few short weeks. You were there for me at the beginning and you really helped. Thank you. Please let me know if I can do anything at all for you. It does get easier. The days will seem brighter and you will be stronger. You are also much closer to meeting the man of your dreams - a real man. Keep at it! FL
Author newbby Posted July 31, 2005 Author Posted July 31, 2005 thankyou everyone for your support and encouragement, it is so helpful. well, turns out cute guy now has gf. i still had a good time though. i know that i will go through it, as i will miss him to talk to, it was something that i had to look forward to. theres not any other options though, other than to go through this. my goal is to move on from it, theres only one way to do that. kkat, i have always looked at other guys, as for anything deeper, it is harder to come by, but as i said, there is no choice anymore. you can do it too. dont try to compare as noone will match, just view it all as completely seperate. sunflower, it is true, and it feels so much better to say i am not going to let you treat me this way. behave how you like, but i am not going to be there. izzy, thankyou for sharing your story, and giving me hope. floating lotus, you have done good in such a short amount of time. thankyou for your encouragement, i believe that i will pull through too. the hardest part does lie ahead but i fully intend to just go with it. like sinking under water, relax and float back up.
joodee Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 Just wanted to say hang in there, you are getting stronger each day, I can feel it. I know what you are going through, the confusing, weird behavior. Hugs to you.
Author newbby Posted August 2, 2005 Author Posted August 2, 2005 thanks joodee, i can feel it too. i dont have any choices now and that actually makes things easier. i have made sure i have a very full calendar and timetable, i wouldnt have time to talk to him now even if i wanted to. i do feel quite rejected, but i would rather feel rejected than used, any day. i am fine, i hope you are too, i am going to read your thread now.
izzybelle Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Originally posted by newbby i do feel quite rejected, but i would rather feel rejected than used, any day. i think this is an excellent point and one i hadn't really thought of before, and by now, i thought i'd thought of everything about these messes the rejection hurts, no doubt about it, but in a strange sort of way at least it feels like the only "honest" part of these relationships. being used, and accepting that, is buying into the lies and giving a part of ourselves that isn't and won't be truly appreciated or valued. by at least accepting and dealing with the rejection we can see the reality of the situation and move on.
Author newbby Posted August 2, 2005 Author Posted August 2, 2005 the rejection hurts, no doubt about it, but in a strange sort of way at least it feels like the only "honest" part of these relationships. being used, and accepting that, is buying into the lies and giving a part of ourselves that isn't and won't be truly appreciated or valued. by at least accepting and dealing with the rejection we can see the reality of the situation and move on. yes, this is exactly it. it is allowing oneself to be used that makes you feel powerless and weak as well as easy and worthless, whereas allowing oneself to be rejected shows strength.
Recommended Posts