Humantk Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 Ok so my last relationship ended about 8 months ago. I wasnt ready to get back out there for a while, but I found a girl that made me want to take the risk. We work together, and we share 2 friends that are a couple. We 4 hang out quite a bit on the weekends. Im 27 and shes 21. her last relationship ended around the time mine did. She just started going back to college and is serious about the fact she wants to.cha ge the world and clean up the ocean. Now I bring that last part up because we were friends first (good friends for the last 3 months) and last night we were alone at my house and we told each other how we felt. I felt her breathing heavy as she sat next to me so i grabbed her hand and put my head on her shoulder, she said "Humantk (but my real name lol) I really like you, but Im afraid I'll hurt you" I replied "I really like you too Sally (we'll call her Sally)" She told me that shes been trying to figure out her feelings for me for a while, but shes 21 and doesnt want to be tied down. She really wants to focus on her career and change the world. I told her I understood. So we sat on my couch listening to music and we held hands interlocked fingers and she put her head on my shoulder. After about 15 minutes she stood up to leave, I told her "I really shouldnt kiss you" and when I said that she bit her lip and looked down, so I grabbed the back of her head and kissed her for about 15 seconds. she was defintely kissing back. After that she shyly said goodnight and left. Today we've been talking like normal, like we have for the past few weeks. Pretty much all day. Im trying to play it cool bc I had been the one pushing for something more and it all was out in the open last night. I really dont want to get hurt, and that kiss was the first kiss Ive had in 8 months since my last girlfriend. But my feelings are growing stronger, I wasnt going to talk to her much today but she has been keeping it going. She texted me first and all that. Im going to take her at her word and not push for anything, but with the kiss and all that coming after she told.me she didnt want to hurt me I guess Im just curious, does she have feelings for me she cant let get in the way of her career? Or was that just a rejection because she doesnt feel that strongly about me? Just looking to bounce it off some strangers. Appreciate the input all.
Knix Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 She's telling you she doesn't want this, move on. Spend less time with her if the temptation is too strong, but you have to respect her feelings. If she changes her mind then yay, but if you have feelings for her don't try to tie her down when she doesn't want it. 3
sandrawg Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 ughh I got the "I don't want to hurt you" after dating a guy for 2 months. It's painful. I'm crazy about him and he only sees me as a friend. Trying to pursue that will only lead you to pain. 1
Ronnys93 Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 (edited) I'm going to hurt you is a RED FLAG. It's a sign, listen to it. Whatever you do PLEASE listen to her when she says that. My ex told me the same thing, it means she's likely emotionally unavailable and you will end up hurt. Edited April 23, 2017 by Ronnys93 1
curiouslysearching Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 She's telling you she doesn't want this, move on. Spend less time with her if the temptation is too strong, but you have to respect her feelings. If she changes her mind then yay, but if you have feelings for her don't try to tie her down when she doesn't want it. I agree it does not seem like she is into it anymore 1
fromheart Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 She's saying she might sleep with you but she doesn't want a relationship. Try not to get gooey when this happens, because it does happen. You can either FWB until she leaves, or if you really want a relationship tell her to give you a shout if she changes her mind and go strict NC. Telling her how she felt... You haven't even kissed yet! What has she done to bring up these feelings in you? To deserve this? Yes you find her attractive and care about her, but a man telling a woman his feelings at sunset when she know she hasn't earned that, is something that belongs in films. You'll become her puppy dog while she hits the road and meets other men. 'I don't want to hurt you,' translates as 'You've just given me the upper hand and all the power, I'm going to use it to hurt you as I see you as weak.' You're the older man here, so take it to she can hang out with you and have fun before she hits the road, but you're not getting attached. If you can't do that, its best to go NC... 1
Miss Spider Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 I remember saying something like that to my guy friend...she sees it as the gentlest let down possible. It's not you.. it's her. 2
SpinScratch Posted April 23, 2017 Posted April 23, 2017 When I hear a girl say "I dont want to hurt you" ... I hear it as "You're gonna fall in love with me, and then I'm gonna bang another guy" 2
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