JennaStarr Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Hello Everyone I normally do not ask for advice but on this topic I do as my friends can be judgmental and I just want peoples honest opinion. So some background: Me and my boyfriend went to high school together and were not really friends but sat next to each other in a few classes and talked with each other a few times. He hit me up to reconnect in June and pretty much hung out every days since then. So with that him and his ex-have a history. He meet her 8 years ago and the first 4 years. The last 4 years she has only come around when she needed something’s and she would string him along saying that he needs to fix him and she needs to fix her. But when she needed something she would be around and sleep with him and so on pretty much for the last 4 years. So when we started hanging out she got jealous. We were not dating just more FWB’s as at that time I got out of something a year prior and didn’t really want a relationship as I have 3 kids. He has none. So I kinda didn’t know what I wanted at the time. He was cool with it. So then something happened and he told me what he wanted to limit things between us around September/October because she was coming over more (she was jealous) and then I guess I got jealous and in November I told him I was not going to be hanging around that much and that pretty much move on. Then he told me that she is actually a toxic person. She was using him and tries to manipulate him to buy her food or because she needs a place to stay. She was coming around and bring dope and that was the real reason he didn’t want me around as he was recovering and he relapsed. Well in November he was trying to stop the drug use and we started back up but more was exclusive FWB and in January we went official and started dating. He moved in with me in March. In February, She and him had a huge fight. She called him for money cause she was hungry. We had givin her 20 bucks and we told her that was the last time. She had called the following week in a morning asking for advice on life as she was having a hard time. Well that night he called to follow up to see if she worked things out. Well her new bf was there and she started to talk **** and was telling this new boyfriend about all the problem between them and he was done with her. She got arrested for fighting with this new boyfriend and called my boyfriend from jail and when he didn’t bail her out she was pissed started **** and I told him that if we were to work out that he had to start cutting her out of his life because I was not going to put up with it. He has tried and pretty much has been a month of no contact until about Wednesday. She reached out to him due to her father killing himself. She said that she wanted him to attend the funeral and that she really needs him right now as she has no one else. He tells me that he is over her and he is in a better place and that he loves me. That he just wants to try to be her friend but then she was sending him snap chats. I was watching a video he had taken on his phone when the snap chat notification showed up and there were 5 messages from her saying I need you. Call me. I love you… I told him the ex was back at it. Well I guess he replied that he would talk to her later about it as it is hard for him to talk to her when I am around. So I confronted him. I told him its pretty much me or her. I just want some advice. I know he loves me. I know he won’t go back to her. But am I over reacting. Should he attend the funeral of her father. (Her father hated him and vice versa) IDK.
smackie9 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 He's an adult, he can do whatever he wants.....especially if it's attending a funeral. Until there's a ring on your finger, you really can't tell him no.
Author JennaStarr Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 He's an adult, he can do whatever he wants.....especially if it's attending a funeral. Until there's a ring on your finger, you really can't tell him no. Good Point.
kendahke Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Understand this: He's involved with her because he wants to be involved with her. Period. He's going to stay involved with her because he wants to be involved with her. If he didnt' want to deal with her, he would say so and make it so that she couldn't contact him. He hasn't done that and instead, he's asking your permission to keep on dealing with her. She plies him with drugs because she knows his weakness and she exploits them for her own selfish purposes. There is nothing we can tell you because all of the action here has to come from him of his own volition. If he wants to hang with her and be there for her at this funeral (most likely in the hopes of doing drugs), then you're going to have to find some way of being OK with this since you're not kicking him to the curb. This guy is a loser with no good sense. He's not someone you need to be bringing around impressionable children.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 I would not be dating this man. The funeral for her father isn't the issue. This goes far beyond bereavement. He's still involved with his ex and it's not acceptable when you're in a new relationship. - it's the fact that he isn't letting go of her either. He goes to her because on some level, he wants to. He could easily say no, and he chooses not to. She still occupies an important place in his life, clearly. Add to that his apparent issues with drugs, and this is not a person I would consider having a relationship with. I would not want him around my kids, either. Do you not feel you can do a lot better than this? 1
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