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Am I overreacting?


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Posted

I've known this guy for a little over a year now. We play softball together, so I see him every week. Just recently, we started chatting a bit more and he expressed his interest in me. I enjoyed his company and thought he was a nice guy, but wasn't sure what my attraction was, and told myself I wouldn't rule anything out.

 

 

I've also had really bad experiences with past boyfriends who have caused me to be extremely guarded, not to mention the fact that I've been single for 4 years and have gotten used to doing what I want, without having to ask someone. I'm also not someone that likes to text non-stop all day.

 

 

One day when I was at a work event (I told him I was working), he kept texting me about how I've put him in the friend zone, blah blah, and I felt like he was just trying to get me to tell him where he stood, when there really wasn't anything to tell. This was when any consideration of a romantic relationship or attraction started to decrease.

 

 

This week, he was at a out of town conference for work and I offered to keep his dog (only because he's a puppy and super cute) but looking back, I shouldn't have. I felt like he used that as a way to constantly keep in touch.

 

 

For the last 4 days, he's texted me non-stop, and mostly about dumb stuff like how he bit his cheek in the same place 3 times, or telling me my college team's QB was on TV (ok?). All while I was trying to work (but he thinks my job is so easy and I never actually work). I also felt like he took me being chatty with him too far and started acting like we were dating, talking about "wining and dining" me, cuddling, asking me what I was doing and who I was doing it with.

 

 

Last night was the final straw. I told him I was getting dinner/catching up with one of my girlfriends. Instead of respecting that, he kept texting me dumb stuff while I was there. I ignored him.

 

 

When I finally responded, he asked me how the dog was. The conversation went like this:

 

 

Him: How's my dude?

Me: He's good. Giving him a bath tonight. He stinks

Him: Really why?

Him: Your bed

Me: Just being a dog I think haha

Me: My bed?

Him: Made him stink

Him: Was a joke, not funny

Me: Yea haha bad joke :)

Him: You because you didn't get it

Him: So pretty (he would say this to me if I didn't get one of his jokes or had a blonde moment, basically saying "good thing you're pretty"

Me: I don't. Why would my bed stink?

Him: Oh man, I was kidding sweetie

Me: I know but I'm trying to understand the joke lol

Him: Your bed stinking was the joke. That's all.

Me: Ahhh too bad my bed smells good lol

Him: Only one way to be sure

Me: Which is?

Him: Snuggle in your bed?

Me: I think this conversation is heading in the wrong direction

Him: Oh ok my bed is fine then

*didn't answer*

Him: Just messing with you girl

 

 

I still didn't respond and was bombarded at 1am with messages about how he was just joking, blah blah.

 

 

This is my problem. We are NOT dating. I don't like when boyfriends text me non-stop or question what I am doing, so I'm not sure WHY he thinks its ok to do this. Secondly, I find it rude when any guy makes an assumption that they are invited in my bed (even if it was a "joke" - which I don't think it was. I think it was more of a feeler text) and I certainly find it extremely disrespectful that he suggested his bed when I told him I thought the conversation was headed in the wrong direction AKA stop!!

 

 

Am I overreacting? It's been a stressful work week, and keeping a 5 month only bulldog hasn't allowed me to get proper rest. But I'm extremely annoyed at his constant texting, acting like we are in a relationship and being somewhat sexually suggestive, even after I told him the conversation wasn't appropriate.

Posted

Stop responding to the texts.

 

 

When I dog sit, I send one photo of the dog to its owner every day & I respond with 1 quick note about the dog's activities.

 

 

Here I'd do this for him then say that you are done texting for the day because you don't enjoy it & you need some down time. Physically turn your phone off for 1/2 hour if you have to.

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)

Dog setting is a clear sign that you are in love with him. I would immediately make plans for a wedding location...I suggest St Lucia.

 

You're right, he's feeling you out. You've been polite and are clearly setting some boundaries. You may have to be more blunt, it sounds.

 

By the way...how does your bed smell? Just messin' with you guuurl!

Edited by Titanll
  • Like 1
Posted

Well, he thinks now you are his girlfriend only because you wanted to take care of his puppy. Good lord.

 

You are going to have to deflate him and soon. I would do it via text before he comes to get the pup and thinks he's going to test-smell your bed. What's bad about that besides the obvious is no matter that the subject is his pup stinking, he somehow manages to twist that into something sexual, because that's all he thinks about apparently. So write him a text and tell him, "I've enjoyed taking care of your puppy, and you're welcome, but through this process I have come to realize I have no romantic attraction to you and I don't expect that to change. I'm sorry."

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
Dog setting is a clear sign that you are in love with him. I would immediately make plans for a wedding location...I suggest St Lucia.

 

You're right, he's feeling you out. You've been polite and are clearly setting some boundaries. You may have to be more blunt, it sounds.

 

By the way...how does your bed smell? Just messin' with you guuurl!

 

Clearly I missed the memo about what dog sitting really means!!! :laugh:

 

 

I've been very polite but he has taken me being polite and nice and RAAAAAAN with it. I feel smothered. I told myself that after I returned the dog (tonight), that I'm just going to have to tell him straight up that I think we should be friends.

 

 

And seriously - haha. Who says that a girl's bed stinks? And then offers to check it out?! Bye Felicia!

  • Like 1
Posted

Bantering with him, even if it's a harmless manner, is only going to give him mixed signals. Especially bantering about the way his bed smells. You gave him an open door to take the conversation a different route.

 

You know he's into you and wants more out of the friendship. As Donni said above, while you're petsitting, one photo a day plus a brief summary of doggy activities is sufficient. There's no need for any back and forth banter.

 

As an outsider reading your text exchange, it does look like you are mildly flirting with him back. I know you're trying to be polite and keep it on a a friendship level, but that's not possible when one of you wants something more.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted
Well, he thinks now you are his girlfriend only because you wanted to take care of his puppy. Good lord.

 

You are going to have to deflate him and soon. I would do it via text before he comes to get the pup and thinks he's going to test-smell your bed. What's bad about that besides the obvious is no matter that the subject is his pup stinking, he somehow manages to twist that into something sexual, because that's all he thinks about apparently. So write him a text and tell him, "I've enjoyed taking care of your puppy, and you're welcome, but through this process I have come to realize I have no romantic attraction to you and I don't expect that to change. I'm sorry."

 

I appreciate your feedback. I wondered if I did something wrong, but taking care of someone's dog while they are out of town is not an act of romantic interest. Its a super cute puppy, and I'm sure he would argue that I should be happy I got to watch him since there is not a shortage of people who would, but it doesn't give him the right to disrespect me the way he has.

 

 

The bed stinking comment wasn't the only thing he has said either. I'm on snapchat and I snap fairly often. We are snapchat friends and the other night, I had a towel around me after a shower and he kept jumping up and tugging on the towel. I put up a snapchat that ONLY showed him on the floor, tugging the towel. Nothing suggestive. No boobs, nothing. Yet he thought it was ok to make a comment to me that he was a proud dad and I needed him to send a snap of me without the towel. WTF?! But then he was "joking".

  • Author
Posted
Bantering with him, even if it's a harmless manner, is only going to give him mixed signals. Especially bantering about the way his bed smells. You gave him an open door to take the conversation a different route.

 

You know he's into you and wants more out of the friendship. As Donni said above, while you're petsitting, one photo a day plus a brief summary of doggy activities is sufficient. There's no need for any back and forth banter.

 

As an outsider reading your text exchange, it does look like you are mildly flirting with him back. I know you're trying to be polite and keep it on a a friendship level, but that's not possible when one of you wants something more.

 

I can agree that responding to his texts and bantering with him may give him mixed signals, but I don't see how I gave him an open door in regards to the bed conversation. I told him that I thought the conversation was going in the wrong direction and today, told him that it was inappropriate to make comments about being in each other's beds.

Posted
I've known this guy for a little over a year now. We play softball together, so I see him every week. Just recently, we started chatting a bit more and he expressed his interest in me. I enjoyed his company and thought he was a nice guy, but wasn't sure what my attraction was, and told myself I wouldn't rule anything out.

 

 

I've also had really bad experiences with past boyfriends who have caused me to be extremely guarded, not to mention the fact that I've been single for 4 years and have gotten used to doing what I want, without having to ask someone. I'm also not someone that likes to text non-stop all day.

 

 

One day when I was at a work event (I told him I was working), he kept texting me about how I've put him in the friend zone, blah blah, and I felt like he was just trying to get me to tell him where he stood, when there really wasn't anything to tell. This was when any consideration of a romantic relationship or attraction started to decrease.

 

 

This week, he was at a out of town conference for work and I offered to keep his dog (only because he's a puppy and super cute) but looking back, I shouldn't have. I felt like he used that as a way to constantly keep in touch.

 

 

For the last 4 days, he's texted me non-stop, and mostly about dumb stuff like how he bit his cheek in the same place 3 times, or telling me my college team's QB was on TV (ok?). All while I was trying to work (but he thinks my job is so easy and I never actually work). I also felt like he took me being chatty with him too far and started acting like we were dating, talking about "wining and dining" me, cuddling, asking me what I was doing and who I was doing it with.

 

 

Last night was the final straw. I told him I was getting dinner/catching up with one of my girlfriends. Instead of respecting that, he kept texting me dumb stuff while I was there. I ignored him.

 

 

When I finally responded, he asked me how the dog was. The conversation went like this:

 

 

Him: How's my dude?

Me: He's good. Giving him a bath tonight. He stinks

Him: Really why?

Him: Your bed

Me: Just being a dog I think haha

Me: My bed?

Him: Made him stink

Him: Was a joke, not funny

Me: Yea haha bad joke :)

Him: You because you didn't get it

Him: So pretty (he would say this to me if I didn't get one of his jokes or had a blonde moment, basically saying "good thing you're pretty"

Me: I don't. Why would my bed stink?

Him: Oh man, I was kidding sweetie

Me: I know but I'm trying to understand the joke lol

Him: Your bed stinking was the joke. That's all.

Me: Ahhh too bad my bed smells good lol

Him: Only one way to be sure

Me: Which is?

Him: Snuggle in your bed?

Me: I think this conversation is heading in the wrong direction

Him: Oh ok my bed is fine then

*didn't answer*

Him: Just messing with you girl

 

 

I still didn't respond and was bombarded at 1am with messages about how he was just joking, blah blah.

 

 

This is my problem. We are NOT dating. I don't like when boyfriends text me non-stop or question what I am doing, so I'm not sure WHY he thinks its ok to do this. Secondly, I find it rude when any guy makes an assumption that they are invited in my bed (even if it was a "joke" - which I don't think it was. I think it was more of a feeler text) and I certainly find it extremely disrespectful that he suggested his bed when I told him I thought the conversation was headed in the wrong direction AKA stop!!

 

 

Am I overreacting? It's been a stressful work week, and keeping a 5 month only bulldog hasn't allowed me to get proper rest. But I'm extremely annoyed at his constant texting, acting like we are in a relationship and being somewhat sexually suggestive, even after I told him the conversation wasn't appropriate.

 

Give him back his dog and say we're done! If he doesn't get it then you'll inform the police about his over texting you. But you should block the heck out of him. This guy is won't stop and you need to put a stop to it.

  • Like 1
Posted
I can agree that responding to his texts and bantering with him may give him mixed signals, but I don't see how I gave him an open door in regards to the bed conversation. I told him that I thought the conversation was going in the wrong direction and today, told him that it was inappropriate to make comments about being in each other's beds.

 

You have trouble on your hands with him. He has some behavioral emotional mental problems. You do not need this guy in your life. Take some advise and get the heck away from him. You'll never be happy with him. Sounds like you already want out. Then why do you put up with this..

Posted
I appreciate your feedback. I wondered if I did something wrong, but taking care of someone's dog while they are out of town is not an act of romantic interest. Its a super cute puppy, and I'm sure he would argue that I should be happy I got to watch him since there is not a shortage of people who would, but it doesn't give him the right to disrespect me the way he has.

 

 

The bed stinking comment wasn't the only thing he has said either. I'm on snapchat and I snap fairly often. We are snapchat friends and the other night, I had a towel around me after a shower and he kept jumping up and tugging on the towel. I put up a snapchat that ONLY showed him on the floor, tugging the towel. Nothing suggestive. No boobs, nothing. Yet he thought it was ok to make a comment to me that he was a proud dad and I needed him to send a snap of me without the towel. WTF?! But then he was "joking".

 

He's just gross and has the sexual acumen of a twelve-year-old. He needs to get himself some boundaries. Maybe his dad is gross too and that's where he got it, so best get away from him entirely once the puppy is gone.

  • Like 3
Posted
Bantering with him, even if it's a harmless manner, is only going to give him mixed signals. Especially bantering about the way his bed smells. You gave him an open door to take the conversation a different route.

 

You know he's into you and wants more out of the friendship. As Donni said above, while you're petsitting, one photo a day plus a brief summary of doggy activities is sufficient. There's no need for any back and forth banter.

 

As an outsider reading your text exchange, it does look like you are mildly flirting with him back. I know you're trying to be polite and keep it on a a friendship level, but that's not possible when one of you wants something more.

 

We are both entitled to our opinions but I disagree with the "mildly flirting" part. Imagine the exchange if it were between two buddies/guys.

 

Dude...your bed stinks.

What? My bed smells great.

Awesome! Want to hook up?

WTF? Dude..I'm a guy!!!

I'm joking duuuude!

 

Total bull**** to make the assumption that because it was between a man and a woman that her reply was flirting. She could have blasted his butt for joking/flirting like that but she was very polite. Politeness does not equal flirting...not even mildly so.

 

I'm not going to make excuses for guys acting like this. We need to keep our **** in check.

 

But I am writing this down because it does sound like a good way to "feel" out the ladies haha! Hey baby...I wanna smell your bed...

  • Like 2
Posted

I don't think you're overreacting. He sounds sleazy and not funny. At least you get to borrow his cute dog.

  • Like 2
Posted

Block him, go NC...there problem solved.

  • Like 1
Posted
Give him back his dog and say we're done! If he doesn't get it then you'll inform the police about his over texting you. But you should block the heck out of him. This guy is won't stop and you need to put a stop to it.

 

Good Lord! I think OP will set him straight but dang! She's known the guy for a while and they are friends, obviously. He's crushing on her and maybe just wants to hook up but I doubt he's a raging psychopath. I suspect busting his butt a bit is all that it will take. He will be hurt and pout and never let her take care of poochie again but that's a win - win.

 

Calling the police or blocking him is way unnecessary at this point!

  • Like 2
Posted
I'm just going to have to tell him straight up that I think we should be friends.!

 

No.

 

Give him back his dog and tell him you do not wish to hear from him again and then block him.

 

Telling him this is only going to make him turn up because you're giving him a glimmer of psychotic hope that he can wear you down/wait you out until he can get in your bed.

 

You don't like this guy, so why do you want to be friends with him?

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)

There is a (often correct) school of thought that many guys subscribe to, that says that as long as a woman keeps responding to him, then he has a chance. And again, it is quite often correct. Very often the guy who ends up with the girl is the one who occupies the most of her headspace (even if she is thinking negatively about him), and NOT the one she "thinks the most highly about". So the guy uses this to advantage by texting her inappropriate or nonsensical things, so her emotional buttons are pushed or she is trying to figure out what he meant. This thread is a textbook example of that.

 

Last night was the final straw. I told him I was getting dinner/catching up with one of my girlfriends. Instead of respecting that, he kept texting me dumb stuff while I was there. I ignored him.

 

 

When I finally responded, he asked me how the dog was. The conversation went like this:

 

 

Him: How's my dude?

Me: He's good. Giving him a bath tonight. He stinks

Him: Really why?

Him: Your bed

Me: Just being a dog I think haha

 

I am wondering why you didn't just stop at this point. Instead you had to know what his joke meant, and so you continued the conversation. And then you were thinking of him so much you had to post a thread on here.

 

 

This is my problem. We are NOT dating. I don't like when boyfriends text me non-stop or question what I am doing, so I'm not sure WHY he thinks its ok to do this. Secondly, I find it rude when any guy makes an assumption that they are invited in my bed (even if it was a "joke" - which I don't think it was. I think it was more of a feeler text) and I certainly find it extremely disrespectful that he suggested his bed when I told him I thought the conversation was headed in the wrong direction AKA stop!!

 

 

Am I overreacting? It's been a stressful work week, and keeping a 5 month only bulldog hasn't allowed me to get proper rest. But I'm extremely annoyed at his constant texting, acting like we are in a relationship and being somewhat sexually suggestive, even after I told him the conversation wasn't appropriate.

Then just answer questions about his dog and then stop responding. No need to get into a longer exchange trying to interpret his jokes as you did here, and I am going to guess, for much of the rest of the week too.

 

YOU are the one who is allowing this to become an issue and make drama for yourself.

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
No.

 

Give him back his dog and tell him you do not wish to hear from him again and then block him.

 

Telling him this is only going to make him turn up because you're giving him a glimmer of psychotic hope that he can wear you down/wait you out until he can get in your bed.

 

You don't like this guy, so why do you want to be friends with him?

 

I don't like him romantically. He's always been nice to me. Is his behavior reason enough to not be "friends" (I use the term lightly. Its not like I'm going to hang out with him one-on-one. Its just when I see him during softball).

 

 

Friends may not end up being an option if he keeps acting the way he is.

 

 

I've been really busy with work today and he's been blowing up my phone. He even asked if he could play with my team tonight. Maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion because I'm already super annoyed with his aggressive level, but I feel like he just wants to be around me however he can, which is why he is asking me if he can play with my team.

  • Author
Posted
There is a (often correct) school of thought that many guys subscribe to, that says that as long as a woman keeps responding to him, then he has a chance. And again, it is quite often correct. Very often the guy who ends up with the girl is the one who occupies the most of her headspace (even if she is thinking negatively about him), and NOT the one she "thinks the most highly about". So the guy uses this to advantage by texting her inappropriate or nonsensical things, so her emotional buttons are pushed or she is trying to figure out what he meant. This thread is a textbook example of that.

 

 

 

I am wondering why you didn't just stop at this point. Instead you had to know what his joke meant, and so you continued the conversation. And then you were thinking of him so much you had to post a thread on here.

 

 

Then just answer questions about his dog and then stop responding. No need to get into a longer exchange trying to interpret his jokes as you did here, and I am going to guess, for much of the rest of the week too.

 

YOU are the one who is allowing this to become an issue and make drama for yourself.

 

Actually, I'm not.

 

 

I knew exactly what his joke meant. But I continued the conversation to allow him to explain what the "joke" was, so I could tell him it was inappropriate and not to say anything about it again.

 

 

I don't see anything wrong with that.

Posted
There is a (often correct) school of thought that guys subscribe to, that says that as long as a woman keeps responding to him, then he has a chance. And again, it is quite often correct. Very often the guy who ends up with the girl is the one who occupies the most of her headspace (even if she is thinking negatively about him), and NOT the one she "thinks the most highly about". So the guy uses this to advantage by texting her inappropriate or nonsensical things, so her emotional buttons are pushed or she is trying to figure out what he meant. This thread is a textbook example of that.

 

 

 

I am wondering why you didn't just stop at this point. Instead you had to know what his joke meant, and so you continued the conversation. And then you were thinking of him so much you had to post a thread on here.

 

 

Then just answer questions about his dog and then stop responding. No need to get into a longer exchange trying to interpret his jokes as you did here, and I am going to guess, for much of the rest of the week too.

 

YOU are the one who is allowing this to become an issue and make drama for yourself.

 

So OP has to modify her behavior to not, somehow, lead this guy on?

 

I get it that some guys (and gals) are idiots but I don't see changing my behavior as the solution to that problem. OP may block this guy, she may call the cops, she may keep her replies microscopically on point but damn, I'm guessing she is going to just tell him to knock it off and that she has no romantic interest in him.

 

Y'all keep this up and I'm heading over to sniff her mattress myself!

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

I'm just completely misunderstanding why it is so hard to just not respond to texts (except the ones she has to answer such as status updates on his dog) from people who are bugging you. That is all I am suggesting. Most people won't keep texting someone who just isn't responding/reacting.

 

The OP *is* responding unfortunately, and so she is getting her phone blown up.

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted
I'm just completely misunderstanding why it isn't so hard to just not respond to texts from people who are bugging you (except the ones she has to answer such as status updates on his dog). That is all I am suggesting.

 

I have to agree with Titan.

 

 

Why do I have to change my behavior to accommodate this guy? Why can't I just tell him I'm not interested and he respect that? Why do I need to ignore someone? And even then, I've not answered him for HOURS during the day, and he still continues to text. Obviously ignoring isn't working.

 

 

I find it rude to ignore someone. Just like I find it disrespectful if I ask someone to respect my wishes and they continue to do what I asked them not to.

  • Like 1
Posted

Everyone is offering great advice here and all of our intentions are good. I personally hate ignoring folks...I would, and I think OP does as well, simply tell this guy to knock it off. Ignoring him may be as misleading to this guy as replying to him. Once she has told him to knock if off, he will either get a clue or OP can address the problem further.

 

Hell, I get it. He's a little smitten or maybe he's a player looking to hook up. He may actually be a great guy and he and OP could marry and make little OP babies...but she in no way deserves to be in this position. It's not fair to her to have to have a "talk" with this guy. It sounds as if she has made an attempt to stop things that he did not heed.

 

Hopefully he will cool his jets if she tells him again but he should have stopped at her suggestion that the convo was going in the wrong direction and she should not have to tell him again.

Posted

Ugh! Not exactly smooth is he.

 

Not only would I not want to date someone with so much "charm" I wouldn't want him as a friend either.

 

He's got a terrible sense of humor and doesn't respect you enough to stay within the boundaries that you have to keep on reintegrating.

 

Dog goes back, and he can't be a friend.

  • Like 4
Posted
Ugh! Not exactly smooth is he.

 

Not only would I not want to date someone with so much "charm" I wouldn't want him as a friend either.

 

He's got a terrible sense of humor and doesn't respect you enough to stay within the boundaries that you have to keep on reintegrating.

 

Dog goes back, and he can't be a friend.

 

I say she keeps Fido and the dude gets neutered...seems fair.

  • Like 1
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