Why haven't I found my person?

[Ssadrer920]

I've been single for 5 years, I am also 29. I moved away to another state alone, and have been here for two years. I've done the online dating and it's been horrible. I still feel like I could meet someone without having to be online, but then again I don't know where to meet people. Everyone I have met has just wanted one thing. I find it hard, when I tell people I moved here alone for a job, like it's almost intimidating. I am very focused on my career, but want to at least have someone to talk to, and I don't have that. People always tell me I'm young it will happen when it happens, but I have watched all my friends get married and have kids. I tend to do a lot on my own, because it's even hard to meet friends. I thought moving away and starting over in a new place would do that for me, but it hasn't. Does anyone else feel this way, that maybe you're meant to be alone?

[smackie9]

You need to build a social circle and get involved in social activities....that's how you meet people organically...through friends, and social activities/events, etc.

[Mkn1010]

All I can say is that I feel your pain, I'm 30 and in the same boat!

[divegrl]

I'm so sorry you are going thru this. It must be really difficult for you.

 

Be a reflection of what you'd like to receive. If you want love, you must give love.

 

Take care my friend.

[atsumi]

I went through something similar a few years ago, although I was single for 2.5 years instead of 5. It was very difficult, and I definitely feel your pain. I tried online dating many times and got only heartbreak from it. I eventually realized that I needed to be happy and comfortable with myself and my friends first, and then finding 'my person' can happen much more organically.

 

My suggestions are - step outside of your comfort zone and do new things, meet new people. For me, I also moved across the country alone for a job, and had a lot of trouble both making friends (and dating) alone in a new city. After about a year of struggling, I joined a very social running club (even though I wasn't even a runner). That gave me a new hobby, introduced me to many fantastic people, and made me overall much happier. That kind of happiness is attractive, trust me

 

Try something new, even if it feels very uncomfortable. It may take you a few tries to find the right activity / club / social circle. But once you do, you may be surprised at the many great things it can lead to.

[BearwithMe]

people tend to have their "feeling alone"time and its how you deal with it.online dating also helps lessen those alone time but mostly will only give you those false feelings as what my friend has told me and i find it true. I myself had my share of online dating and well almost fell for someone online.it's a good feeling nevertheless,to have someone to talk to,who shares common interest with you and who makes you feel special..tho its all online.i agree with those comments here tho..you need to socialize more..lower down your guard and try to enjoy your life as much as possible..of course your career is already there so maybe try to be more active socially..make friends..go out more..and your right person will just come unexpected but you gotta work on being more sociable of course..and if you are the romantic type of person as youve said..then you would definitely attract girls

[Ssadrer920]

All I can say is that I feel your pain, I'm 30 and in the same boat!

 

Well I guess I'm not alone with this feeling, I hope the best for you as well!

[Ssadrer920]

I'm so sorry you are going thru this. It must be really difficult for you.

 

Be a reflection of what you'd like to receive. If you want love, you must give love.

 

Take care my friend.

 

 

Thank you, I think I could say I'm a pretty great person and would go out of

My way for someone. Just would love to share that with someone.

[Ssadrer920]

I'm so sorry you are going thru this. It must be really difficult for you.

 

Be a reflection of what you'd like to receive. If you want love, you must give love.

 

Take care my friend.

 

I went through something similar a few years ago, although I was single for 2.5 years instead of 5. It was very difficult, and I definitely feel your pain. I tried online dating many times and got only heartbreak from it. I eventually realized that I needed to be happy and comfortable with myself and my friends first, and then finding 'my person' can happen much more organically.

 

My suggestions are - step outside of your comfort zone and do new things, meet new people. For me, I also moved across the country alone for a job, and had a lot of trouble both making friends (and dating) alone in a new city. After about a year of struggling, I joined a very social running club (even though I wasn't even a runner). That gave me a new hobby, introduced me to many fantastic people, and made me overall much happier. That kind of happiness is attractive, trust me

 

Try something new, even if it feels very uncomfortable. It may take you a few tries to find the right activity / club / social circle. But once you do, you may be surprised at the many great things it can lead to.

 

 

Thank you, I for sure stepped out of my comfort zone when I moved away to another state alone. It didn't stop me from going out even if I was alone. I've made friends with my coworkers and we hang outside of work, but they have no one for me to meet. I've even joined meet up groups for singles and I can tell you it was as bad as online dating. I do like to go out for happy hour after work occasionally, thinking if I'm going to meet someone maybe it will be during

This time when everyone is off work, and it be a person who has their life together. I will try again to be more social.

[Ssadrer920]

people tend to have their "feeling alone"time and its how you deal with it.online dating also helps lessen those alone time but mostly will only give you those false feelings as what my friend has told me and i find it true. I myself had my share of online dating and well almost fell for someone online.it's a good feeling nevertheless,to have someone to talk to,who shares common interest with you and who makes you feel special..tho its all online.i agree with those comments here tho..you need to socialize more..lower down your guard and try to enjoy your life as much as possible..of course your career is already there so maybe try to be more active socially..make friends..go out more..and your right person will just come unexpected but you gotta work on being more sociable of course..and if you are the romantic type of person as youve said..then you would definitely attract girls

 

Thank you for your comment! I appreciate it.

[Dis]

Ohhh girl I totally understand

 

I'm 30 and I'm having a really tough time dating too

 

I've been on OLD (online dating) for 1.75 years and I'm pretty worn thin

 

I'll tell you the same thing everyone tells me (and when they do I want to slap them in the face ) It will happen when its meant to happen

 

I know thats no comfort. Esp for impatient daters like me. But its the truth

 

Like another poster mentioned, keep putting good energy out there and try to keep looking if you have the energy

 

I think good things come to people who really try and go after what they want

 

Keep your chin up girl! And feel free to vent

[Miss Spider]

What didn't you like about online dating? If you aren't opposed to anything online and are looking to expand your social circle I suggest an app called Bumble BFF(best friends forever) I've never used it, but I know people who have success meeting friends that way! You'll be more likely to get out more if you have ppl to do stuff with. Best~

[leogirl876]

I'm 40 and still single. Being single is better than being married to the wrong person! I didn't like OLD either. I've reached a point in my life that if I meet someone, great, if not, I'm not gonna stress over something I can't control. Live your life for you, get involved in things you like and you'll meet someone. I've been in grad school the last 4 years, and all my classmates were women, gay men, or married. After graduation, it's time to go have fun. Sign up for meet up's or other things, live life and if it's meant to be, it'll happen, if not, at least you lived life to the fullest.

[Ssadrer920]

Ohhh girl I totally understand

 

I'm 30 and I'm having a really tough time dating too

 

I've been on OLD (online dating) for 1.75 years and I'm pretty worn thin

 

I'll tell you the same thing everyone tells me (and when they do I want to slap them in the face ) It will happen when its meant to happen

 

I know thats no comfort. Esp for impatient daters like me. But its the truth

 

Like another poster mentioned, keep putting good energy out there and try to keep looking if you have the energy

 

I think good things come to people who really try and go after what they want

 

Keep your chin up girl! And feel free to vent

 

Thank you, I did become worn out from online dating, because I tend to meet the ppl looking to hook up and not actually be serious, and I paid for online dating, so that made it worse. I've heard the same, It will happen when it happens. 5 years later, I'm still doing me, accomplished goals have a great job, not even desperate to meet someone, but then I start to think why is there not even a man I'm potentially talking too. I'm sure maybe one day it will happen for me. Maybe I've just gotten used to being single, and don't know any different, because I've actually never lived with a man.

[Ssadrer920]

What didn't you like about online dating? If you aren't opposed to anything online and are looking to expand your social circle I suggest an app called Bumble BFF(best friends forever) I've never used it, but I know people who have success meeting friends that way! You'll be more likely to get out more if you have ppl to do stuff with. Best~

 

Hello! Thank you for the suggestion, I will definitely look into it. I guess with online dating it's just been bad, and everyone I meet hasn't grown up and just. Wants to hook up. I've even been on legit sites I had to pay for. Every once in awhile I get on or try some new dating site, but then I guess I just believe that someone is out there for me, and it not being someone online. I guess I still want to believe I can meet someone out, at an event or through a friend. I guess that might be asking too much :/

[Ssadrer920]

I'm 40 and still single. Being single is better than being married to the wrong person! I didn't like OLD either. I've reached a point in my life that if I meet someone, great, if not, I'm not gonna stress over something I can't control. Live your life for you, get involved in things you like and you'll meet someone. I've been in grad school the last 4 years, and all my classmates were women, gay men, or married. After graduation, it's time to go have fun. Sign up for meet up's or other things, live life and if it's meant to be, it'll happen, if not, at least you lived life to the fullest.

 

Thank you, I have been living my life traveling getting our in the world, that's one thing I'm not scared of. I can look back and say I got to live my

Life and literally travel the world. Because if I'm going to be single this long I have nothing holding me back. Reason I'm following my dreams, because I can't control if I'll ever meet anyone, but I can control traveling and that's what I love to do even if it's just me. Traveling alone just feels so free and makes me feel alive. Thank you again for making me realize that!

[Miss Spider]

Hello! Thank you for the suggestion, I will definitely look into it. I guess with online dating it's just been bad, and everyone I meet hasn't grown up and just. Wants to hook up. I've even been on legit sites I had to pay for. Every once in awhile I get on or try some new dating site, but then I guess I just believe that someone is out there for me, and it not being someone online. I guess I still want to believe I can meet someone out, at an event or through a friend. I guess that might be asking too much :/

 

I don't think it's asking too much at all! Many people still meet their "one" that way! In fact, most. If online dating isn't for you, it's just not. It isn't for me, either. Like Disillusionment said, it really does happen when you least expect. At least in my experience. Have fun

[MoreThanThat]

I'm much older than you are and have to start over from ground zero 3x in the last 2 years alone. I had a lot of connections online but nothing serious. Most of my better connections have come from IRL and prior to the 2 years, always IRL.

 

I tend to jump into local activities I enjoy right away when in a new city. It's been a great opportunity for me to try new things. That's been awesome to make new friends and get invited to a lot of things too.

 

One thing that has worked so well for me is inviting the people from one or more groups over to my place for a pot luck dinner and ask them to bring a friend.

 

Another time I was a week out from Superbowl Sunday and had no where to go so I just started asking people over with a friend... that actually worked out well and I met a great guy that way.

[mbee]

I feel your pain. I'm 28 (29 in less than a month) and have been single for the last 4 years (outside of one short term relationship and 1 month dating with a guy).

 

I also moved from the USA --> Sydney, Australia 3 years ago so major life change. Here's my advice because I haven't met the right one, but I've been out with a ton of guys, where it's clear the quality has improved (attractive, good jobs, nice). Yes some have only wanted sex but you don't need to let that impact you more than it needs to.

 

1. Be honest with yourself about what YOU might be doing to prevent the right guy from entering your life. This is tough and took me over a year to figure out. I had an unrequited love for a friend for a year which gave off the vibe that I was in a relationship with this person to single guys. I know this because when I got in a short term relationship with a different guy, all these guys were like "what?! I thought you were with this other." I also was going through homesickness that was affecting my mood and maybe making me come off as more negative than I really am.

 

2. Work on personal development. For me this included getting in the best shape of my life, learning more about my weaknesses and how to improve on them, getting out of my comfort zone.

 

3. Be social and focus on meeting new people NOT new guys. I'm really, really social, plus I'm an introvert haha. I meet people all the time. Don't look for single guys. It can come across as desperate and doesn't make the best impression. Focus on meeting new friends. I've met guys through mutual friends, out at a pub crawl with friends and even on the street. Just be positive and look for an opportunity to meet a new friend (even if it's not a single and available guy). You never know who you might meet this way.

 

4. Respect and honor your boundaries. I'm the type where I get very emotionally attached once sex is in the picture. Therefore I don't have sex until I'm ready. Don't let anyone pressure or guilt you into sex. The moment, you feel like your boundaries aren't respected, walk away.

 

5. Waste less time on the wrong guy. When you feel a guy isn't into you, let him go. He will come back if he's into you. If something is a red flag, instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt, walk away and don't look back. When you allow too much negative dating into your life it only makes you more jaded and cynical.

 

6. Be positive. Every wasted date, is one step closer to meeting the right guy. It's cool if you have those days where you cry and feel like you'll be forever alone. I have them, but they shouldn't be happening the majority of the time. Stay positive and keep putting yourself out there on online dating, tinder, meetups, and just hanging with your friends.

 

7. Think of the guy you want to attract, and be the person you think he would be attracted to. This will keep you on track in terms of personal development, continuing to be a kind person, showing respect and love and keeping an open heart.

 

I know it's tough but doing all these things has helped me tremendously. Think of it this way, when you meet the right guy, you won't be single anymore and you'll miss all the fun you are having in your single life. Do your best to have fun and enjoy life. It's okay to feel lonely, but it's better to be alone then to waste years on a guy who is wrong for you and doesn't treat you well.

Edited April 18, 2017 by mbee

[mbee]

Maybe I've just gotten used to being single, and don't know any different, because I've actually never lived with a man.

 

You make an interesting point here. As I mentioned in my prior post, be honest about what YOU are doing to prevent yourself from meeting the right guy.

 

I'm independent and love being single (even when I feel like I don't). I know this because when I got in last relationship that lasted 4.5 months, I suddenly felt uncomfortable. I had to carve out time for the guy and started realizing I was having a much more difficult time transitioning into a relationship. I had strong feelings for the guy so I worked through this for him... BUT I learned a lot from that experience.

 

Now that I'm single and dating again, I really put myself out there, make time for a guy, stop worrying so much about if he likes me, go on each date in a good mood and try to catch myself if I'm almost choosing guys emotionally unavailable. Be careful of self-sabotage. You might be meeting the right guys but if he thinks you aren't available, feels you are desperate, fed up with dating or thinks you aren't ready to give up your independent single life, then he will protect his heart and move on.

 

You can be happy being single but realize that you need to look ready for a relationship for the right guy... not look like you are too busy for a relationship and only want one for the label and not to make room for a meaningful relationship.

[divegrl]

Thank you, I think I could say I'm a pretty great person and would go out of

My way for someone. Just would love to share that with someone.

 

Hi!

 

You seem like a very compassionate and kind person. You must 100% believe the right man is just waiting for you. And he is btw! Let go of any doubt, I know this is hard. You will attract the values and beliefs you embody!

 

Mbees advice above is golden! Plz read and reread this! I actually copied the post to my phone! Lol!

 

Good luck my friend!!!

[Titanll]

OLD is horrible! You are 29, career oriented, even moved to another location thinking it would help. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. There are no good men left. Online, they want only one thing! And it's difficult to meet anyone IRL. It does suck that all of your friends are getting married and starting families. Totally understand!

 

You will find the perfect guy for you...you just need to be patient. Good luck and best wishes.

[Ssadrer920]

I feel your pain. I'm 28 (29 in less than a month) and have been single for the last 4 years (outside of one short term relationship and 1 month dating with a guy).

 

I also moved from the USA --> Sydney, Australia 3 years ago so major life change. Here's my advice because I haven't met the right one, but I've been out with a ton of guys, where it's clear the quality has improved (attractive, good jobs, nice). Yes some have only wanted sex but you don't need to let that impact you more than it needs to.

 

1. Be honest with yourself about what YOU might be doing to prevent the right guy from entering your life. This is tough and took me over a year to figure out. I had an unrequited love for a friend for a year which gave off the vibe that I was in a relationship with this person to single guys. I know this because when I got in a short term relationship with a different guy, all these guys were like "what?! I thought you were with this other." I also was going through homesickness that was affecting my mood and maybe making me come off as more negative than I really am.

 

2. Work on personal development. For me this included getting in the best shape of my life, learning more about my weaknesses and how to improve on them, getting out of my comfort zone.

 

3. Be social and focus on meeting new people NOT new guys. I'm really, really social, plus I'm an introvert haha. I meet people all the time. Don't look for single guys. It can come across as desperate and doesn't make the best impression. Focus on meeting new friends. I've met guys through mutual friends, out at a pub crawl with friends and even on the street. Just be positive and look for an opportunity to meet a new friend (even if it's not a single and available guy). You never know who you might meet this way.

 

4. Respect and honor your boundaries. I'm the type where I get very emotionally attached once sex is in the picture. Therefore I don't have sex until I'm ready. Don't let anyone pressure or guilt you into sex. The moment, you feel like your boundaries aren't respected, walk away.

 

5. Waste less time on the wrong guy. When you feel a guy isn't into you, let him go. He will come back if he's into you. If something is a red flag, instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt, walk away and don't look back. When you allow too much negative dating into your life it only makes you more jaded and cynical.

 

6. Be positive. Every wasted date, is one step closer to meeting the right guy. It's cool if you have those days where you cry and feel like you'll be forever alone. I have them, but they shouldn't be happening the majority of the time. Stay positive and keep putting yourself out there on online dating, tinder, meetups, and just hanging with your friends.

 

7. Think of the guy you want to attract, and be the person you think he would be attracted to. This will keep you on track in terms of personal development, continuing to be a kind person, showing respect and love and keeping an open heart.

 

I know it's tough but doing all these things has helped me tremendously. Think of it this way, when you meet the right guy, you won't be single anymore and you'll miss all the fun you are having in your single life. Do your best to have fun and enjoy life. It's okay to feel lonely, but it's better to be alone then to waste years on a guy who is wrong for you and doesn't treat you well.

 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for this, I actually saved it and look at it often! Thank you for the wonderful advice and I will for sure take this with me and work on myself!

[Ssadrer920]

Hi!

 

You seem like a very compassionate and kind person. You must 100% believe the right man is just waiting for you. And he is btw! Let go of any doubt, I know this is hard. You will attract the values and beliefs you embody!

 

Mbees advice above is golden! Plz read and reread this! I actually copied the post to my phone! Lol!

 

Good luck my friend!!!

 

 

Thank you, I do agree the advice above is amazing! I am glad to have people to talk to about this. I feel like I have been waiting patiently, not looking focusing on myself and still nothing. I do need to work on opening up with myself, and not being scared!

[Ssadrer920]

OLD is horrible! You are 29, career oriented, even moved to another location thinking it would help. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. There are no good men left. Online, they want only one thing! And it's difficult to meet anyone IRL. It does suck that all of your friends are getting married and starting families. Totally understand!

 

You will find the perfect guy for you...you just need to be patient. Good luck and best wishes.

 

 

Thanks! I hope I do soon, who knew having your life together could steer away men... I guess though at the end of the day, I will have focused on me and I will be happy with that. Patience is key and trust me I don't even look and I'm not desperate. I'm so used to being alone that I forget I am sometimes. Lately it's just like I want someone to talk to love feel the same way about. Not just coming home to myself.