charlielima86 Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 (edited) I'm just very confused right now. I met this amazing guy. We had a couple beautiful and passionate dates. It felt so right and perfect which he himself expressed to me how comfortable and perfect it felt to be near me. He even mentioned that he could get used to having me around. He has been so consistent in showing his affection for me. I know he's a busy guy but he's been making time to at least text me or call me and let me know what's up. He even shared with me regarding finding out about his dad having cancer and that he didn't want me to think he was ignoring me. Then I went to see him at his home and we ended up having this amazingly intimate sex. He still expressed such adoration for me following this. Then about two days ago he started feeling a little distant but I just summed it up to being very busy at work. Now he has gone two days without speaking to me at all. Not even a hello text. I know that's not a long time but like I said he's been very consistent with showing he's thinking of me. Such as texting me every morning and wishing me a good day. Or wanting to talk to me just before sleeping just to hear my voice. So...yea. I'm confused. I haven't tried texting him since the last I texted was a few goodnight texts and he did not respond. I haven't heard from him since and didn't want to bother him. Now I'm just worried and more confused. I thought I would have heard back from him by now. Edited April 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Redhead14 Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I always tell women that the first time they become intimate with a man, even if she's been on a few dates with him, that she should expect it to be a one-night stand unless and until he shows her otherwise. Don't reach out to him again at all. I know it will be hard, but you need to sit back and observe. It's not uncommon for a guy to pull back a little after intimacy for a couple of days at least. We see it here on these boards often. And, given that his father is ill, his focus may be directed there. Besides all that, did you two have any conversations about each of your dating goals? Did you explain that you were looking for a long-term, relationship for yourself? Did he say whether he's dating for a relationship or casual dating? It's important to make sure the person you are dating is at least on the same page in terms of overall dating goals. And, even if he says he's dating for a relationship, you still need to sit back and observe how he dates you. This one seems to have developed kinda quickly. He sounds like he may have love-bombed you. A guy sometimes gets really excited about a new dating partner, says all the right things, but it burns out quickly and especially after sex. Like I said, don't reach out to him. Let him come to you if he's going to. If he takes a week or more, he needs to have a really credible explanation. If not, just keep moving. 5
Spring23 Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Then about two days ago he started feeling a little distant but I just summed it up to being very busy at work. Now he has gone two days without speaking to me at all. Not even a hello text. The last I texted him was a couple goodnight texts and a picture which he has said how much he loves when I send pictures or videos to him. But he never responded. And I haven't heard from him since. I felt maybe I shouldn't text him again, so I waited. And still nothing. What should I do? This is what happens sometimes when dating. First, he became distant then he stopped responding. Who knows why? The best thing to do at this point is date others and get very busy. You can send him texts but it won't matter. DON'T send any long winded messages about how you miss him or anything. He will probably come back to you with some lame excuse and you'll decided what to do then. Right now. You go silent. No contacting him at all. Each time you want to contact him you get out of the house and meet up with your friends. Chat with new guys. It always helps. 2
Power_Forward Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Two days is not that long. You should do what the others suggested and let things settle down. I can only speak for myself, but I know that pursuing sex is the primary motivator when I meet an attractive woman. She's constantly on my mind, I'm thinking how I can escalate and progress forward: sending romantic messages, thinking about if she will text back, etc. Once that goal is achieved, 90% of the motivation to continue to send affectionate texts and be romantic suddenly evaporates. Unless we fall in love of course, but that is something different. My point is I think you mistook his sexual advances for love. The sexual advances take the shape of emotional expression, but these emotional expressions are mere extensions of the pursuit of sex, they do not signify something deeper or more permanent. That's not to say that he was purposefully deceiving you; it's just how nature works. We feel very interested and emotional until after sex, and then things drop off significantly. The thing you have to do now is play it cool. If he sees you getting overly needy, he's out. Just like if men are overly needy before sex, it grosses women out. If he truly likes you he will get in touch. 7
Larryville Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Then I went to see him at his home and we ended up having this amazingly intimate sex. Then about two days ago he started feeling a little distant This is unfortunate but this scenario is as common as the sun rising. Of course dudes will show you their (sweet sensitive side) until they get their ultimate... goal.... 6
Telemachus Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 (edited) Amazing guy --> confusion. Of course his actions don't fit your expectations - that's what "amazing" means, right? Either he got what he wanted from you and now he's moved on, or he's just continuing to amaze you by not contacting you and not replying to your contacts. That he's a "busy guy" who made time for you is either his deception or your self-deception. Everyone is busy. We all get exactly the same 24 hours per day, and we all choose how we'll spend that time. My guess is that he's either hospitalized or incarcerated and unable to contact you, or he pursued you for sex, amazingly intimate sex, and he's moved on completely or will pursue you again when he wants sex or company from you. It's more likely the latter than the former. It really isn't all that amazing. Many men make pursuit and sexual conquest a game or sport. Some lesser number of women do it also. Edited April 13, 2017 by Telemachus 4
kendahke Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 A couple of things come to mind on this: His father has cancer and he's struggling with that. He may have been on "a break" with a girlfriend and since being with you, he's having feelings of guilt. He may have psychological issues where he binges on your then leaves you alone. He may have lost interest once you two had sex. 5
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Or he's a complete player...worked his sympathy card on you, got sex, now he's done. Next time leave sex out of it and actually get to know him....through dates not texting. 4
Power_Forward Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 Next time leave sex out of it and actually get to know him....through dates not texting. She went on two dates with him. That's enough time to make a judgment call. When you pass the two date mark with no sex, the interest is going to start to significantly decline. She made the right move.
Dis Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 This is such a running theme on LS Guy sweet talks girl....girl sleeps with guy....guy disappears I'm sorry this happened hun The best piece of advice I can offer is....dont have sex with a guy until he choses to establish exclusivity with you (unless you want casual sex and nothing more) When I date, I protect my heart to a certain degree. Since I equate sex with a bond and a relationship....I hold off on sex until an exclusive relationship is established AND until I'm comfortable I dont care what people say...after reading countless threads like this on LS, its a very bad move to have sex with a guy quickly and without having had the exclusivity talk Want a guy to disappear? Have no strings attached sex..and whalah! He's gone 2
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