queenie01 Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Do you think it would help me let go and move on if i were to give my ex bf a goodbye card or letter? I just feel like i keep holding on....I cant seem to let go and today has been 3 months since he broke up with me.
SoftDrink Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 write a letter, get your feelings out, and then tear it up.
Author queenie01 Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 Yeah but i really dont think thats going to work...i dont know maybe i will give it a try. I guess i just sort of felt if i really said goodbye i would be done and be able to move on.
SoftDrink Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 it's been three months...i know you think it would help to have him read it, but all you are going to do is either annoy him or not phase him whatsoever. i'm not trying to be harsh, honestly. i just think it's in your best interest to keep your feelings to yourself, or write them for your eyes only...or post here, of course.
Author queenie01 Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 I guess you are right...and it also may let him know that i am obviously still thinking about him. Probably my best bet would be to just fall off the face of the earth huh? I am sort of thinking he hasnt really had time to miss me or realize things because i am in his view, like at the gym etc....
SoftDrink Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 don't fall of the face of the earth! you have a right to exist, even if it's not with him. you were your own person before you were with him; you are your own person now. get a new gym, go out, meet people, and don't give a second thought to what he's doing. worry about YOU. good luck.
what456 Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 I disagree. i don't think that you will annoy of phase him. i think that he needs to know how you are feeling and that you need to get all your feelings out. the way he broke up with you, hurt you so you have the right to let him know how you feel. honestly, if he respects you he will not be annoyed. he will come to the realization for what he did was wrong. how will he be annoyed with you since you haven't been bothering him all in the first place?
Author queenie01 Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 Ok I wont completely fall off the face of the earth....but i will fall off the face of his earth ; )
Lonestar Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 Do you think it would help me let go and move on if i were to give my ex bf a goodbye card or letter? No, it will only keep you in the past. You'll be hoping for a response that you may never get, or you could get a harsh rejection, and then feel even worse.
what456 Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 i disagree. i think that it will give a closure either way.....
Author queenie01 Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 You disagree with me sending it? Or you think I should send it?
Lonestar Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Go ahead send it, but remember my post when you don't get the response you're hoping for and your heart is broken again.
what456 Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 i think that you should send it, qeenie. i mean i know alot of people on here will disagree with me but it will give you some closure since you have no idea why he did what he did. he will at least know how you feel. You are not bothering him or annoying him. you haven't even talked to him!!! i think you should send it..don't be mean, don't sound sad...be diplomatic and civil...but get your point across of how you feel and ask any questions you have. just be honest.
SoftDrink Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 he doesn't "need to know how she feels." she WANTS him to know, and while that may sound like a good idea, keep in mind it's been 3 months. if he wanted to know how she felt, he would have asked her about it himself. all she will achieve is looking like a fool...even if they are her true feelings. i think, queenie, that it's not just about you wanting "closure," i think you're looking for a reaction that you are not going to get after all this time. i wish you luck, and i think you should move on with your life.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 I think the reason behind writing it should decide if you need to send it or not. If you are trying to give yourself some kind of closure then not sending it after your write it is the way to go. If you are trying to clear the air and or want him back then send it .. But if you do send it .. Remember to EXPECT nothing from it or it will break your heart all over again. Send it and go on with your life and don't give it a second thought. You seem bent on sending it so I say do it
what456 Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 No. i don't think she will look like a fool. i think that he will feel like a fool becuase he didn't have the guts to face her. i think in order for you to move on you really need to send him something. because if you don't i know from expereince that it will be hard for you to let go. get your closure, get your feelings out..and then move on. don't have any expectations....you do what you have to do so YOU can feel better. this is just my advice...
Author queenie01 Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 Well I sort of feel like I never even tried to get him back, our only communication has been thru email. But I have seen him and my thoughts are that if he wanted to get back together he would at least approach me and he doesnt. Thats why i dont know that sending a letter or card will do any good. I had hoped that time would have made him realize "us" was right. I dont know if 3 months wasnt long enough or if has just completely made up his mind? I do still want him back, our relationship was awesome.
what456 Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 ok, queenie...if YOU feel that it's right then maybe it is:)
SoftDrink Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by what456 No. i don't think she will look like a fool. i think that he will feel like a fool becuase he didn't have the guts to face her. i think in order for you to move on you really need to send him something. because if you don't i know from expereince that it will be hard for you to let go. but that's just it...people who are dumped think that the "dumper" will feel foolish, or feel bad, or feel something, anything at all. very often, this is not the case. sometimes they don't care, or they laugh, or it's disregarded altogether. if the point is to make him feel something, she shouldn't do it. it's supposed to be for her. sending him a letter won't change his feelings, and it's not going to get her any more answers. he would have asked her if he cared, he would have approached her if he wanted to get back together--he hasn't. anyone who cares that little about someone doesn't deserve the time and the words, and the thought that the person they hurt even thinks about them. time will help you move on, queenie. regardless of whether you sent a letter or not, you will get over this. and when you do get over it, would you rather be over it knowing that you kept your head about you, or that you gave him the satisfaction of knowing your feelings and getting absolutely nothing out of it? you know where i stand, so that's all i will say. good luck.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 It may have been awesome when it was going on, but never forget the humiliation and pain you felt when he dumped you and then would not even make eye contact with you. He treated you so coldly after your breakup. It was painful just reading your posts - I can't imagine how horrible you must have felt. Write your goodbye letter. Write every single thing you want to say: the good, the bad AND the ugly. Then... wait one entire week before you send it. One WHOLE week. During that week, think of how bad you felt - think of how cold he is to you. Think of how me misled you, and then treated you like you didn't exist. Allow yourself to get very, very ANGRY. After that week is over read that letter again, and decide if you still want to send it. Understand that a guy who won't even make eye contact with you in the hall isn't going to care about your closure three months down the road. This letter won't get him back. It will push him further away. You have to understand that before you send it. The letter will have to be entirely for your own feelings of closure, with an understanding that after you send it - he may not speak to you again.
whichwayisup Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 Do you think it would help me let go and move on if i were to give my ex bf a goodbye card or letter? I just feel like i keep holding on....I cant seem to let go and today has been 3 months since he broke up with me. You need to make your own closure and keep control. If you send him a letter with your thoughts and feelings you're opening the door for him to reply back. What if he says something to you that hurts your feelings? His closure may not be the closure you're after... No matter what he says in the reply, you may have convinced yourself right now all the reasons why. Would it make a difference, honestly, if you sent him a note? A sense of relief? Or regret and worry what will he think? What if he gets angry or replies something you don't want to hear? The best thing you can do for you is accept it's over, know that you meant something to him (and believe it!) but now it's time to move on. Let go... Remember those things you didn't like about him...DO you want that in your life? Probably not...Don't waste energy on him, you're worth more than that and you'll find someone better suited for you, when the right time comes along. Hang in there, keep busy and GO have fun with your friends.
Author queenie01 Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 After thinking things over, maybe i shouldnt write a letter...after all what would i say... i still love you??? Its been 3 months so i probably shouldnt bring up our relationship from the past. Even if we did get back together, it would be a new relationship. My only fear is that he wont ever contact me because he would be afraid of getting rejected or thinks that i hate him?
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 My only fear is that he wont ever contact me because he would be afraid of getting rejected or thinks that i hate him? He won't contact you, but it won't be because of fear of rejection. It will be for the same reason he has avoided you, and treated you coldly these past three months.
what456 Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 LucreziaBorgia, why do u think he did what he did? what's ur opinion?
SoftDrink Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by what456 LucreziaBorgia, why do u think he did what he did? what's ur opinion? well, i'm not lucrezia, but i think he acted that way because he felt guilty, or started to resent her unfairly, and it got the best of him and made him feel bad about himself, so he got angry...but it was at her instead of himself, because he still didn't want to be with her. that happens a lot.
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