Sm12345 Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I noticed this cute woman in one of the other departments at work, and a few days ago we passed in the hall, so I introduced myself. Over the last couple days, I've been building the small talk, but today she approached me and later on in my shift I was in her department by chance helping another coworker with a project we're both working on, so I used the opportunity to ask her about herself and it turns out we have a few things in common. When I got home tonight, I added her to Facebook (we have mutual work associate friends, so it wasn't much of a stretch to add her.) We take breaks in the same the same lunch room, so I'm wondering if I should ask if I can sit with her, or perhaps just ask her out for coffee sometime. Questions, comments, suggestions?
Telemachus Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 If she's sitting alone, unless she's got a what looks like a text book open, you should sit with her. If she's sitting with a group, you can ask to join them. There's nothing wrong with asking her out for coffee, especially if there's a place within walking distance of work. Be gracious if she says "no," and leave it at that. She probably senses your attraction and if she's wise, she won't date a co-worker. If you're wise, you won't date a co-worker, but there's nothing wrong with flirting or getting to know each other, especially if it doesn't interfere with either of you getting your work done. I know that you work in different departments, but presumably you aren't volunteers and you need the money you earn. You work for the same employer and you see each other at work, so you're co-workers. There are many good reasons not to date co-workers, the most obvious is that the relationship will come to an end (almost all do) and it may end badly. Even if it doesn't end badly, it will be extremely awkward for at least one of you every time you see each other, likely for both.
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Dating coworkers is a bad bad idea......don't do it.
Author Sm12345 Posted April 14, 2017 Author Posted April 14, 2017 Perhaps. Is she flirting with me? Me: Are you working today? Her: I am, but only a half day. Me: I volunteered to go in Sunday, to make up some extra hours. Some unexpected bills showed up this week (cat was sick, vet bills etc). Her: Wow that was silly of you haha Her: Ahhh fair enough. Got to stop that coke addiction haha Me: Who told you?! Me: Rumour is you're into it too, so maybe we have more in common than I originally thought. Her: well you're not very sly about it. Got some white powder on your nose
Bejangled Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 Hi Sm12345 When I hear the 2 words 'dating' + 'co-worker' I instantly feel like jumping up in horror and shouting 'nooooooooooo!' There really is a well-documented, long list of reasons why it's a disastrous idea. If office relationships go sour, it can cause problems that you probably can't even imagine right now while your eyes are all love-sparkly. But, if you really feel the need to go for it, then go ahead and casually ask her out for a coffee. Good luck! 3
kendahke Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 Perhaps. Is she flirting with me? Me: Are you working today? Her: I am, but only a half day. Me: I volunteered to go in Sunday, to make up some extra hours. Some unexpected bills showed up this week (cat was sick, vet bills etc). Her: Wow that was silly of you haha Her: Ahhh fair enough. Got to stop that coke addiction haha Me: Who told you?! Me: Rumour is you're into it too, so maybe we have more in common than I originally thought. Her: well you're not very sly about it. Got some white powder on your nose I wouldn't call that flirting as much as I would say she's got a delicious sarcastic streak. But hey, you think it is, so... 1
KrimzonWolf Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 Please do yourself a favor and drop your expectations. Movies make dating a co-working seem like it's just another way to meet people. The chance of failure/breaking up is low, but the consequences would deter me from furthering this relationship. I had a terrible experience trying to date someone I worked with. She was not interested, and everything became extremely awkward. I ended up hating working with her because of the obviously uncomfortable situation. Luckily for me, I'm a videographer and the work hours are considerably shorter, so I would only see her once or twice a month. Now I just avoid taking on any projects with her.
OatsAndHall Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 I love a woman with a dark sarcastic streak to them but I'd tread carefully here. I asked a co-worker out last fall after she had hinted at hanging out on multiple occasions. She said she'd like to hang out, I gave her my number and didn't hear from her. There has been one awkward situation after another since then. I stopped pursuing anything because I became involved with another woman. She found out that my girlfriend and I broke up and now I getting flirty texts from her out of the blue. But, I have been seeing someone else recently so I imagine I'm just trying to wait out the school year and then we won't see each other. I'm tired of the uncomfortable situations that pop up. 1
Tressugar Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 I think ppl instinctively know this puts them at a disadvantage (getting your honey where you get your money), but we all like a little thrill of the uncertainty in our mundane lives. 2
coolheadal Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 I noticed this cute woman in one of the other departments at work, and a few days ago we passed in the hall, so I introduced myself. Over the last couple days, I've been building the small talk, but today she approached me and later on in my shift I was in her department by chance helping another coworker with a project we're both working on, so I used the opportunity to ask her about herself and it turns out we have a few things in common. When I got home tonight, I added her to Facebook (we have mutual work associate friends, so it wasn't much of a stretch to add her.) We take breaks in the same the same lunch room, so I'm wondering if I should ask if I can sit with her, or perhaps just ask her out for coffee sometime. Questions, comments, suggestions? Where I work I had a woman that works into a different department come up to me ask me my name I told her she smiled then asked me how long I've been here. But that's means she's been watching me. I see her head pop up when I walk by her station. She's built too, like I like it. But my question is the same as yours but the problem is not a good idea to associate those that work for the same company on the same shift. I only see her when I leave or when I am working. There is no time to talk during work. After to be after hours if I stick around, but I haven't. In your case if you can see her in the break room try to talk and see how you and her click? 1
SevenCity Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 People will say don't do it but the reality is many couples get together at work. I met my ex wife the girl I dated after, and my recent ex of 7 years through work. The great thing is you get to see them all the time. The bad thing is you get to see them all the time. Lol. There is no break as you are always "on". If things go south, you see them all the time. It's very hard to get over a girl when you spend 40 hours a week seeing her. That said, I would do it again for the right girl. Don't listen to fears about losing your job, sexual harassment, etc. as long as there are no policies explicitly stating you are not allowed to date a co-worker, and you don't become a crazed stalker, you'll be fine. But, would you be ok if she dumped you after a year and started dating someone else at work? Or, what if you dumped her and she got all clingy? There are good and bad aspects. Think them through first.
kendahke Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 find out your company's policy on employees dating. some forbid it and it could lead to termination 1
OatsAndHall Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 People will say don't do it but the reality is many couples get together at work. I met my ex wife the girl I dated after, and my recent ex of 7 years through work. The great thing is you get to see them all the time. The bad thing is you get to see them all the time. Lol. There is no break as you are always "on". If things go south, you see them all the time. It's very hard to get over a girl when you spend 40 hours a week seeing her. That said, I would do it again for the right girl. Don't listen to fears about losing your job, sexual harassment, etc. as long as there are no policies explicitly stating you are not allowed to date a co-worker, and you don't become a crazed stalker, you'll be fine. But, would you be ok if she dumped you after a year and started dating someone else at work? Or, what if you dumped her and she got all clingy? There are good and bad aspects. Think them through first. This is very true and good advice. I think it's best to gauge the other person a little bit more before asking them out. Some folks can handle an office break-up like adults while others can't. Those that can't can raise some serious hell at work if you're not careful. I am pretty relieved that I didn't end up dating my co-worker. I enjoy her company as a friend but she has some personality traits that are a serious turn-off for me (kind of gossipy, has a bit of a temper). I imagine we would have lasted a few dates, one of us would have called it off and work would have sucked.
Tressugar Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 I got engaged to my then fiance while we worked together. I was getting married because my parents wanted me to settle down. His reason was that he was in love with me. Well to say the least with the help of a few co workers they helped me to change my mind and I called off the wedding a month before I was to wed. The problem...we still worked together. He was heartbroken and I was emphatically embarrassed by my recklessness. We both were the talk of the town. I was so lucky my father rescued me by giving me an out to relocate jobs and to leave the state immediately. It's something that I wouldn't do again. He, on the other hand, got married to his co worker...Lol. He's still working for the same company. I'm truly happy for the both of them.
Tressugar Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 My father was the one who set me up with an out of state job with housing. Because my then fiance said he wasn't going to leave the job because they were grooming him to be a dept. head. Hey it worked out in the end. No hard feelings. He got the girl and the promotion and I got the heck outta dodge with pay. Lesson learned. 1
Author Sm12345 Posted April 27, 2017 Author Posted April 27, 2017 Bit of an update, we've been chatting daily for the last week and a bit, I've been trying to make her laugh and keep it light. Finally she asked why I haven't asked her out yet, is it because I'm old she says. I laughed, and shrugged it off keeping the conversation going and then suggested we meet for a coffee so we could get to know each other, she suggested beers, because we already know there's a mutual attraction. I was a bit surprised by her forwardness, but agreed that beers would definitely be a upgrade. The date is tomorrow night, at a sports bar near our respective houses (she lives just down the street apparently). I'm wondering if I should keep things light tomorrow and play it safe, laugh, but not be too forward and let her lead. Or take her green lights in kind and really turn on the charm..
BryanSmiley Posted April 27, 2017 Posted April 27, 2017 I never got the crack with the don't date work colleagues, until recently. I certainly experienced a very difficult situation and the regular reminder at work can be very difficult to work through and hits recovery. If your not expecting to be there too long, don't cross paths at work regularly, okay. Otherwise, tread carefully.
loverboy69 Posted April 28, 2017 Posted April 28, 2017 You only live once. That said tread carefully. Use caution. I've done it successfully but we were in different departments so I could in theory come in/out of the office without passing by if I needed to and I worked from home 3 days a week so we hardly saw each other. Make sure she's worth it and do a little investigating first. If she's married or truly is not into you it can make things really awkward. Then say she starts dating another coworker that you know then your work life will be forever miserable
Author Sm12345 Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 (edited) Another update, we're going on a second date on Friday (playing pool and likely a bite to eat). I like her so far, she's a lot of fun. But she knows I was in Montréal last weekend and asked if I saw my ex. I told her that we (a male friend and I) had breakfast with her. She responded with "oh, so are you over her then, or what?" I told her "completely, we're much better as friends", which is the honest truth. Doesn't asking this other girl out show my interest in her? Or is there something more I could/should be doing? Edited May 11, 2017 by Sm12345
act00 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Having a friendship with an ex is going to make people worry. Some people maintain friendships, others, this "friendship" means he's/she's still hung up on the ex. You'll be able to explain further the relationship as things progress. You do need to make her feel confident you don't still hold a flame for her. Otherwise, just enjoy your time together. It will move forward or not. Try not to stress too much.
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