kj4412 Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 Hello everyone, Recently started seeing a girl I met online and she is new to the area (has a few family members here). We have been on 4 dates and she had to reschedule 2 of those (for legitimate reasons). Recently tried to go on a date this weekend but she said she had family all weekend which makes sense (Easter), but never suggested a new day that works for her like usual. We have seen each other for little over a month now. The most recent date has lead to sex and everything. When we are together she shows that she is into me and hasn't pulled back on anything (holding hands, kissing, cuddling, etc.) I know we are both physically attracted to each other quite a bit and overall have a good time. Also ending the night a kiss good bye saying she had a good time. For communication, I am the one who always has to initiate. I have always had to start the conversation or setup the date. I only really text her 1-2 times a week to setup dates but have had a few conversation/snaps, but try to keep it to just setting up dates. I feel like the detail and effort in her texts has dropped. Sometimes it will take her awhile to text back and in the beginning it was more frequent. Example of this was like "Sorry I was busy, or sorry didn't see this cause was out!" Like 5 hours later. Again could be legitimate. The past week I noticed myself over pursuing a little and she did not reciprocate so I pulled back to not come off as needy. My main goal is to pursue a relationship. Last time we were together I asked her that I was confused how she felt and where this was going. She said she was interested and she doesn't tell her emotions and would rather do them through action. We both we said we were interested in a relationship so just left it at that and continued the night. (Yes my answer is right there, she said she was "interested" but the way she communicates still makes me question it) Again, we both are busy with our lives currently but it's at the point where I am putting in all the effort to meet up and I don't want to over pursue. I know I am over thinking this, I just am really into the girl and want to make it work. I have been holding back a lot of emotions and behind the scenes the whole thing is making me crazy. I am talking to other women to keep my mind off of it and for other options incase. She may be seeing other guys too which is fine since we aren't exclusive. Questions: - Since I haven't contacted since the moment I thought I was over pursuing, should I wait a week to see if she contacts me first? - Overall any other tips / suggestions. - Is she playing hard to get?
Telemachus Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 You're not her boss who signs her paycheck. You shouldn't be specifying how much time she has to reply to a message from you. If you were at the hospital waiting for the kidney she'd promised for your transplant, 5 hours would be a long time. If she'd promised to pick you up at the airport, and you had it arranged in advance, 5 hours would be a long time. For a message like the one you sent and considering the nature of your relationship, 5 days wouldn't necessarily be a long time. You have an unreasonable sense of entitlement, my opinion of course. Now, if you are her boss, and it's work related, you could specify that she reply to you within 30 minutes during working hours. You use the word "always" and "all the effort" in connection with your relationship. It's not true, and it's a conversation ender to claim something like this. "Always" and "never" are false claims, and a person using those words is being unpleasantly aggressive. You need to be more careful about your words and more honest about the situation. When it comes to human behavior, always and never feature prominently in false accusations and misrepresentations about situations. That aside, yes, wait. If she does contact you, and you think it's been too long, tell her simply that the offer's expired. Move on; you're making yourself miserable because your expectations are unrealistic. She's not as into you as you are into her. It's as simple as that, and that's exactly how most relationships are. Mutuality and full reciprocation are very rare. Most of us learn this by 7th grade - the people we like the most and the people who like us the most tend not to be the same people, and to get something you want, you have to give something. In this case, if you want to be with her, you have to make a greater effort than she will, and you have to be patient. Otherwise, just move on, and find someone who's more into being with you than she is. Beware though: you may not be into that woman as much as she's into you, and she may be posting exactly what you did here, but in reverse. 3
preraph Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 Now you know that she doesn't like just talking about how she feels and probably told you that because she feels it's too early for you to ask the question. And she's wise to just want to judge by actions instead. As long as she's willing, keep asking her out. Try to find different things to do on a date to see if you can find something you truly bond over. The more fun you have, the more a person wants to be with you. So relax and have fun.
Titanll Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 I am talking to other women to keep my mind off of it and for other options incase. She may be seeing other guys too which is fine since we aren't exclusive. Questions: - Since I haven't contacted since the moment I thought I was over pursuing, should I wait a week to see if she contacts me first? - Overall any other tips / suggestions. - Is she playing hard to get? So, if it's fine for you each to see other people, what's the problem? If you can talk to other women and get your mind off her, why not just talk to other women and not worry about her? Just stop saying over pursuing and trying to figure out some silly rule about when to contact her. My advice: Communicate your desires and be prepared to move on if her desires aren't aligned with yours.
joseb Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 No she's not playing hard to get. Her interest level is low right now. And all this talking about defining relationships and how she feels is probably not helping. It may sound sexist, but I don't think a guy should initiate that kind of conversation. If her lack of response is bothering you too much, then just move on.
whatnot Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 But you do need to be careful. This little lady is setting the ground rules as we speak. You do not want an unbalanced relationship....to the point of unhappiness for you. That's what I'm seeing taking shape. back off....go find someone who's as into you as you are them she's just not that into you...another perspective
whatnot Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 (edited) Buddy...I just read your deal again. You can trust your instincts. Do not let anyone tell you you're being unrealistic to want a partner that you can trust. If you were paying her a paycheck....you'd fire her. A relationship is closer to a partnership. And as in business....if you can't trust your partner....there's trouble a brewin'. Find someone who you trust. Without trust, you got nothin'. And with this person....I don't trust her already either. She's giving you her body...with little to nothing else. Tread wearily. You two may very well be looking for two completely different things. Edited May 3, 2017 by whatnot
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