ttgu Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 My boyfriend used to be so wonderful. He was very affectionate physically and verbally. He would tell me how he wanted a long-term relationship leading towards marriage. We would talk every day because he said the day was better when he got to talk to me. He gave me the key to his place and told me I was welcome “anytime” and he would really like to have me think about living with him in the near future. He told me he loved me many times during the day and would text message me telling every morning. Now flash forward two months. He doesn’t tell me he loves me unless I say it first. He will hold my hand, but only if I reach for his first. He will give me a hug, but only if I make the first move. He doesn’t talk about the future or anything else remotely to do with emotions. Because I have his key he doesn’t feel he should have to invite me over, which really pisses me off. When I do go over to his house he kisses me hello, then that’s it. I try to talk to him, but he walks from room to room, outside, downstairs, to his vehicle while giving me one word or two word answers. Finally I give up and go watch television. When I start to leave he starts saying things like “I can’t believe you are not staying”, “how come you always leave me?” “I want you to stay, but do what you have to do” WHAT!!! Then there is the phone issue. He works with his hands so isn’t able to talk on the phone at work, he also does jobs on the side for extra cash, then he has his kids every other week and once during the week. So he is quite busy. I work at an office type job, do not have a second job, and do not have children so my time is very flexible. His complaint is I don’t call him enough. Which is a valid point because he is busy when I call so I wait for him to call me when he has the time to talk. But then he started this game where he wouldn’t call to see how long it would be until I called him. When I called he would started his “if you really loved me you would have called sooner” bullcrap. So…I started making it a point to call more. Now, he will answer the phone, talk for about 30 seconds, say he is busy, ask if he can call back, then doesn’t. Then starts his game of how-long-before-she-calls again. When I try to talk to him about it he tells me I’m emotional, over reacting and he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. If I persist he gets very angry and starts bringing up every little thing I’ve done in the past and says things he knows will hurt me. If I keep trying to talk he will say “maybe we should break up if this is how it’s going to be”. I feel like I am living in a alternate reality with this guy. Is he so insecure he has to continually test my love? Or does he have a control issue? Whenever I try to break it off he will talk me out off it and tell me he doesn’t want to lose me. Then the games start again. I really need an objective opinion.
ms. biz Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 Hey there. Yeah, if I had to pick one, I'd say control issue. However, it really just sounds like he is a "busy man", and prides himself on it. I was in a relationship with a guy that sounds like your guy. It seemed like he was too busy for me, but wanted me in the background to make him feel secure. Like I was a "task" he could check off his list. The thing about the one-two word answers sounds really familar too. Honestly, I think that TYPE is BORING!! The games with the phone are just stupid ego stroking I think. He sounds like a "type A" personality who wants his girlfriend to kiss his ass while she gets neglected. He may not be a bad guy (mine wasn't) but his behavior sounds intollerable. I would at least try to give him a wake-up call. If you are real hooked on him, I feel for ya.
Author ttgu Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 Thanks!! It makes me feel a lot better knowing I'm not going crazy. He is not speaking to me right now because I had the nerve to call him on his behavior. It is quite entertaining to see the flips and shimmys he does to twist it around into being my fault. I actually had to laugh a couple times, which made him very unhappy. Oh well. I was very in love with him and would have done anything for him and his kids. But each time he disregarded my feelings and refused to make any compromises, no matter how easy, it killed a bit of the feelings I had. Right now I am sad and miss the man I thought he was. And I miss his kids terribly!! It would be bad to stay for the kids, right?? I can't have children of my own and I truly fell in love with those little smart-a$$s. I wish he would come around, because like you said, he is not a bad guy. He would give you his last penny if you needed it. He is a wonderful father and if you had to have an ex-husband he would be a good one to have. I honestly think he is a scared little boy when it comes to emotional attachments. If he would just let go, relax and let things happen he would be so much happier. I'm more than willing to do what it takes to make it work, but he has to meet me halfway. And right now he isn't willing to do that, so Heres to hoping for a miracle....
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