Lik123 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Me(male) and my ex are both 18 we go to the same school and same class together. We were together for 5 months and I broke it off 2 months ago. We are both virgins but we did other stuff together in the bedroom but when it came to sex i couldn't do it(performance anxiety). I freaked out but she didn't mind. It really affected my confidence and I became cold on her and I was distancing myself from her because I was ashamed. She was supportive and she only wanted me to be close to her like I used to. I wouldn't let her close so she broke up with me but we got back together in 2 days. We acted like nothing happened and that lasted for about 2 weeks. We fooled around and I was able to do "it". Still we noticed that something went wrong between us. I broke it off because I tought I have lost feelings for her. She begged me to stay but i refused. We were seeing eachother every day in school and I couldn't let it be. I wanted to get back together with her and she agreed but she started talking how life is hard and she mentioned how she tried to commit suicide 3 years ago. I knew about that but she now mentioned it out of the blue and I was stunned. I relised that at that time her last boyfriend broke up with her. I said that I made a mistake and that I can't make up right now. That broke her and she cried like hell. I was especially worried because she has a parent with bipolar disorder and I done my research and I don't believe I could handle it. Mabye it was selfish but even though I loved/love her I didn't want to get more attached to the person with who I might not have a future with. And I would be constantly scared about leaving her if the relationship was too much for me. The main problem is that I still can't define my feelings. She was in love with me 2.5 years before we started dating and I wasn't in love with her. We were going out and I have grown to love her. She was attractive, nice, polite,loyal, generally a great person and I still think she is. After the breakup I started to analyise our relationship. I noticed that she was often in bad mood during our relationship(sad not angry). She blamed it on troubles at home but she refused to openly speak about it. It made me sad because I wanted her to open up to me so I can help her or at least comfort her. Anyways, 3 weeks ago we were at the bar with our friends and she got drunk. Tried to make me jelous and then at the end of the night she cried and said that she still loves me and she wanted me to say the same. I didn't because I still couldn't define if I loved her and I didn't want to lead her on because she was drunk and emotionally unstable. She wanted to walk home drunk in 2am across the city. I couldn't let her do that because I was scared that she will harm herself. I drove her home. Week later everybody acts like nothing has happened and she is trying to make me jelous by flirting with our mutual guy friends and she was intentionally speaking to my friend next to me that she is talking to her ex again(ex before me). I was pissed because I was still insecure about what I feel and she was constantly playing with my feelings. I started to filrt a little with her friend because I'm petty like that. That pissed her off and she texted me 2 days later and she said she still loves me and that me flirting with other girls hurt her. I confronted her about her firting and we had a fight. She was crying and asked why wouldn't I admit that I love her. I explained that I have a lot of family issues right now(which I actually do) so I'm not well enough to talk about that. She believed me but was still pissed. She sent me a long text about how she is done fighting for me and that she wants me out of her life and she deleted me on all social media. I'm so confused by my emotions. I still can't figure out if I love her, pitty her, feel guilty for breaking up, or am I afraid that nobody will ever love me like she did. She really was a great gf while there was no fighting. She loved me, kissed me, supported me, suprised me etc.. And I too gave my best to make her happy. I just can't figure out if I love her but I won't admit it because I am scared of her impulsive actions or I don't love her. I cried today and I don't know why, please help. PS. I have been to a psychiatrist and she said that my emotions could be supressed because of stress but that I certantly loved her if I was 5months with her. Should I get her back? I know that contacting her now would make her cry rivers but I'm sure she would get back together with me. I'm scared if I get her back that I won't ever be able to break things off again if it wouldn't work. I would give it another go because I'm unsure about my feeling and I know she would love that but I just can't handle the stress of always worrying if she is bipolar or borderline and that she will be unstable if we break up. PS: she never told me that she had mental issues but I noticed some of the sympthoms and I know she has been visiting a psyhiatrics even before we were together.The more I think about it, I wouldn't mind it if she had issues but I'm afraid that this is a too big commitment for a 18yo guy like myself.
Telemachus Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 She told you that she wants you out of her life. It's over. Your question about getting her back makes no sense. She doesn't want you back and isn't available to you. Accept and respect that. Wanting her back is for you. Do something for her - leave her alone. It wasn't a healthy relationship anyway. 1
Gaeta Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Is it in 1st or 2nd grade we learn how to make paragraphs! When someone wants to exit your life you let them. 4
smackie9 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Defeated by the Great Wall of Text! Ya I couldn't do it.... 2
kendahke Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Ok, I had to break this mess up Me(male) and my ex are both 18 we go to the same school and same class together. We were together for 5 months and I broke it off 2 months ago. We are both virgins but we did other stuff together in the bedroom but when it came to sex i couldn't do it(performance anxiety). I freaked out but she didn't mind. It really affected my confidence and I became cold on her and I was distancing myself from her because I was ashamed. She was supportive and she only wanted me to be close to her like I used to. I wouldn't let her close so she broke up with me but we got back together in 2 days. We acted like nothing happened and that lasted for about 2 weeks. We fooled around and I was able to do "it". Still we noticed that something went wrong between us. I broke it off because I tought I have lost feelings for her. She begged me to stay but i refused. We were seeing eachother every day in school and I couldn't let it be. I wanted to get back together with her and she agreed but she started talking how life is hard and she mentioned how she tried to commit suicide 3 years ago. I knew about that but she now mentioned it out of the blue and I was stunned. I relised that at that time her last boyfriend broke up with her. I said that I made a mistake and that I can't make up right now. That broke her and she cried like hell. I was especially worried because she has a parent with bipolar disorder and I done my research and I don't believe I could handle it. Mabye it was selfish but even though I loved/love her I didn't want to get more attached to the person with who I might not have a future with. And I would be constantly scared about leaving her if the relationship was too much for me. The main problem is that I still can't define my feelings. She was in love with me 2.5 years before we started dating and I wasn't in love with her. We were going out and I have grown to love her. She was attractive, nice, polite,loyal, generally a great person and I still think she is. After the breakup I started to analyise our relationship. I noticed that she was often in bad mood during our relationship(sad not angry). She blamed it on troubles at home but she refused to openly speak about it. It made me sad because I wanted her to open up to me so I can help her or at least comfort her. Anyways, 3 weeks ago we were at the bar with our friends and she got drunk. Tried to make me jelous and then at the end of the night she cried and said that she still loves me and she wanted me to say the same. I didn't because I still couldn't define if I loved her and I didn't want to lead her on because she was drunk and emotionally unstable. She wanted to walk home drunk in 2am across the city. I couldn't let her do that because I was scared that she will harm herself. I drove her home. Week later everybody acts like nothing has happened and she is trying to make me jelous by flirting with our mutual guy friends and she was intentionally speaking to my friend next to me that she is talking to her ex again(ex before me). I was pissed because I was still insecure about what I feel and she was constantly playing with my feelings. I started to filrt a little with her friend because I'm petty like that. That pissed her off and she texted me 2 days later and she said she still loves me and that me flirting with other girls hurt her. I confronted her about her firting and we had a fight. She was crying and asked why wouldn't I admit that I love her. I explained that I have a lot of family issues right now(which I actually do) so I'm not well enough to talk about that. She believed me but was still pissed. She sent me a long text about how she is done fighting for me and that she wants me out of her life and she deleted me on all social media. I'm so confused by my emotions. I still can't figure out if I love her, pitty her, feel guilty for breaking up, or am I afraid that nobody will ever love me like she did. She really was a great gf while there was no fighting. She loved me, kissed me, supported me, suprised me etc.. And I too gave my best to make her happy. I just can't figure out if I love her but I won't admit it because I am scared of her impulsive actions or I don't love her. I cried today and I don't know why, please help. PS. I have been to a psychiatrist and she said that my emotions could be supressed because of stress but that I certantly loved her if I was 5months with her. Should I get her back? I know that contacting her now would make her cry rivers but I'm sure she would get back together with me. I'm scared if I get her back that I won't ever be able to break things off again if it wouldn't work. I would give it another go because I'm unsure about my feeling and I know she would love that but I just can't handle the stress of always worrying if she is bipolar or borderline and that she will be unstable if we break up. PS: she never told me that she had mental issues but I noticed some of the sympthoms and I know she has been visiting a psyhiatrics even before we were together.The more I think about it, I wouldn't mind it if she had issues but I'm afraid that this is a too big commitment for a 18yo guy like myself.
kendahke Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 I vote for leaving her alone and getting on with your life. You say you have too much going on to be the guy she needs, to leave her be if that's the case. Don't torture her because you don't want to be alone. And stop with being petty--that gets you nowhere. Stop flirting with her friends to make her jealous and curtail your social involvements where she will flirt with your friends to make you jealous. When she does that, just leave the venue--she's only doing it for attention. She's got issues that she needs to go sort out. Just like you, she needs a therapist more than she needs a boyfriend.
d0nnivain Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 You don't love this girl & she doesn't love you. You were infatuated with each other & it didn't work. You both engaged in some destructive post break up behaviors. If you have concerns that she will self harm tell a teacher. Otherwise just let her be. 1
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