Freeride Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 I don't really have a question, just kind of want to know if anyone has had any experience like this before and might be able to give me some ensight. I'm 25 years old, I'm seeing a guy who is 40. He has two daughters, 18 and 14. We first started talking online, and I let him know I wasn't looking for anything really serious. I got married very young and got a divorce a year ago. I was incredibly unhappy in my marriage. Now I live alone, I have a very successful and high paying career, and I am enjoying being single. I don't want to sleep with a bunch of random guys, but I also enjoy having my independance. He lives in a different town, has a good job and is just as busy as I am. That was part of my original interest in him. We met and hit it off very well, and the second time we met up we had sex. It's been two months now, every day we talk on the phone or text. We see each other as often as possible, but with his kids being around on weekends it makes it difficult. At the beginning I said I'd rather not meet his kids because his daughter is so close in age to me it might be weird for her. Now that we have been spending more time together I'm starting to develop feelings for him. I don't want to introduce him to my parents, I don't want to meet his parents. But it would be nice to be able to be open about our relationship and not have to hide it from his daughters and his ex. We act like a regular couple, we go out in public and still flirt, we don't pretend like we aren't together. I guess I want to have that "what are we?" Conversation without actually saying it... because as much as I want to know what we are, I don't want to make things intense either. Has anyone else had any experience with dating an older guy with kids that are closer in age to you than you are to him?
act00 Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 I'm really not sure what you're going for. You want to hide him from your family, and you don't want to meet his parents and want to remain hidden, but somewhere in there, you want his children to know you exist, but somehow you don't want to be apart of their lives? How do you plan on keeping the parents and family out of it, while the girls know, and I'm guessing at this point you want them to know so you can see him more often? But you don't want to really be apart of the family way? It's normal to not bring the kids to the mix with a new relationship, but you do bring them in when things get serious. This is a future stepmother/stepfather. You are half his age and he's old enough to be your father, so you have to deal with that aspect when it comes to his children and his family. Not easy. You don't have a lot of choices here - deal with it or break up. I guess you can leave your parents out of the mix until he starts getting upset he is not welcome to your family gatherings and you go alone, without him, but you will expect to spend more time with him, but only with the kids and not his parents? What is it that you want, exactly? Do you want a secret relationship, or do you want to incorporate yourself into something more real and long term? You really can't do both. The fact that you are about the same age as his daughter probably won't go over well, and the ex will find out, as well as the parents, and you and he will work through it if you are a long-term item, or maybe this will ultimately be a deal-breaker for you or him. Just rip off the Band-Aid and do it. 1
reeseyummy Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 I agree with act00. You don't have much choice here, either deal with it or end it. You are 24, do you want to deal with that much drama in your life? You said you just came out of a bad marriage and you are enjoying being single. I think you still need more time being with yourself, than dealing with a 14 and 18 year old kid and a step-mother. Try distanting yourself from him. You can still have your fun if you can control your emotions. If you can't it's time to make a decision on what YOU really want. I personally want a open relationship, and I would be proud to introduce everyone I'm dating this amazing man. What do you want in a relationship? 1
Gold Pile Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 I doubt the daughters would give you a warm fuzzy welcome. The ex wife will (much to his delight) despise you. When/if your Dad finds out...your man will probably be flirting at you with no teeth. I hope it isn't THAT bad, but don't expect good spirits all around. 2
Popsicle Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 Honey, there are plenty of men your age without baggage who would have a casual relationship with you. 1
Dark Horse Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 It's easy to get "casual" relationships if you're a young and pretty girl, it's not even funny. It's like playing video games on easy mode. Enjoy your youth, it will never be any easier. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 To me at your ages meeting the parents is no big deal. Meeting the kids is HUGE. If you 2 break up neither set of parents will care beyond they don't like seeing their child in pain. The teenage daughters will feel like they got dumped too. You need to tell your sweetie that although you didn't set out wanting something serious, your feelings are growing. See how he feels then work together to see how you will integrate your lives. He may not want his daughters to know he's dating a woman who is only 7 years older than his eldest. 1
mikeylo Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 You being 25 and him being 40 , with his 'kids' close to your age, its creepy and not much of a future here.
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