Sunlight72 Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I split amicably with my ex almost 2 years ago. She has two boys, one of whom is adopted and was severely neglected before he was adopted as an infant, and his biological mother smoked meth and drank during pregnancy. He has some behaviors that I could see leading to a showdown between me and him in the future, and his mom and I talked about it often. I left before any major conflict between me and him, but boy did it hurt to leave. I've been in a serious relationship almost the whole time since the split with a woman who is a challenge for me in some ways, and is fun sometimes, and does get me to do some excercise and outdoor stuff I like but would not do as often on my own. We are certainly not a lifetime match. I saw my ex yesterday, and oooof. We are just so fun and easy together! We see each other once a month or something, for a few minutes, and I devote a lot of time to my girlfriend (more than any relationship before), as it is important to her. It would be easy to see my ex (we live in a small town), and I purposely don't see/call her to be respectful and not distract myself from doing good things with my girlfriend. Still, I miss her and I miss us. I don't know what question is in here, as I can't see any healthy way for my ex and I to be together. Just a tough day today I guess. Thanks for any feedback. Sunlight
coolheadal Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I split amicably with my ex almost 2 years ago. She has two boys, one of whom is adopted and was severely neglected before he was adopted as an infant, and his biological mother smoked meth and drank during pregnancy. He has some behaviors that I could see leading to a showdown between me and him in the future, and his mom and I talked about it often. I left before any major conflict between me and him, but boy did it hurt to leave. I've been in a serious relationship almost the whole time since the split with a woman who is a challenge for me in some ways, and is fun sometimes, and does get me to do some excercise and outdoor stuff I like but would not do as often on my own. We are certainly not a lifetime match. I saw my ex yesterday, and oooof. We are just so fun and easy together! We see each other once a month or something, for a few minutes, and I devote a lot of time to my girlfriend (more than any relationship before), as it is important to her. It would be easy to see my ex (we live in a small town), and I purposely don't see/call her to be respectful and not distract myself from doing good things with my girlfriend. Still, I miss her and I miss us. I don't know what question is in here, as I can't see any healthy way for my ex and I to be together. Just a tough day today I guess. Thanks for any feedback. Sunlight You never said why she's your ex? What happen? Explain.. Thanks in advance!
Gaeta Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Have you always missed your ex or it just started lately when you saw her? When you've been in a relationship with someone and suddenly your mind starts thinking of an ex, a neighbor, a colleague, it's usually because something isn't right in your current relationship. I think your dilemma is with your current relationship, more than coming across the ex. If you were happy in your current relationship you would not have given a second thought to coming across the ex. 4
TheTraveler Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I split amicably with my ex almost 2 years ago. She has two boys, one of whom is adopted and was severely neglected before he was adopted as an infant, and his biological mother smoked meth and drank during pregnancy. He has some behaviors that I could see leading to a showdown between me and him in the future, and his mom and I talked about it often. I left before any major conflict between me and him, but boy did it hurt to leave. I've been in a serious relationship almost the whole time since the split with a woman who is a challenge for me in some ways, and is fun sometimes, and does get me to do some excercise and outdoor stuff I like but would not do as often on my own. We are certainly not a lifetime match. I saw my ex yesterday, and oooof. We are just so fun and easy together! We see each other once a month or something, for a few minutes, and I devote a lot of time to my girlfriend (more than any relationship before), as it is important to her. It would be easy to see my ex (we live in a small town), and I purposely don't see/call her to be respectful and not distract myself from doing good things with my girlfriend. Still, I miss her and I miss us. I don't know what question is in here, as I can't see any healthy way for my ex and I to be together. Just a tough day today I guess. Thanks for any feedback. Sunlight Maybe my reading comprehension is off today/having trouble reading your post, but is your current GF not a lifetime match? If so, I would end it and find someone else.
Author Sunlight72 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 Thanks for the thoughts - to clarify... I split with my ex because I am not the right guy for her son. My current girlfriend and I are not a lifetime match, as it looks to either of us. I'm 44, have been divorced twice, then in my late 30's went through a very difficult and very productive 18 month self examination and relationship examination, and learned a lot about my behavior, including seeking an emotionally healthy partner. I am very hesitant to marry again, as I haven't seen it work in the long term for very many people, and do not trust that it will work well for me or for my theoretical partner. My parents are still together after about 51 years, but my impression is that they aren't 'happy' by modern reckoning, and haven't been fulfilled in their relationship for decades. So, if my goal is not to marry, then my goal is to enjoy life more with someone than without. My current girlfriend certainly makes my life more enjoyable than being alone, and me for her as well. She is dead set against marriage, and has never been married (engaged once), and is 48.
Chilli Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Yeah , could understand any feelings about getting married again then. Dunno if you have kids , but things can change with kids . Just because you didn't get along or whatever the thing was , that can totally turn around in time and you can end up really close, or vice verse with kids you were close to before and then back again, it's always a constant work in progress full of surprises. lt's such a time a persistence thing. Sounds like you should be with the ex to me but hey, l know this stuff ain't easy. Personally though , my heart has to be in it 100% or l'm not a happy doggy, Just thoughts 1
Popsicle Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 Oh boy, I understand. My ex bf and I had so much fun together but we weren't compatible long term. I'm talking to a new guy who seems much more compatible with me (we have first date this weekend) but I find myself thinking about my ex a whole lot because of the fun and chemistry we had. I could have him back if I wanted but it's just not right, so I stay strong and resist contacting him. 1
coolheadal Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 Thanks for the thoughts - to clarify... I split with my ex because I am not the right guy for her son. My current girlfriend and I are not a lifetime match, as it looks to either of us. I'm 44, have been divorced twice, then in my late 30's went through a very difficult and very productive 18 month self examination and relationship examination, and learned a lot about my behavior, including seeking an emotionally healthy partner. I am very hesitant to marry again, as I haven't seen it work in the long term for very many people, and do not trust that it will work well for me or for my theoretical partner. My parents are still together after about 51 years, but my impression is that they aren't 'happy' by modern reckoning, and haven't been fulfilled in their relationship for decades. So, if my goal is not to marry, then my goal is to enjoy life more with someone than without. My current girlfriend certainly makes my life more enjoyable than being alone, and me for her as well. She is dead set against marriage, and has never been married (engaged once), and is 48. Thanks for sharing why she's your ex. You can't base your life on your parents they're from a different time. Where what goes on today between a man and woman isn't the same when they were dating and got married for life. I wish I had that myself. I only been married once and I feel I would never marry again because the women of today are not the sort that want to stay in a marriage. I know a few of them already that had 3 to 4 husbands, I and like I do here I ask them why so many and how long have you been with each and what happen. They're are not the marrying type of woman. They're better being single. You have had your share too so you know why you'll end up as you are. Just date and live with the women. She doesn't have to carry your last name. Some of these women uses their prior husbands last name as middle name and extended. They tell me they want to remember what they had. Oh-boy. She's your Ex either you do a NC - no contact or just get it out of your head the past is the past. You have a woman now you question her then move and find another one. So many woman out there today. Just keep looking and dating until the one you like drops into your lap. 1
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