Think I messed up

[Grey40]

Met this girl last weekend at a bar, went really well we exchanged numbers and she ended up texting me the next day. Asked her to hang out she said "maybe some other time when I get back from Florida next week".

 

So I figured alright she's not interested, time to move on. I just said "alright sounds good". She texts me this morning (7 days later) and says her trip got postponed until next weekend. I had a gig so I told her she should definitley come to that. She said she'd love to and that she was going to come with her mom and sister. They al showed up and had a good time.

 

The show ended and I kind of didn't invite them to keep hanging out, I feel like I messed up, I asked them what they were doing they said "I don't know, probably just going to head back", they asked what I was doing and I said, " probably hang out for a bit, theres some good spots around here...but didn't really properly invite them. They said "nice seeing you" and all hugged me goodbye.

 

I then texted her about 10 min later saying "hey if you want to hang out I can drop you off at home later I have no problem with that, let me know

 

She responds, "thanks but I'm a little tired, next time I had a good time!

 

I said, "alright have a good night :)"

 

She said, "goodnight"

 

 

Did I completely screw up this opportunity? Should I have offered them to hang out and reassure her mother that I would take her home later? I mean, this was the first time she's met me, so I thought it would have been kind of rude to do that, but I feel like they were kind of hoping I would do that. Damnit. Now she's probably going to Florida and I'll never hear from her again. Hope that wasn't my only chance

[reeseyummy]

Sit it out. Maybe it would be appropriate if she snuck out.

How old are you?

[Grey40]

Sit it out. Maybe it would be appropriate if she snuck out.

How old are you?

 

I'm 28 she's 22

[act00]

Yes, you should have offered them to stay. All of them, not just the girl of interest, but also her guests that accompanied her to your "gig." You pretty much blew this girl off by not including her. When they asked you what you were doing after the gig, you stated something along the lines of "dunno, just hang." That is a super stellar way to express interest and make her feel important! <sarcasm> Seriously, if you couldn't bring in backstage guests, or were unwilling to entertain after the show, including the guests (mom), or unable to entertain due to responsibilities after the show, you really should have expressed this ahead of time.

 

After blowing off this woman, you texted later, "I'll drive you home if you meet up with me." Umm, you totally blew me off. No thanks.

 

You got a return in your investment...nothing.

[Grey40]

Yes, you should have offered them to stay. All of them, not just the girl of interest, but also her guests that accompanied her to your "gig." You pretty much blew this girl off by not including her. When they asked you what you were doing after the gig, you stated something along the lines of "dunno, just hang." That is a super stellar way to express interest and make her feel important! <sarcasm> Seriously, if you couldn't bring in backstage guests, or were unwilling to entertain after the show, including the guests (mom), or unable to entertain due to responsibilities after the show, you really should have expressed this ahead of time.

 

After blowing off this woman, you texted later, "I'll drive you home if you meet up with me." Umm, you totally blew me off. No thanks.

 

You got a return in your investment...nothing.

 

Yeah, but its quite possible they would have declined anyway. Though I still regret not being more assertive in the situation. Just didn't know how to handle it because it was her mom and sister. They looked tired and the mom was yawning and stuff. I don't know, what sucks is that it's too late to go back. This girl was definitley into me, but not sure where she stands now. I'm not sure if this was like a booty call kind of thing or if she is interested in seeing me again at a later point.

[GemmaUK]

If this is the actress who you posted about a couple of weeks ago who you asked to go see your friends' band then I'll say again that she didn't see this as a date.

I'd say that the message from her was crystal clear in that she brought her mum an sister with her.

 

If you don't ask her for 'a date' she won't know it's supposed to be one.

[Grey40]

If this is the actress who you posted about a couple of weeks ago who you asked to go see your friends' band then I'll say again that she didn't see this as a date.

I'd say that the message from her was crystal clear in that she brought her mum an sister with her.

 

If you don't ask her for 'a date' she won't know it's supposed to be one.

 

Not the same girl,

[dumbass2]

Ask her out again and this time no mom or sister, just you two. Pick an activity/place where you have a chance to see if there is a romantic connection.

[GemmaUK]

Not the same girl,

 

OK, so, did this one know it was a date?

It doesn't sound like she did to me.

[Grey40]

OK, so, did this one know it was a date?

It doesn't sound like she did to me.

 

Yeah well the timing was bad. She texted me that morning basically inferring that she wanted to hang out, unfortunetley it was on the same day I had a gig, so I wasn't able to properly ask her out. So I invited her to my gig, saying we can hang out afterwards too.

 

She said she'd love to but didn't have a ride. I offered to drive her to the gig and said I could pick her up and that it would be no problem. She said "thanks that's really nice of you, but Inc going to be in the area with my mom and sister actually so we will stop by"

 

So yeah, it wasn't a "date" but I did say I'd drive her and hang out with her afterward so i thought it was pretty clear what I was getting at. If she was interested in hanging out with me after you'd think she'd have her mom and sister leave her there. But, then again, I only met her once at a bar and we were both drunk so maybe she just wanted to see if she actually liked me or not...like a way to gauge me and get another opinion from her mom and sister.

 

By the way, I met all three of them at the bar the first time. So they all met me prior but like I said, everyone was drunk.

[Satu]

Don't ask women to "hang out."

 

Its very unappealing.

 

 

Take care.

[Titanll]

Reeeellllaaaaxxxx! Damn! Not the end of the world either way is it?

[Grey40]

Ask her out again and this time no mom or sister, just you two. Pick an activity/place where you have a chance to see if there is a romantic connection.

 

This is what I plan on doing. Not sure how long to wait now though

[Grey40]

Reeeellllaaaaxxxx! Damn! Not the end of the world either way is it?

 

Kind of is I hate blowing opportunitied

[Dis]

Grey, a lot of us have pointed out to you that it might be a good idea to date a girl thats a little older...like 26-30

 

You keep striking out over and over and over

 

The reason seems to be the fact that you're chosing to date super young girls (19-22) who are too flakey to give you what you're looking for

 

You can post thread after thread about your lack of success with dating but if you dont get to the root cause things are never going to change

[Grey40]

Grey, a lot of us have pointed out to you that it might be a good idea to date a girl thats a little older...like 26-30

 

You keep striking out over and over and over

 

The reason seems to be the fact that you're chosing to date super young girls (19-22) who are too flakey to give you what you're looking for

 

You can post thread after thread about your lack of success with dating but if you dont get to the root cause things are never going to change

 

I think it's unfair to generalize and put all younger women in that category. They're not all flakey and they are not all bad. There are women who are flakey in their 30s, I don't think age is the main factor. And I'm not choosing these women, these are the women who show a high level of interest in me, so I go for them. I don't get as many women my age or older who show any interest in me, it's really not of my own doing.

 

I've met many older women in their late 20s and early thirties and when they did show interest I found that they flaked even more than the younger ones.

 

So I disagree completely. I don't think the women or the age of them is the reason I'm striking out. It's something to do with me, and I need to work on that. I'm missing signals or when am given an opportunity on a platter I puss out and don't take control and assert myself because I'm afraid I'm being too forward or too rude and don't want to risk getting rejection and losing the opportunity completely .

Edited April 16, 2017 by Grey40

[Dis]

I think it's unfair to generalize and put all younger women in that category. They're not all flakey and they are not all bad. There are women who are flakey in their 30s, I don't think age is the main factor. And I'm not choosing these women, these are the women who show a high level of interest in me, so I go for them. I don't get as many women my age or older who show any interest in me, it's really not of my own doing.

 

I've met many older women in their late 20s and early thirties and when they did show interest I found that they flaked even more than the younger ones.

 

So I disagree completely. I don't think the women or the age of them is the reason I'm striking out. It's something to do with me, and I need to work on that. I'm missing signals or when am given an opportunity on a platter I puss out and don't take control and assert myself because I'm afraid I'm being too forward or too rude and don't want to risk getting rejection and losing the opportunity completely .

 

In this situation...if the girl was really into you, 1 tiny misstep wouldnt matter

 

How about the 19 year old that had 2 kids and flaked on you???

 

Or the countless other early 20 somethings that did the same???

 

I get that women above the age of 26 may flake too. Just like everyone else on OLD...but to really think you're doing yourself a favor by datings 21 year olds....means you have a lot of hard work ahead of you

[Grey40]

In this situation...if the girl was really into you, 1 tiny misstep wouldnt matter

 

How about the 19 year old that had 2 kids and flaked on you???

 

Or the countless other early 20 somethings that did the same???

 

I get that women above the age of 26 may flake too. Just like everyone else on OLD...but to really think you're doing yourself a favor by datings 21 year olds....means you have a lot of hard work ahead of you

 

Yeah i mean I'm not defending younger women at all, as you mentioned I've had bad experiences with them and tons of flakes from them too. My point is that I don't think behavior is an age thing I think it's a personality thing. Sometimes as people mature they get better or "grow up" but there's still a lot of people out there that don't. Flakes will always be that way unless they change has nothing to do with the fact that they are now 26 or 30 etc.

 

I'm not purposely trying to date younger women, but I like to go on dates with girls that show interest and it just happens that younger women show more interest in me that's all. I'd love to go on a date with an older woman but they rarely engage me when I try.

[Dis]

Yeah i mean I'm not defending younger women at all, as you mentioned I've had bad experiences with them and tons of flakes from them too. My point is that I don't think behavior is an age thing I think it's a personality thing. Sometimes as people mature they get better or "grow up" but there's still a lot of people out there that don't. Flakes will always be that way unless they change has nothing to do with the fact that they are now 26 or 30 etc.

 

I'm not purposely trying to date younger women, but I like to go on dates with girls that show interest and it just happens that younger women show more interest in me that's all. I'd love to go on a date with an older woman but they rarely engage me when I try.

 

Ya I totally understand

 

Age is sometimes just a number but younger men and women run a much higher risk of being flakes than older people....thats just the way it is. It has to do with current life goals. A 21 year old girl isnt looking to settle down...she's looking to have a a good time. Whereas a 28 year old woman might be thinking about settling down and commiting to a relationship

 

Its about quality not quantity. I think you're shooting yourself in the foot by continuing to go out with super young women. Just because they show the most interest in you...doesnt mean you should show interest back

 

Be choosey

 

Maybe try to slow things down a bit and wait for an older woman to pop up on OLD. I dont go out on a ton of dates because I'm picky about what I want, not because I dont have options

 

I think if you switch up you're strategy...you'll have better luck

[Grey40]

Ya I totally understand

 

Age is sometimes just a number but younger men and women run a much higher risk of being flakes than older people....thats just the way it is. It has to do with current life goals. A 21 year old girl isnt looking to settle down...she's looking to have a a good time. Whereas a 28 year old woman might be thinking about settling down and commiting to a relationship

 

Its about quality not quantity. I think you're shooting yourself in the foot by continuing to go out with super young women. Just because they show the most interest in you...doesnt mean you should show interest back

 

Be choosey

 

Maybe try to slow things down a bit and wait for an older woman to pop up on OLD. I dont go out on a ton of dates because I'm picky about what I want, not because I dont have options

 

I think if you switch up you're strategy...you'll have better luck

 

 

Thanks for the advice, but it's very different for men than it is for women. As a male you can't sit around and wait for people, men are tradtionally the ones who have to go after what they want and pursue and initiate. It's important as a male to pursue as many options at once that you can handle until one of them proves themselves to be worth exclusivity. There are also a lot of time wasters out there especially in online dating and when girls respond and agree to go a date, you have to take it because there's just that many who will.

 

Women can be choosey even if they are average looking..guys will always pursue and be after them. Men can't be as choosey with who they go out with, but we can be choosey about who we date long term and become exclusive with.

[Dis]

Thanks for the advice, but it's very different for men than it is for women. As a male you can't sit around and wait for people, men are tradtionally the ones who have to go after what they want and pursue and initiate. It's important as a male to pursue as many options at once that you can handle until one of them proves themselves to be worth exclusivity. There are also a lot of time wasters out there especially in online dating and when girls respond and agree to go a date, you have to take it because there's just that many who will.

 

Women can be choosey even if they are average looking..guys will always pursue and be after them. Men can't be as choosey with who they go out with, but we can be choosey about who we date long term and become exclusive with.

 

I dont think you're undertstanding what I'm really saying or....

 

You're finding ways to disagree to suit your strategy (which isnt working)

 

But I wish you luck none the less

[Grey40]

I dont think you're undertstanding what I'm really saying or....

 

You're finding ways to disagree to suit your strategy (which isnt working)

 

But I wish you luck none the less

 

Your advice is "be choosey". That works if you have a lot of options, which most men don't have at a given time.

 

I don't know if I'm going to like a girl until I hang out with her in person so n a date. So this idea of "pre-selecting" women I don't quite get. So dont go after women that show interest and if they're under 25 I'm supposed to also not go out with them. People are different online and In texting than In person. So yeah I don't get how I could be more choosey really.

 

Also I wouldn't say my strategy isn't working. I think through talking this through i figured out my problem. I usually have 1- 2 dates every week, I just usually don't like the girl and then when I do, I find a way to mess it up by being too needy or taking too long to act on signals and they think I'm denying or rejecting them.

[Gaeta]

Sometimes as people mature they get better or "grow up" but there's still a lot of people out there that don't. Flakes will always be that way unless they change has nothing to do with the fact that they are now 26 or 30 etc.

 

I'm not purposely trying to date younger women, but I like to go on dates with girls that show interest and it just happens that younger women show more interest in me that's all. I'd love to go on a date with an older woman but they rarely engage me when I try.

 

Yes you are purposely dating younger women you said so in one of your previous thread. You prefer them. You even said you were not 'attracted' toward women over 25. AS IF 25 is old.

 

If at 29 you get more attention from 21 yo than 26-27 yo maybe it's because something in your apperance or attitide does not respect your age. What could you possibly find interesting in a 20 year old. Especially a 20 yo nowadays who spend most her time on social media and says whateva each 3 words.

 

These young women go out with you because you're older and you'll pay and they'll get a good time out of it nothing more. None of them went on a date with you thinking a meaningful relationship could come out of it. At 20 their frontal lobe, where long term thinking is located, isn't even developped yet.

 

A woman over 25 may be more work, and it's normal ! She knows what she wants and her thoughts are more organized. She is more work but she can offer you a more fulfilling relationship.