brileeb Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 (edited) I put him out, packed his stuff& told him to come get it, waited 2 wks & told him either bring half of the rent or come get his things. He said he wanted to comeback but things had to change and would bring the money but when I got home there was no money, I called him he said he was busy & he doesn't have to bring it I tell him to so he'll come get his things. He came over & said he needed help he'd b back. Didn't hear from him, I called and he said he'll come tomorrow. I told him to get it 2night to get it over with. He said no, so I packed my truck and took half of things to him and told him to come get the rest. He came and got the boxes and bags and said he'd be back to get his bedroom set tomorrow. He did not come and pick it up after a week, so I decided to keep it and changed the code on the alarm system because he still has the keys to the house. I texted him to his half of the utilities while he was here, he did not respond for days. While I was out with coworkers he called twice and I finally picked up and he was yelling how he was not going to pay because I put him out. I told him I would not argue now and hung up. I gave up on trying to make it work and getting him to comeback because he keeps saying I embarrassed him in front of his brother by putting him out so I've stopped asking him to come back. A week ago I texted him for the keys no response. Since he s left the house he never answers the phone for me. So now it's been a week and I have no contacted him and of course he hasn't contacted me. What do you think? Why won't he pick up the bed and give me the keys if he's officially done? Why is he doing this? Edited April 13, 2017 by brileeb
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 He's playing some sort of power game. He won't do this because you want him to. 1
whatnot Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 You're pretty pissed. You've taken most of his stuff to him. Have someone take his bedroom stuff to him and be done with it. Change the locks.
whatnot Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I've got rental properties. It doesn't cost that much to change the locks. Have the rest of his stuff delivered to him. 1
Author brileeb Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 He's playing some sort of power game. He won't do this because you want him to. So he won't get the bed and give the keys because he' playing power game? He doesn't want to comeback? Is he done with me? 1
whatnot Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 So he won't get the bed and give the keys because he' playing power game? He doesn't want to comeback? Is he done with me? the problem isn't the stuff or the locks. the problem is you're not done with him. 3
Author brileeb Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 I've got rental properties. It doesn't cost that much to change the locks. Have the rest of his stuff delivered to him. I have an alarm system so if he comes in the alarm will go off and the police will come. I don't think he'll do all that but I'm not sure if he really wants the bed and is waiting until he gets a place or holding on to the keys because he thinks he's coming back eventually.
Author brileeb Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 the problem isn't the stuff or the locks. the problem is you're not done with him. But I want to be if he's done with me.
preraph Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Change the locks before he comes over there and hurts you. Change the locks and if need be, you can settle this in small claims court if it's worth it to you or him. Tell him you're putting his bed out on the curb on such-and-such day that you know he's off work that gives him enough time to get a truck and pick it up. Put that in writing and keep that post. You can put "Locks have been changed. You have until (1 week date) to call and arrange for me to let you in to get your remaining items, after which it will be placed on the curb.) Then at the time he arranges, if he bothers, have a male relative or friend come over or a couple of girlfriends and don't be there alone or where he can start a fight, because he will. Let them let him in and you can even stay in another room with the door closed.
whatnot Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 LOL the pathos of love sorry I couldn't of been of more help to you. good luck
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 So he won't get the bed and give the keys because he' playing power game? He doesn't want to comeback? Is he done with me? You packed his bags. You delivered most of his stuff to him & keep calling him to come get the rest of it, including a bed. Even if at some point he thought about reconciliation your actions say you want this to be over. If you want reconciliation, your actions say the exact opposite. In his shoes I would have a lot of trouble trusting that a woman who boxed up all my stuff & brought it to me wanted me back. 1
Zahara Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 But I want to be if he's done with me. But you, time and time again conveyed with action that you were done with him. Unless this was your way of provoking him to react in hopes he'd give you what you wanted.
Author brileeb Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 You packed his bags. You delivered most of his stuff to him & keep calling him to come get the rest of it, including a bed. Even if at some point he thought about reconciliation your actions say you want this to be over. If you want reconciliation, your actions say the exact opposite. In his shoes I would have a lot of trouble trusting that a woman who boxed up all my stuff & brought it to me wanted me back. He did something bad to me! And at first would not apologize for it that's why I packed his things. Then we talked he apologized for that but I was asking him to come back home and he wouldn't respond or he'd kept saying you put me out, you embarrassed me. So I told him that he couldn't play with my emotions like that and I need to know if he would come back or not and he said he would come get this things. So that told me that he didn't want to be with me. So he came to get the things and left and didn't come back (playing with my emotions again) so I called him again to see what he was going to do and he blew me off and was being rude and mean which pissed me off because I was already damn near begging him to come back so I took them to him. Then he got verbally disrespectful
Author brileeb Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 But you, time and time again conveyed with action that you were done with him. Unless this was your way of provoking him to react in hopes he'd give you what you wanted. I guess you can say that maybe. I was only acting that way because he was acting like he was done with me, he was being rude and mean, not answering my calls and text messages but still had his things at my house. I was practically begging for him to come home and he was gloating in it and he was the reason for the fight and for me putting him out
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 You are all about mixed signals & you hurt his pride. He did whatever he did to piss you off & you took action. You packed his bags. That is a pretty definitive action. It does not leave room for the possibility of reconciliation. He later apologized & you asked him to come back but he was upset because you embarrassed him. You bruised his ego. He came anyway but told you that he was done with you. Then you chased after him, yet you accuse him of playing with your emotions. Now you keep pestering him to get the last of his stuff & you say he's being disrespectful. You are all over the place here. It sounds like this needs to be over once & for all but it also sounds like he is going to be contrary & he's not going to come get his stuff simply because you want him to. You already drove some of his stuff to his him. Enlist the help of some strong friends or hire movers but take the rest of his stuff & be done with this. 1
Zahara Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I guess you can say that maybe. I was only acting that way because he was acting like he was done with me, he was being rude and mean, not answering my calls and text messages but still had his things at my house. I was practically begging for him to come home and he was gloating in it and he was the reason for the fight and for me putting him out Well that's just manipulative behavior on your part and unfortunately it backfired. You reacted in the heat of the moment hoping it would push him in the right direction but it all backfired. If this is the way you/your ex handles disagreements, then it is best that this is over. Kicking someone out when you can't find resolve is not the way you handle conflict. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 What was this bad thing he did that triggered all of this?
Author brileeb Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 You are all about mixed signals & you hurt his pride. He did whatever he did to piss you off & you took action. You packed his bags. That is a pretty definitive action. It does not leave room for the possibility of reconciliation. He later apologized & you asked him to come back but he was upset because you embarrassed him. You bruised his ego. He came anyway but told you that he was done with you. Then you chased after him, yet you accuse him of playing with your emotions. Now you keep pestering him to get the last of his stuff & you say he's being disrespectful. You are all over the place here. It sounds like this needs to be over once & for all but it also sounds like he is going to be contrary & he's not going to come get his stuff simply because you want him to. You already drove some of his stuff to his him. Enlist the help of some strong friends or hire movers but take the rest of his stuff & be done with this. He was drinking and accused me of cheating( I wasn't ) ripped my shirt off and drug me out the house by my legs and then threw me out in front of the house with my bra on and threw my coat in the bushes in front of his uncle and brother! So yeah I did bruise his ego because I wanted him to be as hurt as I was embarrassed as well. He was not remorseful so I thought that would make him feel bad for what he did to me. Even after I packed his things he didn't apologize. Then once he did I asked him to come back. Then all he cared about was me embarrassing him! That's not fair! He thought there would be no consequences for his actions? So I still gave him more opportunities to come back before and after I took him his things.
Author brileeb Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 What was this bad thing he did that triggered all of this? Absolutely!
Author brileeb Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 Well that's just manipulative behavior on your part and unfortunately it backfired. You reacted in the heat of the moment hoping it would push him in the right direction but it all backfired. If this is the way you/your ex handles disagreements, then it is best that this is over. Kicking someone out when you can't find resolve is not the way you handle conflict. No that's no the resolution but it was that bad where he had to leave. We could not be in the same house. We usually work other disagreements out or not talk for a couple days but never this bad.
Author brileeb Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 What was this bad thing he did that triggered all of this? He was drinking and accused me of cheating( I wasn't ) ripped my shirt off and drug me out the house by my legs and then threw me out in front of the house with my bra on and threw my coat in the bushes in front of his uncle and brother!
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 He was drinking and accused me of cheating( I wasn't ) ripped my shirt off and drug me out the house by my legs and then threw me out in front of the house with my bra on and threw my coat in the bushes in front of his uncle and brother! So yeah I did bruise his ego because I wanted him to be as hurt as I was embarrassed as well. He was not remorseful so I thought that would make him feel bad for what he did to me. Even after I packed his things he didn't apologize. Then once he did I asked him to come back. Then all he cared about was me embarrassing him! That's not fair! He thought there would be no consequences for his actions? So I still gave him more opportunities to come back before and after I took him his things. brileeb -- I never said you were wrong to throw him out. I will say you are wrong to want him back. The violence is inexcusable. You want to know why he's not coming round to get his stuff. He's not coming because you are asking him too & he's playing a power game with you. He's embarrassed because you hurt his ego. Too F'ing bad. He deserves to have charges pressed against him for assault. All you did was kick him out. This bully is not worth your effort. Get his crap out of your house, change the locks & don't look back. 1
Author brileeb Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 You are all about mixed signals & you hurt his pride. He did whatever he did to piss you off & you took action. You packed his bags. That is a pretty definitive action. It does not leave room for the possibility of reconciliation. He later apologized & you asked him to come back but he was upset because you embarrassed him. You bruised his ego. He came anyway but told you that he was done with you. Then you chased after him, yet you accuse him of playing with your emotions. Now you keep pestering him to get the last of his stuff & you say he's being disrespectful. You are all over the place here. It sounds like this needs to be over once & for all but it also sounds like he is going to be contrary & he's not going to come get his stuff simply because you want him to. You already drove some of his stuff to his him. Enlist the help of some strong friends or hire movers but take the rest of his stuff & be done with this. "He came anyway but told you that he was done with you." He never came back
Zahara Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 He was drinking and accused me of cheating( I wasn't ) ripped my shirt off and drug me out the house by my legs and then threw me out in front of the house with my bra on and threw my coat in the bushes in front of his uncle and brother! It's best that the relationship is over then. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Why do you want this abuser back? He sounds like a psychopath who should stay gone from your life forever. 1
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