To 2Long

[LoveNoLoss]

No you have been fine... but there have been some pretty harsh people. Believe me, I have had enough harsh for a lifetime. Right now I am away from OM and figuring out what the hell to do with myself. Something I have noticed, I have begun building a circle of friends around me. It's like I am building a "comfort" zone. When I was younger, I had a zillion friends but lost them over the years from moving around, getting married etc. Now I have begun building them again. When all this came down, I had very few friends and so I suffered on my own. No fun in that.....

 

I do hurt but I am SLOWLY getting better. However, some things will be permanent. For instance my outlook on marriage. Been there, done that. I am not sure what it is for? I suppose it's good for children but outside of that, I see no benefit. I no longer want to be married nor will I ever marry again. I will be in a committed loving relationship one day but with out all the BS of marriage. I had no business getting married but unfortuantly, I didn't have the little fairly come down and tap me on the shoulder and say "hey girl, you are marrying a serial cheater that is going to put your health at risk and lie, con and deceit you till the cows come home, RUN!!!!!!!!!"

 

I loved that man more than life itself and believed with every bone in my body that he was the one or "soulmate". Ha! Soulmate.... my soulmate cheated on me in the first year of our marriage and then a couple years after that.... little did I know he was boinking everything that moved when I found out about the second EA. I SHOULD have got out then. I should have made him leave and NEVER let him back into my house again, much less my heart. What the hell was I thinking??? Ohhh no.... I said, oh we can make it work, but on the inside I lost all trust of him and I should have got out THEN before having my own affair.

 

I was stupid for staying in a marriage with a man that was gone 90 percent of the weekends in our marriage plus other odd days. I never had a normal marriage.. you know, regular Friday nights... staying home, making love, eating pizza and watching movies. Actually, I did that all by myself I got good at being alone. But I missed him so much..... it was more important to him to play in a band and be away from me. I never could make much sense of it because he wasn't making that much money and he was away from me. Now I know what it was all about. It was a bunch of guys stuffed into a van looking for their next "sex kill" at a show, wherever that may be... Idaho, Utah, Washington... you name it... there was one in every city. I just thank who ever is above that I didn't catch AIDS.

 

Meanwhile, I would wonder why my husband wouldn't pick up the phone at 3 am and worry that he got in a car accident because the roads were snowy because those idiots consumed alcohol.

 

I am afraid my husband has a "cheating" personality. I am leary of anyone that toots their own horn so much. He really claims have turned himself around and has his moral compass pointing in the right direction. It hasn't even been a year since he stopped talking to 3 other women.... He says he has guilt but shoved it away. I have had long talks with my IC on this and he has explained to me that "you can't shove it away" you either have it or you don't. He also still believes that my husband would eventually end up cheating again down the road once things settled down.

 

I asked him if he ever heard of someone like my husband, ie. Seven affairs( serial cheater)... and he said, "not in my 25 years of practice" 50 percent of his practice is couples and he has seen men/women having say 3 affairs over the course of a marriage (with several years in between) but never someone like my husband who started having affairs right out of the gate and continued to have at LEAST one woman on the side our whole marriage. I said "great, thanks for making me feel like a freak" and he said "you aren't the freak, he is"

 

Anyway, I wanted to post this as a new thread because I didn't want to hijack the other one. I hate it when ppl hijack my threads..

 

 

By the way, from what I understand, these "creepy" judgemental ppl from other boards read my postings... those are the ppl that think I am the devil... but they don't realize I lived with the devil....

[LoveNoLoss]

2long,

 

I have heard of Peggy Vaghn before and I am aware of her husband's cheating. I didn't realize it was with his students. Disgusting. I must say that isn't the route for me. She must be quite the woman to stay with him. However, I also think since they both have a "cause" that it helps too.

 

I am not sure I feel like "looking over my shoulder" my whole life as far as my husband is concerned. I feel he has a very impulsive, live for the moment and worry about stuff later type personality. I was the best thing that ever happened to him. While that may sound on the arrogant side, he chose trashy groupies over me. I spent most weekends on my own waiting for him to come home. Stupid.

 

I am moving on with my life. I don't know if we will ever get back together. My heart just isn't in it right now. I want to heal and recover before I make any decisions in my life. I am in to taking care of me now. I am building a support system (friends) and learning to live happily on my own.

 

I do so badly want to spend my minutes, hours, days, life with someone but I am so cynical about anything related to love that you don't want to stand within 50 feet of me or you will get s*** splattered on you. I longingly look at couples walking down the street holding hands and feel that sick feeling in my stomach but then I usually end up saying "yeah, that relationship will probably fail do to infidelity" Sad....

 

I have always been good at making my own decisions and as far as my IC is concerned, I take what he says with a grain of salt. I know he isn't the one that was married to my husband nor would he be the one to reconcile. I am listening to my heart and right now, it's just "cruising" and doesn't feel like doing all the hard work it would take to get back with a serial cheater. I have to believe I am worth more than that. I suspect there might be too much damage for us.

 

I also know that my husband will always be the love of my life but sometimes, we fall in love with the wrong people.

[LoveNoLoss]

insult to injury my friend here at work just got engaged over the weekend.... I am so happy for her but man, when she showed me the ring and the look on her face.... felt like someone stabbed me in the gut. Guess that is to be expected...