RowanPeters Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Hey so uh never done this before, just got tired of having to cry or moan to my friends about it so thought i'd see if the internet had a solution. So i guess this is my story. Last year after nearly half a year of having the biggest crush on my best friend, I finally asked her out on a date and we saw each other for 3 months. Then after 3 months i thought should probably make it official ask her to be my gf (i promise im not some 12 year old just very old fashioned) and it kicked off from there in my eyes an amazing relationship. She was my everything, as well as my first girlfriend and first love. I fell in love with her, i know its not fake love or you know me making it up because she meant the world. I would have done anything for her. We had some complications throughout - the major one being her other best mate who was also a guy liked her and would try to split us up so they could be together, I still to this day dont know how much of the decision was hers or his. After dating officially for 6 months, we hit probably our lowest point after having some disagreements but i wouldnt of said they were arguments not like ive seen so many other couples have. Anyway we went on a break so we could get our heads and well 2 days later after a lot of crying she broke up with me. That was nearly a year ago. I haven't moved on one bit and i am really struggling. I tried no contact but she was my best friend and my girlfriend,shes heavily involved in the friendship group i was in as well. We went a long time without speaking but have started speaking to each other again cause we missed each other but I dont think its the same way. I just am loosing hope that itll get better. We went on a night out me her and some friends and i just saw one guy get with her and i completley lost it. It was almost like i lived the night of my breakup again, constant panic attacks. Thing is when she heard that i saw her getting with someone she also cried and got upset and im just so confused how she really feels. Shes thrown around words like she was manipulated and brainwashed by her old best mate who she has finally ditched hence our agreement to talk to each other again. It just sucks. Im still so in love with her. I cant not talk to her. I cant avoid her. I just want to be with her still and its been a year. I tried seeing other people but one was pyscho and the other i called her by my exes name 4 times so she left. Does it get better? I just feel so lost.
preraph Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I apologize for asking, but not having any inkling how old you both are, I have to ask: During your relationship was there making out and/or sex? You did say you move slow, so I'm trying to figure out if it got physical or never got to that point. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. You need to forget about blaming this on the other guy. To assume that's possible is to insult her by not giving her enough credit to have the brains to make her own decisions.
Author RowanPeters Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 I apologize for asking, but not having any inkling how old you both are, I have to ask: During your relationship was there making out and/or sex? You did say you move slow, so I'm trying to figure out if it got physical or never got to that point. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. You need to forget about blaming this on the other guy. To assume that's possible is to insult her by not giving her enough credit to have the brains to make her own decisions. That's alright, we were / are 18/19 years old. I phrased it quite childish to be fair. Yeah there was both talked about above. We moved slow in the pre-relationship and then it kind of went fast (in my expectation) of how things normally go.
preraph Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 I hate to say it but it sounds like after that six months, you both started seeing the real person more and had the fights. You know, it takes a long time to really see everyone's different sides. That's why you date instead of just meet and get married. The person you know in year one isn't the same person in year 3. I don't doubt you loved each other at all, but you are both too young to make a successful permanent partner bond. The reason I say that is because your brains won't even be fully formed and mature enough to predict consequences until you are somewhere around your mid-20s. These years are years of rapid brain growth and should be years of wide exploration on many fronts. I don't think this guy being there or not would have made any difference because clearly she chose you over him. I just think she wanted to be young and free again without the weight of a serious relationship on her. And like you said yourself, you got unreasonably jealous of her, which suffocates a woman. And it isn't the woman's fault. It's some insecurity in you that you don't think you're enough to keep her if you have any competition or you don't stay right on top of her. It's not uncommon, but it also typically ruins relationships. And then on top of that, you act as if she doesn't have a working brain of her own by implying that she had maybe no choice in the matter with this other guy. She is just as autonomous of a person as you are, capable of the same decision making. It's time for you to move on. Just because she's emotional still doesn't mean she wants you back. If she did, you'd be back. She probably just feels guilty and, honestly, wishes she didn't run into you and have to deal with it. You'd do yourself a favor to stay as far away as possible from her and get off all her social media and block her from yours and get on with your life. I'm glad you went for a couple of dates. You know it's a numbers game. But don't let the tear down your confidence or deter you from continuing to go out and have fun and meet people. Good luck.
SadEgg Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 My ex broke up with me a year ago and I thought we had an amazing relationship. I still am as confused and heartbroken as if it happened yesterday and Im in my 30's. Love is love and losing a friend/gf/bf/someone you care about is always going to suck no matter what age you are. As Ive started looking at this forum, ive found the response most people are going to give, to just about any question or concern, is to move on... and thats probably for a good reason. I think thats easier said than done though. Some people can move on from someone with one slight of the heart and i think other people have to have their heart smashed into pieces, multiple times, from that one person they love, to finally go, "Ya know what? Im done with them. Im going to learn to be ok with them not being in my life" If you do whatever makes you happy - even if it doesn't ultimately lead to what you thought you wanted. Eventually your heart will figure it out. Best of luck.
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