fastcar Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 I have been on 3 dates with this girl, who I find very attractive both physically and emotionally. She really does tick all my boxes (I know - it is VERY early to say that...but this is just how I feel)! Our first date was less than 2 wks ago so it is very, very early I know... Anyway, I am slowly driving myself crazy, thinking about her all the time, analyzing what I am doing, what she is doing, wondering how I am being perceived, making sure I don't make a mistake and wreck anything... We have both said we are looking for something long term/serious. We have a lot in common, enjoy spending time together. I suspect she could be a bit of a game player when it comes to texting back - e.g. deliberately delay for half a day etc to be a bit 'hard to get', but it may just be she is genuinely busy (she does have a lot of commitments) and not as much of a 'phone person' as me. On the 2nd date I told her I was a really genuine and kind of wear my heart on my sleeve. She said that she was a master of all the games played re dating which surprised me a little. Sometimes she does initiate contact, but at times is a little hot & cold.. Overall she is a bit suspicious/untrusting of guys in general - I think she has been treated a bit badly in the past. I am slowly gaining her trust though. How do I keep things progressing well without being needy/too 'keen'? Is it too much to be meeting like twice a week? Mostly our text exchanges are just trivial things like what we are up to etc. Often I text her last at night then she must fall asleep and does not respond for the next 18-24hrs. I have been the one to initiate the 1st 3x dates. Should I hold off now and try and get her to make the next move re organising next date? What if she doesn't and wants the man to take the lead? I was thinking if it is me to organise it, not texting for 24 hrs then calling her to line up the next date. We ended up intimate on 2nd & 3rd dates. We are both early 30s. Should I deliberately try and keep us out of the bedroom on the 4th date? Should I just throw all these rules and games, analysis out the window and just act instinctively?? Help! :o
reeseyummy Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 It's so sweet of you for being so crazy for this girl, I wish someone would feel the same for me someday! Have you had any physical contact in the 1st 3 dates? Such as hands, kissing..etc. I'd say meeting 2 times a week when you're still dating is a little much. I'd say once a week would be fine, when you are bf/gf I think twice a week is okay. I do think she's a little bit stringing you along. Personally if I were super interested in the guy, I would be responding to texts at least before bed. That's when I have some time on my own. But, there's no wrong in that, keep asking her out till she gets that you really like her, if she likes you back, it will be a huge turn on that you're so into her.
Titanll Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 Dang dude! Do you drink a lot of coffee? Relax... First: Seriously, relax Second: Toss the rules Third: She's getting what she wants from you. Forget the rules, games, etc. Speak your mind. Demand more if you want more. Remember, you are the one here posing questions, not her. I am clueless when it comes to why people can't just say what they need. Why would someone want a relationship where they either had no idea how the other person feels or has to walk around on eggshells and not speak their mind. This whole "I don't want to screw this up" thing can either lead to a great relationship or a huge heartbreak. No one here has any advice to help either way. You will figure this out in due time. My personal opinion is that you are going to get burned. You seem to be more emotionally invested in her than she in you. Totally your fault if that is so. Also, women commonly say that they have been hurt in past relationships and once those words are spoken to me, the date, conversations, relationship is done. Women may use that phrase as an excuse to be physical with you and still keep some emotional distance. I have no time to be burdened with someone's garbage. I certainly hope that sounds like I am a very demanding person...because I am demanding in the extreme about things that I deem important. I hope that I am wrong but just prepare yourself. Your gut is telling you something and you would be wise to listen. I get it. When you meet a great woman it is easy to get flat crazy with the feelings. my only real piece of advice is to try to keep that in check a bit until you "know" the feelings are mutual.
Author fastcar Posted April 18, 2017 Author Posted April 18, 2017 Have you had any physical contact in the 1st 3 dates? Such as hands, kissing..etc. Yep, first date we kissed at the end. Second date we were intimate (sex), third date holding hands, then intimate again. I do feel she may be deliberately getting some of my messages etc then not replying so she doesn't come across as being too keen- it's getting a bit frustrating for me
thecrucible Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 I know how you feel! There's so much advice out there about how to keep a man interested. It's easy to worry that you'll text him too much and he'll disappear. The best advice I read was to have a busy life so you don't get too attached to the phone and won't feel the need to text. At the same time, if I get a text and I'm at my phone and not really doing anything, I don't see why I can't reply straight away. If this turns the guy off then so be it. If she's been hurt before, it might be that she follows certain dating rules as a way to feel more control when dating. Since you are in the early stages, your texting should become more established when your relationship becomes official and you know where you both stand with each other. What's more important is how you are when you're spending time together. Do you get a sense that she's getting attached to you? If so, you probably have nothing to worry about.
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