xoxox Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 How do you guys feel about having sex at the beginning of dating? In my case, on the second.
Dis Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Never I wont have sex unless an exclusive relationship is established AND until I'm comfortable But I would if I wanted to end up on LS posting about how I havent heard from the guy in week 7
Author xoxox Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 What if you knew this guy for quite some time and there is a STRONG mutual attraction and a huge change of the relationship between you two...?
viatori patuit Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 I have done that and dated for a long time before. Timing of sex is not as important as reading the situation correctly. If the person is into you it won't matter when you do it. If the person isn't, then you are just having sex. That is not bad, but it might not be what you want. What makes you think it is a good idea? Also, how old are you? Age makes a difference in this discussion. 3
Dark Horse Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 (edited) The question is, why are you asking this question? Is it because you're concerned about being labelled [] too easy or you think having sex too soon ruins a relationship? Who cares, you can have sex whenever you want with whoever you want, just be you. The way I see it, you're going to be judged for everything you do, there's always gonna be someone who's against your views. You can't impress everybody. Too many people, especially women are caught up in being judged for their sexual desires that they repress them. Edited April 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language ~6 7
viatori patuit Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 The question is, why are you asking this question? Is it because you're concerned about being labelled a slut or too easy or you think having sex too soon ruins a relationship? Who cares, you can have sex whenever you want with whoever you want, just be you. The way I see it, you're going to be judged for everything you do, there's always gonna be someone who's against your views. You can't impress everybody. Too many people, especially women are caught up in being judged for their sexual desires that they repress them. This. I get turned on by women who know what they want. Docile women or women who are afraid to take a risk simply do not interest me. 2
Author xoxox Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 I have done that and dated for a long time before. The timing of sex is not as important as reading the situation correctly. If the person is into you it won't matter when you do it. If the person isn't, then you are just having sex. That is not bad, but it might not be what you want. What makes you think it is a good idea? Also, how old are you? Age makes a difference in this discussion. I'm 27, he's 26. I've never really had a problem with it... I just didn't care if something serious could eventually make out of it, I just lived in the moment, but this time is so different... I met this guy at church..., we're both charity workers and he asked me out a few months ago but I refused ( I wasn't in the mood). I was very attracted to him though and I quickly regretted my decision actually. However, we got a bit closer in time and we liked each other, he is the sweetest guy I know, he wears his heart on his sleeve. He brought me a pink rose and my favourite chocolate on our first date. I actually invited him over and we've been cooking a meal together. It was soooo difficult not to do anything, but he wasn't pushing. We kissed and boom! It made me so weak! I know we both want it, but... I don't know if it's worth the risk. I know I wouldn't regret it but I'm a bit scared that it will ruin everything. i know we should probably wait, but we both want it. He seems to be honest and I believe in what he says (that he's relationship and family oriented, like me).
Author xoxox Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 "Too many people, especially women are caught up in being judged for their sexual desires that they repress them." Yea, this. 1
OatsAndHall Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 I had my fun in the sack in college so I don't take sex lightly. I'll sleep with someone once it's exclusive. 2
Imajerk17 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Having sex on the first or second date is really no big deal as far as whether the relationship will work out or not. After all, gettig back to your situation, HE (the guy you are seeing) had sex on the second date too. Just be forewarned that this relationship might or might not work out or continue, for whatever reason. Great post (#5) @DarkHorse!
Grey40 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 (edited) Women overthink this all the time. Having sex on the first or second date does't make the guy respect you less at all (unless they're a butthurt beta). If a guy likes you, he'll keep hanging out with you and try to establish something further with you over time. If he doesn't do that, he didn't like you that much. Guys don't have to feel an emotional connection at all with a women to have sex, we know this. If you want to do it, you should..life is short. Don't be stopped because you're worried they will think less of you. I have never once had a one night stand and thought "oh ok, now they aren't dating material". Never once. Obviously there's more at risk for women--pregnancy scare, being raped, emotional investment etc. So I get that. The key is to keep it in perspective. If you can have sex with a guy and NOT get too attached, then go for it. But if you'll fall head over heels because of it, then it can be dangerous because like I said, Men will have sex with someone even if they're not all that interested in them as a person. But having sex too quickly isn't a barometer to gauge anything off of. If the guy is putting more effort into the relationship with each date/week, then that's all that matters. Edited April 17, 2017 by Grey40
act00 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 The thing about sex too soon is you might not hear back from them after you do the deed. You think everything is going great, you feel safe, and you enjoy yourself...and they ghost you. It's risky behavior, and it really sucks a lot, when you thought you were both on the same page. There are men who judge. It doesn't matter that he also slept with you on the first or second date, when a woman does it, she's slutty and they think less of her, and don't want to pursue her. I agree, you are allowed to enjoy your sexuality, but you just don't know what the end result will be. It is often times better to wait. Mostly because of the risk, use protection, of course. If you get emotionally wrapped up in it and have strong feelings, best not to do it unless he is equally in that place, and waiting a few dates and time will solidify it. He can still dump and run after. You never know. You have known this man platonically for some time, so I wouldn't find it too soon to fall into bed with him right away. You have a history. I do worry if the religiosity will get in the way - unmarried sex is a sin - and this could be problematic. Without that, there are no guarantees, but he seems to be ready to stick around awhile. Enjoy the benefits. 1
Simple Logic Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 As long as you are comfortable with it, accept it for what it is and don't have an unrealistic expectations of the other person, who are any of us to judge. 2
Arieswoman Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 IMO, if you have to ask the question "is it too soon" then it probably is too soon 4
Author xoxox Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 Thank you for the replies, I will take all the concerns into consideration.
blockrockinbeat74 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Some still associate early sex with a lack of morals (for women only, naturally). It's not, but judgey people are gonna judge. Two consenting, emotionally mature adults can have sex whenever they feel like it; if the sex is good, all the better. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, especially early and without having had a discussion about each other's dating goals, she should assume it will be a one-night stand unless he shows her otherwise by maintaining consistent contact and scheduling dates. If it's going to be a one-night stand, so be it. There's nothing wrong with sleeping with a man if that's what you really want and can enjoy the experience with someone you don't know very well and without becoming "attached" through that experience. If you're dating for the purpose of having a relationship, what's the big deal if you wait a little while just so you develop and find that you have a good rapport, feel comfortable with the time and make sure you're on the same dating goals page? Why possibly sabotage things with a new guy who may or may not be "judgemental" about early sex. By the same token, you might be dating a guy who feels that if he doesn't get sex early, he bails because that's part of his dating "criteria". It's a catch-22 sometimes. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Bottom line, if he bails because you had sex too soon, the two of you weren't compatible in terms of women's sexual freedom and he has a double-standard. So be it. His attitude about it all is not important . . . what's important is how you feel about it. 1
central Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 If it feels like it's too soon to YOU, then don't. When I was dating, every woman I did have sex with initiated on the second or third date - I was never pushy about it, but they were eager! lol I even turned some down on the first date - that is too soon even for me, normally. And if I didn't see some potential with them, I'd usually turn them down even on the second or third date, unless it was clear that this was just for fun and not to expect further dates.
Gaeta Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 I always had sex very early in my relationships but I am one of the few women that can seperate sex, feelings and expectations. What ruins it when sex happens early is that the woman's atttitude change. She acts as if this sex meant an instant relationship. It's not. If sex happens early just continue dating as if it didn't happen. Don't be cligny, don't follow him on social media and let him initiate. 4
NuevoYorko Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 I don't think it matters when you sleep with them, EXCEPT if it will end up hurting your feelings if the relationship goes no further after you do it. That happens often. If it will happen to you, simply wait until you have a bit of confidence in where the relationship is headed. No guarantees but at least you gave yourself a chance to learn more. 1
Author xoxox Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 Ok guys, there's not gonna be sex anytime soon, he actually never been inside a woman. Done everything except penetration and he is willing to wait until marriage.
RecentChange Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 I had sex with my now husband on the second date. Does that mean all men will marry you if you have sex with them on the second date? Of course not. Does it mean waiting will guarantee a lasting relationship? Of course not. When it comes to dating, there are thousands of variables that are unique to each couple. Do what feels right for you.
stillafool Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Ok guys, there's not gonna be sex anytime soon, he actually never been inside a woman. Done everything except penetration and he is willing to wait until marriage. I was going to ask that since you both seem to be Christians what about fornication?
BaileyB Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Ok guys, there's not gonna be sex anytime soon, he actually never been inside a woman. Done everything except penetration and he is willing to wait until marriage. Well, there is your answer. How important is sex to you, are you willing to wait until marriage? And, I'm assuming that you have had sex before - what does he think about that?
Jj66 Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 Excluding one night stands, my relationships always last longer when sex happens sooner. My last two relatioships that lasted over a year both started with second date sex. When it takes until after the 5th date the limit is apparently 2 or 3 months before sexual boredom sets in and I move on.
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