Ilikeevilwomen Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Hey everyone. Im posting here because I am honestly confused and I feel like I am actually not normal. I have been with my girlfriend for a few years now and shes honestly the sweetest most kind, beautiful, caring, loving person in the world. She has stood by me at the worst times of my life, and she has supported me through things that have been heartwrecking. When I think about it, I dont know how I would have gotten through some of the horrible things in my life without her. I trust her with my life, my friends and family love her. I know that in life, if anything ever went wrong she would keep me sane and never leave my side. When I first met her years ago, we had chemistry, sparks flying. She didnt like me at first and it made me crazy, i chased her so much until she fell for me. Ever since she fell for me, I feel like she really loves me alot and somehow..Ive lost attraction for her along the way. Its like..she likes me too much..she cares TOO much..but then again we have been together for years. I just miss that chase and thrill feeling, I miss the butterflies. I just feel like we have nothing to talk about and that like..I dont get excited around her. Does that make sense? I love a fast paced thrlling life and feel like now our relationship is just so boring. Ive had girlfriends before who have excited me alot alot more...but they have been absolutely awful. Cheating, lying, manipulating behaviours from them. I suffered alot with one of them. But the excitement was there? im 29 years old and I want to settle down soon, but I dont know what to do with my situation. Part of me thinks to break up with my current girlfriend, but the other part of me feels like...I am gonna lose out on an amazing person. Am I just being immature? I feel so confused...
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Ilikevilemomen... You are a addicted to drama. That's what I get from your post...you enjoy, not necessarily the chase, rather the drama that surrounds you. As I read your post, I couldn't help notice how 'lively' you seem to write about how she stood by you when you had a load of personal crap to deal with (no mention of her crap) and the motivation her initial rejection supplied you. Now that she's helped you get on your feet and you have her undivided affections, you are lost, w/o a mission. Both pitiful and not unique, unfortunately. Now that that is out of the way, why not inject some passion, chase into your routine lives? Go do some fun, exciting, risque things! If you are not willing to do these things, well, it's not excitement you seek, it's the drama and most people would rather not have that in their already complicated lives. 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Dump her, she deserves better. I didn't want to suggest this, rather provide a means to bring some excitement back into your and her life. But, I must also venture to say that I wonder if you WANTED her b/c of your own troubled life. You needed someone to be around for you while you dealt with your own crap and once you got what you wanted, stability, a way out of your troubles, you are now done with her...???? Could it be? You used her? Just a thought. 1
Author Ilikeevilwomen Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 (edited) I know there's something wrong with me as I seem to only get excited about girls who are horrible to me. I just don't understand why. I know that I loved my current girlfriend deeply at one point and I felt it. As mentioned before, she's one of a kind and I honestly doubt I'll find someone who's as good as her. I feel ... safe.. with her. I have very bad anxiety, and she's the only one that makes me feel like I'm 'at home'. I wish I loved her again.. there's been times where I have been through horrible things and I mean horrible.. and she's held me in her arms and I felt like everything was OK. Is there any way to find a woman like that, who makes me feel safe and loved and is genuinely my best friend.. but who also keeps me on my toes and that I can chase through life? I know it may seem like dumb questions but I feel horribly confused. Edited April 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 (edited) I know there's something wrong with me as I seem to only get excited about girls who are horrible to me. I just don't understand why. I know that I loved my current girlfriend deeply at one point and I felt it. As mentioned before, she's one of a kind and I honestly doubt I'll find someone who's as good as her. I feel ... safe.. with her. I have very bad anxiety, and she's the only one that makes me feel like I'm 'at home'. I wish I loved her again.. there's been times where I have been through horrible things and I mean horrible.. and she's held me in her arms and I felt like everything was OK. Is there any way to find a woman like that, who makes me feel safe and loved and is genuinely my best friend.. but who also keeps me on my toes and that I can chase through life? I know it may seem like dumb questions but I feel horribly confused. Further confirmation that you are addicted to drama. YOU have, right in front of you, that lady that could be all you 'dream' of. That excitement your talking about, that 'keeping you on your toes' is not excitement, it's drama of the dysfunctional type. It would appear that you have personal, emotional issues that keep you coming for more and more drama/abuse and until you get that resolved, you will not be able to maintain a healthy relationship. Edited April 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Author Ilikeevilwomen Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 So what do I do? Are things in a relationship supposed to be boring and stale?like am I supposed to feel like I have nothing to talk to her about? I'm honestly asking because I don't know
Titanll Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 29 seems a bit old to be, what seems to me, immature. Either figure yourself out or cut her lose to find someone more mature.
divegrl Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Go to counseling. A counselor can help you figure out why you're addicted to unhealthy relationships. 5
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 So what do I do? Are things in a relationship supposed to be boring and stale?like am I supposed to feel like I have nothing to talk to her about? I'm honestly asking because I don't know Another indicator that you are all about the drama... Over the years that you have been with her and all those feelings you HAD, all of a sudden nothing to talk about? It shouldn't be this way UNLESS you NEVER had anything of substance to talk about. Little to no shared interests?! Your only avenue of mutual interest seems to have been your personal issues. Outside of that, nothing. No, this is not normal and certainly not healthy. Get some counseling.
curiouslysearching Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Hey everyone. Im posting here because I am honestly confused and I feel like I am actually not normal. I have been with my girlfriend for a few years now and shes honestly the sweetest most kind, beautiful, caring, loving person in the world. She has stood by me at the worst times of my life, and she has supported me through things that have been heartwrecking. When I think about it, I dont know how I would have gotten through some of the horrible things in my life without her. I trust her with my life, my friends and family love her. I know that in life, if anything ever went wrong she would keep me sane and never leave my side. When I first met her years ago, we had chemistry, sparks flying. She didnt like me at first and it made me crazy, i chased her so much until she fell for me. Ever since she fell for me, I feel like she really loves me alot and somehow..Ive lost attraction for her along the way. Its like..she likes me too much..she cares TOO much..but then again we have been together for years. I just miss that chase and thrill feeling, I miss the butterflies. I just feel like we have nothing to talk about and that like..I dont get excited around her. Does that make sense? I love a fast paced thrlling life and feel like now our relationship is just so boring. Ive had girlfriends before who have excited me alot alot more...but they have been absolutely awful. Cheating, lying, manipulating behaviours from them. I suffered alot with one of them. But the excitement was there? im 29 years old and I want to settle down soon, but I dont know what to do with my situation. Part of me thinks to break up with my current girlfriend, but the other part of me feels like...I am gonna lose out on an amazing person. Am I just being immature? I feel so confused... most butterflies eventually subside and you are left with REAL EVERY DAY LIFE.....reality is not what you see on TV or read in a novel at some point, you get to really LIKING and ENJOYING someone for who they are and how you are together....I agree with TS that if you are not into her anymore then "set her free" she deserves to have someone who is INTO HER 3
Miss Spider Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Never having anything to talk about seems like a different issue than needing excitement. Being nice and supportive isn't the only ingredient to romantic attraction. . . a very large component for healthy individuals, but it's more complicated than that. You guys just don't sound like a match. 2
todreaminblue Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 It is actually pretty normal for feelings butterflies etc to settle down..some people prefer the headiness of fledgling relationships.... ...i actually dont, i prefer the growth of knowing someone.... because with it comes comfort of moving together towards a future..... sharing common goals and dreams an knowing the guy i am with like the back of my hand is always my goal like a dance.....every step beautiful in its own right.....where you can predict the next...that's my goal.....not a fan of uncertainty...i am a fan of commitment...all honeymoons end ...they are meant to end to progress to something even more beautiful..that's how i look at it... people who exist for the honeymoon phase ....the challenge the excitement are i believe commitment phobes.....i have exes who are..love the challenge...its a competition......but cant go the distance...one of the reasons commitment phobes are attracted to me is..im a dead set challenge to them, i say no a lot,to guys i havent known long...i have had guys plot together on how to get me to go on a date.....says nothing for me actually...i was just a sexual trophy.........because im actually after long term commitment i get that guys keep seeing me as a challenge........mainly because im the opposite to them, honeymooners think im a challenge...im really not.....im just a commitment girl who wont commit unless i know that it will be reciprocated.....and yep ...guys say all the right things....because they know what i want to hear...so i am more careful..... you will hurt her....without a doubt if you keep longing for something that has faded to become bright and new there are ways to keep the romance alive.....but it wont be new and it wont be a challenge it will be work......i love the work ..i find satisfaction in making romance and the effort.........maybe you need to find the grunt in you to make this work .....she sounds like a wonderful woman...... i also know ...from experience ...once a commitment phobe guy seeks out another challenge .....he will miss what he leaves behind and want that back ...and it becomes more of a challenge..this is unfair....often hurtful to both and not viable...... you need to make a decision and weigh up your options carefully.....because somebody out there is going to appreciate your woman and all she does more than you....enough to stay with her...way past the honeymoon stage...maybe even to dual walkers and wheel chair stage with matching rings.......so make your mind up do it now eitherr you are ready to work at it or you are ready to leave.......stick to your decision..thats a man ...not a boy....adn show soem caring back to a woman who deserves the best.....let her go fidn that care...if you cant provide it back to her....and i wish you peace......deb 1
kiss_andmakeup Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 Never having anything to talk about seems like a different issue than needing excitement. Being nice and supportive isn't the only ingredient to romantic attraction. . . a very large component for healthy individuals, but it's more complicated than that. You guys just don't sound like a match. I was thinking this too. There's some information missing here. Someone can be a loving, supportive, and caring partner, and still not necessarily be a perfect match. I've been there myself. Are you sure the problem is the lack of drama? Or is it more of a lack of common interests? Do the two of you share any passions? Movies, music, politics, humanitarian issues, career, philosophy...anything? 1
kiss_andmakeup Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 My husband and I did this activity a few V-days ago...the title is, of course, silly ("The 36 Questions that Lead to Love"), but it's a fun activity for couples who want to bond with one another and it provoked some great conversation for us. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?_r=0 2
todreaminblue Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 My husband and I did this activity a few V-days ago...the title is, of course, silly ("The 36 Questions that Lead to Love"), but it's a fun activity for couples who want to bond with one another and it provoked some great conversation for us. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?_r=0 COOL QUESTIONS...thought filled on that quiz thing.....oops sorry capslock....deb 1
EmilyJane Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 (edited) I know there's something wrong with me as I seem to only get excited about girls who are horrible to me. I just don't understand why. I know that I loved my current girlfriend deeply at one point and I felt it. As mentioned before, she's one of a kind and I honestly doubt I'll find someone who's as good as her. I feel ... safe.. with her. I have very bad anxiety, and she's the only one that makes me feel like I'm 'at home'. I wish I loved her again.. there's been times where I have been through horrible things and I mean horrible.. and she's held me in her arms and I felt like everything was OK. Is there any way to find a woman like that, who makes me feel safe and loved and is genuinely my best friend.. but who also keeps me on my toes and that I can chase through life? I know it may seem like dumb questions but I feel horribly confused. I think you have found the right one. I think you know that. But I also think the anxiety you suffer has triggered a mood disorder. You lose your ability to feel things unless they are very high social reward. Which you don't have in a stable long term relationship. You're not meant to. What you say about feeling safe with her is exactly how you are meant to feel. I honestly think what is missing is from chemical imbalances in your head. This would happen to my ex a lot. He would become convinced something was wrong. Missing. This man loved, loves me, more than anyone alive. I know that. But he doesn't. He would periodically go numb a bit. This is common with depression and anxiety. He would enjoy high reward things like social interactions with friends. But not me. Because I was his partner and it is a different situation. I finally left. Because of other things. But also because I couldn't take anymore not feeling loved desired and wanted. And his world fell apart because of it, he was wrong. His poor anxiety alcohol and depression ridden brain was tricking him. Don't be him. Get help and stay. Edited April 18, 2017 by EmilyJane 1
Author Ilikeevilwomen Posted April 18, 2017 Author Posted April 18, 2017 Despite of what many say here.. we do have common interests. We may not like exactly all the same things but we do have a lot of common interests. And one difference between the other women i liked that were awful to me is that me and my current girlfriend have the same life goals too. We want the same things long term in life. We also share similar cultural, moral, religious thoughts. Again, my awful exes that I seem to be excited about didn't same these. She often says that I never ask anything about her in conversations. I feel like.. I'm just not excited around her? I need to be excited all the time. I know it's weird but I genuinely can't be 'bored'. I physically can't. I think it's due to my anxiety. I always have to be stimulated. Even at work, if I'm not around LIVELY, jokey happy people.. I can't mix in with other colleagues. When me and my girlfriend met and she didn't have any interest for me.. I remember sitting with her outside on a park bench for 7 hours every day for a good 2 weeks and we just SPOKE about everything and anything. We really connected... this is why I feel like.. there's a problem with ME. She's the only one I actually trust. I go to a counselor to battle fear of flying and the only person I want by my side when I fly the first time is HER!. Even if I went with 10 of my closest friends and family members, i can't imagine it without her. She makes everything ok again. I say that I don't feel any love feelings for her but at the same time.. I can't imagine life without her either. And I can't imagine her with anyone else. We have broken up before and I remember when she started ignoring me and made an effort to move on... I couldn't let her go. This is why I'm struggling. What do I do? My family and friends say that if you ever do let her go.. you'll always regret it... what do you guys think? I know all this is confusing but really trying to vocalize what's happening in my brain. I've been in another relationship before where I felt like the girl absolutely adored me and she was really lovely.. but I got bored of her too! It's only the women who treat me horribly I don't get bored of!
Sara1989 Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 What do you expect us to say? you are addicted to volatile relationships OR just the thrill of new relationships. I get that to an extent as I was in an passionate volatile relationship for years however even those relationships go stale when the passion fades and all that is left is anger and resentment. You need to let her go, it sounds like your not in love with her. Will you regret it? its likely but your not being fair on this girl. She deserves to be with someone who loves and appreciates her. 1
Author Ilikeevilwomen Posted April 18, 2017 Author Posted April 18, 2017 I love how condescending people are on here. This is an awful problem for me and I've come here because I am genuinely confused. I've come here for some guidance and to understand whether my feelings, emotions, thinking is even normal. I don't know what it takes for one to have a healthy, good long term relationship that will last for years. I genuinely always though that the exciting feeling is always there and that two people don't get bored of eachorher. I still don't know whether that is true or not. I love the feeling of the chase because it keeps me stimulated, it keeps me wanting more. However my current girlfriend deep down I know she's someone I can have for life and she will go through heaven and hell and I'll have have her support, love... how do I fix this, and how do I feel the way I used to with her?
Titanll Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 I love how condescending people are on here. This is an awful problem for me and I've come here because I am genuinely confused. I've come here for some guidance and to understand whether my feelings, emotions, thinking is even normal. I don't know what it takes for one to have a healthy, good long term relationship that will last for years. I genuinely always though that the exciting feeling is always there and that two people don't get bored of eachorher. I still don't know whether that is true or not. I love the feeling of the chase because it keeps me stimulated, it keeps me wanting more. However my current girlfriend deep down I know she's someone I can have for life and she will go through heaven and hell and I'll have have her support, love... how do I fix this, and how do I feel the way I used to with her? This seems to be a problem with this forum. It is easy to bite the hand that feeds you. As long as we "agree" with you, everything is fine. Once we disagree, we condescend. You have a choice, as I do, to be here. You're 29, an adult by most standards. You've lost attraction for your girlfriend. You see her as a life long partner and you want to "feel" what you once felt for her. It's hard for me to not be judgemental. I have never and never will buy the whole "my feelings have changed" garbage. Now you are in a situation to hurt someone because you were never in touch with your own feelings. Congrats, you give genuine people a bad name. 2
carhill Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 OP, IMO your long-time girlfriend is giving you an example of what a mature adult relationship looks like. It may not be your cuppa. That's OK. People choose the relationships they seek and maintain. If it's not a good fit for you right now, it isn't. If you, as you've suggested, come to see her as the 'good one who got away', that's part of life's lessons. Most folks go through this at one point or another in life. Some many times. Now is a good time to learn about that part of yourself.
BikerAccnt Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 This seems to be a problem with this forum. It is easy to bite the hand that feeds you. As long as we "agree" with you, everything is fine. Once we disagree, we condescend. You have a choice, as I do, to be here. I don't know if you've noticed, but that kind of thing is not limited to just this forum. 1
William Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 With that out of the way, let's move beyond characterizations of advice and insight shared and of LoveShack.org in general and get back to the topic of one losing attraction for one's girlfriend. Thanks!
anduina Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 I love how condescending people are on here. This is an awful problem for me and I've come here because I am genuinely confused. I've come here for some guidance and to understand whether my feelings, emotions, thinking is even normal. I don't know what it takes for one to have a healthy, good long term relationship that will last for years. I genuinely always though that the exciting feeling is always there and that two people don't get bored of eachorher. I still don't know whether that is true or not. I love the feeling of the chase because it keeps me stimulated, it keeps me wanting more. However my current girlfriend deep down I know she's someone I can have for life and she will go through heaven and hell and I'll have have her support, love... how do I fix this, and how do I feel the way I used to with her?Not sure this can be fixed. Maybe you're not the monogamous type and need the thrill of sexual conquests. Have you considered open relationships?
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