For all those doing NC, hang in there!! **Updated**

[Movingon4good]

Ok I need some encouragement. I've been doing no contact, and I've tried this before and only made it to 12 days. I'm on Day 11 and feeling weak.

 

Here's my story. We were together 3 years. In August, suddenly he didn't want to text anymore, he started cutting off all communication. I sensed a distance, but I gave him his space because he wanted it.

 

The next week I saw him actively pursuing another woman on Facebook. He liked every status, every picture, etc. Normally that wouldn't bother me, but coupled with him backing up I got worried. When I asked him about it, he stormed out of the restaurant

 

So he took this relationship another direction for the next few months, and we would only meet once a week, he would call once or twice a week, and no texts at all.

 

It was hard, but I tried to adjust to what he wanted. It was so hard because we spoke and texted several times a day before that.

 

I haven't seen him for a month now. He still actively pursues this other woman on fb, but has stopped communicating with me at all.

 

So, I started NC 11 days ago. I'm not even sure he has noticed. I need to move on and let go of him. I'm not sure why I stayed so long... I keep seeking validation from a man who is incapable, and has all the signs of a narcissist. I am an attractive woman, successful by all counts, but this one area of my life I struggle.

 

Please... Encourage me not to do this. I want to move on, and today is really tough. Help me stay away... Please..

[babysacay]

That sounds so tough, I'm sorry he's being such a jerk to you? So there wasn't even an official breakup? You seem so strong for just being able to do NC and I hope to emulate you I'd go crazy! I'm only Day 4 NC and can't wait til I'm all healed

[Movingon4good]

That sounds so tough, I'm sorry he's being such a jerk to you? So there wasn't even an official breakup? You seem so strong for just being able to do NC and I hope to emulate you I'd go crazy! I'm only Day 4 NC and can't wait til I'm all healed

No, there wasn't. He just kept distancing himself and putting these ridiculous conditions on me. If I texted him he ignored it. He picked one day a week to meet in the afternoon and that was it. He never ended it, just kept backing up.

 

Day 4 is great... Keep it up!! What helped me is writing down in my phone all the things he had done to hurt me. For example, no cards or gifts for my birthday, blowing me off for weeks, etc. Things that really hurt. Then I asked myself why I would want to go back to that. It helps to write it down because in a week you forget the bad sometimes...

 

Stay strong!! You started NC for a reason.... Remember it!

Edited April 15, 2017 by Movingon4good

[Altair0770]

I'm approaching 3 months.

 

Make sure you're doing proper NC. Disappear from his life and do not get any updates on him or stalk him on social media. That will heavily delay your healing.

 

Keep up the strength. Remember - nothing good can come out of contacting him. Let that be motivation for continuing NC. Stay strong!

[Movingon4good]

Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. I haven't Unfriended him on FB yet, but I did u unfollow so I don't see anything of his. I have just stayed off FB these last few weeks and it helped. It's probably time to unfriend, you are probably right. He is blocked every other way from contacting me.

[Altair0770]

Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. I haven't Unfriended him on FB yet, but I did u unfollow so I don't see anything of his. I have just stayed off FB these last few weeks and it helped. It's probably time to unfriend, you are probably right. He is blocked every other way from contacting me.

 

your name is "movingon4good". If that's the truth then dump his ass off of SM like he dumped you.

 

Show them you're gone and they'll start the grieving process, whether you want them back or not, and whether they want you back or not.

 

He dumped you, he has no right to know what you're up to. Keeping them on SM is never good.

[Movingon4good]

Well I made it through the day without contacting him. It wasn't easy. The longest we have gone without communication is 12 days. I am so close to breaking this record.

 

He threw me for a loop tonight. He sent a 'Happy Easter you guys' text to me and some mutual friends. I was so shocked to see something from him. My heart raced, I got nervous... Then I read the text and realized it was just a group text. Nothing close to what I think anyone in my position would want to hear.

 

I didn't answer anyone in the group text. I didn't respond at all. I count it a victory.

 

Now, I will fall into a blissful sleep, probably have nightmares and wake up to not contact him tomorrow. That is day 12. I just have to remind myself I deserve better. Because I do. We all do.

 

[babysacay]

You can do it Movingon4good! Each day feels like a victory. I've been journaling and it's helped. I also keep reminding myself of lessons I learned from a previous breakup: that if he wants me in his life he'll make it happen and that it's possible to have strong and deep feelings for someone who no longer cares about me. Lessons from that breakup is helping me be more accepting of this one

[Movingon4good]

Thank you. That's great advice. I know I will never forget how this breakup made me feel, yet I can't seem to remember the pain of other breakups. I guess this will fade too.

 

You are on Day 5 right? How is that going?

[Altair0770]

It gets much easier as time progresses as long as you stick to NC. Also avoid him at all costs. Disappear from him. Have him disappear from you.

[babysacay]

Yeah movingon4good, I'm currently on Day 5. I actually got a text from my ex this morning saying

 

"I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I appreciate you recognizing some of these things that happened and i know I am not innocent either. I do have guilt on my shoulders for how some of it went down. I'd really like to be friends in the future but I just don't think right now is a good time for us to be communicating until you and I are over all of this. I'm really wanting to take some time to myself and focus on me. I feel like once I'm happy with myself I'll be able to make someone else happy. If that is you, then I am all for it. But if not, I'll understand. I am not mad or upset at you for anything. Just know I'm around and approachable."

 

I'm not responding because I know it'll set me back on healing. Doesn't make it much easier though after getting that.

[darkbloom]

Please, for your sanity, BLOCK him on Facebook. You won't be able to see what he's doing and it will make it easier to move on. Also. Block his phone number. Does someone who probably hasn't noticed you aren't talking to him sound like someone you want to waste anymore time on?

 

You know when you're a kid and your mom warned you the stove was hot? And she told you NOT to touch it? But being a kid and being curious you touched it and you got burned?

 

Same thing. Every time you reach out to him is like placing your hand on the hot stove. You KNOW you are going to get burned and it's going to hurt. You've been warned. When you decide you don't want to feel like that anymore, you will stop touching the stove.

[BC1980]

Totally agree with blocking him. You are setting yourself up for failure if you don't because, one day, he will text, and you won't be able to stop yourself from responding. You'll be tempted and make a snap decision you will regret. If you block him, you remove the bulk of the triggers that will make you want to contact him.

 

You'll also never move on if you have a window into his life on social media. I can't tell you how many people I've seen come through here that can't move on, and it's because they refuse to block or unfriend on social media.

[Movingon4good]

I made it! This is the longest I have gone without hearing from him. I have not contacted him yet, and although he sent a group text, I didn't answer it.

 

Tomorrow I will go on social media and block him. I haven't been on nor have I posted, but there is always the chance of getting tagged in something that would let him see my life. I belive you are all right. He doesn't need a window to me. In all honesty, I doubt that he's even looking.

 

There are moments in a day that are tough. The one thought that gets me through is thinking that he can't be too torn up if he isn't contacting me, so why tear myself up over him. What is it that hurts really? My ego? The fact that I wasted so many years with him? I don't know. I guess it hurts most that it was so easy for him to walk away.

 

My list of things that he hurt me by doing that I keep on my phone helps. The first year was great, but after that, no gifts or cards on my birthday, only allowed to see him once a week. Never texted me first, and never ever said he was proud of me, even when I graduated with my MBA.

 

He is the king of emotionally unavailable men, and I accepted that for too long. That you all for your support. I e made it this long because of you

[Movingon4good]

Yeah movingon4good, I'm currently on Day 5. I actually got a text from my ex this morning saying

 

"I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I appreciate you recognizing some of these things that happened and i know I am not innocent either. I do have guilt on my shoulders for how some of it went down. I'd really like to be friends in the future but I just don't think right now is a good time for us to be communicating until you and I are over all of this. I'm really wanting to take some time to myself and focus on me. I feel like once I'm happy with myself I'll be able to make someone else happy. If that is you, then I am all for it. But if not, I'll understand. I am not mad or upset at you for anything. Just know I'm around and approachable."

 

I'm not responding because I know it'll set me back on healing. Doesn't make it much easier though after getting that.

 

 

Don't respond. He didn't say anything that you deserved to hear. There was no 'I've made a mistake, I miss you'. Just

some crap about working on himself. He mentioned that he didn't want to communicate with you. NC is the best thing you can do right now!

 

Stay strong... It's only day 5. It gets easier.

Edited April 17, 2017 by Movingon4good

[Maldives]

Congratulations on making it to day 12. Dont be too hard on ureself if u do lookalike t his fb i still do it 7 mths on it is very hard but it is true it does open a wound but it gets easier over time. One day u will be able to see his profile or his new watever partner and u wont feel the pain u feel now. My previous ex to the recent ex cheated wth a close friend so u can imagine how hard that was now 7 yrs later I don't even think about that time Hajime and if I see her photo there is no pain associated wth it more so curiosity than anything or not even that. U never forget ur relationships but the pain equation gets taken out. The big thing is each time these people hurt us we carry baggage. If u can get som good support to unravel the damage his done and heal so u dont carry that in to the next relationship. That ex was a rebound for me and I never healed wen my marriage felloyd apart so I wasn't emotionally available til one yr but I'd kinda hurt her hence she cheated still no excuse for cheating then I hadn't properly dealt wth the trust issues and carried that over into my recent relationship wich lasted 6 yrs and that trust thing played a major part in this relationship also blowing up. So be aware it's not just about healing but making sure u realy understand the baggage and get rid of it

[Maldives]

Yeah movingon4good, I'm currently on Day 5. I actually got a text from my ex this morning saying

 

"I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I appreciate you recognizing some of these things that happened and i know I am not innocent either. I do have guilt on my shoulders for how some of it went down. I'd really like to be friends in the future but I just don't think right now is a good time for us to be communicating until you and I are over all of this. I'm really wanting to take some time to myself and focus on me. I feel like once I'm happy with myself I'll be able to make someone else happy. If that is you, then I am all for it. But if not, I'll understand. I am not mad or upset at you for anything. Just know I'm around and approachable."

 

I'm not responding because I know it'll set me back on healing. Doesn't make it much easier though after getting that.

 

Watever u do try nor to Ifind u do make it so superficial better not to lol silence can be golden. If it's eating u up tho make it very formal superficial no emotion init

[ECRH23]

Sounds like he was trying to ghost you by just fading himself out of the relationship.

 

 

Hope you are hanging in there.

[babysacay]

Awesome movingon4good! This is also the longest I've gone not talking to my ex. And I don't even feel like it.

[Movingon4good]

It's funny, but days 1-10 really flew by for me. I didn't think of him, I didn't want to hear from him, and I let him go completely.

 

Day 11 hit me hard. I am not sure why, but I hate that it did, and I would love to feel like I did last week. I feel like I am second guessing myself, like I may have done something wrong. I know he was the one who left, but I hate that I am starting to blame myself.

 

Our last communication was over something so stupid too. He had been backing up, no texting, no phone calls and I could only see him once a week. He cancelled on me the first week saying something came up with work. The second week he said he had a migraine. I didn't ask how he was doing, I asked when we could reschedule because it had been a few weeks since I saw him, and he blasted me for not asking how he was doing and being more concerned. I told him I was very sorry he had a migraine and that I missed him and would like to see him at some point later that week. That's when he told me I wanted to much from him, and I never heard from him again.

 

I hate that I am second guessing whether I should have been more concerned, or not asked to see him later in the week. He hasn't texted me since then, nor I him, as I have started NC. It's been 13 days. I'm so tired of being treated as though I don't matter, as though he was doing me a favor by meeting me once a week.

 

I hate all of this. i really do. I wish it was just over and I was healed. It sucks.

[Movingon4good]

I'm trying. It was hard today. I have now surpassed the longest we have gone without speaking. Yup, he was probably ghosting me, which after 3 years, is the cowards way out.

[Movingon4good]

Awesome movingon4good! This is also the longest I've gone not talking to my ex. And I don't even feel like it.

That's awesome!! Day 6?? Hang in there. Did you ever reply to his text?

[Maldives]

It's funny, but days 1-10 really flew by for me. I didn't think of him, I didn't want to hear from him, and I let him go completely.

 

Day 11 hit me hard. I am not sure why, but I hate that it did, and I would love to feel like I did last week. I feel like I am second guessing myself, like I may have done something wrong. I know he was the one who left, but I hate that I am starting to blame myself.

 

Our last communication was over something so stupid too. He had been backing up, no texting, no phone calls and I could only see him once a week. He cancelled on me the first week saying something came up with work. The second week he said he had a migraine. I didn't ask how he was doing, I asked when we could reschedule because it had been a few weeks since I saw him, and he blasted me for not asking how he was doing and being more concerned. I told him I was very sorry he had a migraine and that I missed him and would like to see him at some point later that week. That's when he told me I wanted to much from him, and I never heard from him again.

 

I hate that I am second guessing whether I should have been more concerned, or not asked to see him later in the week. He hasn't texted me since then, nor I him, as I have started NC. It's been 13 days. I'm so tired of being treated as though I don't matter, as though he was doing me a favor by meeting me once a week.

 

I hate all of this. i really do. I wish it was just over and I was healed. It sucks.

 

He's sulking. He's also unaware how ur feeling wth the way his been. I wouldn't be surprised once he calms down he contacts u. My guess his waiting for u to Crack and contact h8m so he has the upper hand and can dictate the terms I bet u thats wat he's doing

[Movingon4good]

It's now day 14. I can't believe I made it two weeks since our last conversation. I am feeling stronger today, but that's only today.

 

I blocked him last night on all my social media accounts. That was really hard to do. I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack because I lost all access to see what he is up to if I wanted to. I was reading what other have said and other websites that said in order for NC to be successful, all ties need to be cut. So, breathing heavily, I did it.

 

Something odd happened then. I felt strangely relieved and in control. My thoughts were spiraling about how if he ever wanted to look at my page he would have, but he hadn't been on my social media for a while. So, what did it matter? Once I realized that I felt in control and much better.

 

Today he texted me. I was pretty shocked, that's for sure. He just said "Just saying hello!! Hope all is well" I thought of a really witty answer and sent a reply text, only I didn't send it right away, I scheduled it to send in 2 hours.

 

Before the two hours were up I deleted the text from being sent. I am still officially in NC. At no point was there an I miss you or an I want to see you. I'm so tired of breadcrumbs.

 

So, I'm feeling strong today. I looked temptation in the face and I won. oh, and it's a beautiful day here. And I have plans tonight. Things are looking up for this gal

 

[Techmonkey]

You are far more patient and understanding than I ever could be. You have my respect. How crappy to ghost you and then suddenly want to engage in idle chit chat without any explanation. He doesn't deserve a reply.