z_eeen1 Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 Hello, I need advise from a third perspective (an outsider's perspective). When I ask him, of cos he says he loves me. But sometimes i feel his actions are otherwise. Within 2nd to 3rd month of dating, he would scold me about several issues like lateness etc. There was on occasion where i rushed through my lunch w my parents in order to meet him and ended up sick (i have stomach issues) and later on i explained to him that i rushed through my lunch and even gave up sending my parents home as they didn't know the way. He shouted that it was my problem and not his problem. I know it was my fault for letting him wait 30 mins too but he sounded really heartless and cold. However, on another occasion when i attended his graduation ceremony, it took me 2 hours to makeup and prepare (I am not very good with it but I took the effort to not disgrace him in front of his friends), and another 2 hours of travelling time to there, only to be met with a comment "you put on a lot of makeup?" The comment made me felt i was ugly for the day and I was really upset. Furthermore, he bade me goodbye and say that he will not send me home as he wished to take his parents home. I wasn't very familiar with the route back, but i figured i could find my own way home though i was disappointed. And i was very angry that he didn't respect my parents' needs whereas he wanted me to respect his parents' needs?? There was one time where i was shopping at etude house, while he waited outside. Then he came in and asked me if i was done. I told him I was not done, he was waiting for around 10 mins and then he got pissed and just walked off. I thought he went toilet so i did not follow or asked. Later on, i bought several things including a mask for his acne but realised he was nowhere to be found after i walked around the vicinity. Later on, I called him and went to him. I just felt that not only was he very impatient, but he also lied to me because previously he told me that it was part of boyfriend's duty to accompany the gf to shop, so I thought he would be ok waiting for me. And furthermore, by not telling me where he went, i felt he was quite irresponsible. Before we got together, he also said that he would make my favourite taiwan dish, cheese with bacon etc, for me. But after we got tgt, he did not make it for me. And when I asked him about it, he said sorry that he was not good at cooking. My impression of him dipped further as I felt he had not kept to a man's words and had just lied. How am i suppose to believe him when he says he will take care of me? On another occasion, I asked him to take me to a place to buy my stuffs and some of our baking stuffs there. The baking stuffs can also be bought at another convenient location. It was very hot and crowded and we finally made our way to the air-conditioned bus. I was feeling grateful and happy that he was willing to "take hardship" with me when halfway through the conversation he asked me "why I couldn't come alone". And then it was around early Dec, mid Dec was my first birthday with him, we were talking about something and he replied "I can don't buy your birthday gift meh? Later you not happy" I swear i did not force him to buy me a birthday gift. Even though I received an expensive bag from him, it still made me very unhappy on my birthday because it felt like he was forced to give me instead of wanting to make me happy on my birthday, you know the thought. Also, he didn't plan where to eat on my birthday and I had to plan where to go on my birthday, although he got us three slices of cakes, two for us and one for his parents. I didn't need him to take me to an expensive restaurant, i just needed him to have plans, that i know he wants to surprise me and make me happy on my birthday. When i was sick, he paid me a visit but he asked for a handjob/blowjob and i was really pissed and said no. Later when i told him my unhappiness, he told me that at the very least, he respected my wishes to not force it on me. So should i really be happy about that? The good thing though, is that he will make plans for us on weekends now e.g. the trekking routes etc and i have problems getting a flat with him in the future and he seemed determined to workaround the situation. But i am not very sure, what are his intentions from his actions?
anika99 Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 You both sound somewhat immature. Him in the way he pouts and behaves when he's not getting what he wants and you in the way you expect him to take care of you as in expecting him to cook you certain foods and to happily wait for you while you are 30 minutes late. I wonder if you are projecting your own feelings onto him. Do you really love him or are you just using him out of loneliness? You two don't sound compatible and you don't sound happy so instead of wondering why he is with you maybe a better question to ask yourself is why are you with him? 1
Tressugar Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 This isn't love. At least by my own standards. But you have to come to that conclusion for yourself. If you have to write about it then it's something that you need to examine more closely.
BaileyB Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 (edited) Within 2nd to 3rd month of dating, he would scold me about several issues like lateness etc. When i was sick, he paid me a visit but he asked for a handjob/blowjob and i was really pissed and said no. Later when i told him my unhappiness, he told me that at the very least, he respected my wishes to not force it on me. So should i really be happy about that? Sorry, but this guy is a total jerk! Nobody, has the right to scold you about anything. And to say that he is a "good guy" because he respected your wishes when you refused to give him a handjob/blowjob when you were sick... implying that he could have forced you to do that if he wasn't such a kind, and thoughtful guy... No, you should not be happy about that! You should run, don't walk, away from this guy... I would say that I find his attitude to be very entitled and his behavior to be controlling, manipulative, and somewhat emotionally abusive. There is definitely potential for his behavior to get more abusive, and I would encourage you not to stick around for that to happen... There are so many other guys out there who will treat you with the kindness and affection that you deserve. Don't waste time on this guy... Edited April 16, 2017 by BaileyB
act00 Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 You both sound extremely immature. How is it you can't tell your boyfriend that X time is not good for you and plan a time that works, so you don't have to rush and you don't keep him waiting for 30 minutes? That is rude. He has every right to be angry about that. You are a grown up, and you can manage your time better. He is abusive and a jerk if he is demanding you meet on his schedule alone and is unwilling to work with your restrictions. It is cruel to abandon you when he agreed (demanded?) to accompany you shopping. Why can't you shop alone? Why does he have to go with you? It would be nice if he cooked you a meal once in awhile, especially after having promised to do so. It's just a nice thing to do. If he has to take you shopping and manage your life, he may be wondering why in the world he needs to do more? Cook for you as well? Are you really that helpless? I could see him allowing you to choose where you'd like to go for your birthday. It is not okay that you had to force him to spend time with you on your birthday and that he resented and scolded you for having to spend money on you for a gift and dinner. It is not okay to leave you stranded and abandoned ever, at any time. It's not cool at all if he planned on spending time with you at this graduation and then dumped you. Worse, his cruelty that you had the gall to wear makeup. He seems to get angry and have tantrums when things don't go his way. He's not someone you want to be with. He will always be angry with you that you don't do everything his way, and even if you do try to do things his way, which you absolutely should not have to do, he'll be mad about something else. He's an abusive jerk. Do yourself a favor and leave this man.
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