twenty-two-pilots Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 I met a girl (26) online and we went on a date last month. It went really well. We texted a lot afterwards. She wanted me to take her for a walk 2 days later but I was busy that evening. I tried to reschedule but she ended up flaking on me - twice. She was busy with studying/work. She then went silent on me for a week... One day I bump into her in town and it's a bit awkward. She texts me late that night and is all like "It was funny running into you. Although you were about to pretend you didn’t see me". Wow, okay. Texting resumes but I play it cool and the next day she asks if we're going to be “acquaintances”. At this point I express my confusion and tell her it’s hard for me to date a girl I can't make any plans with and that I like honesty. She says she was really into me but then she got ill, started working long shifts and that she can't control her schedule so it’s hard to make plans (???). She recently moved here from abroad to work as a nurse so, yes, she does have a hard job. I tell her I understand, we exchange a few more messages and a week of silence follows again. She texts me out of the blue last weekend and is obviously trying hard to get my attention despite my short replies. On Monday night she asks if I'd like to go for a walk (right then). I'm busy so I decline but I tell her I'm free next evening. She says she’ll see after work. Of course, the next evening she’s too tired, which I’m fine with but she doesn't even try to reschedule. I haven't replied to her last few texts (just chit chat). Should I stick around or just let this one go? I actually liked her so it sucks but I’m struggling to take her seriously at this point
Grey40 Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 (edited) I've run into this kind of situation a bunch of times especially through OLD for some reason. Girls show a lot of interest, then disappear out of nowhere, then you see them in public or they see you doing something fun on Facebook/social media and all of a sudden they pretend like nothing happened and they want to hang out with you again. Can't quite explain it. If I had to guess it's because they have other options (and you're not #1), or they're just not really in the mood to date or see anyone..but when they are reminded that you exist they think "oh hmm, I forgot about him, he liked me..maybe I should try him out again". In this case, she did at least make an effort to see you, though I've never heard of someone saying "take me for a walk" that's a bit strange to me. Were you really that busy you couldn't go on a walk with her? I'd say actually Call her on the phone and try to lock down a day/time to meet up for whatever. If she's on the fence about it or doesn't give you a straight "yes", then I'd just move on. Edited April 15, 2017 by Grey40
Jason Van Jason Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 Most women do not deal with rejection in any form, very well. You gotta really let them down easy. Honestly, when a woman is trying to make plans with you, that is a HUUUUGGGEEEE step. Let me put this into perspective for you, OP; most women, who use online dating sites, DO NOT send messages, they just REPLY. Think about that for a minute. For her to be initiating plans with you, especially after she's met you, that is pretty much the biggest green flag you could ever receive and if your answer isn't yes, your ****in' up. Period. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 I see some interest but not a lot. The reason I say that is that a woman who was really into you although tired would have found the energy. The adrenaline would have kicked on at the exciting though of doing something with you. If she's always too tired, she's not feeling that spark so I wouldn't put in a lot of effort here. If she reaches out again & you are free, go if you feel like it.
smackie9 Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 Interest or not, she and you are both too busy to see each regularly anyways, because of your schedules. It's better to find someone who is more or less readily available to make and keep plans......move on, keep looking. Dating someone, the right someone, should be easy and not so complicated. Stop dealing with all this fussiness....so not worth it. 1
act00 Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 She wants you only on her schedule. She is unwilling to bend or compromise. She's not interested in working on a relationship, and her life sounds too busy to even try. She wants a "filler." She wants someone who will bend to her protocol on her terms. You don't fit. You want more. Let this one go.
phineas Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 Invite her over for drinks. That is basically my only answer to women who flake, don't reschedule, then come back wanting to see me and acting like nothing happened. If they at least apologized for the way they acted to show me they at least take responsibility for their actions i'd meet them out on my terms, but most seem to think i should just pretend it never happened. The real delusional ones though are those who contact me on facebook out of the blue and want to act like i'm just some random guy they hit up because they claim they don't know me and never flaked on me. strong cray cray.
Power_Forward Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 Here's my take. I think she likes you, but she wants to feel like she has some kind of control. So because she genuinely likes you, she feels vulnerable, and because you keep rescheduling your potential dates, she feels like she has no control over this vulnerabilty, and thus she won't agree to your requests to meet up because she feels you have all the power. I would suggest waiting a bit, and if she does try to set something else up, agree to it without trying to rearrange things. Let her feel like she has power and control over what is going on during your first interactions. Be your confident self, naturally, just let her have a role also. This will allow her to relax and feel more secure, and then she will be more willing to let you take the lead. Or, just let it fizzle out. Perhaps you're both just too busy. 2
Versacehottie Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 Here's my take. I think she likes you, but she wants to feel like she has some kind of control. So because she genuinely likes you, she feels vulnerable, and because you keep rescheduling your potential dates, she feels like she has no control over this vulnerabilty, and thus she won't agree to your requests to meet up because she feels you have all the power. I would suggest waiting a bit, and if she does try to set something else up, agree to it without trying to rearrange things. Let her feel like she has power and control over what is going on during your first interactions. Be your confident self, naturally, just let her have a role also. This will allow her to relax and feel more secure, and then she will be more willing to let you take the lead. Or, just let it fizzle out. Perhaps you're both just too busy. Exactly what i think is going on. It's a power struggle. OP, you also need to take responsibility for how your own actions would be perceived by her. Each of you to the other appears like he/she has mediocre interest and is unwilling to bend. Not all her. Not all you. Take another look at the actual events. 1
Titanll Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 I want to give positive and give sound advice...I want to but the bigger part of me wants to say Boo Friggin Hoo! Boy meets girl. Boy invests heavily emotionally in girl. Girl just takes it easy. Girl "becomes" a flake and goes silent and then contacts out of the blue. Boy creates thread "Is she just playing me" I know how this story ends....
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