Bluemug Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Can't really begin to explain what happened.... Context Dating two months before official, 6 months in total My nan died a month ago He has been dealing with a family crisis (miscarriage suffered by his sister, a secret from the rest of the family) After my nan died, and after our breakup today, the first miscarriage suffered by his sister, my ex informed me that he wasn't sure he could support me 100% and do the family stuff he needed to. Of my own free will I stuck it out, and life was good. We were on track, and in his words today, "there are no reasons why our relationship should end". We had a great weekend, lots of intimacy, adventures, telling each other new things, he left to go take care of some house work. Spoke Sunday night, all normal, happy. Yesterday, our normal morning text happened and then he goes silent. He had a massive work deadline this week, so didn't think too much of it. Today, I teach out and check he is ok. Apparently Monday wasn't great but he'll talk to me later as at work..:. Between then and now, he has decided our relationship is over. The sister has had another miscarriage yesterday (hence why it was a bad day), and it made him think he can't be with me. He openly admitted it's the last 24 hours with his family stuff that has made this choice. I was genuinely confused -'we went from 100mph to 0mph in no time. He can't give me any reasons except he can't be in a relationship. I told him I was falling in love with him, Which is when he got teary. We hugged, and I said goodbye. I've run away to my parents house. My mum thinks he Has commitment issues. I'm hurting like hell. Want to just be with him. Would go back in a heart beat. I've deleted numbers/texts/pics/social media. I haven't blocked his number, but I don't have it to text. What else. I need to do something to control a situation I can't Control nor understand. I miss him. I miss how good it was before it went bad
Maldives Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 Can't really begin to explain what happened.... Context Dating two months before official, 6 months in total My nan died a month ago He has been dealing with a family crisis (miscarriage suffered by his sister, a secret from the rest of the family) After my nan died, and after our breakup today, the first miscarriage suffered by his sister, my ex informed me that he wasn't sure he could support me 100% and do the family stuff he needed to. Of my own free will I stuck it out, and life was good. We were on track, and in his words today, "there are no reasons why our relationship should end". We had a great weekend, lots of intimacy, adventures, telling each other new things, he left to go take care of some house work. Spoke Sunday night, all normal, happy. Yesterday, our normal morning text happened and then he goes silent. He had a massive work deadline this week, so didn't think too much of it. Today, I teach out and check he is ok. Apparently Monday wasn't great but he'll talk to me later as at work..:. Between then and now, he has decided our relationship is over. The sister has had another miscarriage yesterday (hence why it was a bad day), and it made him think he can't be with me. He openly admitted it's the last 24 hours with his family stuff that has made this choice. I was genuinely confused -'we went from 100mph to 0mph in no time. He can't give me any reasons except he can't be in a relationship. I told him I was falling in love with him, Which is when he got teary. We hugged, and I said goodbye. I've run away to my parents house. My mum thinks he Has commitment issues. I'm hurting like hell. Want to just be with him. Would go back in a heart beat. I've deleted numbers/texts/pics/social media. I haven't blocked his number, but I don't have it to text. What else. I need to do something to control a situation I can't Control nor understand. I miss him. I miss how good it was before it went bad All u can do is let him be and figure out wat important to him yes I think ur mum is right commitment phobia I dint understand u had a kid or a pregnant with his child?
Author Bluemug Posted April 11, 2017 Author Posted April 11, 2017 All u can do is let him be and figure out wat important to him yes I think ur mum is right commitment phobia I dint understand u had a kid or a pregnant with his child? I don't have a child with him. He said his sisters miscarriage made him rethink his priorities and he can't give me what I deserve. My mum also thinks he is afraid of his feelings for me.
Author Bluemug Posted April 12, 2017 Author Posted April 12, 2017 Feels worse today. Want him back. Will he change his mind? Will the sister thing pass and he sees what an epic mistake this was?!
Whodatdog Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 I totally believe that people dont break up out of the blue, that they have been thinking about it for a while. Hard to tell from you post exactly why he wanted to break up; could be as he said, family issues, or maybe he just didnt feel what he needed to feel to stay in a relationship with you.
Author Bluemug Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 Not even 48 hours and my friend found ex back on dating website we met on. I have asked him about it - says he isn't online, but clearly showing he is. Much easier to deal with hating someone. Why couldn't he just be honest and say it wasn't working...:
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Unfortunately, I think he's not being totally honest with you. I get that his family is going through a stressful time but I don't see how his sister's miscarriage interfere with his ability to be in a relationship with you. I have a bad feeing he's using that as his excuse when really, he's been on his way out for a little while. If he's active on a dating website, he's open to meeting someone else. Hence my belief that he's got other reasons for ending it. I'm sorry this happened, OP. I can definitely see why you're hurt. Your mom might be right, he could be afraid to commit. If that's the case, he's done you a giant favour by bailing now rather than years down the line. 1
Author Bluemug Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 Thanks Expat. My heart does hurt. I think more because I asked him to be honest, and Couldn't understand why he set up this whole weekend of activities etc and then does this. Complete contradiction
Author Bluemug Posted April 15, 2017 Author Posted April 15, 2017 Dumped Tuesday. Thursday my friend tells me he's on a dating website and sent me a pic. I confront him (mostly calling him out on lies "need to be alone" etc). And since then he has deleted his profile. Fighting all urges to contact him. I miss him. God I told him I loved him. I don't have his number/social media/email or anything. So other than showing up at his house (which is not my style), I can't speak to him. Arghhhhh making me crazy
Author Bluemug Posted April 15, 2017 Author Posted April 15, 2017 Rather out the blue on Tuesday he said that he couldn't cope with supporting his sister (has had miscarriages/dodgy relationship), and support me. He said "he needed to be single", and that there was nothing in our relationship/me to blame. We'd had a perfect weekend, no chance in behaviour, intimacy, making plans for this week.. to finishing
stillafool Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 He just wanted to be free. It would seem that the father of his sister's baby could support her during the miscarriage. I think it was just an excuse. Do not ever contact someone who has dumped you because they will just feel pressure and not want to get back together. That is why they dumped you because they are over it. It is his responsibility to contact you, apologize for dumping you and beg you back. If they don't do this just plan to move ahead without them. 1
Author Bluemug Posted April 15, 2017 Author Posted April 15, 2017 He just wanted to be free. It would seem that the father of his sister's baby could support her during the miscarriage. I think it was just an excuse. Do not ever contact someone who has dumped you because they will just feel pressure and not want to get back together. That is why they dumped you because they are over it. It is his responsibility to contact you, apologize for dumping you and beg you back. If they don't do this just plan to move ahead without them. I know you're right. It's just..... grr. Dammit if only I could get my mind and my heart to agree.
d0nnivain Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 I know you are hurting & I'm sorry. That said you can't heal if you don't stay away. Keep yourself busy & distracted. Tell the friend who gave you updates about him to keep her info to herself. 2
Whodatdog Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 Im sure you see it as out of the blue, but surely he's been thinking about this for quite some time. So he's had time to get over the relationship; you havent. You may never find out exactly why he broke up. It doesnt sound like there was any huge issues there. Likely he just didnt feel it anymore, or he was feeling pressured by it. 1
Author Bluemug Posted April 15, 2017 Author Posted April 15, 2017 Im sure you see it as out of the blue, but surely he's been thinking about this for quite some time. So he's had time to get over the relationship; you havent. You may never find out exactly why he broke up. It doesnt sound like there was any huge issues there. Likely he just didnt feel it anymore, or he was feeling pressured by it. The idea about "pressure" rings true. He was Anxious about work last week, with an impossible deadline. Same week With the sister stuff and ending it with me. I'm N/c now. I've got enough housework/renovations to hide myself for a bit
breadbin Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 i think stillafool is right. That sounds like a pure excuse. He has lost the spark of what attracted him to you and uses his sister as an excuse. I know a miscarriage can be horrific but it's his sister going through it, not him. He doesn't need to be single to be there for her. He is a coward if you ask me and you need to be angry at him for fobbing you off like that. You're rihgt to go n/c. Make that house shine!! 1
Author Bluemug Posted April 15, 2017 Author Posted April 15, 2017 i think stillafool is right. That sounds like a pure excuse. He has lost the spark of what attracted him to you and uses his sister as an excuse. I know a miscarriage can be horrific but it's his sister going through it, not him. He doesn't need to be single to be there for her. He is a coward if you ask me and you need to be angry at him for fobbing you off like that. You're rihgt to go n/c. Make that house shine!! Exactly! Now you're reminded me why I thought this was all fishy!Wheee are my paint brushes....:
curiouslysearching Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 take it easy....calm down anger is not going to help you.....he does not sound like a highly appealing guy for you....there is someone out there that is better suited for you
Author Bluemug Posted April 15, 2017 Author Posted April 15, 2017 take it easy....calm down anger is not going to help you.....he does not sound like a highly appealing guy for you....there is someone out there that is better suited for you Can't say I'm especially angry, but thanks for the kind words. I just need to distract myself as others suggested
Author Bluemug Posted April 19, 2017 Author Posted April 19, 2017 Shy of telling my friend to ****off... Friend has been matched with ex's best mate. She recognises my ex in his profile pic, taken from his Facebook (they were mates). Fishy? Overanalysing? Seems odd to go from nothing to another "relation" in a week. Still hurts, but I'm still n/c and trying to get on, which is fine until I get a reminder
stillafool Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 Do yourself a favor and stop looking at that stuff. It isn't going to help you get over him and move on.
Author Bluemug Posted April 19, 2017 Author Posted April 19, 2017 Do yourself a favor and stop looking at that stuff. It isn't going to help you get over him and move on. You're right. Tough conversation to have with my friend now
GorillaTheater Posted April 19, 2017 Posted April 19, 2017 I don't have his number/social media/email or anything. Don't get me wrong: it's best that you don't have his contact information, but how is it that you don't? How long did you see each other?
Author Bluemug Posted April 19, 2017 Author Posted April 19, 2017 Oh I had all his information. I deleted it because I knew I had to go N/c after we broke up. I haven't blocked him, just removed the temptation to call. He lives three miles from me, and we shop in the same supermarket. Hard enough to avoid temptation to shop at same time as him as it is
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