Was I right now to allow myself to be a rebound? ****UPDATED****

[DontBreakEven]

Thanks for your response Altair.

 

I am angry, but honestly yes it is good that I am. And honestly it feels a hell of a lot better for me to just allow contact. I won't initiate anything, and I probably won't do too much responding either, but it really actually kicks her off her pedestal for me knowing that she is not some mythical goddess out there that I'm not allowed to speak to. Like the contact has relieved a lot of things for me.

 

I don't want her back. I don't want reconciliation. I honestly, after our convo today, see her in a different light. She is a very selfish person who is clearly used to getting everything she wants. Who knows, she may have personality disorder issues; I don't know her well enough to assess. But what I do know has left a bad taste in my mouth.

 

Our conversation today was weird. Very weird. She was very adamant on making it a point that were are JUST friends, but also very backtrack-y when I called her out on things from before. And then it just went into me just listening to her sob story for a while.

 

This honestly all helped me get over her tremendously. I don't want her back nor do I actually think NC was helping me get over her at all. Seeing what a nut selfish she is, is what's helped.

 

She's dating the person she stopped talking to me for. And now she's calling me to be friends. That's just nuts in my book.

[Altair0770]

Thanks for your response Altair.

 

I am angry, but honestly yes it is good that I am. And honestly it feels a hell of a lot better for me to just allow contact. I won't initiate anything, and I probably won't do too much responding either, but it really actually kicks her off her pedestal for me knowing that she is not some mythical goddess out there that I'm not allowed to speak to. Like the contact has relieved a lot of things for me.

 

I don't want her back. I don't want reconciliation. I honestly, after our convo today, see her in a different light. She is a very selfish person who is clearly used to getting everything she wants. Who knows, she may have personality disorder issues; I don't know her well enough to assess. But what I do know has left a bad taste in my mouth.

 

Our conversation today was weird. Very weird. She was very adamant on making it a point that were are JUST friends, but also very backtrack-y when I called her out on things from before. And then it just went into me just listening to her sob story for a while.

 

This honestly all helped me get over her tremendously. I don't want her back nor do I actually think NC was helping me get over her at all. Seeing what a nut selfish she is, is what's helped.

 

She's dating the person she stopped talking to me for. And now she's calling me to be friends. That's just nuts in my book.

 

If you want to contact her that is your choice. Just remember - you reap what you sow.

 

I had the same situation with my ex. Went back and saw her in a different light. Realized recently she's a narcissist, which is a personality disorder. If your case is similar, she will devalue you again.

[DontBreakEven]

If you want to contact her that is your choice. Just remember - you reap what you sow.

 

I had the same situation with my ex. Went back and saw her in a different light. Realized recently she's a narcissist, which is a personality disorder. If your case is similar, she will devalue you again.

 

Which is totally fine by me. My ex prior to this is a sociopathic narcissist, so it doesn't surprise me at all that I was drawn to this. It took me 9 months to get over that abuse, and now I just let her contact me because I was having a hell of a time getting rid of her, and again, the more I talked to her, the more I realized how much I DON'T want to be with her.

 

I don't care if this one values me, discards me ... any of it. There's nothing there to even work with. She wants to be FRIENDS. She is not my friend. I have plenty of friends. We talked for a month and she cut it off and started dating someone else. I know exactly what she wants from me. She will get 10% of what she thinks she's going to get, because the damage has been done and I am done with her on pretty much all levels.

[DontBreakEven]

Reading your post makes me think you're angry at the moment. I suspect you still have feelings and you're just mad waving your middle finger around. Nothing wrong with that, in fact it's sometimes healthy. More power to you brother! But don't be friends with her if you're frustrated at her for finding a new boytoy and lying to you. She doesn't even deserve a thought.

 

After a couple days to sleep on it, I think that you are right. I was/am angry. I do still have feelings. And I quickly realized that a friendship is totally pointless when I am simply just angry at her, and I don't respect her for lying to me. Like every time she texts me now, I'm annoyed. I wish that I wasn't, and that I could actually be friends, but I am just irritated, and that does not translate into a friendship.

 

I guess I'm just am worried about a couple of things. 1) I tell her this and lose her forever (but what do I really even have)? 2) I tell her this and give away my pride, because it's essentially admitting that I have feelings that she does not have. It's embarrassing. (even though she already knows it, but still I've yet to actually speak it).

[Altair0770]

Remember, someone dumping you is someone willing to let you walk away from their lives forever. They may not dwell on that, they may not even believe that. People ready themselves for the begging and pleading while dumping, more so than the thought of, "this decision may make me lose this person forever".

 

Unfortunately, when someone is preparing to dump, they put themselves as a priority over your feelings. They don't tend to think of the dumpee when making their decision. They are doing what they believe is best for them.

 

Yep, they believe they are making a decision that is BEST FOR THEM, meaning that they do not believe you are the best option for them. They don't believe you have what it takes to make them happy for the rest of their lives. They think someone else can.

 

Harsh? Yes. But take that as motivation to forget this person and ind someone that wants you, and someone that never doubts you are the best option for them.

 

People may think I'm brutal and mean, but if someone dumps you, the best option is to ghost them. Give them the brutal consequence of their decision. They dumped you, you don't need to admit anything to her. You don't even need to reply. Who cares if it hurts them or makes them angry? That is what they did to you. It isn't about spite or revenge, it's now that you have to focus on YOU like they did when they made the decision to end the relationship.

 

If I were you, I'd say nothing and go full blown NC. Remove her from your life. This has done enough damage to you and she selected someone else over you. Let her suffer the consequences of her decision. Don't put yourself if ANY position to suffer the consequences of their decision.