Ex contacting my mother AGAIN [UPDATE: Hand written bread-crumbs note]

[Corsican1]

That`s what I said to my mother ...

Do what you want but I don't want to know about it or any of the details.

 

I really can't imagine what they would even talk about !!!

[kgcolonel]

That`s what I said to my mother ...

Do what you want but I don't want to know about it or any of the details.

 

I really can't imagine what they would even talk about !!!

 

Also, I would ask my mother to not disclose anything about my existence to the EX....that way if your EX is sincere about missing your mother, that's all she gets.

[Altair0770]

My friend broke up with his girlfriend about 5 years ago, and were dating for about the same amount of time.

 

He still gets updates about her through her mother. His ex got into drugs (and he doesn't like drugs at all) and the relationship was going far downhill at that point. The ex (the dumpee) doesn't want anything to do with my friend (the dumper). I'm not sure the situation of why they keep in contact, but alas, they do.

 

If I were you I'd have a serious sit-down with your mother. Is she replying to your ex because she's friendly? Is it because your mother is worried about your healing?

 

Mothers don't like their children being upset and depressed, and seeing as you went through a breakup, they sometimes do stupid things to try to ease your pain.

[basil67]

It's actually your mother who is the problem here, not your ex. Draw a line in the sand with your mother and tell her that while it's none of your business whether or not she talks to your ex, she should not tell you that there have been conversations or what the content was.

[BC1980]

That`s what I said to my mother ...

Do what you want but I don't want to know about it or any of the details.

 

I really can't imagine what they would even talk about !!!

 

So you asked your mom not to tell you if your ex contacts her, but your mom tells you anyway?

[preraph]

It's actually your mother who is the problem here, not your ex. Draw a line in the sand with your mother and tell her that while it's none of your business whether or not she talks to your ex, she should not tell you that there have been conversations or what the content was.

 

AND that she is NOT to discuss him with the ex. Because that's why she's over there fishing. But I don't think the mother will comply with that.

[Corsican1]

No yesterday my mother told me about the email in the afternoon and I told her later that evening to please not disclose any info about me and don't tell me about any future contacts.

 

Today I found out that my mother is really uncomfortable about the prospect of receiving a phone call from my ex. So much so that she's screening her calls (letting calls go to voice mail as she doesn't have call display on her landline).

So i'm guessing the ex will eventually get the message and stop trying to initiate contact.

[BC1980]

No yesterday my mother told me about the email in the afternoon and I told her later that evening to please not disclose any info about me and don't tell me about any future contacts.

 

Today I found out that my mother is really uncomfortable about the prospect of receiving a phone call from my ex. So much so that she's screening her calls (letting calls go to voice mail as she doesn't have call display on her landline).

So i'm guessing the ex will eventually get the message and stop trying to initiate contact.

 

Probably. It will die out with time. We all have to find our way after a breakup, and it's bumpy establishing new boundaries. Especially when you knew the family. A lot of people have a hard time navigating those boundaries and how to end those relationships. But they usually die a natural death in due time.

 

My last ex sent a condolence card to my dad when his mom died and some other odd things. I talked to his sister after our breakup several times. It eventually stops, and everyone moves on. I think it's just a weird spot sometimes when you were close with the family. It's hard to know how to cut that off.

[Corsican1]

65 days NC into my healing and I still sometimes get waves of longing about Ex during the workday...

I know for me, it`s the rejection that hurts the most

and what I miss or long for is having a life partner.

 

Unfortunately, in life, it seems you just can`t rely on anyone.

 

One thing for sure NC and not knowing is a blessing that I can rely on !!!

[Telemachus]

If you are intentionally not in contact, then good for you. 65 days is a start, but just a start. I have people I consider to be in my life with whom I have contact less than once a year, say up to 500 days or so between greetings.

 

My first wife and I haven't had any contact for the past 27 years.

 

If this is important to you, then remain silent and continue to ignore any contact attempts by him/her.

 

I mostly don't get it though. If I had something to say to my ex-wife, or she to me, I could stop by her house tomorrow, or her mine. Don't pat yourself too much on the back - it could very well be that you have nothing to say to each other right now. If you did say "hello" as you passed each other on a sidewalk, it wouldn't really spoil anything. It isn't as if there's a record to be set or anything. 50 days or 50 years, there's no magic number.

[Corsican1]

Ex dropped by my home and left a gift bag hanging on my door...

It was a 2016 world series baseball commemorative cap (I am a baseball player) and a hand written bread-crumbs note giving me some unsolicited recent updates on her life. She's also been pestering my mother with a few emails recently ( 65 days since NC began)

 

I know it was overall thoughtful but I will not be replying to this gesture as it represents what we all know here on LS as the dreaded bread-crumbs !!! Gotta admit though ... it's a little clever of her to deliver this one way message as she's getting the realization that she's dead to me...

 

I guess she may really want to be friends ... and that's uncharted territory for me. From what I can tell here on LS ... friendzone is deadzone ...

 

and there are so many beautiful women out there ...Why get stuck on one... That one ... what's so Fu^&en great about her anyways... she took my love and walked right out the door. Pfffft she was gone !!!

 

Sorry had to vent ...

 

input anyone ???

 

 

I will always love her and keep her in a special place in my heart but....

I'm hungry for a God D%^n SANDWICH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tressugar]

Congrats on the 65 days of NC and counting.

 

Why did you guys break up?

[Corsican1]

She decided after 7 years together that I wasn't the "one" (a week after valentines day... yes I know it's a thing ... a spike in break-ups)

 

Funny thing is ... I was so major league "THE ONE" for the 1st 6 years...

I obviously got lulled into a False sense of security I'd say...

 

Things were not that bad between us ... we loved each other but she somehow got it in her head that she was missing out on something in life ... GIGS... and that's where it stands right now ..

 

I am healing and she is dealing with her GIGS thing...

 

She had too much time on her hands to brood as she only works part time and me full time

 

We were great together and everybody that knew us as a couple is heart broken including both of our mothers ...

 

I thought there must be another person on the horizon but I actually have no info since I'm not a stalker ...

 

Life comes at you...

One Love !!!!

[bluefeather]

My input is that she is trying a little harder than most as far as breadcrumbs go. I would be a little weirded out, because she isn't saying she wants to get back, but is going all the way to your place to drop off gifts? Kinda sending mixed signals, which is basically what bread crumbs are supposed to be, but dang, those are some pretty big crumbs.

 

[] Thanks for sharing and please keep us updated!

Edited May 2, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Off topic ~6

[Corsican1]

Thanks

I found it quite disturbing and have been feeling very low this week at work.

Olive branch on her end ... bread crumbs on mine...

what to do ...

[Zahara]

Thanks

I found it quite disturbing and have been feeling very low this week at work.

Olive branch on her end ... bread crumbs on mine...

what to do ...

 

Dumpers don't realize the effects of contact when the other is still emotionally attached and affected. Likely in their mind wondering why can't everyone just get along and be friends. Some part of it is also the need to absolve guilt and I think that's what she's trying to do. Some don't like being thought of in a negative way so they require validation.

 

Or you could ask her what her motives are -- then move on and create a boundary. This way her attempts every now and then in the future aren't going to keep you guessing.

[Corsican1]

You can't control other people. Only yourself. Hopefully, her contact with your family will eventually stop. That's what usually happens. Until then, ask your family not to let you know if your ex talks to them.

 

Exes mother and my mother are friends and they meet up for the occasional lunch at the mall kind of thing with 4 or 5 people in total.

So with Mothers day on the horizon the Ex asked her mother to ask my mother if it would be OK if she could call her on the phone. My mother felt ambushed but decided to say OK to the request...

 

SO mother told me about it even though I told her already that I didn't want to know any details and for her not to dish out any updates on me. She mainly told me to see if I would be vehemently against it or whatever.

 

I told her again to do what she wants and that it would most probably die down in time.

 

Aaaarghhhh

[Corsican1]

My friend was in from out of town last weekend and the Ex found out through FB somehow and then she contacted my friend through FB in a series of updates on her life... selling her house ... son moving out of town... etc... she even said for my friend to say hello to me and that she misses me and my mother... she's clearly trying to rope me into the friendzone... which is not going to happen.

 

This reverse NC is really bugging me now cause we had discussed in the past that when her son eventually did move out then we would both sell our houses and buy something together. I guess she's a smooth operator if she managed to convince her FB friend(monkey branch) to buy a house together after only 3 months or so...

 

Anyway it burns being replaced. The big move in together decision is now moot but I need to deal with the residual feelings regarding our doomed & lost future life together. Yes it's finally happening. IT IS REAL... Will be on the other side of it soon !!!!!!!!!!

 

Oh peace of mind ... I miss you so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaargh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!