Very confused (dumped)

[IrishYeats]

I met a Latvian girl last summer, beautiful. Has a 3 year old. She had been really hurt by a previous relationship, as I had. Both had fresh wounds. We hit it off. She was really into me. Summer passed and she got a little distant. She got busy, work, her child, etc.. we argued, more me asking her why she's not affectionate, not showing much love, pulling away, asked her if she wanted to leave it.. she would say no. But be angry, didn't like deep talks, they drained her. Yeah! Anyway November she asked me to move in.. I was happy! Big sign to me she wanted this after all. It didn't go great. Same talks kept coming up, I couldn't work her out. Hot and cold always. Anytime I said why not leave if ya don't make effort or want this.. she would almost end it, then not want too... was so strange. I moved out the end of February. She called me up after I moved out and said she didn't want to end things, just maybe we go back to how it was, not living together.

 

Things were fine, but she wasn't affectionate at all, I couldn't see any love from her, it always had me wondering what she did want, words and actions didn't match. We hadn't slept together for weeks, I felt it was slowly ending, signs were there. Two weeks ago, I had sent her a text and she didn't reply. Heard nothing for two days. She was "busy and tired" ok... I called up and I had enough at this point I didn't see why she wouldn't end it .. so I said we can't go on this way, you are acting like you don't want it but you're staying.. she said she did want to end it, she kept it going as she was trying to make it work or change feelings for it but couldn't. She had lost feelings. She was upset. She praised me for being a great man, I done a lot for her and her child. I helped a lot. Deserved to be treated better. I told her it's ok if ya don't want this I don't blame you for that, just why be cruel about it, string someone along and make them feel worthless? I left that day we hugged it out and wished each other the best, she said she didn't wanna lose me and hoped we could be friends.

 

Next day she text. Two days later she rang me, we talked normal no relationship talk. Then I had bring up some stuff of hers a few days later, I told her I would find it hard to be around her or chat I'm hurt and need to heal a little. She didn't like it, words said. I left with a bye. Three days later no contact she text, can I get my step dads leads back.. I text yeah sure no problem, is this what we are doing now? She replied she didn't want this but I didn't have to be nasty.. I wasn't! So she didn't want the leads back then.. days later again I didn't call or text as she dumped me.. she text about a blog I wrote up, I didn't show it to anyone but she knows where I write online so she was checking herself! She was angry I used her kids names, I just said about the loss she suffered losing twin boys at birth, two angels. I said sorry for using names I didn't think, but removed it out of respect. And it was fine. Seems she is frustrated with me now, because I won't be best friends or I'm not texting or calling, that's not my job, she wanted this.. don't get women?!

 

One more thing, this I find strange. I have two close friends, I've always been close to them, they live close to her as well. She only got to know them weeks ago really. She knows I do be at there house a lot always have done even before her. She sees my car there. She is calling to

Them, and trying to be good friends with the girl.. asking her around to her house to chat. For drives.. it's so weird. Why is she doing this? If you dump someone do you not usually avoid them? Keep clear of them and friends? She sees my car, she calls around still, goes to see them and there baby. I don't get her thinking. I know she doesn't know lots in this town and might want a friend or doesn't want to be seen as the bad person in this, and wants my friends to know she's a good person? I wouldn't bad mouth her to anyone, I speak well of her and wish her the best so no issue there. Just really really confused by it.

Edited April 14, 2017 by IrishYeats
Title change

[Bejangled]

Hi IrishYeats

 

I'm sorry you're going through all this emotional chaos right now. From what you've explained here, I get the feeling that your ex is finding her life in general a little overwhelming right now....sorry, I'm no psychic but somehow I do get that vibe?

 

Why? You mentioned that she's a foreign girl, on her own, probably with no close family, she works and is trying to raise a child while still grieving over her lost twin babies. It seems like a huge amount for one person to be dealing with.

 

She probably needed you, you sound kind and descent, to be a good and helpful presence in her life. She fell in love with you and all seemed well. Yet, all was not well. While you wanted to develop your feelings for each other, she clammed up and cooled off. To me (sorry for taking a leap here) it seems like she really can't cope with a relationship right now. She probably keeps stringing you along because she's lonely and needs you as a friend, but can't go through with faking a real relationship.

 

She's probably contacting your friends for the same reason....loneliness. She obviously needs other people around her for a little bit of support, but can't go about doing it in a clear, unmessy way.

 

I know what it's like to move to a foreign country with zero family and friends around. You speak a basic version of the new language, enough to be clearly understood...but not quite enough to express your humour, personality or needs. Also, culturally, she may not be used to dating men from your country. All the subtle love signals might be harder to translate.

 

Honestly...I would step back from treating this as any type of love interest. If you would like to stay in her life as a friend, a mate, a support if she's really in need of help, then go ahead and be that pal. But as for love?....no. It's just not there from her side. When she goes to your friend's house, it most likely because she needs a friend and not because she's trying to entice you back in.

 

To me your choice seems clear. Draw a line and move on completely without any further contact...or be her pal. You seem like a fair person from what you've written. So, perhaps, think about her life situation for a moment and see if being a pal is something you can do. You deserve someone who will love you completely and wholly, which she clearly isn't doing. Go find someone who can give you that real lasting love.

 

I wish you the best of luck!