This was an interesting date

[NuevoYorko]

I guess women love sexually dominant guys.

It takes all kinds and there are plenty of women who are dominant sexually and otherwise who like to be "the boss" in the relationship. Even those women generally like it when a man knows what he wants and that what he wants is HER.

 

I don't think you should go too far with this "dominating personality" comment. It actually does sound immature. A dominating personality is basically one that takes over the other's personality. Not a very attractive quality. If you meet a woman who wants this, and you know it's not you, just move on. You've received a good signal that you would not be a good fit with this one. It works both ways - it's not just that you won't be what she wants, she is unlikely to be your type either.

Edited April 17, 2017 by NuevoYorko

[Styder]

Interesting thread. As a young man I was always told I should be more confident. My confidence grew from knowing and challenging myself, which in turn allowed my to be more dominant when it comes to things that are important to me. The two go hand in hand. I would say the vast majority of women like a man to be self-confident / more dominant / masculine (within reason). The majority of men like a woman to be nurturing / more submissive / femine. It's what attractions all about. The woman gets the saftey of a man who won't be pushed around, the man gets a woman who will be a good mother.

 

The woman in question may have said the word 'dominanting' but its open to interpretation how dominant. It's completely subjective. ZA as you are friends with this lady perhaps you can pick her brains and gain valuable insight into what she actually meant with examples and details.

[ZA Dater]

She sounds young. Younger girls want someone dominant in general yes. Once they become more mature, experienced and turn into a woman, not so much. Or at least fewer of them do.

 

She is 31 so quite close to me age wise.

[Miss Spider]

I think what she said is really odd. It'd be like a guy telling me "sry I'm looking for a woman who is a little more submissive. " Sounds like you're either into BDSM or the 50s era partnership dynamic. I'd feel a lot like you,OP, lack of physical attraction aside. "bye."

[RecentChange]

While I have never used the word dominant to reject a man, I am a confident, assertive, and well.... Dominant female.

 

And I have rejected men that I felt like I would chew up and spit out. It's not that I don't like "nice guys" but they have to be my match. I don't want to domineer someone, so they can't have a passive personally.

[Titanll]

I think what she said is really odd. It'd be like a guy telling me "sry I'm looking for a woman who is a little more submissive. " Sounds like you're either into BDSM or the 50s era partnership dynamic. I'd feel a lot like you,OP, lack of physical attraction aside. "bye."

 

This nails it. I disagree with what she said as being "odd" though. Everyone has a right to be attracted to whomever or whatever they want. Chicky sounds like she was being completely honest about things and OP took it in stride that he didn't have what she wanted.

 

For the record, when he meets someone that wants what he "has" there will be no mention of this whole nice guy/bad boy submissive/dominant BS. Chicky, on the other hand will probably cross paths with someone like me that will use her and steal her youth and then dump her when some new shiny object comes along...

[Jj66]

Most don't actually want to be dominated but almost without exception they want to know that you will be strong and decisive when necessary. You can communicate this by being generally self-assured and by enforcing boundaries in such a way that shows you aren't

controlling but do deserve and demand respect.

 

My gf is beautiful, extremely independent, and totally not used to men standing up to her. She finds it very attractive when I refuse to put up with her crap. She's told me "you are a really nice guy but I can tell you have your limits. I like the way you aren't afraid to call me on my crap."

[Gr8fuln2020]

Except that's not what she said. She didn't say confident personality, she said dominant personality. They're not looking for sex as "a natural transitional development w/o pretenses" they're looking for massive pretension with sexual aggression and when they don't get that immediately they write the person off preventing anything "natural" from happen. In short, they find the idea of someone else having sexual power over them attractive, they're not looking for a romantic partnership, they're looking for entertainment. And OP don't take this woman up on her offer of friendship, she's no friend at all.

 

I understand that is what she 'said.' I wonder sometimes if people's choice of words is not what they 'literally' meant. There is something disturbing about a woman who seeks a 'dominating' man. To me, that reeks of someone who a little on the needy, dysfunctionally submissive side. Bad news in my opinion.

[Miss Spider]

This nails it. I disagree with what she said as being "odd" though. Everyone has a right to be attracted to whomever or whatever they want. Chicky sounds like she was being completely honest about things and OP took it in stride that he didn't have what she wanted.

 

For the record, when he meets someone that wants what he "has" there will be no mention of this whole nice guy/bad boy submissive/dominant BS. Chicky, on the other hand will probably cross paths with someone like me that will use her and steal her youth and then dump her when some new shiny object comes along...

 

 

I think it's odd she would say it to someone. I have never heard a girl say that after a date. I dunno how many think it.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I think it's odd she would say it to someone. I have never heard a girl say that after a date. I dunno how many think it.

 

...and to use the word 'dominating' is odd to me. Either she didn't mean it as the word more than implies or she is as my earlier post suggested.

 

OP, I see that you are from South Africa. Is English her (your FIRST) language? I can now see how the use of dominating could have been misused within the context aforementioned.

Edited April 17, 2017 by simpleNfit

[Titanll]

I think it's odd she would say it to someone. I have never heard a girl say that after a date. I dunno how many think it.

 

I do see your point. It's something that isn't commonly brought up. Who knows, could have been an invitation for OP to step up if you will and be a little more dominant.

 

Let's say OP and chicky are on the date and a guy walks by and slides chicky his number. Maybe chicky wants a guy that would walk the other guy's number back over to him and offer to tattoo it on his forehead for him? Maybe that's what she meant by dominant.

[Spring23]

I think it's odd she would say it to someone. I have never heard a girl say that after a date. I dunno how many think it.

 

It's definitively a weird thing to say. Why say anything? It's not necessary.

 

OP don't start being what you think women want. You won't be able to keep it up and then you'll become frustrated.

 

Dating is a numbers game. Date a lot. And vary your dating methods. Put yourself in places where women outnumber men.

 

1.Go to Sephora and pick out a cologne and when the salesgirl asks if you need help say yes.

 

2. Go to Barnes and Nobel, have coffee and read.

 

3. Go to Bed Bath and Beyond and pick out sheets.

 

You get the idea.

[todreaminblue]

i like a guy who is confident and not afraid to tell it like it is...i dont want a guy to stand over me with an iron fist...ill rebel.........but i dont want a guy who wont stand up to me....instead of domination think calm assertive....leadership qualities....i think most women would appreciate a calm assertive guy......deb

[ZA Dater]

I suspect the issue here was sexual attraction and me not having that dominant sexual personality I guess.

 

 

Hardly surprising for a 32/33yo virgin.

[SoThatHappened]

ZA,

 

I figured out some time ago what women want...