For all those doing NC, hang in there!! **Updated**

[Movingon4good]

I cant believe it's been 15 days. The people who posted that it gets easier are right. I thought about him once in the morning, threw all of my thoughts into work and now it's 5:30 and this is my first thoughts of him. I never did answer his text, and I am still off of social media, even though I blocked him.

 

I have to say, being off social media is a little strange. I feel disconnected with what is going on around me, yet, in some way, it's oddly freeing. I don't check it on work breaks or down time anymore, and guess what? I'm surviving.

 

It still sucks to be with someone who ghosts you after 3 years. I believe my anger is carrying me. I keep thinking he will see what a jerk he is and try to contact me with an I miss you at least, but I don't think it's going to happen. I think it really is over, and day by day I'm relearning how to live without him. Each day they goes by, the less important he is to me, and the madder I get at myself for being involved with this narcissistic pig. Really. He could have been a man and just told me there was someone else.

 

Ok, enough venting for now. Writing how I feel is helping a ton, and when I write I remember the ignored phone calls, the unanswered texts, the weekends that went by that I wouldn't hear from him.... It's all coming back, and it's fueling this Irish girls fire. Fool me once....

[Movingon4good]

I was feeling all right these last few days. I didn't answer his text, and I was starting to feel stronger and better about my choice of no contact. 16 days is the longest I have gone without him. I won't lie, part of me was hoping I would get flowers at work, or an "I miss you, let's meet" text.

 

Then a coworker who doesn't know we aren't together came in, and asked if my ex and I were together. I said that we had broken up, and he was relieved he said because he saw my ex and another woman out to dinner last night. He said they were cozy and drinking wine. My heart just sank. My father E must have given me away, because the woman who sits next to me asked me what happened. I explained what the other coworker just said, and she said she had seen on Facebook that he had posted some pics of him with a other woman. 16 days. I was only worth 16 days to get over.

 

My heart is broken and bleeding. 3 years, and it took him 16 days to move on. I'm at a low point right now. Does anyone have any encouragement for me that it will get better? Right now I just feel..... Broken. Please.... Anybody...

[BC1980]

I was feeling all right these last few days. I didn't answer his text, and I was starting to feel stronger and better about my choice of no contact. 16 days is the longest I have gone without him. I won't lie, part of me was hoping I would get flowers at work, or an "I miss you, let's meet" text.

 

Then a coworker who doesn't know we aren't together came in, and asked if my ex and I were together. I said that we had broken up, and he was relieved he said because he saw my ex and another woman out to dinner last night. He said they were cozy and drinking wine. My heart just sank. My father E must have given me away, because the woman who sits next to me asked me what happened. I explained what the other coworker just said, and she said she had seen on Facebook that he had posted some pics of him with a other woman. 16 days. I was only worth 16 days to get over.

 

My heart is broken and bleeding. 3 years, and it took him 16 days to move on. I'm at a low point right now. Does anyone have any encouragement for me that it will get better? Right now I just feel..... Broken. Please.... Anybody...

 

It's sometimes a natural reaction to rebound after a relationship. I started talking to a guy very soon after my last relationship simply because I was lonely and didn't like being single. It meant nothing and went nowhere. I would not take it personally that your ex was out with another woman. From your initial post, it seems like your ex wasn't super committed and that he was backing away before the final breakup. So he might have been pulling away emotionally for months, and he was over it by the time you officially broke up. That is why it often seems like some dumpers can move on quickly, but the dumpees are still heartbroken.

 

To be honest, I think it's better if the person finds someone else because you get over them faster. I've had other people tell me this too when it happened to them. It's immensely painful up front, but you move on faster. You aren't left with any hope that it might work out. I know it's hard though. My ex moved on pretty quickly after he dumped me, but, when I found out, it set me free.

[AlexM123]

I was feeling all right these last few days. I didn't answer his text, and I was starting to feel stronger and better about my choice of no contact. 16 days is the longest I have gone without him. I won't lie, part of me was hoping I would get flowers at work, or an "I miss you, let's meet" text.

 

Then a coworker who doesn't know we aren't together came in, and asked if my ex and I were together. I said that we had broken up, and he was relieved he said because he saw my ex and another woman out to dinner last night. He said they were cozy and drinking wine. My heart just sank. My father E must have given me away, because the woman who sits next to me asked me what happened. I explained what the other coworker just said, and she said she had seen on Facebook that he had posted some pics of him with a other woman. 16 days. I was only worth 16 days to get over.

 

My heart is broken and bleeding. 3 years, and it took him 16 days to move on. I'm at a low point right now. Does anyone have any encouragement for me that it will get better? Right now I just feel..... Broken. Please.... Anybody...

 

Situations are a bit different but I think I can definitely relate to what you've just experienced. I went NC and was feeling amazing but out of nowhere a friend sends me a picture of her and her new guy. It took her about 2 days to move on from me. Only dated for 6 months and not 3 years but still hurt extremely bad. After I saw that I was at a low point just like you, heck I'll even admit I called the suicide hotline just because that scarred me so bad. Never thought I'd recover from that and although I'm not going to say I'm 100% over it, it WILL get easier over time. I know if it can get better for me then it can for anyone. I didn't try to hide how I felt, I cried a lot but there will come a point where it wont allow you to cry about it anymore.

 

Don't worry about what he's doing, trust me it's one of the worst things you can do. Take it day by day and I bet soon you'll look back and wonder why any of this upset you. Wish you the best of luck!

[airborne3502]

Today he texted me. I was pretty shocked, that's for sure. He just said "Just saying hello!! Hope all is well��" I thought of a really witty answer and sent a reply text, only I didn't send it right away, I scheduled it to send in 2 hours.

 

Before the two hours were up I deleted the text from being sent. I am still officially in NC.

 

Regardless of what your ex is doing, or who he is seeing, you went out like a boss!

 

There's no guarantee that he's happy, and better times are headed your way.

 

I know it hurts, I know it sucks, but father time is moving things right along, and you will feel better eventually.

[Movingon4good]

It's sometimes a natural reaction to rebound after a relationship. I started talking to a guy very soon after my last relationship simply because I was lonely and didn't like being single. It meant nothing and went nowhere. I would not take it personally that your ex was out with another woman. From your initial post, it seems like your ex wasn't super committed and that he was backing away before the final breakup. So he might have been pulling away emotionally for months, and he was over it by the time you officially broke up. That is why it often seems like some dumpers can move on quickly, but the dumpees are still heartbroken.

 

To be honest, I think it's better if the person finds someone else because you get over them faster. I've had other people tell me this too when it happened to them. It's immensely painful up front, but you move on faster. You aren't left with any hope that it might work out. I know it's hard though. My ex moved on pretty quickly after he dumped me, but, when I found out, it set me free.

That does make me feel a little better. I feel as though all of my worst fears were confirmed, and it was when I blocked him on social media, that's when he posted pics of the new girl. At least that's what my coworkers told me.

 

Damn, it hurts the ego a bit, you know? But... You are right. I will get over him quicker now. It just sucks because I was feeling so much stronger. I guess I was hoping he was a better man than he really is...

[Movingon4good]

Situations are a bit different but I think I can definitely relate to what you've just experienced. I went NC and was feeling amazing but out of nowhere a friend sends me a picture of her and her new guy. It took her about 2 days to move on from me. Only dated for 6 months and not 3 years but still hurt extremely bad. After I saw that I was at a low point just like you, heck I'll even admit I called the suicide hotline just because that scarred me so bad. Never thought I'd recover from that and although I'm not going to say I'm 100% over it, it WILL get easier over time. I know if it can get better for me then it can for anyone. I didn't try to hide how I felt, I cried a lot but there will come a point where it wont allow you to cry about it anymore.

 

Don't worry about what he's doing, trust me it's one of the worst things you can do. Take it day by day and I bet soon you'll look back and wonder why any of this upset you. Wish you the best of luck!

Oh yes, I get exactly how you felt. Like a punch to the gut really. Just out of curiosity, when was the last you spoke to your ex? I'm just wondering if this really does get easier. This pain.... Arrrggggghhhh.

[AlexM123]

Oh yes, I get exactly how you felt. Like a punch to the gut really. Just out of curiosity, when was the last you spoke to your ex? I'm just wondering if this really does get easier. This pain.... Arrrggggghhhh.

 

Don't know the exact amount but it's basically been 30 days. (Broke up little over 2 moths ago though) So not too much longer than than your journey. I'll admit I've went to her social media a few times since those 30 days (again worst thing to do) and I advise you to NEVER do that. Think you said you blocked him so that's a great step.

 

I get what you're going through, after a few weeks of NC goes by some moments you'll feel amazing one day then the next you want to talk to them again. You just have to remind yourself time heals everything and there's no time to do something negative (as in check social media/contact them) because that'll destroy all your progress. Life's too short to have one person stealing your happiness!

[SevenCity]

After my ex of 7 years dumped me I was a mess for about 6 months.

 

I immediately removed her from LinkedIn (the only social media I use and she was all butt hurt about it). About 4 months in I sent a text to her asking if she wanted to catch up upon the advice of a friend. She never responded (despite the "I'll always be there for you!" BS).

 

I'm at about 8 months now and it has gotten MUCH better. I'd be lying if I said I'm over it but the pain has all but subsided now. Initially, I was a walking zombie and couldn't eat or sleep for months.

 

Depending on how deep your feelings were will dictate how long - and it will take longer than you think. But, you will get to the point of indifference.

 

So yes, as much as it doesn't seem so, it does get better with time.

[Movingon4good]

Don't know the exact amount but it's basically been 30 days. (Broke up little over 2 moths ago though) So not too much longer than than your journey. I'll admit I've went to her social media a few times since those 30 days (again worst thing to do) and I advise you to NEVER do that. Think you said you blocked him so that's a great step.

 

I get what you're going through, after a few weeks of NC goes by some moments you'll feel amazing one day then the next you want to talk to them again. You just have to remind yourself time heals everything and there's no time to do something negative (as in check social media/contact them) because that'll destroy all your progress. Life's too short to have one person stealing your happiness!

Yes, I would highly recommend not looking at social media. I'm so glad he's blocked. Had I seen it myself it would have been such a bigger nlow. Hard hearing it from someone else, but I didn't have to see it at least.

 

Im so glad it gets easier. At least there is hope. I was this close to answering his text before. This close... I re read what people posted and I'm holding off for now. I hope I don't cave and send ir

[Movingon4good]

After my ex of 7 years dumped me I was a mess for about 6 months.

 

I immediately removed her from LinkedIn (the only social media I use and she was all butt hurt about it). About 4 months in I sent a text to her asking if she wanted to catch up upon the advice of a friend. She never responded (despite the "I'll always be there for you!" BS).

 

I'm at about 8 months now and it has gotten MUCH better. I'd be lying if I said I'm over it but the pain has all but subsided now. Initially, I was a walking zombie and couldn't eat or sleep for months.

 

Depending on how deep your feelings were will dictate how long - and it will take longer than you think. But, you will get to the point of indifference.

 

So yes, as much as it doesn't seem so, it does get better with time.

Thank you for sharing your story. I do feel better knowing 8 months from now I'll not be feeling this way. In the moment I'm dying, but I have to believe you when you say it gets better. I almost texted him back. Almost. I'm a little stronger than I though because i didn't send it. But man.... So close...

[SevenCity]

Thank you for sharing your story. I do feel better knowing 8 months from now I'll not be feeling this way. In the moment I'm dying, but I have to believe you when you say it gets better. I almost texted him back. Almost. I'm a little stronger than I though because i didn't send it. But man.... So close...

 

Trust me, it will. Even when you know it will eventually end the pain can be unbearable. If not for having my dog to take care of I would have shot myself in the head.

 

I went through some dark times but things have gotten much better. I used to cry all the time and I can't recall the last time I shed a tear about her.

 

Don't get me wrong it still sucks and given the choice I wish I never met her but I know this feeling too shall pass.

 

NC has helped me a lot (despite my slip up at 4 months). I would block any means of him getting in touch with you and ask your friends not to tell you anything about him.

 

Out of sight, out of mind. Just takes longer when you really loved someone and it was not your choice to leave.

[Altair0770]

I'm at a little 6 months past the breakup. Went NC for 2 months and now have been complete NC for nearing 3 months.

 

It does get a lot easier. I couldn't leave my bed the first week. At work I'd sometimes find a corner and lay down there.

 

It's still tough. But I know I can live without her. I also know I don't want a relationship with her because she's a narcissist. I'd still love to hear from her though... mainly so I can call her a bitch and make her cry.

 

Hoping to get out there and meet someone after my business trip.

[BC1980]

That does make me feel a little better. I feel as though all of my worst fears were confirmed, and it was when I blocked him on social media, that's when he posted pics of the new girl. At least that's what my coworkers told me.

 

Damn, it hurts the ego a bit, you know? But... You are right. I will get over him quicker now. It just sucks because I was feeling so much stronger. I guess I was hoping he was a better man than he really is...

 

You really should block him as well, so you don't get anymore texts from him. I know it feels good to ignore him when he texts you, but that feelings doesn't last long. You might slip up and respond the next time. It's not worth it.

[SevenCity]

I'm at a little 6 months past the breakup. Went NC for 2 months and now have been complete NC for nearing 3 months.

 

It does get a lot easier. I couldn't leave my bed the first week. At work I'd sometimes find a corner and lay down there.

 

It's still tough. But I know I can live without her. I also know I don't want a relationship with her because she's a narcissist. I'd still love to hear from her though... mainly so I can call her a bitch and make her cry.

 

Hoping to get out there and meet someone after my business trip.

 

ha ha ha ha .

[Movingon4good]

You really should block him as well, so you don't get anymore texts from him. I know it feels good to ignore him when he texts you, but that feelings doesn't last long. You might slip up and respond the next time. It's not worth it.

You are right about that. It did feel good to know he texted, even though it was only a breadcrumb, but look at me now... I'm in turmoil wondering if I should text back. He's blocked now... Every way I can block him. Now it's just working on healing for me.

[Movingon4good]

I'm at a little 6 months past the breakup. Went NC for 2 months and now have been complete NC for nearing 3 months.

 

It does get a lot easier. I couldn't leave my bed the first week. At work I'd sometimes find a corner and lay down there.

 

It's still tough. But I know I can live without her. I also know I don't want a relationship with her because she's a narcissist. I'd still love to hear from her though... mainly so I can call her a bitch and make her cry.

 

Hoping to get out there and meet someone after my business trip.

Thank you. I'm so glad you are feeling better. You seem really great and didn't deserve to feel like that for so long. It's their loss, for sure..

[Movingon4good]

Trust me, it will. Even when you know it will eventually end the pain can be unbearable. If not for having my dog to take care of I would have shot myself in the head.

 

I went through some dark times but things have gotten much better. I used to cry all the time and I can't recall the last time I shed a tear about her.

 

Don't get me wrong it still sucks and given the choice I wish I never met her but I know this feeling too shall pass.

 

NC has helped me a lot (despite my slip up at 4 months). I would block any means of him getting in touch with you and ask your friends not to tell you anything about him.

 

Out of sight, out of mind. Just takes longer when you really loved someone and it was not your choice to leave.

It's a great idea and I'll ask my coworkers today not to give me updates anymore. I did block him every way I could, so I won't be tortured anymore. Now it's all about moving on and healing for me. I don't really have a choice lol. Thank you for letting me know if gets better.... I'll need that in the dark days ahead, I'm sure.

[Movingon4good]

Regardless of what your ex is doing, or who he is seeing, you went out like a boss!

 

There's no guarantee that he's happy, and better times are headed your way.

 

I know it hurts, I know it sucks, but father time is moving things right along, and you will feel better eventually.

Thank you!! Here's to hoping Father time moves swiftly! I am happy to report... 17 days NC. No more breadcrumbs for me... I'm done.

[jamili]

You really should block him as well, so you don't get anymore texts from him. I know it feels good to ignore him when he texts you, but that feelings doesn't last long. You might slip up and respond the next time. It's not worth it.

 

Slipping up and responding to a breadcrumb is the worst feeling - can confirm. When they dont keep texting and they let the conversation die and just disappear again.... it sucks..because deep down inside you wanted the crumb to mean more, but it didn't mean anything. Stings.

 

I actually did however respond to a breadcrumb last week where i organically wrote back and didnt feel any expectation or pain... and then she wrote back again and i just let it end on that note without any anticipation or longing for more... i was feeling rather, dare i say it, indifferent towards it. I think i might handle breadcrumbs like this again in the future - becsuse im not really caring what they might mean anymore..

[Movingon4good]

Slipping up and responding to a breadcrumb is the worst feeling - can confirm. When they dont keep texting and they let the conversation die and just disappear again.... it sucks..because deep down inside you wanted the crumb to mean more, but it didn't mean anything. Stings.

 

I actually did however respond to a breadcrumb last week where i organically wrote back and didnt feel any expectation or pain... and then she wrote back again and i just let it end on that note without any anticipation or longing for more... i was feeling rather, dare i say it, indifferent towards it. I think i might handle breadcrumbs like this again in the future - becsuse im not really caring what they might mean anymore..

 

Thank you so much for sharing that. I had been fighting the urge to respond to that breadcrumb myself. I'm so grateful I didn't, because I would be hurting much worse right now. I've been off social media for a week, and it is so helping. No breadcrumbs.....

 

I can only hope I get to the point where I respond because I am indifferent. I will get there I think....and I'm looking forward to it. You give me hope!

[Movingon4good]

It really helps to journal this journey. I will have to print this out one day, and burn the pages when I am ready to let go

 

Day 17. It was more of a dull ache today. As my mind and heart are letting him go, I am finding it easier to not think of him. I did some things for myself today. I called in sick to work, I got my nails done, and I changed my hair style. It looks great, and I am doing it only for me.

 

He is still blocked every way he can be, so I am not hoping for a text or some way that he will contact me. It's pretty impossible, unless he calls me at work, because I can't block him there. That's hasn't happened though, and it's not likely it will.

 

So, holding steady. As much as I have been tempted, I am holding to no contact and I am not giving in. I'm going out with whatever dignity I have left after 3 years from this f***tard. I'm holding my head high.

 

Peace out everyone. I hope you all find the comfort and love you deserve.

[Movingon4good]

So, here I am, on the morning of Day 18. I slipped up and contacted him. I know we aren't supposed to do that. However, I do feel oddly much better since there was no official breakup on his side, just a "ghosting".

 

I kept it short and sweet, and I answered his original text. Yes, I unblocked him to do that. I said I was doing well, that I hoped he was too. I wished him well, and although I don't expect to hear from him again, it gave me the closure I needed to end this ridiculous chapter of my life.

 

Back to Day 1 again, but this time, there is no hope involved, and I have closure. I expect it to be easier this time around. He is still blocked on social media, although I still have not been on any social media, and every day that goes by I feel freer and freer. Blocked on my phone too. So it all begins again...

[BC1980]

So, here I am, on the morning of Day 18. I slipped up and contacted him. I know we aren't supposed to do that. However, I do feel oddly much better since there was no official breakup on his side, just a "ghosting".

 

I kept it short and sweet, and I answered his original text. Yes, I unblocked him to do that. I said I was doing well, that I hoped he was too. I wished him well, and although I don't expect to hear from him again, it gave me the closure I needed to end this ridiculous chapter of my life.

 

Back to Day 1 again, but this time, there is no hope involved, and I have closure. I expect it to be easier this time around. He is still blocked on social media, although I still have not been on any social media, and every day that goes by I feel freer and freer. Blocked on my phone too. So it all begins again...

 

Not trying to put a damper on things, but be prepared for this time around to be just as difficult. Closure is a myth that a lot of people buy into. Two weeks from now, you will come up with another reason and be tempted to contact him again. Next time, you might be angry and decide you want to tell him off or you want to peak on his social media to see if he's with the other woman still.

 

When you want to contact him, work through those feelings. The answer is not to contact him for "closure" or anything else. Because it never ends. You don't learn how to work through those tough feelings when you give in. Maybe set a goal to go 90 days, and that will build up your resolve. It will give you a goal to work towards.

[Movingon4good]

Not trying to put a damper on things, but be prepared for this time around to be just as difficult. Closure is a myth that a lot of people buy into. Two weeks from now, you will come up with another reason and be tempted to contact him again. Next time, you might be angry and decide you want to tell him off or you want to peak on his social media to see if he's with the other woman still.

 

When you want to contact him, work through those feelings. The answer is not to contact him for "closure" or anything else. Because it never ends. You don't learn how to work through those tough feelings when you give in. Maybe set a goal to go 90 days, and that will build up your resolve. It will give you a goal to work towards.

 

You aren't putting a damper on things. I suspect you are probably right. I am feeling great today, but who knows how I will feel tomorrow. I appreciate your honesty, and I will be bracing myself for sure. I had a feeling it may happen, but maybe you are right. Closure could just be a myth. I hated the fact that nothing was said, that he just slowly bowed out. It's easier for me to hear it, but I fully acknowledge what you are saying. Thank you.

Edited April 22, 2017 by Movingon4good