Miss Spider Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 I got back from a date with a guy I really liked. He asked me out for drinks, then moved it to dinner. I suggested to go to drinks instead but moved it back to dinner. I apparently chose the place...because we saw it as we were walking?? It was an Ethiopian restaurant so I ordered water and he got beer and then we shared a big plate food. He ate most of it... I thought about asking to go 'dutch' beforehand, but they always refuse to let me pay and I didn't want to make it a big deal about it again. Usually I wind up fighting men for the check. It was further complicated by it being one plate of food. He talked about how he hated his job and just quit!!! And was switching departments and selling one of the houses he bought and all this stressful stuff. And trying to save $ for the future... I sat there and listened, then when the check came I sat there like an entitled princess. Not offer to pay or even to split. I didn't even do the slow wallet maneuver. I just sat there and looked at him while he paied Afterwards, he asked if wanted to leave and go get drinks and I said I needed to get back... we hugged and I left. I feel SO disappointed and embarrassed Should I text him about it??? Just a simpo "I feel guilty not offering to go 'dutch'" or too tacky? Then block him? Keep in mind he hasn't texted me and I doubt he wants to see me again, but I feel like I want him to know or will that be worse?
Arieswoman Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 Personally I would just let this go. It doesn't look like you'll be seeing him again so why worry? 6
Author Miss Spider Posted April 15, 2017 Author Posted April 15, 2017 Personally I would just let this go. It doesn't look like you'll be seeing him again so why worry? I feel like it will paint me in a better light ? That I'm not a jerk like that. ?? I mean even if we run into each other on the street
Imajerk17 Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 "Hey I had a good time tonight! Thanks for a fun evening!" That would be the text I would send, tonight. Like right now if you just got back from the date. I wouldn't mention the check. He suggested dinner and got himself a beer while you had water, and surely getting one plate of food at an Ethiopian place can't be that expensive. Next time though offer to pay. 6
Author Miss Spider Posted April 15, 2017 Author Posted April 15, 2017 I should add I did thank him twice for dinner 4
Arieswoman Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 I doubt if he's bothered. He's seems to be all wrapped up with what he's doing, so I don't think he'll give it a second thought. Anyway, he ate most of the food and all you drank was water, so I can't see a problem. You thanked him, so that's fine IMO. 5
Marc878 Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 IMO he never even noticed. Sounds like he had a stressful day and was probably glad to just have you for company. You did nothing to worry about. 3
curiouslysearching Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 Cookie LET IT GO....he was fortunate to have your company and it is not like it was a small fortune or anything.....I am not being rude but really I guarantee you he was happy to have your company.... 5
divegrl Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 Hey cookies! Just a question. You really like him. He wanted to continue the date. Why are you going to block him? 6
curiouslysearching Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 Hey cookies! Just a question. You really like him. He wanted to continue the date. Why are you going to block him? She is right....don't get hung up over something as benign as MONEY.... I always pay for my dates for several reasons: I can afford it, I LIKE to do it, and I think it is my PLACE to do it......not everyone agrees with but I don't care it is HOW I go about it 2
Marc878 Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 She is right....don't get hung up over something as benign as MONEY.... I always pay for my dates for several reasons: I can afford it, I LIKE to do it, and I think it is my PLACE to do it......not everyone agrees with but I don't care it is HOW I go about it Exactly. If I take someone out. I'm paying. No exceptions. 4
Author Miss Spider Posted April 15, 2017 Author Posted April 15, 2017 "Hey I had a good time tonight! Thanks for a fun evening!" That would be the text I would send, tonight. Like right now if you just got back from the date. I wouldn't mention the check. He suggested dinner and got himself a beer while you had water, and surely getting one plate of food at an Ethiopian place can't be that expensive. Next time though offer to pay. Ty. I think I'm going to do this and just be done with it. I doubt if he's bothered. He's seems to be all wrapped up with what he's doing, so I don't think he'll give it a second thought. Anyway, he ate most of the food and all you drank was water, so I can't see a problem. You thanked him, so that's fine IMO. IMO he never even noticed. Sounds like he had a stressful day and was probably glad to just have you for company. You did nothing to worry about. Cookie LET IT GO....he was fortunate to have your company and it is not like it was a small fortune or anything.....I am not being rude but really I guarantee you he was happy to have your company.... Thank you guys so much!! This made me feel so much better. I just got back like a half hour ago and I was beating myself up over it so much because I always mess up when I like someone Hey cookies! Just a question. You really like him. He wanted to continue the date. Why are you going to block him? I was so nervous and now so embarrassed. Thank you all. I guess this belongs in the consolidated paying for date thread. Sorry 1
Dis Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 Hey girl! So you didnt really say whether you like him or not From the impression I get....you seem to feel 'meh' about him If a guy spent most of his time complaining about xy and z I would be pretty turned off I agree with imajerk, just send a simple, "Thanks for dinner" and be done (if you dont like him). No worries on not paying or offering to pay. It was one big plate of food, he had a beer, you had water. Total non-issue 2
Author Miss Spider Posted April 15, 2017 Author Posted April 15, 2017 (edited) Hey girl! So you didnt really say whether you like him or not From the impression I get....you seem to feel 'meh' about him If a guy spent most of his time complaining about xy and z I would be pretty turned off I agree with imajerk, just send a simple, "Thanks for dinner" and be done (if you dont like him). No worries on not paying or offering to pay. It was one big plate of food, he had a beer, you had water. Total non-issue Update!!! I texted him what imajerk said to and also an apology for not offering to pay. . "Haha. It's all good. I asked you so I was planning on paying . Ethiopian was probably one of the more awkward meals to have a first date over but... it worked right?" But really, I had fun getting to know you. " And then a few minutes later "Hopefully I didn't look angry when I wasn't talking(it's an inside joke). I'd like to see you again sometime if you're up for it. " Score!!!!!!!!! Edited April 15, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Shanex Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 I think that some of you folks over think the whole ''should he pay or should I? '' I believe this is irrelevant. He paid and that's good but the point here is you really got a bad vibes from the date, because he whined about this and that which for a first date is lame. I don't think anyone need to hear more negative stuff when a date is supposed to be 'fun' for both people 5
Shining One Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 How big of an etiquette faux pas???? Not that big. I expect women to contribute to dating costs, but I wouldn't judge a woman harshly for not offering on the first date. My girlfriend didn't offer on our first date. I save the harsh judgement for the women who do it several dates in a row. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 Not a faux pas at all. In light of his announcement that he just quit his job, that of all dates was the one where offering to pay would have been kind. He seems up for a second date. If you are too, call him, plan it & you pay. Problem solved. 1
OatsAndHall Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 I always pay on the first date so I don't think you made a mistake. If anything, he made things a bit awkward by talking about how broke he was on a first date. I could see the topic of his job coming up randomly but I wouldn't have elaborated. 1
smackie9 Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 What I do is offer to leave the tip instead so it's not really going dutch but contributing something. 1
Popsicle Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 Yeah, I'm confused on whether you like this guy or not. At first it seemed like you didn't like him that much, but now it seems like you do like him. Do you like him? Meaning, do you want to go out with him again? 2
Dis Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 Yeah, I'm confused on whether you like this guy or not. At first it seemed like you didn't like him that much, but now it seems like you do like him. Do you like him? Meaning, do you want to go out with him again? Ya I'm wondering this too Are you excited just because he wasnt turned off by you not paying? Or do you really like him? In OP I didnt see one comment about you liking anything about him...it kind of sounded the opposite 2
Author Miss Spider Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 You know...you guys have a really good point. I've never been so on the fence about someone. I have no idea if I really like him or I'm uninterested? I think his cynical humor/wit is making me confused. I'm a sucker for that. I decided to go on a second date with him this fri on me, and I'm taking him to a really expensive place xD hahahaha Ty <3 3
Dis Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 You know...you guys have a really good point. I've never been so on the fence about someone. I have no idea if I really like him or I'm uninterested? I think his cynical humor/wit is making me confused. I'm a sucker for that. I decided to go on a second date with him this fri on me, and I'm taking him to a really expensive place xD hahahaha Ty <3 Well let us know how it goes! Just make sure you're not liking him just because he seems to like you I think if you really liked him, your OP wouldve been glowing with compliments about him and how he's so sweet and how he really wanted to get to know you...etc etc A second date never killed anyone though Good luck girl! 2
Jj66 Posted April 22, 2017 Posted April 22, 2017 First sentence of the OP was: I got back from a date with a guy I really liked. So, she said she liked him. She also mentioned a couple of things that she wasn't quite sure about. Not offering to pay is not a faux pas in my book. Not saying thank you would have been. 1
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