JuneL Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 I have tried online dating very briefly (a few weeks) couple of years ago. As a woman in her 30s, I received about 100 first messages and responded to about 10 of them. I messaged one guy initially, and he did write back. I also received lots of winks, like's and some favorites. I did take the initiative to wink at a few guys, and a couple of them wrote me a message in return. I'd like to have a general survey on two related questions: 1. How often (in terms of %) do you respond to first messages? 2. How often do you receive a response to your first message? Please state your gender and age range.
MoreThanThat Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 I'm F in 40's I respond to maybe 1 in 10 first messages - probably less. 1
Silverstring Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Male, early 40s, but did OLD mostly in my 30s. Responded to almost no first messages as they never came from women I was interested in, but I got maximum 1 first message / week. I recommend for women not to even look at their inbox initially. Just browse profiles and take note of the ones that interest you, and then go ahead and see if any of those men messaged you. If not, send them a wink or a message...would eliminate a lot of the complaints many women seem to make about OLD. 1
Jj66 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 (edited) When I was on about 5 years ago, I was 45 M. I got maybe 50 messages that weren't obvious spam in the first six weeks. I responded to 4 or 5. Around 10%. I didn't message anyone first. When I was on again a couple of years later, I started messaging first but only when someone had viewed my profile at least twice and were currently online. My response rate to initial messages was close to 100%. Tinder, a little over a year ago, was different. Women couldn't message me unless I had liked them so I responded to all of the women who messaged me first. I probably had about 70% response rate to my initial messages on there. Was kind of surprised it was that low, since I couldn't message them unless they had liked me. One of them had even super-liked me but didn't respond. I don't understand why people don't respond but still keep the "match" open. Edited April 17, 2017 by Jj66 1
Miss Spider Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Responded to: less than 1% ... Response rate: I only did that on bumble and I think everyone responded to the initial msg (but that's different because there's a good chance they like you already because it's a match app) F mid/late 20s 1
Philosopher Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 33 male here. I would say I get a reply to about 25% of the messages I send out and a date from around 10% of all messages I send. From quite a few of the replies it is obvious they have little intention of meeting up, for example they reply with a short one line sentence. If this is the case I normally stop communicating with them. If the reply looks promising I will continue to message them and suggest meeting up on the third or forth exchange of messages. Overall I would say I only reply to 25% of messages I receive, most of messages I get are from women who are incompatible for some reason, for example they live on the other side of world or are just plainly not what I am looking for. 2
Author JuneL Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 When I was on about 5 years ago, I was 45 M. I got maybe 50 messages that weren't obvious spam in the first six weeks. I responded to 4 or 5. Around 10%. I didn't message anyone first. When I was on again a couple of years later, I started messaging first but only when someone had viewed my profile at least twice and were currently online. My response rate to initial messages was close to 100%. Your statistics seems to be atypical for a guy. Are you one of those very good-looking men? How did you choose whom to respond to? Her looks, her career/education, quality of her first message, or general quality of her profile description??
Author JuneL Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 Before my own very brief stint, I did read quite a bit about OLD, so my expectations were very much in check. Overall, my experience was not negative at all. After eliminating those 90% first messages from guys I had zero interest in, I thought the guys I was communicating with were all pretty decent. As someone who doesn't care too much about the guy's looks (as long as he's not obese or has some obvious turn off), I was also pleasantly surprised that most of them were actually quite decent looking Male, early 40s, but did OLD mostly in my 30s. Responded to almost no first messages as they never came from women I was interested in, but I got maximum 1 first message / week. I recommend for women not to even look at their inbox initially. Just browse profiles and take note of the ones that interest you, and then go ahead and see if any of those men messaged you. If not, send them a wink or a message...would eliminate a lot of the complaints many women seem to make about OLD.
Jj66 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 (edited) Your statistics seems to be atypical for a guy. Are you one of those very good-looking men? How did you choose whom to respond to? Her looks, her career/education, quality of her first message, or general quality of her profile description?? I would never say I was the best looking guy in the room. Others seem to think I am not bad looking. I have been told I am handsome, hot, yummy, dreamy, and "a catch", etc., often by people with no vested interest. Whenever I'm single women are always trying to set me up with their friends. This is all a recent thing. I thought I was ugly when I was younger (my dad always told me I was ). Apparently he was wrong. She had to meet a threshold of attractiveness. It might seem crass, but she needed to be at least as attractive as my ex wife. I didn't want to be perceived as downgrading. If she met that criterion and her profile or message intrigued me or made me laugh she was in. Edited April 17, 2017 by Jj66
Author JuneL Posted April 18, 2017 Author Posted April 18, 2017 I would never say I was the best looking guy in the room. Others seem to think I am not bad looking. I have been told I am handsome, hot, yummy, dreamy, and "a catch", etc., often by people with no vested interest. Whenever I'm single women are always trying to set me up with their friends. This is all a recent thing. I thought I was ugly when I was younger (my dad always told me I was ). Apparently he was wrong. She had to meet a threshold of attractiveness. It might seem crass, but she needed to be at least as attractive as my ex wife. I didn't want to be perceived as downgrading. If she met that criterion and her profile or message intrigued me or made me laugh she was in. Interesting. The guys I communicated with back then were mostly in their early/mid 40s and divorced. If I happened to see a pic of their ex-wife and she was clearly not attractive or was out of shape, then for some reason, that became a bit of a turn off for me.
Author JuneL Posted April 18, 2017 Author Posted April 18, 2017 Are you one of those girls who was bombarded with a few hundred messages during the first week on the dating site? Responded to: less than 1% ... Response rate: I only did that on bumble and I think everyone responded to the initial msg (but that's different because there's a good chance they like you already because it's a match app) F mid/late 20s
blockrockinbeat74 Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 Responses 0% Response rate 0% I lasted a day. I couldn't do it. I didn't bother counting the messages I got in one day (it was a Friday so that might explain the numbers?) - all I know is that there were more than I had time for and I am not skilled at profile reading so I deleted my account with no chance of going back. Good luck on your quest, though! 1
BikerAccnt Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 Your statistics seems to be atypical for a guy. Are you one of those very good-looking men? I don't know that his stats are atypical, at least for the age bracket he's fishing in. I'm a guy 56, and when I was doing old, a bit more than 2 years ago, then again 8 mos. ago, I'd get a pretty good amount of responses back to my initial mailings. I'm not saying this is the case for jj66, I or many other guys but...when I look around at the guys my age, most don't work out, don't eat well, don't appear to get out in the sun much, and many (especially in my MC Club) can barely bend over to tie their shoes. So, maybe we got lots of responses because the pickings were so slim 1
Author JuneL Posted April 18, 2017 Author Posted April 18, 2017 Okay, according to your conjecture, there is only a small % of middle-aged guys who are in shape, and they are getting most of the attention from women dating in that age range. In other words, these fit/slim guys are atypical/rare in the population of middle-aged men I don't know that his stats are atypical, at least for the age bracket he's fishing in. I'm a guy 56, and when I was doing old, a bit more than 2 years ago, then again 8 mos. ago, I'd get a pretty good amount of responses back to my initial mailings. I'm not saying this is the case for jj66, I or many other guys but...when I look around at the guys my age, most don't work out, don't eat well, don't appear to get out in the sun much, and many (especially in my MC Club) can barely bend over to tie their shoes. So, maybe we got lots of responses because the pickings were so slim
Jj66 Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 maybe we got lots of responses because the pickings were so slim This. It's all relative. I'm tall. Still have my hair and my "dreamy" blue eyes. I am active and outdoorsy (I swam 5 miles in open water last week). I am well-educated, succesful, and adventurous, etc. At 20 I guess I was "cute" and one of the shy nice guys. Women would have been ok getting stuck with me but I wouldn't have been anyone's first choice. At 50 I seem to stand out in the crowd of men around my age. One of my female friends tells me I am a honey pot and the honey bees are always circling me. I was a late bloomer and I aged well. It's amazing to see how many of the popular guys from high school have let themselves go completely. Did I really used to be envious of them? Wow.
anduina Posted April 18, 2017 Posted April 18, 2017 I used to respond to very few. Rough guess would be 1%. Illiteracy is not attractive. The second question isn't applicable since I didn't send out first messages. 1
Author JuneL Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 Ultimately, quality is much more important than quantity.
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