basil67 Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Otter, you sound like you're approaching this in a great way. I'd say this has been a thread worth making. Good luck. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Yeah, we do go for periodic hikes and walks but then we got for drinks and appetizers (wings, nachos etc) I would NEVER tell her shes getting fat but have suggested we drink less, eat healthier ad try to walk more when she comments about her weight. No we just gotta do it! Sometimes little changes can make a bigger difference. Wings is an easy one. Skinless chicken breasts, some breading, hot sauce and an oven, you can make something that tastes basically the same but with a ton less fat and calories. Eating half decent at home will save you more calories than eating healthy out. Don't underestimate how many calories they pack into restaurant meals. 1
central Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 I suggest you not have any alcohol around your place when she's there, and suggest you skip it if you're together elsewhere. Those are empty calories. Focus on those healthy meals, and save alcohol for very special occasions (you can do what you want when she's not around, but it might be helpful if you cut it out too).
kiss_andmakeup Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 I like women with some meat on their bones so its not been a big issue for me but the change has been noticeable. We definitely need to be more active and eat better. Growing up her mom didn't cook a lot and shes a single mother with a busy schedule so take out is too convenient. I am going to offer to shop and cook more. Plus I mentioned that we both need to do better (eating health, less beer and exercise) last time she mentioned her weight. Now we actually have to do it! I've found the easiest thing in the world is to keep salad supplies on hand...lettuce, your favorite veggies/toppings, maybe some feta or goat cheese...along with some pre-grilled chicken breasts from the prepared foods section. They last a week or so in the fridge, so when you/she gets home from work, all you have to do is throw your salad veggies into a bowl, dress it, and slice the chicken on top. Honestly it's faster than carry-out and really satisfying thanks to the protein in the chicken. 1
Author Otter2569 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 While she was working I went out and bought enough lettuce and salad things to feed a small army, a big store cooked chicken and salmon. I made a big salad with chicken breast one night and grilled salon with steamed green beans the next. Also made her another salad with chicken for lunch...hopefully this gets the ball rolling.
aileD Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 "I think I need to be healthier , I feel like crap lately and my pants are getting tight. Wanna do it together? I could use some support and it'd be cool to both have fun getting healthy together "
Author Otter2569 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 "I think I need to be healthier , I feel like crap lately and my pants are getting tight. Wanna do it together? I could use some support and it'd be cool to both have fun getting healthy together " I joke that my 6 pack has turned into a one pack. I noticed that when she is stressed she sleeps or naps. Something that she's aware of. More than once weve eaten, had few drinks and jumped into bed to cuddle and watch tv. If I see us getting into "lazy mode" I am going to go for a walk around the neighborhood (inviting her of course). Now that the weather is getting nice there is really no excuse.
TheWoman Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 Hi - I haven't read all the replies so maybe this has been said already, but you could tell her you want to get back in shape and ask if she would help you. Tell her it will be really hard for you to do it alone and so much more fun if you do it together. Great for the relationship to see if you can do that kind of thing together as well. As you age, have kids etc it will be even more necessary, so if you cant do it now, doesnt bode well... I think the 5/2 diet is really good. It very simple, 2 days a week you eat a very low number of calories, intermittent fasting, supposed to be very good for you. I know several people who have had huge success with it. Add in some exercise you both enjoy and you should get results.
beatcuff Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 OP, this will be tough to hear. while all the posts thus far have offered decent advise on 're-directing', she will figure out what you are attempting to do. at first she may find it acceptable, over time not so much. this is NOT a food or eating issue it is a behavior issue. it appears under stress she eats. it is a learned behavior/habit. and while it can be 'unlearned', like all habits 'programmed' at a young age is very difficult if not impossible to overcome. she will become (or already is) a yo-yo dieter. but never dealing with the underlying issue. you need to decide whether you can accept this negative. been there/done that/always back to square one.
Mandy91 Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 OP, this will be tough to hear. while all the posts thus far have offered decent advise on 're-directing', she will figure out what you are attempting to do. at first she may find it acceptable, over time not so much. That depends on the redirecting. A lot of the advice here has been to suggest that the OP wants to get healthier / lose weight and ask the GF to come along with him. I think in regards to that you are right to say that she'll probably figure it out. That is why I suggested earlier that you don't even need to make it about weight or say anything. Just start doing healthier things. Go and play tennis instead of bowling, nothing to do with weight but a clear benefit. Go for a picnic where you need to hike to a nice romantic spot instead of a fancy restaurant. Again, nothing to do with weight but a clear benefit. The OP doesn't need to say anything at all, just start leading a more active lifestyle and naturally his GF will come along with him. 1
NuevoYorko Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 It's touchy. I agree with all the suggestions to make a healthier lifestyle more of a priority in your life as a couple. You mention going out for wings or nachos. Those are not good choices. You are or at least have been a party to making them. It's not your "fault" if she's gaining weight but if you aren't ok with the results of eating nachos then don't go out for nachos. What this boils down to is a difficult truth. People's looks will change. Many people will gain weight as they get older or what have you but there are a lot of other ways a person's physical appearance will go downhill as time passes. Will you still want to be with her long term. regardless of extra pounds, or don't you?
Author Otter2569 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Posted April 25, 2017 Will you still want to be with her long term. regardless of extra pounds, or don't you? Yes! She is fun, smart, Sexy and a wonderful person
Blanco Posted April 25, 2017 Posted April 25, 2017 Probably the biggest mistake the average person makes regarding weight loss is going from one extreme to the other. They associate better eating with bland, tasteless food. They view eating better as something to "get through" for a period of time before they can resume "real" eating. I cannot emphasis enough how much better off the average person would be with familiarizing themselves with some basic cooking techniques, spices, and nutritional knowledge. 3
Popsicle Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Even if she gets a tight body, I'm sure you'll still get tired of her.
dichotomy Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 My partners weight never bothered me much, nor my sexual interest in them. But I can say that when a woman gains much weight or becomes sluggish and unfit, her interest in sex tends to decline - and THEN its a problem for me. Just my two cents on weight gain.
Spring23 Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 Is there a tactful way to tell your SO that they should start trying to loose weight? Before you jump all over me let me say shes a curvy girl to begin with. I love her and find her incredibly sexy and beautiful. In the last 6+ months shes gained about 20 lbs which has turned into a noticeable roll / FUPA. I know shes stressed at work, has her daughter full time, is going back to school to finish her degree so I really don't say anything. I also don't see her eating a lot of junk BUT she does eat out a lot and we always have a few beers when we are together. She commented a few times recently on her weight gain and how it makes her feel sluggish and seem to increase the frequency of headaches. OK now you can tell me I'm an insensitive ass... ...well, you could always say: "Honey you're under a lot of pressure. Why don't you quit your job and I'll support you." With the reduction in stress and all the extra time I bet she'll drop the weight quickly.
Fair Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 I am going to offer to shop and cook more. Plus I mentioned that we both need to do better (eating health, less beer and exercise) last time she mentioned her weight. Now we actually have to do it! Yes, I was just going to say, if you want her to eat healthier, COOK. Men still want women to work, take care of the kids, do all the cooking and housework and go to school and study and work out and be sexy and fabulous for them at all times... even though she has no time for herself... into the bargain. My god, assisting in these things is only decent, instead of sitting back sulking because she brings home takeout every night since she has to do everything including taking care of you and is too tired to make the meals. She doesn't owe you this just because she is female and you are male. so now you are on the right track. Give her a hand with the work... and not just until she loses weight. Its your responsibility, too.
Author Otter2569 Posted April 28, 2017 Author Posted April 28, 2017 So I cooked healthy for two days over the weekend and left her with a bunch of salad, chicken and a lot of salmon. I return two days later and it looks like none of it was touched and will get thrown out, . the two days I was there she took us out to eat once and she made cheese ravioli and meat sauce the other. I made eggs a few mornings (no bacon) and one piece of wheat toast each. Also packed her a salad one morning for lunch. I'm kinda bummed at the wasted food. Maybe I just need to do whats good for me and let her follow suit...or not?!
amaysngrace Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 Know what my doctor said when I gained weight from stopping smoking? He said "is that one of those unflattering dresses or did you gain weight?" Then another time he said to his nurse "I knew her when she was thin" I've lost nine pounds since I last saw him so he better notice, doctor dick wad. But to my point, she knows she's gaining but if she starts losing then compliment her. It will mean a lot more than being critical when she's gaining.
No_Go Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 I don't know why weight topic is so touchy. I mean the person shouldn't be an as* saying to his GF she's gaining (she knows it, 100% certainty), but I'd have been personally VERY pissed if someone starts with 'let's train together' or 'let's eat salmon' waiting to get the hint. I think this is more offensive than the direct approach because it implies weight gain + low intelligence (ugh, who on earth will not get the 'hint' immediately) I could be an exception but I love people sharing about things that they dislike about my appearance, knowledge etc. Because I can (and will) go ahead and fix the issue , they're just helping me to maintain my best. But I have a healthy confidence, I can imagine that won't work for someone who feels insecure...
Blanco Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 I don't know why weight topic is so touchy. I mean the person shouldn't be an as* saying to his GF she's gaining (she knows it, 100% certainty), but I'd have been personally VERY pissed if someone starts with 'let's train together' or 'let's eat salmon' waiting to get the hint. I think this is more offensive than the direct approach because it implies weight gain + low intelligence (ugh, who on earth will not get the 'hint' immediately) I could be an exception but I love people sharing about things that they dislike about my appearance, knowledge etc. Because I can (and will) go ahead and fix the issue , they're just helping me to maintain my best. But I have a healthy confidence, I can imagine that won't work for someone who feels insecure... Because it's unlikely that the person isn't already aware of this. Unfortunately, it's easier to lament about it and continue the patterns that led to the condition in the first place than it is to get proactive and do anything constructive about it. I think the OP's story about the food left untouched in the fridge says it all: Maybe the girlfriend doesn't feel good about her weight gain, but she's not ready or willing to actually do anything about it. Until then, the OP can prepare every meal for her and it won't make a difference. 1
central Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 Avoidance or denial of the problem only makes the problem worse, and that much harder to face and fix when you do get around to acknowledging it. I'd speak up about it, along the lines of "I'm sure you know you've gained some weight. I'll help if you want to do something about it." If that's too much to handle, well, too bad. I'll gladly help, but I'm not going to accept drama or be the bad guy for noticing and offering help. Some people will take care of things without having to be helped or prompted, and some need help from someone else to keep them on track. My wife is self-motivating, but if she needs my encouragement or help, she'll ask. And she doesn't get upset if I notice before she does, or bring it up before she does.
grays Posted April 29, 2017 Posted April 29, 2017 So, Otter, as long as this is bumped, how about an update? Are you guys still together?
Author Otter2569 Posted April 30, 2017 Author Posted April 30, 2017 Grays, we are still together and going strong 1
Author Otter2569 Posted May 1, 2017 Author Posted May 1, 2017 I'm just trying to be supportive. Personally I could avoid eating like crap too so I thought if we both make an effort then everyones a winner. Summer is coming and we could all stand to lose a few pounds especially with all the cookouts and parties that come with it. At the end of the day I will help where I can but I'm not going to turn into a health Nazi or start telling everyone what they should be eating. I'm a firm believer in everyone being responsible for their own actions.
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